


Smile

by willneversink



Category: One Direction
Genre: F/M, Fan - Freeform, Harry Styles - Freeform, Heart, Heartbreak, Lack of confidence, Self-Doubt, idol, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 151,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4414577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willneversink/pseuds/willneversink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can she still smile brightly at them for the last time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys! This is my first time writing a full-english novel so please, bear with me. I already want to say sorry for typos, grammar and everything. I'm not really good at this but atleast I'm trying. This is cliche and full of drama so if you don't like that kind of plot, I suggest for you not to read this. BUT if you want that kind of plot, then.. high five! Hope you like it.

Prologue

"You don't know you're beautiful."

She's just an ordinary girl-- no, maybe not. But for her she's just an ordinary girl. Too ordinary for someone to notice, to taken care of, to make her feel special, to waste time for her, to be friends with her or even to love her.

Self-confidence, self-esteem, she doesn't have those. She's always shy and quiet. She's always walking with her head down. She's always alone.

People always bully her. Calls her ugly and nerd even if she's not. She wears a not-so-thick glasses. Her fashion style isn't as nerdy as you think. They call her nerd and ugly just because of her glasses.

That's the reason why she doesn't believe when people say she's beautiful because she knows the truth that she's not. She's just a girl who wears black eye glasses, nothing more. She accepted that as a fact.

Friends? No, she doesn't have girl friends but she has a two best friends though. Two guy best friends.

They used to be her savior. They always make her happy. They always annoy her. They always tease her but most of all they always love her. She always rolls her eyes at one of them while she always laugh with other one but she loves them both. They have different ways to love each other.

She's a fan of the British boy band and Irish. I bet you know them. You're living under a rock if you don't know those five beautiful lads.

They really want her to be happy. They want to see her smile every time. That's why they make a plan for her to meet her idols, the love of her life..

One Direction.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

I'm sitting on my swivel chair alone in my bedroom in front of the monitor. It's sunday morning and tomorrow I have to go to school again. I hate monday, I hate school. But what can I do? I have to study.

I scroll through my timeline with my chin resting on my palm. I'm leaning on my monitor stalking those five idiots that I love the most. I should be doing my homeworks but here I am, stalking and fishing for new updates.

One Direction. The biggest band on the planet. Who doesn't know them? Wanna know how I knew them? How they ruined my life? Not literally. Well, blame my loud classmate. When I was in my class I always heard her squelling and screaming. Like this..

"OH MY GOD, HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIDEO? IT'S REALLY AMAZING! OHMYGOD! I LOVE NIALL, HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL. AND HARRY? HIS CURLY HAIR IS FUC.." Blah blah blah. Then she started to cry.

I was like, is she crazy? Why would she cry over a band? Wasting her time watching their videos, stalking them on social medias, listening to their music, then fangirling over them 24/7. I mean, they're human too. They fart and poo.

I started to get annoyed so I asked her what that band is and then she said their names which I couldn't remember that time and she started to tell me about their lives. I was irritated that time because I only asked their names not their story. She called me names because I told her that that band is ruining her life and they're only making her crazy like hell. I'm used being hated so no worries. When I got home, I searched their name on Youtube and there were so many videos. I clicked and watched one of their videos. I was planning to only watch one but that lead me to be two, then three until I couldn't count how many videos I've watched and that's how I became one of their fans. Part of the fandom who supports and loves One Direction.

I'm a proud Directioner. I love them, I really do. I love whatever they do, I love everything about them. I already spent years with them and I hope this family would last forever.

I'm a kind of fan that's silent. I don't tweet the boys. I don't tell them to follow me. I just observe, favorite and retweet their tweets. I don't usually reply to their tweets or comment on their Instagram posts. I don't know, I just don't do that stuffs. Of course I vote for them when there are votings. I only tweet them once, my first tweet, I said I love you. I hope they read that which I think they didn't.

I sit up straight when something catches my eye.

The boys will definitely arrive at the airport tomorrow morning. You ready, guys? You must be! And I'm excited!

I swallowed. Three days from now is their concert here in our country and I don't have a fucking money to buy a ticket because I'm fucking poor. Life sucks. I just want to see them even if they don't see me. I just want to see their beautiful faces plus hear their wonderful voices but I can't and it hurts.

Someone knocks on my door.

"Lunch is ready."

I sigh. "Coming."

I roll my eyes before logging out on twitter and turning my computer off. I walk out my room and rub my eyes while walking to the kitchen. They already settled on their sits and just waiting for me. I sit down and push my hair back.

"Why lunch? It's only 8AM. This should be our breakfast." I say, yawning.

"Well, be thankful we cooked for you." Chaos says.

"Thank you." I roll my eyes at him. I don't really know how to cook, I just bake.

I'm on my PJ's. I haven't brushed my hair yet and I don't care if I look like a witch while they're freshly bathed.

"Let me tell you something. Brush was invented many years ago, you know that?"

Well, this freak cares about my hair and hates it.

I glare at Chaos. "Shut up. It's my hair not yours."

"Hey, stop fighting. It's so early in the morning and you're already shouting. Just eat."

"Here comes the 'daddy'." Chaos spits.

I chuckle and shake my head. I started to eat while Chaos and Heave are talking. The concert comes back on my mind. I look at Chaos. Maybe he can lend me some money? But is there any ticket left? I look down. Maybe none.

"What's wrong?"

I didn't notice that they already stopped talking. I lift my head up and look at Heave. He's staring at me with brows furrowed. What did I do?

"What?"

"You sighed." Chaos says.

"Of course. I'm breathing." I rub my eyes.

"Liar."

"Tell me, Nathalie. What's wrong?" Heave says again.

Sometimes I don't know how they know when something is wrong with me. It's cool but sometime's it's annoying. I can't lie to them because they already know the truth that I'm lying. Can they read my mind?

I stare back at my plate. "Well, I was just thinking about the concert that I'm not able to go." I play with my food. "You know how I really want to see them, don't you?" I glance at them and they nod their heads. "I can't go to their concert. That's it."

"May I ask again why do you like them?" Chaos asks.

"I don't like them, I love them."

"It's the same thing!"

"It's not. Look at the spelling." I raise one brow.

He tugs his hair in frustration. I love seeing him frustrated because of me. "Just tell me why!"

"Why not?"

"This is going nowhere."

"I'm glad you know." I smirk.

"Shut up! They're just boys with looks but have no talent."

I pick one bread and throw it to him. It hits his face and throw my spoon next. This ass doesn't know a thing.

"The hell with you!"

"Yuck."

"Yuck your face. Atleast they know how to respect women unlike you!"

"Of course, I do. What do you think of me, stupid?"

"Definitely."

"So what? Why do you love them? What's with them?"

"Not your fandom, not your problem." I roll my eyes at him.

"You two are giving me a headache." Heave exclaims, massaging his temples. "Why are you always arguing?"

"Because he's so annoying!"

"You're ugly!"

I make a face. Chaos is the one who always teases and annoys me. Every damn single minute he keeps on bothering me. I don't know why he's doing that. Don't trust him, girls. I'm telling you he's a playboy. Every week he has a different girlfriends and I always see a box of condom that I usually throw at him. He's not allowed to bring girls home. I don't wanna hear any weird sounds and noises coming out from his room. If he wants to do that he must take her to a hotel not here in my house.

Heave is the one who always stops Chaos and I from fighting. He's the matured and serious one among of us. Like Chaos said, he's like a daddy. He's like a big brother to me.

I love these two freaks. They're my bestfriend and we're living in a house for almost three years. We know each other for almost eight years. Yeah, we're already bestfriends for eight years. I love Chaos even though he's annoying me. I love them both and I don't know what to do if they're not with me.

-

I wake up because someone's banging my door. I groan and cover my face with my pillow but the sound doesn't get lost. I didn't sleep too well. I ended up crying on my pillow last night until I fell asleep. I cried because of the fucking ticket. I angrily stand up from my bed and open the door.

"WHAT!" I shout.

I see Chaos wearing a white t-shirt and jeans with his dog tag on. His hair spikes up and I can see his devilish smirk. My hand is balled into a fist ready to punch him and my brows furrowing. Why was he banging my door? Doesn't he know that it's freaking early in the morning?

"Good morning, Nathaugly." He teases.

"What the fuck, Chaos? It's fucking 7:30 in the morning and you were banging my door. You wake me up to say good morning?! Fuck you!" I slam the door on his face. I jump in my bed and hug my pillow .

"Hey, Nathalie. Open this door!" Chaos knocks but I keep my eyes close.

Do whatever you want. I want to sleep. I love sleep-- Wait. I quickly sit up and look at the wall clock. It's 7:30 in the morning. Today is Monday. Monday. Monday. I have a class! I jump out the bed and run to the door. When I open it Chaos is still there with his arms crossed on his broad chest.

"I wake you up. Say thank you." He says with one brow raised.

"Fuck you." I spit and run past by him to go to the kitchen. "Where the hell is Heave?" I say to myself while grabbing a bread.

"Nathalie, don't go to school today." I hear Chaos say.

"Why?" I ask and turn to look at him. He's leaning on the wall with his hands in his pocket.

"We're going somewhere." He grins.

I look at him, confused. Where are we going and where is Heave? I shake my head and tiptoed to reach the peanut. "Nah."

"Why?"

"We have exams today." I rub my eyes.

We don't. It's just an excuse for me to don't go with him or them, whatever. I feel him walking towards me. I tiptoed again to put back the peanut when I feel him hugging me from the back. I freeze.

"What are you doing?"

His hug gets tighter. My heart beat suddenly accelerates. What is he gonna do? I'm nervous. Where's Heave? I need him here!

"Liar." He whispers to my ear.

I elbow him hard that makes him steps back. I turn around to look and glared at him. I point my fingers on him.

"Don't you dare do that again. Don't you dare seduce me because it'll never work to me!" I say, my voice slightly raised.

My eyes widens when he runs to me and hugs my waist. He carries me like I am a sack of rice. My stomach on his shoulder and my face facing his back. I smack him.

"CHAOS, PUT ME DOWN! What the hell are you doing!"

He laughs. "Told you, don't go to school. Heave is checking the car, we're leaving so take a bath and make yourself look like a human."

I groan and pinch his butt. "I HATE YOU! I told you we have exams!"

"Really?" He laughs harder. "By the way, if you want to pinch my ass again, I won't mind."

I scream. I keep on punching his back but he doesn't even flinch. Blame his muscular body. I notice that he's already inside my room and walking to the bathroom. My eyes widen. Don't tell me he's gonna bath me? No, no, no.

"Hey-"

"Now, take a bath." He puts me down and I can feel the coldness of the tiles in my feet. "You choose. Your exams or One Direction?"

My mouth opens. What? I'm left staring at the closed door of my bathroom. What was that mean? Of course I'll choose One Direction because we don't have exams but how? Why? What? I jump when he bangs the door. Why does he keep on banging my doors!

"C'mon. Faster. We're going to see your beloved One Direction. Now, say thank you."

He laughs and I excitedly take off my glasses and clothes then step in the shower. Whatever it is, I'm going to see the boys. Every fans dream is to meet their idols and I'm able to.

"Thank you, Chaos!"

I hear him laughs.


	3. Chapter 3

I wear a white t-shirt that something printed on it says 'Hoping', skinny jeans and my black sneakers. I just brush my hair and leave it like that. I clasp the key necklace around my neck and put my black glasses on. I have a poor eyesight so I need to wear glasses to be able to see.

I'm skipping while walking to the door. When I step outside I see Chaos leaning against the car. Why is he always leaning on something? He notices my presence and he lifts his head to see me. He grins at me while I'm walking. I roll my eyes at him.

"I'll tell Heave." I say pertaining to what he did in the kitchen.

"Tell him." He challenges.

I hold the lock of the door but he stops me by holding my hand. I slap his hand and he just laugh. He opens the door for me. Wow, what a gentleman.

"Are you sick?" I joke.

I sit on the back seat while Heave is already on the driver's seat. He smiles at me.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"We'll see One Direction."

"How?" I'm getting curious and curious about this. How are we able to see them? They're popular and you can't just run to them and talk to them so easily. Well, they're down to earth so maybe there's a chance, but how?

"You'll see." He winks at me.

Chaos sits beside Heave and closes the door. Heave starts to drive. The whole drive I'm just leaning against my seat while my arms are crossed and looking out of the window, imagining things. What if we really see the boys? What should I do? Getting a glance of them is fine with me. I'm afraid they're not gonna like me because I'm.. well, I'm not pretty. Should I take a picture with them? Definitely not.

"Airport?" I say.

"Of course. How do you think they'll go here? Flying with their flapping arms?" Chaos answers.

I'm not able to answer because my heart is in my throat. It feels like my heart is gonna come out of my chest and explode. Heave and Chaos are already outside while I'm still sitting here, calming myself but I couldn't. C'mon, Nathalie! This is your chance to see the boys.

Chaos opens the door beside me. "So you're gonna sit there forever?"

I slap him and roll my eyes. He just laughs. "I'm nervous."

"You should be."

"I hate you." I pout.

He chuckles and pinches my cheek. "I don't." He smiles. "C'mon. You're able to fulfill your wish. Meet them? You know we hate 1D-" I glare at him, "okay, don't like then. But here we are supporting what you want. Just tell us if you wanna go home then we will. It's up to you."

I take a deep breath. He raises his two eyebrows and holds my hand to get me out of the car. Heave is leading the way while Chaos is still beside me. I see the fans waiting outside the airport with their signs. Goosebumps rise all over my body when I hear them screaming and crying. Heave turns around to us. He runs beside me and hooks my hand on his arms.

"Hey, why are you touching her?" Chaos says with a frown.

"Why are you holding her hand?" Heave says back with a serious tone.

I look at our hands. Chaos fingers are intertwined with mine. He didn't let my hand go since I stepped out of the car. I'm so nervous and I need a support.

"Stop fighting." I say. It's like a whisper because I can't breathe normally. I notice that we're going inside. We are not supposed to go inside because we have to wait here outside with the fans. "Wait, wait. Why are we going inside? We should be waiting here outside with them."

"Of course you're not gonna wait with those girls. We don't know what'll happen. You might fall or trip or whatever. I'm not letting you. We're going inside so that you can talk to them without getting hurt and them without getting mob." Chaos says. "This is our airport, remember, Nathalie?"

I almost punch myself. I forgot that this is Chaos family's airport. He smiles at me while I'm still unable to speak. I have the chance to talk to the boys. I have the chance.. but I'm scared, I'm shy, I'm nervous. We walk inside the aiport until I see them. I gasp when I see Harry and Niall talking while Liam and Louis is on their back and Zayn on his phone. I start to shake Chaos' hand and block my squeal by pressing my lips together.

I hear Niall laughing. I'm catching my breath and my grip on Chaos hand becomes tighter. Is this real? Is that really them? I'm not imagining things, am I? I look around and this place is not crowded. Maybe they walk this way to avoid getting mob.

"Hey, approach them." Heave says.

No. I'm fine here. I'm fine at this sight. I'm fine seeing these boys I love for years. I'm just watching them until I see a pair of green eyes looks at me. He looks away but his eyes looks back at me. I hold my breath when I see him smile. His dimples showing. I can really die right now. Holy cow. I'm screaming inside me but I can't even utter a word.

"He's looking at you." Chaos says. "C'mon, we didn't go here for you just to watch them!"

He walks and pulls my hand to get closer to them. My eyes widens.

"What? No. Hey, Chaos. Oh my God. Stop!"

I thought Heave was going to pull me back but he goes with Chaos, pushing me to them. It's too late, I'm already infront of them I can't take my eyes on Harry. He's smiling at me. He's looking at me like I'm an object and observing my every move. Those two freaks let go of my hand until I can't feel them. My hands are trembling. I clear my throat silently.

"Hi." I say with a small voice.

"Hello." His deep, raspy voice is so beautiful. I swallow the tears about to flow.

I smile back. I'm speechless. I can't say a single word. He's so beautiful. That's all running through my mind. I jump when Niall put his arm around my shoulder.

"Hello."

"Hi-" Before I could speak again, he hugs me. My mouth parts and it take me seconds to hug him back. He smells like a baby. "Nice to meet you." He says and pulls out. He smiles at me and I smile back. "You look so cuddly that's why I hugged you. Can I hug you one more time?"

I nod. "Of course." I smile.

He hugs me again, this time longer and tighter. When he pulls out he smiles at me and hooks his arm on mine then rests his head on my shoulder. Niall is so adorable. I wanna take him home.

"What's your name?" I look at Harry when he speaks.

"Nathalie." I simply say.

"Wanna take a picture with me?" He suggests. "Or us?"

"Uhm." I dig my hand into the pocket of my jeans but I remember that I left it inside my room."I don't have my phone with me." Because I don't have any plan to take a picture with you because I don't trust my face. I'm not- you know.

"No problem. Here's mine." He hands the phone to Niall. "Horan, take us a picture."

"Sure." Niall says with a smile and goes infront of us.

Harry puts his right hand on my waist and I smile at the camera. My awkwardness is showing. Liam and Louis notices us and joins us in the second picture but Niall disagree. He puts the phone down.

"I wanna be in the picture too! Look at that beautiful woman, who wouldn't want a picture with her?" He says pointing towards me.

I look at my back to see if there's a woman that's beautiful like he said but there's no one. When I look at him he's laughing that make me smile. His teeth are showing and his one hand on his stomach. He's laughing so hard. His laugh is like a music to my ears. My ears are gonna bleed! He cleares his throat trying to stop from laughing.

"Silly. You're the one I'm pertaining to." Niall says with a wide smile on his face.

He walks to Heave and asks him if he could take a picture of us. Of course Heave says yes. Zayn jumps into the picture. Harry pulls me closer to him that make me look at him. He turns to me and smile, his nose is almost touching mine because of too much closeness. I can feel his breath on my face and it smells like heaven. How can he be so perfect? I smile.

"Pretty." He whispers.

I slightly shake my head and face the camera then smile.

"What about wacky?" Heave suggests.

They all agree. I just wrinkle my nose and slightly pout then do the peace sign. After the photo they all look at me and I get consious. I look down and play with my fingers. What should I do now? I wanna hug them. Can I do that? I look and smile at them widely.

"Can I hug all of you?" I ask.

"Of course!" Louis throws his arms around me and pretends that he's choking me. He pulls out and pats my head. Louis will always be the funny one. I love him.

They all hug me except Harry. They all walk away and Harry's left with me. He's just staring at me while there's a big smile on his face. I can feel that my face is burning. What is he doing? Is there something on my face?

"Are you okay, Harry?" I ask.

He laughs. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. You're staring at me for almost two minutes."

I can't look straight to his eyes because my face is heating up. My heart isn't tamed yet, it's still wild.

"I wouldn't get tired by staring at you."

I look at him, shocked. "What?"

"Nothing." He walks to me. When he's infront of me he stares at me for a second and sighs before hugging me. He just hugs me for five minutes then his hug gets tighter and slightly swinging. I hug him tight back. Who knows this will be the first and last that I'll see them. He pulls out and smiles at me. He looks straight into my eyes and I can feel myself melting. I can't take my eyes off him.

"We'll see each other again." He squeezes my arm. "See you."

I watch him as he runs to catch the boys. He puts his arms around Niall's shoulder and they start to talk. I look around and don't see Heave and Chaos. Where did they go? There is a bench at the corner and I walk to it and sit down.

I am so weak. I let out a deep sigh. I stare at the white-tiled floor remembering what happened earlier. I still can't believe that I met them. I met the boys who I'm stalking on twitter. Watching videos until I wasn't able to sleep. Buying their albums even if I know I'll be straving because I don't have enough money to buy foods. I met them. I met those five idiots. I jump when someone calls my name.

"Nathalie!"

I look around to find who is it then I see a guy with curly hair running to me. He's wearing a black t-shirt, a bag hanging on his shoulder and a tight jeans with his famous brown boots. He's catching his breath when he finally reaches me. I move a little so he can sit beside me.

"Can I get your number?" He says.

My eyes widens. "My number?"

"Yes."

"Uhm. S-sure."

Who would say no? He hands me his phone and with a trembling hands, I type my number.

"Here."

"Do you have a twitter account?"

"Yes." Of course, I do. I can't live without twitter cause I wouldn't know what's happening to you everyday. His face lights up.

"Can I have it too?"

"Okay."

He hands me his phone again and I type my twitter account.

"Put your address too." He says. I look at him then laugh. He laughs with me.

"What are you trying to do?" I say with a smile on my face. He just laughs. I put my address into it and bring his phone back to him.

"Thank you." I say.

"No. Thank you, Nathalie." He smiles sweetly. "I have to go."

"Okay. Enjoy your stay."

"I will. Are you going to our concert?"

My smile slowly fades. I shook my head. "No." Even if I want to, I can't.

"Why?"

"Well." I look down at my fingers. "I don't have enough money to buy a ticket. I'm not that rich."

"Well, atleast you met us." I look up at him and he's smirking at me.

"Yeah." I smile.

"Okay, see you again."

He stands up and with one swift move, he kisses my cheek. He runs and waves at me. I touch my cheek where he kissed me while I stare at his back, with wide eyes, walking away from me . Holy fucking shit. Harry kissed me. He kissed me.

Oh my God.


	4. Chapter 4

I still can't believe that I met them. I hugged them. I talked to them. They took a picture with me. How lucky am I? I smell my shirt and Harry's scent sticks to it. I'm sniffing it when Chaos sits down beside me. I sit up straight.

"How was it?"

I smile wide. "Amazing." He raises his brow at me like waiting for something. I laugh. "Thank you!"

He smiles back. "Welcome. How about a hug?" He spreads his arms and I scoot closer to hug him. "Are you happy now?"

"Yes. Very happy. Thank you so much."

Chaos smells like a man. Of course. It's like you'd get addicted to him when you smell his scent except me. He's my best friend, nothing more. Someone clears his throat and I know it's Heave. I pull out but Chaos hugs me tight. This pervert is being touchy since this morning.

"Touchy." I whisper.

"Cuddly."

We both laugh. I rest my head on his shoulder while he's drawing circles on my back. I know he's making Heave mad, he always does that to people like what he always do to me. Making people mad.

"As far as I know you two always fight, then why the hell are you hugging each other now?" I hear Heave say.

"She's just happy. C'mon, Heave just admit it. You're jealous."

"Shut up. Let's go somewhere and hangout."

I pull out and punch Chaos arm then stand up. I run to Heave and look at his face. He's frowning and his lips are in flat line, his brows are crossing and his hands are digging into his pocket. I hug his waist. I admit it. I'm touchy when it comes to Heave because I'm really comfortable with him and he treats me like his little sister. But when it comes to Chaos I'm not that really comfortable, maybe because of him being a womanizer.

"Hey, don't be mad." I say, chuckling.

"I'm not mad."

"Really?" I raise a brow. "Jealous?"

I keep on staring at him while we're walking and my hands around his waist until he sighs. I smile widely. I have that effect on him, even Chaos, when I ask something I just kiss (on the cheeks) or hug them then boom!

"I'm not. Just don't fall for him. You know his techniques. You might become one of his victims." He says, smirking.

"How could you! He's our bestfriend and you're talking shits about him behind his back." I laugh.

"What? I'm just stating a fact here and he knows he's a douche. You know it too. I'm just being careful. You know that the number one in my list is you not getting hurt."

"I thought number one in your list is me to be happy?" I ask, raising a brow and grinning at him.

"I have two lists, though."

We laugh in unison. I look beside me when I feel Chaos arms on my shoulder. He's on his phone, brows furrowing.

"I'm breaking up with you. I already told you we're done!" Ah. He's breaking up with his girlfriend again. Nothing's new. "Are you asking me why? Because you're so fucking boring! You don't know how to lick a dic--"

"Yuuuck." I push him away before he say that word. "Get back when you're done talking dirty to her. You need holy water." I roll my eyes on him and pulls Heave hands towards the exit of the airport.

Heave is laughing at me but I don't mind. I always react like that when they say dirty things. I'm not comfortable with those words. It feels like my ears are gonna bleed if I hear those.

"Typical Nathalie." Heave says, still laughing.

We're already outside the airport and screaming fans catches my attention. They're all wild and excited. They all want to take a picture with the boys, to sign their shirts and papers, to hug them, to see them. That's all we want. I tiptoed to see those beautiful boys but they're already inside the car. I see them waves. I smile.

I see some fans following and running after their car. Well, I can't run that fast and far. I look at Heave when he tugs my hand, gesturing me towards his car. I hook my arm on his and start to walk.

I sit at the back seat again, looking at the fans out there still crying for so much joy because they saw the boys or maybe not. I was about to cry earlier, I was a little bit teary eyed but I composed myself not to because I knew that that would just spoil the moment. I just savour it with them even if it was too fast. It was like a thunder that just struck so fast.

I close my eyes and remember their faces and how they smelt. I could still see their smiles in my mind. They make me strong. They don't know how much they mean to me. I think I can't live without them. Life is so hard but you just need to have a reason to go on and I found them.

Suddenly, I found myself crying. At first the tears just keeps on falling but then a sob comes out. I remove my glasses and place it next to me then hug my knees. I cry my heart out. I hear Chaos laughs. 

"Fuck you." I spit then sob again. "Oh my God."

"I thought seeing them would make you happy? Then why the hell are you crying?"

"There's a thing called tears of joy, fucking moron!" I shout back. "You shouldn't have surprised me like that. I felt like I'm gonna faint. You should've warned me! Fuck!" I wipe my tears and scream. "I hate you!"

"Oh, no you don't. We know you love us." Chaos laughs. I laugh but my eyes keeps on producing tears and it just won't stop. I lay on the seat in a fetal position and close my eyes. That was the moment I wanted to treasure all my life.

"You're gonna sleep?" I hear Chaos asks.

I don't answer and keep still. After some minutes, they start to talk.

"She's happy, isn't she?" Heave asks.

"She is." Chaos says. "It's been a while since I saw her eyes glow until earlier."

"Me too. I hope her happiness would last." I hear him sighs. "She deserves to be happy."

I hope too. I didn't notice that I already fell asleep until someone pinches my cheek. I open my eyes and rub it. I sit down and yawn.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Mall. Let's go watch movie!" Heave smiles.

"Sure, anything is okay except horror." I say, pushing my hair back and putting my glasses back.

Chaos laughs. "Scared, eh?"

I just roll my eyes before stepping out of the car. I cross my arms over my chest and wait them to get out. I hate horror movies. Not that I'm scared. I have my own reason why I don't watch horror.

They step out of the car and headed inside the mall. I look around to see if the mall is crowded. It isn't because today is monday and most of the people especially students are in school. And I was supposed to be in school but here I am, stuck with these two freaks.

We just decided to watch a romance-comedy instead of action movie. I also don't like action, they only have one protagonist, the guns and also the plots are always the same. There's always a blood, there's always dying. I'm so done.

After that we ate in a fast food chain because I don't like eating in those fancy restaurants. I still prefer the cheapers. I think it's weird but I don't like the taste of the food in expensive restaurants. It makes me wanna puke.

They also bought me a four books. As far as I know my birthday is months away from now. Why are they being so nice to me? As soon as I step inside the house, I sit on the sofa and relax. They sit beside me and now I'm in between them. I lean my head on Chaos shoulder and his phone rings.

"Hello?"

I sit up straight to look at him. He's frowning and the crease on his forehead is showing. Who's that? And why is he mad?

"I don't have time to talk to you." He says with a stern tone.

Heave taps my shoulder. "I'll just go to my room." I nod then he stands up and walks to his room. I'm left with this guy who's raging mad and I'm still wondering why.

"I told you to leave me alone!" He shouts. My brows furrows in confusion. Is that his girlfriend or not? "Just leave me alone, will you? Have you forgotten that you're the reason why I'm not in that fucking house? I'm so tired of your shits and stop fucking bothering me! Motherfuckers." He ends the call and throws his phone on the table.

I gasp while looking at him. He's leaning against the sofa with a frown on his face and his chest is rising up and down. I already know who that was.

"You shouldn't have done that." I say with a soft voice. He bites his lower lip. "They're still your parents. I think it's time for you to go home and be with them."

"No." He shakes his head. "This is my home."

I feel something pinches my heart. I shake my head. "Why don't you talk to them and make everything work?"

"I don't wanna talk to them. I'll just waste my time and they would just end up fighting again. I don't wanna see any broken plates and vases again."

I sigh. "What if they won't fight anymore?"

"What if they do? You can't tell."

"You can't also tell that they would just fight again. You'll never know until you try."

He runs his finger through his hair in frustration. "Know what, you don't have to say these words to me. If I say I don't want to, I really don't. Nothing will ever change that."

"Do you love your parents?" I ask, looking at him.

I'm always wondering if he loves his parents because he's treating them like he doesn't. But deep inside I know that he does. He becomes silent in a minute until he takes a deep breath and answers. "Of course I do. But I love myself more than I love them."

"Wow." I silently laugh. "Nice answer, huh."

"What about you?" He asks. His brown eyes looking at me and waiting for my answer. My smile fades. Images of my parents comes back through my mind but I shake them off. "Do you love them? Especially your father?"

I take a deep breath and look at my fingers. "I did, I did. At some point, I know I loved them." I look away and smile sadly. "I love my mom but she hated me. Maybe it was a love-hate relationship. I did love my mom and my.. dad."

"I don't know what to do." He says closing his eyes, leaning back against the sofa.

"Me neither." I say. "But I want everything to be fine but I'm not ready and I will never be."

"The time will come."

I close my eyes. The reason why Chaos is here, living with me- us, is because he left their house. His mom and dad were always fighting and he said that he was done with them. As soon as he left their house, his parents fixed everything but Chaos doesn't even has a plan to come back. His mom was always here and convincing him to go back until Chaos got pissed and told his mom to get lost.

Yeah, he's such a bad kid. But I do understand his situation. He holds grudge to his parents like I do- did. He could fix it if he wants to but in my situation, whatever I do I know it will never be the same like before. I would still hate my father and my mother would still hate me for whatever I do.

Chaos parents still giving him money for everything. Chaos is really tough, he just gets the money then leave. No talks and thank you's. But I know deep inside him that he misses his parents especially his mom. Chaos is their only child that's why his parents loves him so much.

Why couldn't my parents did the same? Why they left me alone? They didn't love me, did they?

I bite my lower lip when it begins to tremble. Maybe they didn't. Because if they did, they wouldn't leave me all alone. I grew with all by myself. I really want to finish my study so I can find a good job for me to live, for me to survive.

If they loved me, they should've cared more about me. They shouldn't have told me that they hate me and I should die. They shouldn't have done that. Not if they love their child. So maybe they didn't love me at all.

"Hey, Nathalie." Chaos shakes my shoulders. "Why are you crying?"

I wipe my tears before opening my eyes. He's looking at me, worried as hell. He doesn't know what to do so he just hugs me instead.

"As far as I know I'm the one who have a problem here, not you." He says, chuckling. "Hush now."

It still hurts thinking that my parents hated me for existing and they didn't love me. I always think that they loved me but I ended up being hurt because I know deep inside of me that they didn't. I did my best not to tear up. I pull away from his hug.

"Thank you for today." I smile.

"It's nothing."

I smile again before grabbing the bag of books and walking up to my room. I let out a deep breath when I step inside my room. I throw the bag on the table and I let myself fall on the bed. I stare at the ceiling thinking about things.

Today I met five lovely lads, called One Direction. Today, my parents came back to my mind. Today, Chaos parents called him again. Today I realize I should help Chaos and his parents to be okay again. It's 2:30PM. I begin to do my homework.

I didn't notice the time until Heave knocks on my door.

"Dinner is ready."

I collect my things before coming out of my room. I don't know how to cook that's why they're the one who always do the cooking. We share in the house bills and groceries. They're staying here for free. This is my house, my mom bought this for me using my dads money. I hate him but I need a house so I accepted it.

After we ate, I sat down infront of my computer again. Browsing the internet, stalking them again. I click Niall's instagram because he posted a picture. My eyes widens when I see the picture of me with them at the airport earlier.

We met her at the airport. Such a lovely girl. Hope to see you again! #Silly

Oh God. I read the comments. Some are saying that I'm lucky because I have a picture with all of them while others saying that I'm ugly. I look at the picture again. The picture was the wacky one. I was slightly pouting while Harry sticking his tongue out, his hands around my waist and it was so noticeable. Niall on my right side acting like a superman, Louis doing his funny pose while Liam and Zayn were hugging each other. It was a good photo.

I jump when I hear a bang on my door. I roll my eyes. It's Chaos. Heave is always knocking while Chaos is always banging my door. I think he has a plan destroying my door. I look at my clock, it's already 10:30. I'm already on my white PJ's, ready to sleep.

I open the door just to see Chaos with his boxers. Heave is behind him, wearing white t-shirt with his shorts on.

"Good night!" Chaos cheerfully says then kisses my forehead without any warning, making me blink. He's about to hug me but I push him away. I cross my arm over my chest.

"Haven't I told you not to roam around the house with just your boxers on?" I say raising a brow.

"You did and I don't care." He laughs and I punch his muscular arm.

Chaos really has a muscular body. He can be a model if he want to. Maybe that's the reason why girls are attractive to him. Well, I'm not. Heave comes infront of me and kisses my forehead too. I put my arms around his neck.

"Good night, Heave." I say.

He rubs my back. "Good night. Sweet dreams."

I pull out and I watch them walks into their own rooms. When they close their doors I walk downstairs and close the lights. I step out of the house and sit on the stair infront of the door. I rest my chin in my palm while looking at the sky full of stars.

What if Heave and Chaos leave me and I'm left all alone again? It was hard living alone, I know how it feels because I already experienced it. You don't know what to do with your life. You have nothing to talk with. It's crazy but they are my only friends even in school. People doesn't like to be friends with me because they say I'm such a nerd. But I'm contented with Heave and Chaos. Maybe I don't need anyone or anything. I just need them, only them.

Chaos always teasing me about not having a boyfriend. No one tried to court me because I'm not the type of girl who wants to be pretty. I don't wear make-up, dress and heels. I always prefer wear t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. Those are the clothes I'm comfortable with. And I don't have a plan to have a boyfriend. But of course, if I fall inlove, it's an exception.

Why would I change myself for them to accept me? If they really want me to be in their lives, they'll accept me whatever I am.

I see a car stop infront of our house. I furrow my eyebrows and look at it. The car is tinted and I can't see anything inside of it. I decided to go inside the house. What if they're some kind of kidnappers and they're planning to take me? Nah. They wouldn't get anything from me because I'm fucking poor.

I stare at my bed and look on the floor. My phone lights up, I pick it up and someone sent me a text message. I open it and read.

Goodnight. xx -H

Unknown number. Who is this? H? I smile. Maybe it's Harry.

-

Sunrays wakes me up. Why didn't I close the curtain? Maybe because I was so tired yesterday night. I stretch my arms and legs before rubbing my eyes. I sit up and look at the clock. It's 8:30 in the morning and I have a class at 9:30. I can't ditch my class today because I was already absent yesterday.

I stand up from the floor. Yes, I slept on the floor. I push my hair back and walk to the bathroom.

With a towel on my hair and a robe on, I grab a pair of jeans and white shirt. I grab my hairbrush and brush my hair. It's still wet and I don't have a time to dry it off. I put my sneakers on before stepping out of my room. I go to the kitchen and I found a note on the table. I pick it up and read.

Eat before going to school. Take care :) -Heave

PUT SOME MAKE UP ON! - Chaos

I laugh. There's a breakfast for me on the table. I sit and eat it the food they made for me. I run to my room and collect my things. I tie my shoelace and fix my glasses. I put the one strap of my backpack on my shoulder. Someone rings the doorbell. I turn off the lights before walking downstairs.

Who is it? Maybe Chaos and he forgot something. They have a class 8:00 in the morning that's why they left earlier than me. I turn the door knob and open it while turning off the lights in the living room when I turn my head around to look who rang the doorbell, I'm not able to breathe.

My eyes widens when I see pair of green eyes looking intently at me. He's wearing a beanie and a surgery mask. I know it's him. He's wearing a black t-shirt and a tight jeans with his brown boots. He takes off his mask and I was right. His deep dimples are showing and his smile makes my stomach turns. My heart starts to pound against my chest.

"Hi." He says.

His low voice.. Oh my God.

"Harry.." I breathe.

Are you fucking kidding me?


	5. Chapter 5

Is this real? Am I not dreaming? Is Harry Styles really in front of me? I slap myself.

"Aw." I say, caressing my cheek. He chuckles and I freeze. "I-is that really you?"

My eyes are wide while staring at him. He's so tall and my eye level is just over his chest that's why I'm looking up to see his face. He's still smiling at me and I can't stop looking at his green shining eyes.

He nods. I gulp and slowly raise my hands. I gently poke his arm and I repeat it twice. My eyes becomes wider when I feel my finger touches him. Oh my fuck, he's real. Harry Styles is really infront of me. Oh my God. He clears his throat.

"Hi, I'm Harry Styles." He says, reaching out his hand to me. "You are?" He raises a brow.

I take me seconds to answer. I blink rapidly still awe at him. "Nathalie. Nathalie Ricafort." I shake his hands. His hand is so big and so warm. I wanna hold into it forever. I pull out. "Uh. Come in."

I gesture him to go inside. I peak my head to the door and look outside, no one saw him. Thank God, I don't want him to get mob. I close the door and turn around to see Harry sitting on the sofa, looking around the house.

"Uhm." I scratch my head. "Do you want some.. uh, coffee or tea or juice or whatever?" I ask awkwardly.

"No, thank you. I'm fine." He smiles and stares at me. "You were the girl at the airport yesterday, right?"

I nod. "Yeah." I feel my cheeks heats. "Can I.. can I ask why are you here?"

"You don't want me here?" He raises an eyebrow.

"No, no!" I wave my hand. "Not like that. I mean, you know. How did you know that I'm living here or why did you go here. I'm just.. just, curious?"

He laughs. "Well, Nathalie." He stands up and walks towards me. I step back but he reaches my hand and pulls me closer to him making me bump into his chest. I step back again but he stops me by holding my waist. I stop myself from breathing. He sweetly smiles at me.

"Can I take you out on a date?"

My jaw drops. "Date? What? Wait, what? What, what? I think I heard you wrong. What?"

He chuckles. "You didn't. Go out on a date with me, yeah?" He holds my wrist. "Where's your room. Go and get ready."

Get ready? I don't have to get ready anymore because I'm already dressed. I'm not that kind of a girl that needs an hour or so to get ready for a date. Date.. what the fuck. This is my first time going out on a date. And I'm going out on a date with him, with Harry Styles.

Well, maybe I could ditch my class for today.

-

Harry's POV

My heart is beating so loud while I'm holding her wrist and finding her room. I might not look nervous but I'm nervous as hell. My stomach is turning because of too much nervousness that I want to throw up. This is the first time I get too nervous over a girl. This feeling is new to me.

I have encountered many girls all over the world but no one made me feel this way. Only her, only Nathalie. I wanna know what's with her and why she has this effect on me. Even Niall, he said that she thinks she's a nice girl and he wants to meet her again and be friends with her.

"At that door." She silently says.

Her voice is so soft and sweet. It feels like when she shouts, it wouldn't hurt ears. We walk upstairs while I'm still holding her. Her wrist is so small. She looks so fragile and I'm afraid to tighten my hold.

"Here?" I point at the door. Well, Harry that's the only door here in second floor. She nods. I turn the door knob and open the door. She walks in that makes me let go of her hand.

I step inside her white room. It looks like a hospital- not really - but it looks so peaceful. Her bed is also white, her blankets and pillows, floor and walls. Even her curtain are also white. Beside her bed is a small drawer with a small lampshade on it. I look at her wall and my eyes widens.

There's a portrait, a painting of me.. of us. There's a big frame that has our faces painted into it. It's a group picture and beside of that big painting are our portraits. Each of us has a frame. It's so beautiful and perfectly made.

"Did I do it right?" She says, looking at the paintings.

"You did this?" I ask, amused.

"Yeah." She proudly smiles. "If there's one thing I'm proud of is that I'm good at painting."

"You drew like a professional painter." I say, admiring her works. I look around and at the other side of her wall and something catches my eyes. I quickly walk into it. "Wow."

There's a collage of polaroid photos pasted in her walls. Persons, natures, events and scenes are all over her wall. "Don't tell me you also took these photos."

"I did." She laughs.

I look at her and I see her sitting at the edge of the bed. The way she smiles is so beautiful. I blink when I notice that I was staring at her for a long time. She's a good photographer too. She perfectly captured every moment.

"You done looking at my walls?" She teases.

I get more comfortable with her when she's teasing and teasing.

I laugh. "All of it was beautiful, really." I say, sitting beside her. "You're going to change clothes, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." She stands up. "My everyday's style is always like this."

"For real?" I look at her from head to toe.

She's wearing a white shirt, a word Hello was printed to it. Jeans and sneakers. I look for accesories but she's only wearing a silver key necklace. I thought I have to wait hours for her to get ready. Her style is almost the same as mine. T-shirts and jeans.

"I have a problem." I scratch my head.

"What is that?"

"Uhm. I don't really know about this place. You know, this is my first time going here in the Philippines and.. yeah. I know this is embarrassing, but I don't know where to take you." I look down and I feel myself blushing from embarrassment. "Don't be mad."

She just laughs. Her response surprise me that make me look at her. Her nose wrinkles because of too much laughing and I can see his white, perfect teeth from here. She calms herself before talking.

"It's okay, Harry. I'll introduce you some Filipino foods. I know you'll like them." She wiggles his brows that makes me laugh. She's also funny.

"Here's one thing. How can we enjoy the day without getting mobbed?" I ask her.

"And me without getting bashed?" She jokes.

"Can you treat me like a normal person today?" I say.

"Why, aren't you normal? Are you some kind of vampire or something?" She tries to hide her laugh but she fails. "Of course, I can. You fart too, right?" She snorts and laughs again.

It's fun watching her laughing and entertaining herself. She loves to laugh, I see.

"Accept it, you can't be normal. It's impossible." She says with a low voice. "But we can try. What about wear disguise?" She says walking towards her cabinet. "Even though I know it wouldn't work."

"I wanna be a normal person. Even just for today." I say looking at her digging into her clothes. "You know, without getting mobbed. Without bodyguards around me."

She looks at me with her hand in her chin. "Maybe we can draw a mustache on your face and you should wear jacket for them not to see your tattoos. You do have a jacket, don't you?"

"Yeah." I nod. "What will you use to draw a mustache on my face?"

"Permanent marker will do." She looks at me and bursts into laughter. It takes her seconds to stop. Her laugh is different, it's contagious like Niall's making me grin. "Kidding. We'll use eye liner or eyebrow pencil."

"You have a make up?" I ask.

"I do, but I don't use them since they gave it to me." She smiles and walks to me handing a pencil in her hand. Maybe that's the eyeliner.. or eyebrow pencil.

She puts her finger in my chin to lift my head up. She starts to draw on my face, her brows are furrowing. She's so beautiful when she's laughing even when she's serious.

"Ta-da!" She puts her hands in the air cheerfully. "It's done. But you still look like Harry. It's okay, though. C'mon. I want you to taste our foods."

I see her grabs a camera from her table then she walks out of the room and closes the light. I follow her and I see her skipping while walking down the stairs. "C'mon, Harry! I'm so excited!"

-

"What's this?" I ask, looking at the orange thing in my stick.

We're here in the park, sitting on the bench. Thankfully, no one still noticed that I am Harry Styles even though she made me remove the thing she put on my face. I'm thankful that my jacket is not so thick because is kinda hot. I'm still wearing my beanie but not my surgical mask. She bought a street food. It's color orange and I still don't know what this is called.

"Kwek kwek." She says with her mouth full.

"What? Quack quack? Is this even clean?"

"Kwek kwek. It's made of quail eggs and deep-frying orange batter cover, that's why it's color orange. Don't worry, I'm eating this since I was a kid and I'm still alive." She puts one kwek kwek in her mouth and chews it.

I smell it first before putting it in my mouth. I taste it and she's right, it's delicious. We continue to eat until I eat atleast eight kwek kwek. It really tastes good.

"That quack quack was really good." I say.

"It's kwek kwek, not quack quack. It's not a duck." She laughs. "Wait. There's something I want you to eat too."

She stands up and runs to a one stall. She comes back with a plastic cup in her both hands. She gives me the one cup and sits down beside me.

"That's fishball and kikiam." She says and starts to eat.

I just stare at her with her mouth full of food. Her cheeks are blowing up because of the food inside her mouth and she still looks cute. How can she do that? I don't hesitate to eat it and it's also tastes nice. She let me eat isaw, siomai, siopao and other Filipino foods that I couldn't remember the names. All of it tasted so good and it made me full. I think Filipino foods are now the best.

Paul is with us. That's his job but I don't want him around just for today. I'm glad Nathalie is treating me like I'm not a celebrity or what. She's treating me like I'm her friend that's why I'm enjoying her company.

Nathalie asks if I want a donut. Even if I don't she looks like she really wants to eat so I say yes. She pushes the door open before I could so I just follow her inside.

"You can sit in that table. I'll just buy some donuts." She says, pointing at the table at the back.

"Okay." I say then walk to it.

I occupy the seat opposite to hers. I put my hands on my lap and look outside the glass wall.

Philippines is not that bad country at all. It really is beautiful. I know there are so many tourist spots here but we don't have much time to enjoy and explore the whole place because we're so busy and there's a big possibility that we'll get mob. I hope at the end of the day no one would still notice who I am.

She finally comes with a tray in her hand, walking towards me. She sits infront of me and hands me the donut. The waiter takes the tray that she gladly gives with a smile.

"Where's Paul?" She asks, chewing the food inside her mouth.

Doesn't she know the saying that you do not talk when your mouth is full? She's still cute, though.

"Outside." I grab the donut and slowly bite into it.

She nods and continues to eat but after a minute she starts to talk.

"Isn't it awkward that you always have someone following you anywhere?"

"It was, at first." I swallow the donut. "But you'll get used to it as the time goes by."

"It's a hard job." My brow raises. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I meant, it's hard because they always have to be with you 24/7."

"Ah." I nod. "That's right."

"Did Paul already eat?"

"I don't think so."

"Ugh. I should've made him eat some street foods!" She pouts. "Wait. Wait for me here." She stands up then run to the counter and orders again. Does her donuts isn't enough?

When the guy gives her order, she holds it and runs outside. I watch her through the glass wall. I see Paul standing there and Nathalie pokes his big arm. He looks at her and Nathalie offers a bright smile. She hands him the donut and coffee but Paul shakes his head. I think Nathalie is the kind of girl you can't say no so he just accepts it and I see him mouths thank you.

Nathalie is smiling wide when she sits back in her seat. She leans closer to me with a grin on her face.

"He accepted it!" She whispers.

"Yeah. I saw it. You look happy." I grin.

"I am!" She leans back in her seat and bites in her donut. "I love Paul. Everyone loves him. I'm happy because I finally met him and I poked his armmm! Oh my God." She giggles and covers her mouth.

Her giggle makes me grin wider. She keeps on smiling while eating her donut. There's a chocolate on the side of her lips. I watch her tongue comes out from her mouth then licks her lips. I blink. Harry, what are you doing? I shake my head and drink my coffee. I'm just.. thirsty? I chuckle.

"May I ask why did you do that?" I say, trying to push my thoughts away.

"What that?"

"That. You gave Paul a food."

"Ah." She nods. "Well, he doesn't have the time to eat, I think, because he needs to keep an eye on you everytime. I think he's hungry so I gave him a donut. He's also a human, he gets hungry." She grins. "Like me."

"But he doesn't eat like the way you do." I tease, smirking.

"What?" She laughs. "What do you mean? Oh my God." She laughs harder.

See? Some other girls will be mad at me if I say that to them but here's Nathalie. A different girl for me. Always laughing. Always smiling. I wonder how she looks like if she's crying. Well, I don't wanna see that. It might break a heart.

"You really talk with your mouth full?" I raise a brow. "Eat like there's no tomorrow? Girls don't eat like that." I put my hands at the back of my head.

I watch her reaction. She just raises a brow at me. Woah. I was expecting her brows to furrow, to frown, to shout at me then walks out but she just raises a brow. Nathalie, you are really something. Let me test your personality. Let's see if you're just pretending to be nice or you really are.

"First of all, Edward. I'm not a girl. Look at me, am I wearing make up? Dress? Heels? No, right?" She smiles. "Second, I don't care if people doesn't like the way I eat. That's me. They can't change that. Yeah, I really talk with my mouth full because that's me. Why would I change myself for them to like me?" Her smile gets wider. "Better be hated by being yourself than to be liked by being fake. You don't have to pretend for them to like you. If they really like you, they will accept you for whatever you are." She grins. "You done insulting me, Harold?"

I can't help it. I burst into laughter. My stomach hurts because of too much laughing but I can't stop. Of course I'm not insulting her! She playfully slaps my arm.

"Styles, stop it. They're looking at you."

I sit up straight and cover my mouth, still laughing. I look at her and she's chuckling. I don't know why I laughed. I just find her answer funny. First, she called me Edward, then Harold and Styles. Wow.

"I was expecting you to slap me then leave me here."

"What? Why would I do that? I'm not that close minded, Harry." She wiggles her brows.

"You used all my names."

"I did." She grins. "Harold Edward Styles. Harry." She sweetly smiles. "Who would've thought a guy like you exists? Kind, nice, respectful, beautiful, you have everything."

"I don't."

Of course I don't have everything. I'm not yet complete. I'm not contented for what I have right now.

"Why?"

I stare into her black eyes behind her glasses. "I don't have you."

Her mouth opens and stares at me for almost a minute until she blinks. "When was the last time you went to mall?"

So this is how you avoid awkward situations, huh? Changing the topic. Now I know.

"I can't remember." I stare at her. "Why?"

"Let's go there and play some arcades."

"You think people won't recognize me?"

"Maybe they won't. It's been hours and no one still noticed you." She stands up. "C'mon."

I walk away from the table but she grabs my hand. I turn to look at her. "What?"

"You didn't finish your food?" She asks, looking at the donut I didn't eat.

"I'm already full." I grab the donut and walk towards the door. There's a trash can there but when I'm about to throw it, Nathalie stops me.

"No, don't throw it." She gets the donut in my hand and looks around as if she's looking for something. Her eyes lights up and I look where she's staring at.

Homeless child.

"Wait here." She calmly says and runs towards the little girl. Right hand's open for alms, waiting someone to give her a food while the other hand is on her stomach. The little girl turns around when Nathalie taps her shoulder. Nathalie hands her the donut and I see the little girl's eye waters. She says something to Nathalie and Nathalie touches her head. I forgot that there's so many people out there who doesn't have enough money to buy food and I thought about throwing a donut? How dare you, Harry.

I thought Nathalie was done but she walks towards the bakery. A plastic bag is full of bread and Nathalie gives it to that little girl. She puts her little arms around her and hugs Nathalie. I can see that she's crying. Nathalie doesn't push her away despite of the physical appearance of the little girl. A big white shirt over her knees that's now color gray because of the dirt and has so many holes. Her hair is sticky and her face has a dirt but Nathalie doesn't even flinch instead she hugs her back. Tight.

Other girls would surely be disgusted by it. They would push the girl away because the girl is not in a good physical appearance but Nathalie is different. She's always different.

Nathalie, you're really a kind hearted person.

You don't have to pretend for them to like you. If they really like you, they will accept you for whatever you are.

She didn't do that to impress me. She did it because she wanted to help. She gave Paul a food even though they don't know each other. She helped that little girl even though she didn't have to. She bought that little girl lots of breads. She didn't do that because of me, to impress me. She did that because that's what she is. She's not pretending.

"Harry!"

I blink. I look at her and she's telling me to walk towards her. I grin when some fun comes into my mind. I look at her and her eyes full of confusion.

"Why are you grinning?" She asks.

"Let's run away."

"Run away?"

"Yeah." I offer my hand to her. "Would you?"

Her eyes travels from my eyes down to my hand. She stares at it for a minute and takes a deep breath before putting her hands in mine. My smile grows wide.

"Whatever you're planning to do, I'm ready." She smiles at me. "I would."

"Oka-"

"Would he say he's in L-O-V-E." She laughs but cuts off when I tug her arms and start running.

"Run fast, Nathalie! Let's run away from Paul!" I say, running and looking back at her.

She's nods at me, still laughing. "Okay!"

Let's run away from Paul. Let's run away from my world. Let's run away from me being Harry. Let's run away from everything.. just for today. I squeeze her hand and run as fast as I could even if I don't know where I'm heading to.

"He's.. he's gone." She says, panting.

I stop and turn to look at her. We're catching our breaths while looking at each other. My hands on my knees, her hand on her chest, smiling. I know she's already tired but she can still smile? Wow.

"Let me guess what your hobby is." I say, trying to breath.

"What?" She says, breathless.

"Smiling."

She just shakes her head and smiles but her forehead crinkles and her smile fades. I watch her and it's like she's frozen.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." She says with a tight voice. "I'm gonna buy water."

Before I can answer she already walks fast to the small store near us. I see her fans herself using her hands. As soon as the lady hands her the water she tugs it and quickly drinks it. The sweats on her forehead falls down on her face. She catches her breath and buys one more bottle of water and walks to me.

"Here." She hands me the bottle.

I slowly reach it and watch her face. I pull out my handkerchief in my pocket and wipes her sweat. Her eyes grows wide and her mouth opens. "What happened?"

I put my hand down and look at her. She blinks, going back to Earth.

"Uhm. N-Nothing. I didn't realize that we ran so long. I got tired and I couldn't breathe. But I'm okay now." She smiles. "Drink that and we'll go to the mall."

"C'mon." I say, after drinking the water. "But wait, we don't have a car."

We left Paul and it means we can't ride the car. What now?

"Commute. Duh?" She laughs. "Let's ride a train."

Let's ride a train. It's so full, and I don't think we can breathe inside it. I can't see any space. I'm scared what if we're not be able to get out because of too many people?

"Hey, Harry. It's fine. I always ride a train full of people almost everyday." She says. "I'm here. Don't be afraid."

She hooks her arms on mine. I look down at her and she gives me a reassuring smile that makes me feel calm. The train finally arrives. Thank God, it's not that full. We walk safely inside but there's no more seat for Nathalie. She walks towards one railing and holds onto it. She leans her head on it and closes her eyes.

I walk to her and hold onto the railings. My arms around her, as if I'm protecting her. I can't help myself so I kiss the top of her head.

"Oooh. Harry Styles is kissing my head." She whispers, chuckling.

I can help but to smile. The next station has so many people and I'm getting nervous. They start to walk in and I'm being pushed closer to Nathalie because of them. Can I just hug her?

"I FINALLY CAN BREATHE!" I shout when we go out of the train. "We could've just rented a cab, you know?"

She shrugs. "It's fun, though."

"Couldn't agree more."

Yes, It was fun because I was hugging you for a long time and you didn't mind that I kissed your head. You know I want to hug you so tight but I'm also afraid because things will get awkward if I do that and I don't want that to happen.

We watched a movie that we both enjoyed. She was the one who ate the popcorn we bought. She didn't share it to me. I don't mind though. She's cute when it comes to food. Well, she's always cute.

"Look at that cute but huge teddy bear!" She says, clasping her hands as she looks at those huge teddy bear hanging. "Awe. I wanna hug it."

There's a dart board infront of us and I think when you hit the target you'll get the teddy bear. The bear is huge, huge like her. I can imagine her hugging the fluffy bear so tight and burrying her head into it until she falls asleep. Maybe I can give it a try?

"What color do you want?" I ask picking up the darts and a crew approaches us.

"White!"

Each of them has different color. Blue, pink and white. She really loves white. The white teddy bear has a red ribbon on it's neck. It looks fluffy. I hold the darts and concentrate.

"Woah. Hold up, you're gonna get that?" She asks, amaze.

"I'm trying."

She laughs. "Awe. Thanks, Harry. But you don't have to do this though." She jumps and starts to cheer. "Go, Harry! You can do it! Harry, curly, hairy, not flirty but naughty, cheeky and lovely!" She says so fast that make me laugh and don't get the bear.

"Look what you've done!" I say, laughing and pointing at the dart that's so far from the bullseye. "Where did you get those words?"

"From me!" She laughs.

I pinch her nose that makes her slaps my hand away. She crinkles her nose and smiles. I chuckle and hold a dart then concentrate.

"Harry, I already told you. You don't have to." She says with a low voice.

I concentrate at the target. I need to get that bear for her. I want to. I close my one eye and pointed the dart into a dart board then throw it quickly. It's like a slow motion when the dart is approaching the dart board. I'm silently praying it'll hit the bullseye.

"YES!" I punch the air when it hits the bullseye. "I got it!"

"You got it!" She raises her hand as a sign of high five and I slap my hand on hers.

I grin. Cool. I think if I am with some other girl they would definitely jump on to me because of too much happiness. Nathalie is really different. Even if she says she's just ordinary but I know she's not. I know.

She silently squeals when she hugs the bear so tight. I wish that was me. I wish that was me she's hugging. She looks at me with so much happiness in her eyes. Did I make her happy?

"Thank you so much for this Harry!" She laughs and hugs the bear again. She walks closer to me with a smile on her face. "Can I hug you?"

Instead of answering I tug her arm and pull her closer to me. You don't need to ask, just hug me. Between me and Nathalie is the teddy bear so I can't totally hug her but that's okay. I'm still hugging her. That's the only important.

"You make me feel special." She whispers.

I can't see her eyes and face because the teddy bear is so huge that I can't see her. I tighten my hug.

"No one made this for me." Her hug gets tighter. "Except you. Thank you so much."

I smile. No one made her feel special except me. That sentence makes my heart melt. If she's with me I can make her feel special everyday. If she's with me..

She pulls out and holds my wrist. "I know there's a photo booth here."

"We're gonna take a picture? Together?"

"Yes?" She raises her brow. "You don't want to?"

"Of course, I do!" I laugh.

Picture with her? Sure.


	6. Chapter 6

"Look at your face!" I laugh, pointing at the photo. "It's priceless!"

"Who wouldn't be shocked?" She says, touching her cheeks. "You kissed me on the cheek!"

The last photo made my day. I kissed her on the cheek and her eyes were wide and her face was so red. Blushing, of course. 

"Who wouldn't kiss you?" I ask, grinning.

"Everyone." She shrugs.

My smile fades. Why are you like that, Nathalie? You're always bringing yourself down. You should be confident. I hate it when you're indirectly saying that you're not beautiful. I'm sure as hell that you are.

"Except me." I say.

"Of course." She smirks as she rolls her eyes. "Except you." 

I snatch the photo in her hands. Four photos. Can I keep them all? 

"Can I keep them all?" I ask, looking at her beautiful faces in those photos.

"I wanna have one, though. But if you want all of them, It's fine with me." 

I look at her and she's smiling. She's really gonna do that? For me? I give her one photo. The one that our tongues were out. It's cute. She's cute. I look in front of us and see a store selling shirts. Maybe we can buy one?

"Let's go buy a shirt." I stand up and pull her hands. 

"Wait. Wait." She says, almost tripping because of the huge teddy bear. 

We enter the store. Well, I'm wrong. They are selling couple shirts. I can buy for us. But what color? She likes white, I like black. Maybe gray, or white or black. Anything.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"I have hands and feet." I walk past by her and start to look for a good design.

Sometimes I get annoyed with those ladies. They're always following you anywhere you go. I'm not a thief for Pete's sake. I won't steal any of your clothes. And of course, if I need help I will ask them. They're not my bodyguards so they don't have to follow me wherever I go.

"You shouldn't have said that." Nathalie says, picking at her nails. "She's just doing her job."

I try to speak but I just close it again. Why can't I defend myself to her? Why my tongue gets tied when she's the one who's talking? What are you doing to me, Nathalie? I continue to look at her until she lifts her head and looks at me. She looks away.

Harry, what you've done? 

But she smiles. 

What the hell?

She points at one shirt. "Look at that, maybe I can buy it but color white." 

I look where she's pointing at. A black shirt that the word printed on it makes me grin like crazy. 

"Who's H?" I ask, walking towards her.

A big letter H was the letter printed in color white while the shirt is black. Maybe she picks it because of me? H means Harry. H means Harold. It's pertaining to me.

"Miss?" She says looking at the shirt. 

The lady I talk backed earlier runs fast to us. When she sees me, she quickly looks away. Oh God, I'm sorry. I bite my lower lip. I will apologize to her later.

"Do you have a color white of this?" Nathalie asks.

"N-no, ma'am."

"Where's the other pair?"

The lady searches for it. She panics when she doesn't see what she's searching. "The other pair was here but I can't find it." She continues to search through the rack. "You can't buy it if the shirt you're planning to buy has no pair."

What kind of store is this? I look around to find some good shirts until one catches my eyes. I smile and grab the hanger of the shirt and walk towards the lady. 

The lady's eyes grows wide. "That's the shirt!" 

I look at my shirt and Nathalie's. The font is the same and the color. I grab the shirt from Nathalie and hand it to the lady.

"We'll buy it." I say, smiling. "And I'm sorry for what I've done earlier." 

"O-Oh. I-It's okay." She offers a nervous smile. "But.. you're Harry Styles?"

I look at Nathalie and she's just grinning at me. Teasing and observing what will I say. 

"Yes. But please.." I smile at her. 

"Sure, no problem." She nods and looks at Nathalie then points at her. "Is she your..?"

"Date." I say, grinning at Nathalie. 

She playfully rolls her eyes and hugs her teddy bear tightly. The lady just gives me a meaningful look before she walks to the counter. 

"So, what's N on your shirt means?" She asks.

"What about yours?"

Her shirt has H and my shirt has N. I don't think it's just a coincidence. Obviously, it means Nathalie. There's more letters there and I think you can choose it for your partner.

"I know three people whose name starts with letter H." She grins. "Heave, Horan and Harry."

My brow raises. "What would you choose?"

"None of the above." She laughs.

"What?" I ask, curious. "Then who's H?"

She looks at me, smirking. "Harold of course." She giggles and walks away from me.

She leaves me standing and smiling like an idiot because of what she said. If people will ask me what kind of girl is Nathalie, I would say she's different.

Really different.

-

"Tell me about yourself." I say.

We're here in the Luneta Park, sitting under the tree. It's so peaceful in here and a good place to write a song. She has a bag of chips in her hand. She's eating again.

"Nathalie Ricafort. 20 years old, graduating college student. Ordinary. Loves to sing, write, draw and paint. Hmm. What else do you wanna know? Just ask me questions and I will answer them." She sweetly smiles at me then put chips inside her mouth.

There it is. Ordinary. I wish I have the balls to say to her that's she's different in her own way, that she's unique. I should be turned off by her because she's eating like that but I'm not. It's making her look more cute and lovely. It makes me wanna know her more.

"Ah!" She raise his index finger. " And nerd. Maybe I'm a nerd."

"What? No, of course not!" I say.

"Really?" She raises a brow. Her eyes is full of amusement, like she just heard that word for the first time. I don't know why but it makes the snakes in my stomach moves once again. "That's what people in school says. Almost all of them say that so I think it's true." She shrugs and look inside the bag of chips.

"You're not." I say. She looks up at me. "It doesn't mean that you're already a nerd if you're just wearing glasses."

She smiles. "Thank you." She looks at the green grass. "Now there are two person who said that I'm not a nerd." She turns her head and looks at me. "Thank you."

"Two?" My brow furrows and she nods. "Why only two?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. Heave was the only one who's always saying that I'm not nerd and now you did. So I have two." She chuckles. "I only have two real friends, can you believe that?"

"No."

"I do." Her hair dances as the wind blows. She runs her fingers through her smooth hair. I wonder how it feels like to run my fingers through her hair.

"Your house is quite big. Who's living with you in there?" I ask, changing the topic. I don't want her to see sad or anything because of the topic I asked.

"My two best friends." She smiles brightly. "They've been living there with me for almost three years but we're already friends for eight years."

"Wow. That's too long, I'm glad you're still together." I smile. "What are their names?"

"Chaos Felix and Heave Taleon." She says like I shouldn't be bothered or curious about it. She's living in her house for three years with boys?

"They're boys?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah." She looks at me, observing my reaction. "It's not what you think. They're just my friends. You see, I don't have a girl friends since then. Because you know.. they don't like me because they said I'm ugly and they don't like to have a friend like me. Heave and Chaos were there when my schoolmates started bullying me. They protected me in some way. They still protect me, though."

"Does.. one of them is your boyfriend?" I ask, hoping her answer is no.

"What? No!" She laughs. "I treat them like older brothers, nothing more. It's like incest if one of them is my boyfriend."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She nods. "I don't have a boyfriend since birth."

"Are you for real?" I exclaim, shock.

She laughs. "Actually, this is my first time going out on a date."

"Woah. Hold on." I sit up straight. This should've been special, this date shouldn't have been like this. This should've been memorable for her. This is her first date. I should've planned this. "I'm sorry. I know girls like you likes a formal dinner for a dat-"

"No, no, no! I'm not that kind of girl, Harry." She says with a smile. "I prefer street foods and fast food chains than expensive and fancy restaurants. And this date is awesome. I'm enjoying it. No need to worry."

"I do too. But-"

"Shh. It's fine. Actually I like this because this isn't like a date that we need to be clingy and sweet, this is more like a hanging out or getting-to-know-each-other. I still love it." She chuckles and eats again. "Actually I'm afraid you're not enjoying this and you're getting bored.

"No, not at all." I smile. I won't get bored looking at you every single minute.

I take her camera, I thought she's gonna be pissed because I'm touching her things but she lets me borrow it. She's enjoying her food while I'm enjoying watching her.

I check her photos and all of it were beautiful like what I have seen in her walls. She took a picture of me, laughing. It was so perfect because the picture was so alive. It makes me smile by just looking at it. If someone discovered her paintings or pictures, she can have a perfect exhibit.

I simply raise the camera while she's looking at the other side, watching some kids chasing one another. The bag of chips is in her left hand while her right hand is raise and in front of her mouth, holding a chip ready to eat but she's smiling. I click the button and I captured her lovely smile. I can make this my icon on twitter but I'm sure the fans will freak out. I don't want that to happen.

"Hey, it's getting dark. Wanna watch the sunset?" She offers.

"There's a sea here?"

"Yeah, but not a beach." She stands up and offers her hand to me to stand up. "C'mon, let's go at the sea side."

I look at her small hands, waiting for me to hold on. I put my hand on her and grip it as I stand up. She tries to pull out but I slip my finger in hers. I smile while walking with her hand in mine. I wasn't able to feel her hand earlier when she shook mine because it was too quick and I was nervous but right now I can tell. Her hand is so soft and warm that makes me wanna hold her for a long time. I wonder how it feels like to be caress my face by this soft hands.

We continue to walk in silence but not the awkward one. It feels like she's getting more comfortable with me like I do.

"It's weird." She says.

I turn my head to look at her and she's just staring where we're heading with a smile on her face.

"What's weird?"

"This feeling." She shrugs. "I was just stalking you on twitter and everything then with just one blink you're here with me. And.. you're holding my hand." Her face turns red which makes me smile. "This is my first again. You're my first."

I nod. Later on, I will be your first boyfriend too. I shake my head at that thought. We just met, it's impossible to like someone just for a day or hours. But why am I feeling like this?

"Look!" She points at the sea. "The sun is going down." She runs towards the pavement, pulling my hand. "It's going down, I'm yelling timber." She whispers but I hear it, though.

She laughs at herself that makes me chuckle. We sit down and watch the beautiful sun goes down to a peaceful and deep blue sea. I freeze when I feel her head on my shoulder. I smell her hair and it smells like a sweet candy. My hand searchs for her hand and when I touch it, I slowly slip my fingers at the gap of hers.

They say that when you watch the sunset with someone, you are meant to be. And that is the most romantic thing to do, watching the sunset together.

But we just met.

I barely know her but it feels like I already know her for so long. Can I ask her what she's doing to me?

"Harry.." She calls.

"Hmm?" I say, squeezing her hand.

"You're beautiful like the sunset."

A smile form on my lips. "Like you?"

"Nah." She chuckles.

You're beautiful, Nathalie. You are. I want her to know that she's beautiful and stop bringing herself down. She needs to boost her self-confidence and self-esteem. I notice that she's always walking with her head down. How would the world see how beautiful she is when she's hiding it?

I want the world to see that I found someone who's beautiful inside and out. I wish she wants to be in my world like how much I want to be in hers. I know it's not that easy. Some other people will judge her but I'll do everything just to protect her.

I stare at the sun. Thinking deep, as deep as the sea.

Why would you do that Harry?

I take a deep breath, ready to admit the truth.

I'm starting to like her. Fuck.

-

"I'll just buy a candy floss." I say when I see a vendor. "What color do you want?" There's white, pink, violet and sky blue.

"Black." She grins. "Pink."

I smile. Silly. "Okay. Can you wait for a while? I'll be back." I ask. She nods and smiles then looks at the sea.

The sky is now color orange, it reflects at the sea and it is a nice view. I love this place. It's public but it's quiet and peaceful. It's not even crowded. I pull my phone out of my pocket and scroll through my messages while walking towards the vendor.

"Two candy floss, please." I say.

"Cotton candy po 'to, Sir." The vendor says. "Ilan po bibilhin niyo?"

My brow furrows in confussion. Maybe he talked in their language that's why I can't understand him. He looks old. His hair is almost white and most of it are now gone. I think he's 60 years old and up.

"I'm sorry. Can you speak English?"

"Ah. Oh! I'm sorry, sir. I said this is a cotton candy not candy floss. But nevermind, it's still the same." He smiles. "Color?"

"Pink." I smile.

"Are you alone?" He asks while making a candy. I shake my head. "On a date?" I nod and smile. "Does she live here?"

"Yeah."

I didn't expect these people to be so nice and polite. Talkative and approachable. To think that I'm just a tourist, visiting their country.

"Is she pretty?"

"She's beautiful." I say with a grin. "How would you say beautiful in your language?"

"Tagalog?" I nod. "Maganda. It means beautiful."

"Maganda?" I say. The word makes my tongue twists. "Maganda."

He laughs. "Yes. Maganda. You'll get used to say it after a while."

I turn around to look at her. She's still sitting and looking at the sea while her hair dances on the air because of the wind. I raise my hand with my phone and took a picture of her. One, two, three -- until I didn't realize that I took more than five photos. I'm not contented so I lift her camera that's hanging on ny neck then take more pictures of her with the amazing view infront of us.

"Here's your candy, sir." He says, handling me the two sticks of cotton candy. "Thank you."

"Thank you."

"Enjoy your stay here." He smiles. "Love her."

I just smile at him and turn to walk towards Nathalie. I will. My smile grows wider at that thought. The thought loving and taking care of her makes my heart beats.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, sitting beside her.

"Nothing. I'm just admiring the view." I hand her the stick and her hand touches mine that makes the hair at the back of my neck stands up. Nathalie, what are you doing to me?

We eat in silence. Me, looking at her while she's looking at the sea putting the candy in her mouth, slowly eating it.

"Do you have a brother or sister?" I ask.

"Nah." She shakes her head. "My mom and dad only had one, me."

"Had?" 

She smiles sadly and nods. "Had."

"What do you mean?" I put down my candy and face her. She's smiling but I can see in her eyes the sadness and pain. What is this beautiful woman's secret? "Are they divorced, separated or what?"

"My mom is already dead." She says with a small smile on her lips. "She died when I was 16 years old. I'm living alone since she died."

"Why did she die?" I ask, getting more curious about her. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I just wanna know you more."

"No, it's fine." She looks at me and smiles but she quickly looks away. "She had a heart failure." She bites the inside of her cheeks. 

"What about your dad?" I search for her face.

She freezes and blinks. She slightly shakes her head and sits up straight. Her eyes becomes fierce and her jaw clenches. "He's also dead. I don't know how he died, he left my mom and I. We just received a news that he's already dead. I didn't cry. I hate my dad. I hate calling him dad. I hate that I'm his daughter. I hate that I need to use his last name. I hate everything about him. I hate him." 

She takes a deep breath. 

"My mom bought a house, that's where I'm living right now. I didn't know that the money she used to buy it was from my dad. When she died, she gave it to me. I worked hard to survive everyday. To support my daily needs and also my studies. Our relatives aren't here. They are somewhere in America, I don't really know where so I only had myself to hold on. It was so hard to live alone. You don't have anyone to talk to, to hold, to lean on, to cry on and everything. You just have yourself. I was about to give up.." She bites her bottom lip. "You know, cut or drink something to end my life but Chaos came into my house, asking if he could stay for a while. That while became months and years until now. We live together and after weeks or months Heave came too. We all have different problems with our families. We understand each other and I think that's the reason why we became so close."

"They're the reason why I'm still living. Why I'm still alive. And then you, One Direction. You saved my life too, you know that?" She smiles. "So, thank you." 

She laughs and clears her throat. "Too much drama, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you." I say, with a low voice. I feel so guilty. What if she hates me now because I brought out that topic?

"No, it's fine. It really feels good telling someone your problem and they don't judge you. It's been a while since I told someone about my family."

"You're a strong girl." I say, with a comforting smile.

"I am?" She ask, raising a brow at me. "I don't think so." She stand up and offers her hand to me again. "Let's go?"

"Sure."

"I remember Strong." She says with a grin. "I'm sorry if I say I need you."

"But I don't care I'm not scared of love." I whisper.

I look at her and she's laughing. The way her eyes crinkles when she laughs.. it's so beautiful. I wonder how many times I said beautiful this day.

Our fingers intertwined while we're walking. I rub my thumb on her hand. I wanna hug her to comfort her. But I also don't want her to think that I'm taking advantage of her. So this is my way of comforting for now. Rubbing my thumb at the back of her hand. I wish someday I could hug her tight.

Someday.


	7. Chapter 7

"What kind of vehicle we're gonna ride?" I ask. "Cab?"

We're here. Standing beside the street, waiting for something. I don't know. She's just looking at the cars while I'm holding her bear.

"Jeepney."

"Jeepney?"

What kind of vehicle is that? Finally, she waves her hand as a sign of calling the.. jeepney? We walk behind it and that's the only door. Wow. She rides first then I follow her. I sit beside her and look around.

The driver is in the front and there are two passenger in the front seat. From the back of his chair upto the door behind this car is a two long chair, parallel to each other. It's cool.

"How we're gonna pay?" I ask, clueless yet amaze.

She laughs at me. "You're so cute."

"I know." I wink.

Before I could stop her, she pulls out a coins from her wallet and stretch her arms to give it to the driver.

"Bayad po." She says.

"Hey.." I touch her arm. "I should be the one paying for expenses."

"It's okay, Harry. Just buy me lots of foods." She laughs that makes me smile.

Foods. Noted.

The other passengers reaches her fare then passes it until it goes to the driver in the front. Wow. Team work. How about her change? I look at the driver and he's counting the money without looking at it because his eyes only focuses on the street. He bends his arms backwards to give the change. Like what they did earlier, they pass the money until it goes back to us.

"What's bayad po?" I ask.

"Bayad means fare. While po, we use that word as a respect to other people. Example, instead of saying yes we'll say yes po. It's the act of showing your respect and politeness." She smiles. "We usually use po and opo when we're talking to someone that's older than us."

"Thank you for telling me." I smile.

It feels so good that I already know some of their language. Maganda means beautiful. Po and opo is an act of showing your politeness and respect. Maybe I can use it when I'm talking to my mum.

She nods and slightly turns her back on me to look outside the open window. Her hair is flying on my face because of the wind but I don't mind. I love the smell of her hair.

I look around and I see a guy staring at her. My brow furrows. Can't you see she's with me? My hands searches for hers. I hold it and Nathalie looks at me. She softens the crease on my forehead by rubbing her index finger on it.

She suddenly scoots closer to me. "Harry, I feel sleepy. Can I take a nap?"

"Here?" She nods. "O-okay."

She leans her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. I can't control myself again. I kiss her head. I feel her chuckles and I smile.

After some minutes. The song on the radio makes Nathalie opens her eyes and sits up straight. She smiles widely while smiling at the ground. The song suits on her.

♪ You're insecure, don't know what for

You're turning heads when you walk through the door ♪

Yes, you're insecure, Nathalie. I'm just staring at her while she's humming. Can you sing for me, Nathalie? I wanna hear your voice.

"Don't need make-up to cover up." Her voice slightly adds a volume. She looks at me, still smiling. "You know, it's so hard to control yourself to fangirl in public but I can't help it."

"Being the way that you are is enough." I sing that makes her blink. I see her eyes sparks by just looking at me. "Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you." I smile.

Why can't you see that you are really beautiful? Didn't anybody tell you that? Well, I am. I'm gonna tell you that you're beautiful until you believe in it because you really are.

She smiles at me. "You really have a beautiful voice."

"And you're really beautiful."

She just gives me a small smile and leans to me again and closes her eyes, still humming. I hesitate to put my arms around her but I do it though.

The whole ride was just like that. She took a nap, leaning her head on my shoulder. I was just staring at her the whole time. She opens her sleepy eyes and sits up. He rubs her eyes as she looks outside.

"Para po." She says then the jeepney stops. "C'mon."

We walk in silence until I see a line of.. what kind of vehicle are those? She talks with one of them and rides into it.

"Harry, c'mon. We're going home."

I nod and hop inside. "Can you tell me what kind of vehicle is this?"

She laughs. "Tricycle."

"Ah."

It has a small space inside only for two. It's a motorcycle but has three brims. Maybe that's the reason why they call it tricycle.

"Did you enjoy the day?" She asks.

"I did." I answer back. "What about you?"

"So much. Thank you for this day, Harry."

"No. Thank you, Nathalie. Because of you I experienced so many things I haven't tried before. Thank you for this day." I look at her black eyes. I continue to stare at it until I can see myself in it. "I hope this is not the last."

I hope we'll see each other again. I hope I can hangout with you again. I hope I can date you for real. I hope I can hug you so long. I hope I can kiss you all the time. I hope I can make you mine..

She grins. "We'll see about that."

My phone rings. Paul. I was thinking why didn't he call me earlier when we ran away from him. And now he's calling me. Time to rest, Harry.

"Hello?" I answer.

I look at Nathalie and mouth Paul. She smirks at me.

"Harry, where are you? You have a show tomorrow and you need to rest." He says with a calm voice. "The reason why I didn't call you because I know you wanna spend your day with her alone."

I smile. "You know me too well."

He laughs. "Yeah. But you have to go back now. You didn't get mob, did you?"

"Luckily, I didn't." I laugh.

"Good to hear. Okay, we'll wait for you. Say hello to Nathalie for me." He says then hungs up and I'm not able to say a thing.

"Paul said hello."

"Say hi, then." She laughs.

We walk to her house. The time went so fast. I enjoyed this day with her. I really did. I wish there's still next time.

"It's already 6:30 and they aren't home yet." She says when she sees their house. The lights are still off.

She opens the door with her key and walks in. I follow her. I see her sits on the sofa. Leaning back, arms and legs spread with her eyes close. She looks tired. She opens her eyes and looks at me. She smiles and taps the space next to her. I walk towards her and sit.

"Thank you for today again, Harry. I'm so happy and thankful."

Me too.

"I won't forget this day. Ever."

Me too.

"I had so much fun. But everything has it's end. You have to rest. Good luck for your show tomorrow. Enjoy it, okay?"

It'll look more enjoyable when you're there. When she's there watching me sing. Watching us perform. 

"Okay." I just say. "But this is not the end."

"Okay." She chuckles. "Let me walk you back to your car."

"What, are you crazy? I walked you home then you'll walk me back to our car? You don't have to. Just stay here and rest."

"Well, I want to." She stands up and grabs my hand. I just sigh and shake my head. Okay. I can't say no. Why can't Paul just drive back here?

While we're walking, the rain starts to pour. We run into a waiting shed. I look at her and she's just smiling at the sky while letting the rain falls for her hand. I watch the rain from the sky falling to the ground. The rain.. Even if you're so high to reach, there will always be a time that you'll fall so easily. I smile.

Like you, Harry?

I've dated so many girls but I didn't feel towards them what I'm feeling for Nathalie right now. I didn't look and admire their every move. I didn't compare them to anyone because for me they're all the same for me but Nathalie is different. I always see her difference from others. I always admire her smile, her laugh, even her smell. I'm going crazy.

Crazy in love.

I look at her again and she's looking at the other side, watching the rain. I wonder how she looks like with my clothes? Maybe she will be the most beautiful woman on Earth. She looks at me and I quickly look away.

No, no. I'm not staring at you.

I hear her giggles. "I saw you." She says, teasing. "By the way, you know that I love to walk in the rain? Running and smiling like an idiot?" I look at her and she's just smiling wide looking at the dark sky.

"Really?" I say. "And that's okay?'

"Yeah? It's fun. It's been a while since I did that. I'm always inside my room when it's raining." She pushes her hair back. "Can I, Harry? You can run back to your car because you have your beanie and jacket."

"What? Wait, what?" I ask, eyes wide. "What if you'll get sick?"

"No, no. I won't. Okay, just wait here and I'll go to Paul to drive here to get you. Okay?" She laughs.

She's crazy. And she's making me crazy. I'm about to say no when she quickly steps out of the shed and runs away from me. What the hell? She laughs, looking at me. Her hair starts to become wet down to her.. Holy fucking sh- She's wearing a freaking white shirt!

My God, Nathalie.

"Are you out of your mind?!" I shout for her to hear me.

"Just wait there." She answers then starts to walk away.

No fucking way. I don't hesitate to run to her and put my jacket on her. What if somebody see her like that? That view is just mine. Mine alone.

"You." I say, pulling her arms towards the open garage of one house.

Her eyes widen. "Harry, what are you doing? You have a show tomorrow. What if you get sick?"

"Shut up." I say, shrugging off my jacket. "Here, take this."

"No." She gives it back to me. "Wear that so you won't catch a cold."

I can really see my eyebrows from my eyes. Why? Why am I acting like this? My eyes glued from the ground. I can't look at her. I can't.

"Just wear it, Nathalie, for Pete's sake." I breathe. She doesn't move so I have no choice to look at her. It's really hard not to look at her body. Her bra is colo- HARRY, STOP IT. "What?"

"I already told you. You can catch a cold."

"Just wear it!" I bite my lower lip and I can feel my cheeks heating. "I can see your bra from here." I say, looking away.

I hear her gasps and with just one blink she puts it on. I smirk. Really, Nathalie? I look at her and she's looking down. Her hair is wet and I want to touch it.

"C'mon." I say, grabbing her wrist.

"What? Harry-"

"Stop it. I don't care. I just wanna have fun.. with you." I smile at her. "One, two, three!"

I run with her hand in mine. The rain hits my face but I can't remove the smile on my face. This day is really amazing. Everything we did are the moments I would never forget in my whole life. Meeting a girl like her is such a pleasure. I wish I can know more about her. I wish I can be with her everytime.

But this isn't the last. There will always be a next time.

I hold her hand and squeeze it. Finally, I can see our car. Paul gets out of the car with an umbrella. He runs towards us.

"Harry.. what do you think you're doing? You should've called me-" He stops when he sees Nathalie is beside me. She's still in the rain because the umbrella's only shielding me and Paul from the rain. "Oh my God, I'm sorry."

I pull Nathalie closer to me. Paul raises a brow at me when he sees I'm holding her hand.

"Paul, I'm sorry. Harry shouldn-"

"No, it's not her fault." I quickly say.

"Okay." Paul smirks at me. "But we have to go."

I look at Nathalie and she's smiling at us. "Take care and good luck." She looks at me. "Thank you for today."

I tug her arm and hug her. I put my arms around her neck and hold her tight. I wish I can hold you for a long time. "Thank you for today, Nathalie."

I hear her take a deep breath and I feel her wraps her arms wraps around my waist. Her small hand rubbing my back. This hug is making me feel warm. Paul clears his throat that makes us pulls away. She's still wearing her beautiful smile.

She raises her hand to wave. "Bye."

She steps back but I pull her arms again. "Don't say goodbye." I shake my head and smile. "See you again."

I slowly release my fingers from her arm, I take off my beanie and put it on her. Keep that. She steps back and waves to Paul and I. She turns around and run away from us. Her waist length black hair is sticking onto my jacket.

"Harry."

I blink. She's nowhere to be seen. I didn't notice I was staring too long. Paul guides me towards the car. I hop in with my mind still flying. When we will meet again? When will I can see her smile again? When?

Paul throw me a towel, bringing me back to my senses. I grab it and dry my hair.

"What happened to your date?" He asks.

"It was wonderful." I smile, remembering the things we did.

"Wonderful, huh." He smirks. "You kissed her?"

"No." I answer.

She's a conservative girl and I really don't want to take advantage. Of course, I wanted to kiss her but I know she doesn't. First of all, it was her first date ever. All of it feels new to her and I wanna take it slow.

"You really like her, don't you?"

I just give him a grin. Of course I do, Paul. Isn't it obvious? I won't do this if I don't like her.

"You're really serious about her?" He asks again. "How will you make it work? Will it work? You know that it's hard being in a relationship especially when you're far away from each other."

I know, I know. But I wanna take a risk. I want her to be mine. I'll make this work. We'll make this work. I'll do anything just to get her. I haven't seen anyone like her. She makes me feel weird, crazy and most of all happy. I wonder how could she do that. I can't let her go.

I can't.

-

Nathalie's POV

I'm crying. Holy shit. I'm crying but I'm smiling.

I'm crazy. I really am. I'm crying because I'm so happy for what happened today. It was a wonderful day for me. It feels like my colorless life becomes so colorful because of him. Because of Harry. He makes me feel special, he makes me feel wanted and everything. Most of all he makes me feel beautiful.. even if I'm not.

I caught him staring at me so many times that I couldn't even count. I'm not gonna lie. I liked it. All my life I was wondering if someone will look at me the way some other couples do and that's what he did. 

He just made me so damn happy.

I'm enjoying the rain while walking home. The rain is still pouring. There's no any people in the street, only me but I don't mind. It's cold but I can't really feel it because of Harry's jacket. He said we'll see each other again.

When will it be?

I'll give back his jacket and his beanie if we meet again. When I see our house, the lights are already on. They're home. What will I say to them? That I didn't go to school because I was on a date with Harry? Chaos won't believe it.

I push the door open and step in. I close it and turn around to see Chaos sitting on the sofa, eating a banana. He's already in his t-shirt and shorts. He isn't allowed to wear boxers everytime or I'll kick him out.

"What the fuck? You're soaking wet. You can't get in!" He shouts. "Where that jacket came from? It looks big on you."

"Can you please get my towel?" I ask, ignoring his question.

It's like he didn't hear me because he turns his attention back to the TV. I roll my eyes. So should I wait here till I freeze to death? My lips starts to tremble. Heave comes out from his room. When he sees me his eyes widens and runs towards me.

"What happened? You don't have an umbrella? Chaos, get her towel!"

"Why don't you get it?" He says.

"You lazy ass." Heave says and runs upstairs to get my towel. I take off my glasses because it's already wet. He quickly gets back and puts the towel around me.

"Where's the teddy bear?" I ask when I can't see the bear on the sofa.

"Told you it's hers. I put it in your room." Heave says. "Go and change before you get sick."

I nod and walk in my room. I take a quick shower and wear my pj's. I jump on the bed and hug the four feet teady bear that Harry got for me. I doze off to sleep with a smile on my face.

Forget the dinner. Forget the school. Just sleep and dream.

.

Someone's banging on my door. Again. Fuck it, Chaos.

I lazily get up from my bed and walk towards the door. I push my hair back and rub my eyes. I open it and his annoying smirk greets me.

"What now?"

"We're going somewhere. Don't go to school today, okay?" He says sweetly.

Again? I've been absent for how many days.. two! And now? I can't skip class today. I frown and he does too.

"I can't. I have to go to school today."

I don't know what's happening in our school so I really have to go. What's this jerk planning to do?

"You can. C'mon. Just for today."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to school." I say, raising a brow.

"Well, I think you forgot but today is One Direction's concert and you don't have a ticket so we thought we can take you out so you will forget it but it's like you don't so just lock yourself in your room and cry whole day. You like that?" He smirks.

"I hate you."

"Good afternoon too." He grins. "Go ahead and get ready. Eat brunch. Heave was so worried about you because you didn't eat dinner last night."

"Brunch? Wait, what time is it?" I ask, panicking.

"It's 1:00PM." He says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Looks like you're so tired to wake up so late. What did you do yesterday?"

"Okay." I say and close the door, not answering his question.

Even if I say it he'a not gonna believe in me. And I really don't have a choice but to go with him because my class for today is already done. I'm already absent for three days. Screw me.

I walk to my closet and pull out a white shirt and jeans, obviously. I take a bath and dry my hair then braid it. I eat my brunch because they're already done. They're outside, I don't know what they're doing though.

After I eat my breakfast I go back into my room and open my computer. I log in to twitter and scroll through my timeline. Fan accounts retweeted Harry's tweet. His tweet makes me smile. He tweeted it last night after an hour before we separated ways.

Harry Styles @Harry_Styles

Maganda.

Where did he learn that word from? I wonder how cute he is when he says maganda. I favorite his tweet and log out to twitter. I reach my phone and- Wow. This is the first time I got more than five texts since I had a phone.

Unknown number: Change and rest. Don't wanna get you sick. [7:01PM]

I scroll and read the other messages.

Unknown number: Good night. Xx [9:00PM]

You asleep? [9:38PM]

I'm gonna sleep now. Sweet dreams. [10:40PM]

No, good night for me? :( [10:51PM]

Okay, maybe you're really tired. Sleep well. I'm not sad. See this? -> :) [11:06PM]

Good morning, maganda. :) [8:17AM]

You still asleep? Can I call you later? [8:34AM]

I'll call you after the show. Kinda busy. Need to get ready. Wish us luck :) [8:45AM]

I know this is Harry but I didn't know that he texts like this. He bombed my inbox. But there's still one message that wasn't from his number.

Unknown number: Nathalie, how are you? [8:56AM]

Who's this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those non-Filipino readers (if there's any), if you can't imagine the jeepney or tricycle you can just google it :)
> 
> Thank you and I love you, guys! Xx


	8. Chapter 8

I hit the reply button and start to type a message for Harry.

_Me:_ _Hey, I'm sorry if I didn't answer your messages last night. I already fell asleep as soon as I lie down on my bed and I just woke up. So, yeah. Have a good day and good luck for your show tonight :)_

That doesn't look bad, does it? Atleast I answered his message. I feel guilty though. I stare at the one unknown number. Should I text him/her back? No, maybe not.

I just play with my iPad while waiting for them to call me to go. I don't know where we're going though. Maybe to the mall? Park? Or whatever. I see my camera on my table and I quickly pick it and open it. I'm thankful I left it last night before I walked Harry back to his car.

I look at the photos and my eyes widens when I see a couple of pictures of me. Harry took this? He's good at taking photos. He captured my smile.. and it makes me so happy.

I look a round my room. I don't really have a photo of mine. I don't take selfies. I have an Instagram account but It doesn't have my selfies. Foods, books and photographs, those are on my account. Chaos, Heave and I sometimes share with our social media accounts. Chaos sometimes tweets using Heave's account.

Yeah, we all know each other's passwords but I changed mine since Chaos starts to tweet shits using my account. Heave is now the only who knows. Chaos loves to take stolen shots of me. He's like a stalker. When you visit his Instagram account, most of it are my pictures just to annoy me.

"Nathalie." Heave calls. "We're going."

"Okay." I say, turning off my gadgets.

I hug the teddy bear and let it lay on my bed. Should I give it a name? Maybe I should. I'll think about it. I grab my phone and put it in my pocket. I don't usually bring my phone with me but I think I have to just for today.

When I open the door, Heave is already there smiling wide at me. I close the door and walk down stairs when he puts his arms on my shoulder.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"It's a surprise."

"It's a surprise." I mimick and roll my eyes. "You both do it everytime. Surprise."

"You don't like it?"

"Of course, I do! It's just that I don't like the fact that I don't know a thing."

He just laughs and gently pushes me outside the door. I bet he's turning off all of the appliances to prevent out bill getting high and to prevent fire and such. I walk to the car and I see Chaos already seated in the drivers seat. I open the back door and get in. He's on his phone.

"Okay okay." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Can you just fucking wait?" He shouts then ends the call.

Rude. I'm just staring at him using the rearview mirror when he looks back at me. He raises his brow asking me  _what_. I roll my eyes at him and look outside the window.

"She's so clingy." He spits. "I wanna break-up with her but I don't know how."

I don't move.

"You hear me?" He asks, turning back to look at me. He groans when he realizes that I have no time for him. He faces the street again and punches the wheel. "This is so frustrating."

"Then stop being a womanizer." I say silently. "You always break their hearts. Maybe she's just being clingy because she loves you and she doesn't want you to leave her. You should've warned them. You should've said that you only wanted their bodies and nothing more."

I look at him and this is the first time that he doesn't argue with me. It hits him? Amazing.

"You're just leading them on when you continue to date them. They're just girls. They're weak like me. They fall so fast and when you break their hearts it's so hard to move on."

It surprise me how can I say those words even though I have no experience in relationships. Maybe I'm so tired of his problems and I just want him to end it? This happens all the time. Him, complaining over his relationship. Like what should I do? Can I do something about it? Of course I don't!

"You love me, right?" I say. He quickly looks at me through the mirror. "Right, Chaos? Like a sister?"

"Yeah." He nods, mouth is dry.

"Then imagine someone doing to me what you're doing to those girls. What would you feel?" I ask. I see him grips the wheel. "Don't do anything bad to others if you don't want it to be done to you."

"Then.. w-what should I do? I don't love her. I wanna stop our relationship." He says as he looks away.

"Was there a relationship? I think none. Fuck buddies, that's what you call it. It's not a relationship, Chaos." I continue to look at him but he's just looking outside the window. "I think you forgot what is relationship for. You go into a relationship because you love each other not because you only want to take her to bed. You call her girlfriend because she's your girl not your fuck buddy."

He stays quiet. This is new. He always talks a lot. Is he sick or something?

"If you don't love her then break up with her in a  _good_  way. Don't be so rude. Then next time you have a relationship take it seriously."

As soon as I finish my sentence Heave steps into the front seat. He's smiling wide.

"Hi, guys! So, c'mon?" He elbows Chaos. "You okay, dude? Go and drive. We don't wanna be late."

Chaos clears his throat. "C-Can I go to the mall? I'll be quick, I promise." He looks at me using the rearview mirror. "I have something to fix."

-

We go to the mall. Chaos separates ways to us. I'm with Heave here in the ice cream parlor. He's enjoying his ice cream while my mind still floating with thoughts. What did Chaos do? Did he break up with her? I hope the girl didn't cry. I know Chaos doesn't deserve her.

Finally, Chaos arrives with a smile on his face. My brows furrows. Earlier he was frowning and now he's smiling like an idiot? What the hell happened? He orders an ice cream and sits beside me. Now I'm in between them. I continue to lick my ice cream waiting for him to talk.

"It's done." He says. "We broke up."

"And you're happy?" I say, raising a brow.

"I am. Because she didn't slap me like the my other exes did. I told her the reason and she understood me. I didn't know that it feels so good when a girl didn't cry because of you." I look at him and he's smiling wide. "Thank you, Nathalie."

I shrug. "I didn't do anything." I was stopped from eating when he hugged me. "Chaos, what the hell?"

He chuckles. "Thank you."

I just smile and let him hug me until Heave slaps his arms. Chaos pulls out and glares at Heave. "What do you want?"

"Ice cream."

We laugh even if there's nothing funny. We just eat while talking. I don't mention what happened yesterday. That's the thing they doesn't have to know. Suddenly Chaos looks at his wrist watch then nods at Heave. Woah. What's going on?

"We have to go." Heave says. He grabs my wrist and stands up from our seats.

My other hand is hold by Chaos while we walk to Heave's car. For Pete's sake, I'm not a child! Now Heave is the one who's gonna drive. Chaos sits beside me at the backseat. He takes my glasses off and my surrounding becomes blurry.

"Chaos, what are you- what the hell?!" I shout when he puts a blindfold on me. "What are you doing!?"

"Keep calm." He laughs. "It's a surprise. Here, wear this." He puts something in my head and I realize it's a headphone. "Don't take those things off until we say so, okay? Don't ruin our surprise."

"Okaaaaay."

The music begins to play. I smile when I recognize the song. Yeah. One Direction, baby. I remember Harry. His dimples, his hair, his eyes, everything about him. He's so beautiful. He asked me to treat him as a normal person. Since then I see him as Harry not as Harry Styles. An adorable guy not a popular singer. He's really nice person, isn't he?

The car stops. I can't hear anything. Is this what headphone's job? Someone holds my hand and I know it's Chaos. I'm scared because I might trip or something. Sometimes I don't trust this guy. I don't know how long we walked but along the way I bumped into so many people. Where the hell are we?

We finally stops. Heave's hand is on my shoulder while Chaos hand is on mine. They take off my headphone first and loud screams welcomes me.

"Ready?" I hear Chaos says.

I swallow and nod. They take off my blindfold and I blink so many times to know if this is real. My heart beat accelerates. I shake my head and put my hand on mouth. This can't be real.

"What the." I say, breathless.

Tears starts to form in my eyes as I see the stage. I start to sob when I see them walks out on the stage. I hate my eyes. I can't clearly see them. Give me my freaking glasses! Heave gives my glasses back to me while laughing. I put it on and punch them on the face.

"How dare you to do this to me." I say, crying. "I hate you."

I'm here. I'm here in their concert. Chaos and Heave knows how much I wanted to go here and they did this. These freaks are making me cry and happy at the same time. I don't know how to say thank you to them. They did so many things for me just to make me happy.

"Thank you." I sob.

They laugh and hugs me. I wipe my tears and smile but the tears just continue to flow. My eyes are on Harry. I can't stop myself admiring him from here. His curly hair that seems so soft, his green eyes that lights up and his dimples that makes him more beautiful. He starts to do his silly dance moves that makes me laugh. He's so adorable.

I wipe my tears then calm myself but I just continue to cry. I look at Chaos and he's playing on his phone while Heave is watching and enjoying the show like me. I can hear him humming. I grin. Looks like someone is starting to like One Direction. I look back at the stage and Niall's shocked face greets me. His brows furrows but then he smiles and waves at me. I smile back and give him a thumbs up. You go, Nialler.

Nialler. Hazza. Boo bear. Daddy Direction. DJ Malik. How I miss using those words. They grew up infront of us but we didn't even notice. Time flies.

I start to scream with my sisters around me. My sisters who also loves these five boys. Who dedicated their whole life to them. Some of them are hugging each other while sobbing so hard that have caused me goosebumps. Harry starts to wave at fans and giving them a flying kiss when his eyes catches mine. He freezes and tries to open his mouth but closes it again. His reaction makes me cry even more. Finally, he slowly smiles at me and gives me a flying kiss then winks before running towards Liam and Zayn.

My smile doesn't leave my face even though the show is already done. Harry kept on looking at me the whole time especially when they were singing WMYB. It's like he was singing that song to me. Well, I don't wanna assume things.

We wait for the people to leave before going out. Chaos spent the whole time by playing games on his phone. He just wasted his money for his ticket. He should've given it to others. Heave have watched the show and I think he liked it.

We start to walk. I hook my arms on Heave's while Chaos is infront of us, texting. I wanna throw his phone, seriously.

"You planned this?" I ask Heave.

"We did." He smirks. "We know that you really wanna go here, in their concert but you couldn't buy a ticket. I remember when you cried infront of the TV when they announced their concert. You punched Chaos many times because he.mocked you that you weren't gonna see them. Then we heard you crying every night over a ticket. And you also know that we don't want you crying so we decided to buy tickets for the three of us for you to watch their concert." He looks at me. "I'm glad you liked our surprise."

"Thank you." I say. "Thank you so much. I know that thank you isn't enough but thank you. You really made me happy. So damn happy. I never thought this would happen. Thank you for making me happy, Heave. I'm really thankful I have the two of you beside me all the time." He chuckles. I look at him still with a smile on my face. "Do you still remember what you promised to me?"

"Yes." He nods. "We'll do anything just to make you happy." He smiles. "We're keeping our promise, aren't we?"

I nod and laugh. I really don't know what to do with my life if I don't have these two freaks beside me. I will surely become so lonely and depressed until I become crazy. I'm really thankful that I have them, I really do.

"Nathalie?"

Someone calls my name and I stop to look around and see a man with a huge muscular body. Paul.

"Hi, Paul." I greet.

"Can I talk to you for a while?"

I look at Heave before answering him. "Sure. Wait a second."

"Okay." He smiles and nods then walks away from us.

"Heave, I'm just gonna talk to him." I say pointing at Paul.

"Sure." He smiles.

I walk towards Paul and he smiles at me. The most handsome yet caring bodyguard I have ever known. Paul Higgins everyone.

"Hi, what is it?" I ask.

"Harry wants to talk to you." He says. "He requested it to me earlier when he spotted you at the crowd. He asked me if I could get you to talk to him."

"Uh." I look at Heave and he's watching us with his arms cross over his chest while Chaos is raising a brow at me. "Sure."

"Really?" He smiles.

"Yeah. I'll go to talk them first. Can you wait for me here?" I ask him.

"Sure. No problem."

I nod and run towards Heave and Chaos. Chaos gets up from his seat. "Let's go home. It's already dark outside."

"Uhm." I scratch my head. "Can you wait me in the car? I have to talk to someone."

"Who?" Heave asks.

"Please? It won't be long, I promise." I answer, ignoring his question. "Please?"

"Okay." Chaos says seriously. "Be fast. We'll wait for you outside. In the car." He tugs Heave's arm who's brows are furrowing while looking at me.

I watch them leave. If I say I will be talking to Harry they won't believe me though. They will definitely say to me that I should stop dreaming about them. I shake my head and walk back to Paul.

"Shall we?" He asks and I nod.

We walk in silence while I see other people cleaning the stage. He's beside me while I'm observing the whole place. By just thinking that they made this whole place full makes my heart flutters.

"How was your date yesterday?" He suddenly asks.

My cheeks flushes and I bow my head. What should I say? "Uhm. It wasn't really a date. We just.. hangout?"

He laughs. "Whatever you say, lady. But Harry was really happy last night. I've never seen him like that. He even greeted every person he saw."

I smile at the thought.

"You're making him happy." He says that makes me look at him. He's just looking where we're heading while I'm still processing in my head what he said.

"Am I?"

"You are." He nods. "But I'm also afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"One of my fears is when they fall inlove. You know, heartbreak. It can affect their songs and careers especially their lives. It can make them sad, stressed and depressed all at the same time when their heart breaks. Love can make you weaker yet stronger." He looks at me. "You seem like a nice girl who will do anything for your love. You wouldn't hurt Harry, would you?"

My heart is thumping so fast against ny chest. What is he talking about? Me and Harry?  _What?_

"I'm just concerned about them. They're like my sons and all I want for them is the best." He smiles. "Seems like Harry finally found his happiness, huh? He just need a more little push." He gestures me towards the door. "Here we go." He smiles at me. "Don't hurt him, just make him happy. Please?"

He winks at me before closing the door. I'm left staring at the close door trying to absorb what he said. He's so deep and I can't think clearly. The words rambles in my mind and I can't find a reason to move or even speak. What the hell.

"Nathalie!"

I blink and turn around to see a guy with a blonde hair and blue eyes staring at me and ready for a hug. Before I can greet him he jumps and throws his arms around me. He squeezes my body.

"It really feels nice to hug you." He says. "You look like a teddy bear."He chuckles. "I miss you tedear."

Tedear? This cute guy is a hugging monster. I don't mind though. He really smells like a baby. I slowly raise my hand to hug him and I rub his back. Smile grows on my face. He finally pulls out and looks at me. I look away. I'm not really comfortable when someone is staring at me. Like,  _can people not?_

"You can sit there." He points at the sofa and I walk towards it and sit. "I'm sorry if I hugged you. But I'm not joking. When I see you all I can think about is to hug you."

I look at him and he's sitting in a chair infront of me. "It's okay." I smile. "What's tedear?"

He laughs. "Short for teddy bear."

I grin. "Did you learn that from Harry?"

We burst into laughter. His laugh is so beautiful to my ears. Can he laugh again? I just wanna record it and play all over again. I can even set it as my ringtone. Speaking of Harry, where is he? I thought he's going to talk to me?

"Have you seen Harry?" I ask. "Paul took me here because he said Harry wants to talk to me."

"He just went to the bathroom." He says. "I'm gonna call him." He quickly stands up and runs towards the door and closes it.

This room is like a small dressing room. It has a long mirror infront of me and two chairs in it and a black sofa where am I sitting. I stand and silently walk towards the mirror and I look at myself.

I fix my glasses. I don't really look bad. I'm just... ugly. I chuckle and shake my head. I'm not really good looking. The door suddenly opens that makes me jump and it closes with a loud bang.

I place my hand on my chest and start to breathe normally. My heart is beating so fast that I couldn't catch it.

_"Harry, open this door!"_

"Go, away!" He laughs. "Gonna talk to you later, Niall. Be quiet please. You don't want her to be mad at you because you're so loud, do you?"

I stand up straight and wipe the sweats on my forehead. The knock on the door stops and his back is facing me. He slowly turns to me and when he faces me his curly shinny dark hair greets me with his green eyes dancing in excitement and happiness. His smile is so big that makes his dimples becomes so deep.

"Hi." He greets.

I can't breathe. Help.


	9. Chapter 9

"You're here." He says.

Yeah. I'm here. Infront of you and I can't even say a single word because you're so beautiful. Sometimes it makes me think that they can't be real. Guys like them don't exist. I nod.

"You okay?"

"Yes." I say, mouth dry.

He chuckles. I take a sharp breath when he suddenly tugs my arm to him and hugs me. I close my eyes and smell his scent. Damn, Harry.

"Seems like you missed me too that you can't even say a thing." He says with a little laugh.

I just smile. We stand there for who knows how many minutes. We just feel the presence of each other and treasure the feeling in each other's arms. I can stay like this for the rest of my life.

"How come you're here?" He asks while still hugging me.

"Would you like to sit first? I don't think you want me not to breathe." I chuckle.

"Ah. Yes, I'm sorry." He pulls out and scratches the back of his head. He gestures me the sofa. "Do you wanna sit?"

"I'm sure, I do." I grin. I walk towards it and sitdown while he's still standing infront of me. "What about you? Do you wanna sit?"

His cheeks flushes and a little smirk appears on his face. "Teasing me, huh?" He says while walking towards me. He sits beside me and stares at me that makes me look away.

I repeat, I'm not really comfortable when someone is staring at me. I get concious about myself. He puts his fingers on my chin and turns my head to look at him. The smirk on his face earlier was already gone and it turns to a flat line. His eyes looking directly at me that makes the snakes in my stomach moves. 

"Why are you always looking away when I'm looking at you?" He seriously asks. 

"I-"

"You don't think you're beautiful, do you?" 

"Harr-"

"You are beautiful." He says. "You are." 

 _I'm not._ I look away and gently push his fingers away from my chin. I don't wanna argue with him. But just for this time I'm gonna take his compliment. I don't really take compliments because I know some of them are just lies and they're just saying those to make me feel good.

I still prefer them calling me names or insulting me because I know some of those are true. They're just saying the truth. I hate lies. Especially those who lives in your hair.

Kidding.

"Okay, I am." I smile and he smiles back.

"Niall didn't forget you. You know that?" He teases.

I grin and nod. "Yeah. He hugged me. I was surprised."

"He said he loves to hug you-  _well, me too_ \- but his kinda addicted to your hug."

I laugh. "Addicted? No, maybe because I'm just cuddly like he said."

He nods. "Do you have anything to do tomorrow?"

"Um. Just... school." I bite my lower lip.

Yeah, school. I haven't been in school since monday and I'm nervous because I don't have any idea what's going on in there. I just hope my professors won't give me tons of homeworks, projects, quizzes, activities and tests I have missed (which probably they will). If that's the case, I'm gonna hide under my bed from too much stress.

"You're graduating student, right? I know you're gonna make it." He gives me a reassuring smile. "Goodluck."

I nod and smile back. "Thank you. And maybe next time I'll bring your things with me. I don't have them with me right now." I fix my glasses.

"No, no. It's fine. You can keep them."

"Keep?" I say.

"Yeah? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing." I shake my head but smile. "Thanks, by the way."

He just smiles at me. I was just surprised because he trusts me so much to the point that he makes me take care of his things. And the fact that we barely know each other overwhelms me. I'll still try to give his things back.

I look at him and he opens his mouth to speak but close it again and just smile because my phone rings. "It's fine. You can answer it. I'll be quiet."

"Oh, thanks." I say and pull out my phone out of my pocket. Chaos' name flashes on the screen. I slide my finger to answer his call. "Hello?"

I look at Harry. He's just looking at his nails on his lap. I move my eyes to the white-tiled floor.

"Hello your face. Where are you?"

"At the backstage."

"Do you have any plan to go home?" He sarcastically asks. "It's been an hour, Nathalie."

"Oh."

"Oh." He mimicks. I roll my eyes. "Come back here and we're going home. Whom are you with, by the way?" I press my lips together. Should I tell him? "Answer me."

"Don't tell me what to do." I calmly say.

"Who's with you? Answer me, Ricafort." His voice raises.

"Will y-"

"She's with me. Don't worry she's safe. I don't have any plan to kidnap her." Harry interrupts.

I quickly turn at him with my eyes wide and mouth open. He puts his two index finger at the both side of his mouth and moves it upward to smile. He chuckles and winks at me. He mouths  _I got this._

"You promised to be quiet." I say with a low voice. He gives me an apologetic smile. I just nod and sigh. The other line falls silent until I hear Chaos clears his throat.

"Who's that?" I can hear the seriousness in his voice. Oh God. His possessive brotherly side is showing.

"I-It's.. it-"

"Nathalie." He says with a stern voice. I frown. Don't pressure me! I open my mouth to speak but Harry answers for me before I could.

"I'm Harry." He smiles at me. "Harry Styles."

"H-how the hell he can hear me? Did you put me on speaker?" He shouts and I cringe.

"I didn't." I keep my voice low.

"Can I?" Harry asks, pointing at my phone. I hesitate at first but I give it to him. I push my glasses back and look at Harry that's holding my phone now. He puts it on his ear. "Your voice is quite loud that I can hear you."

"I'm not talking to you."

What's with Chaos' voice? I can hear him from here. Why is it so loud? Harry takes a deep breath.

"You shouldn't talk to a girl with your voice like that."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Well, I thought you don't know how to respect girls that's why I'm telling you this."

Nobody speaks. The noise fades. I decide to break the ice by tapping Harry's lap. He looks at me with brows raising. I nod at him and give a small smile. He passes the phone back to me.

"I'm going. Bye." I end the call. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"Chaos is just really like that. He talks without using his brain that's why it's useless."

He chuckles and I stand from my seat. "Thank you so much, Harry but I really have to go. I think Chaos is really mad at me right now."

"No, thank you, Nathalie. It's nice to see you again." He smiles so big and I can see his deep dimples. I nod at him. "Tell to your  _bestfriend_  stop shouting at you."

I laugh. "That's how he talk. You just have to get used to it, I guess."

He just smirks and stands up from his seat. "Let me walk you back to your car."

"Oh, you don't have to."

"No, let me."

I shake my head. "I think this isn't a good time for them to see you." I smile shyly.

He considered what I said and we walked through the hallway and we seperated ways. He hugged me one more time before saying goodnight to me. When he's out of the sight, I start to run.

As soon as I'm outside, I look around to find Heave's car. I find it but it's too far. I'm already catching my breath and I can't run anymore. I put my hands on my waist and take deep breaths. Let me breathe for a while before start running again.

Panting decreases and I start to walk. Few meters away I start to run again. I'm gonna kill myself. When I reach the car I immediately stop and put my hands on my knees. It's so hard to breathe. It's been a while since I ran that long.

I hear the door opens but I'm busy breathing so I don't bother to look up. I feel a hand rub my back.

"Are you okay?" It's Heave.

"Yeah." I pant. "I'm okay."

"Well, nobody told you to run." I hear Chaos says.

I just shake my head. Who told me to get here? I'm just.. just scared you might get mad at me. I don't want that to happen.

It takes few minutes before I can breathe normally again. Thanks for these two freaks who doesn't even bother to buy me a water. I slump on the backseat and look outside the window as Heave drives away.  _Bye._

"So, Harry Styles." Chaos says, bringing my attention to him. "You two are now friends, huh?"

I look at him through the rearview mirror and he's just looking outside. The atmosphere becomes thick and I don't even know why.

"Are you mad?" I say with a small voice.

"I'm not. And I think he is." Heave answers, eyes on the road.

"Why?"

Heave shrugs. "Ask him."

"Incase you forgot, I'm still here and I can hear you." Chaos snaps.

"Stop being such a dick-" Heave quickly looks at me using the mirror. "Sorry."

"You're not worried, are you?" Chaos says to Heave. He's now looking at Heave and I can see his jaw clenching.

"Is there anything to worry about?"

"Of course, there is!" Chaos throw his hands in the air. "Nathalie is now entering their world. Aren't you afraid? When she become closer to them, fans will attack her and bash her! Especially that Hairy-"

I clear my throat. "Harry."

"Whatever!" He rolls his eyes and looks outside the window again. "That Hairy. I know what he's planning to do. He likes you. He wants you. And once you date him or you become his girlfriend, your life will be miserable because of his fans. Everyday you'll get threats and everything. They will definitely judge you and say nothing good about you. They will look for your weakness and mistakes then use it against you. They'll do anything just for that Hairy. For that band." He takes a deep breath and shake his head. "You'll just end up crying."

"You think too much." I lean my head on the window. "No one likes me. Harry doesn't like me. Stop overthinking." I close my eyes.

"We love you." Heave says.

I smile. "I love you, too." I open my eyes and I see Chaos staring at me. He's not mad anymore, I know. "Especially you little freak." I chuckle.

"I just don't want you to be hurt that's why I'm acting like this." He explains. "We just want you happy, Nathalie. We almost grew up with each other and you can't stop us from being protective and careful to you like your brothers. You're so fragile to us. You can't be broken or hurt because that'll definitely hurt us too. I hope you understand."

"I do understand." I nod, small smile still settling on my face.

"Sorry for being so immature most of the time. Sorry for shouting, teasing, annoying and bothering you. I love to do that especially when it comes to you." He smiles. "Just always remember I love you even though I always do that- AW! What the fuck, Heave?!"

I laugh and sit up straight from my seat when Heave smacks his head. He scratches his head while glaring at Heave. Heave grins.

"Too much drama, dude. Stop it. This isn't your last day. You aren't gonna be dead, are you?" Heave and I laugh in unison.

"Fuck you. Just shut up and drive." Chaos says. I laugh harder when he punches Heave's face.

"I'm driving, for Pete's sake! You want us to die?!" Heave says with wide eyes while caressing his cheeks but his eyes are still on the road.

"Give me five, Nathalie." Chaos laughs, handing me his hand ready for a high five. I raise my hand and slap my hand against his.

"You two are such a freak." Heave mumbles, frowning.

"The three of us are freaks." Chaos says, smirking. His playful side is showing again. That's the Chaos I know.

"And I love my two freaks." I say with a smile.

"I love you too." They say at the same time. They look at each other. "I don't love you." "Well, me too." "Stop copying me!" "I'm not!" "Stop!"

"Stop it, you two!" I say with a laugh and later on they laugh with me. Freaks. I love them.

We ate in a fast food chain for dinner and headed back home. The whole drive was full of laughter but I became sleepy so I took a nap. I feel like I'm floating. I open my eyes and I see Heave's face. I look around and he's walking towards the door with him, carrying me. Chaos starts to run after us. He smacks Heave's head.

"Chaos!" Heave says with a low voice.

"I told you I should've carry her instead! She's awake now!" Chaos says, pointing at me. "Hi, princess."

I roll my eyes but smile. "Put me down." My throat is dry that makes my voice a little hoarse.

Heave puts me down and I fix my glasses. Chaos starts to open the door.

"You could just wake me up, you know. No need to carry me. I'm not a child anymore." I say with a sleepy smile.

"He treats you like a child, get use to it." Chaos laughs and pushes the door open. We step inside. "It's already 10:30." He announces.

"Yeah. We should go to sleep now." Heave says, walking towards me. He holds my shoulder and kisses my forehead. "Good night."

"Last night we weren't able to kiss you good night because you were already sleeping. But we still kissed you even though you were asleep." Chaos says. My brows furrows. How did they open the door? He quickly points at Heave. "He opened it using the duplicate keys. Blame him."

I just smile and walk towards him and hug him. I squeeze him. This is the first time I hug him like this. I'm just thankful I have him even though he's annoying.

"Woah. This is new. You're the one who hug me first." He laughs and kisses my head. "Good night, Nathaugly."

I chuckle and pull out. "Thank you for today. Thank you so much. I mean, really." I smile.

"Yeah. All for you. Sleep now." Heave says and they wait for me to reach my door before they go inside their rooms. Who doesn't want them to be their  _best friends?_

I step inside my room and lock the door. I kick my shoes and let it fly anywhere. I jump on my bed and hug the teddy bear. I close my eyes, remembering what happened today.

I reach for my iPad. I sit then cross my legs. I click the Twitter and start to tweet with a smile on my face.

_Nathalie Ricafort_ _@NRicafort_

_One of my b_ _est days. I was able to go to their concert and I saw them again. Thank you for today. :_ _)_

I post it and someone mentioned my name. I click the notification and read the tweet.

 _Chaos Felix_   _@IamHandsome_

_@NRicafort I said sleep, why are you still awake? Sleep now. Night :*_

I grin and type for a reply.

_@IamHandsome Flirt. You sleep. :P_

Something pops out and I click it. I laugh when I read it.

_Heave Taleon_ _@Heave_Taleon_

_@NRicafort @IamHandsome Stop tweeting. Go to sleep. Night, freaks. ;)_

_Chaos Felix_ _@IamHandsome_

_@Heave_Taleon @NRicafort I'm sleeping now. Don't disturb me. Goodnight._

_Nathalie Ricafort_ _@NRicafort_

_@IamHandsome @Heave_Taleon Night. Thank you again_

I'm about to close it but Harry's tweet pops out. Of course my notification for them is on. I click his new tweet.

_Harry Styles_ __ _@Harry_Styles_

_Good night everyone. Especially you xx_

Is that supposed to be me? I shake my head. I don't want to assume things. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out. Someone texted me. I open the message.

_Unknown number:_ _I assume you saw my tweet? It's you. Don't even think of anyone else. I hope you had fun. Sorry, I didn't call after the show, I saw you though. Goodnight xx_

I smile and wish him a goodnight. That's me. Okay. I close my iPad and put it on my side table. I get up from my bed and walk towards my cabinet. I fish out my white pajama. Well, all my pj's are white. I change my clothes and brush my teeth then lay on my bed. I look at my phone and there's a message. Maybe Harry replies.

I open it but the message wasn't from him. Again.

__Unknown number:_ _ _Good night._

My brow furrows and I decide to make a reply to him or her. Whatever.

_Me:_ _Who are you?_

My phone vibrates again and with cold hands I open it.

_Unknown number:_ _You know me. You just don't know that this is me. I miss you, Nathalie. I hope to see you again._

_Me:_ _GET LOST._

I put it under my pillow and close my eyes. It vibrates again but I don't bother to check it.

It's scaring me. I shake off the thought and think about what happened today. I hug the teddy bear and close my eyes with a smile on my face.

Thankfully, no one woke me up. I search for my phone and my heart starts to race when I see a message. Please. Don't let it be that stranger. I open it and let out a sigh when I recognize that it was Harry's number.

_Good morning. Gonna call you after an hour!_ _;)_

There's a missed call from that stranger last night. I just ignore it. It's 10:16 now. I have a class at 12:00 and I have this butterfly in my stomach because I'm going to school again. I lazily get up from the bed and grab a shirt and jeans then my towel before walking towards the bathroom. I'm sure Heave and Chaos are now in school. They have morning class.

After I take a bath I sit on my bed and put on my shoes while the comb is on my hair. My phone rings. I look at it and Harry's number appears on it. I answer his call.

"Hello? You said one hour." I say looking at the clock. It's only 10:28.

"Sorry, I'm just excited. I can't wait." I can see a smile on his voice.

"Why are you excited?" I say with a smile.

"Uhm. Are you busy?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Yes! Okay, okay." He laughs. "I'm sorry. But wait for me there. I'll be there in an hour or half. Whatever. I'll be there. Wait for me, okay? Goodmorning!"

"Wait, wha- Harry!" He ends the call. I look at my phone with my shoulders down and mouth opens.

What now! I tug my hair. I have to go to school even if I don't want to. Suddenly I feel like crying because of the frustration but I just tie my shoes and brush my hair.

Half or an hour. Harry will be coming. What is he planning to do? He seems so excited. I fix my bed and my things. I put my glasses on and sit on my swivel chair then log in to Twitter.

I click Niall's tweet.

__Niall Horan_ _ _@NiallOfficial_

_@Harry_Styles You ruined my dream !_

I laugh then favorite the tweet.  I wonder what his dream all about. I go to my playlist and start to play a song. I stand from my seat and go to kitchen. I grab my breakfast that I think Heave made for me and go upstairs.

I eat on my bed while listening to music. After that I brush my teeth again. It's been thirty minutes. The songs are still playing while I play on my iPad when suddenly my phone rings.

I answer it.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hello, who's this?"

"Oh. So you didn't save my number, huh?" I look at my phone and it's Harry. I didn't look at it before I answer the call. Stupid.

"I'm sorry. I know it's your number though." I shrug. I haven't saved it yet. I always forgot but I almost know his number.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Nothing. Just.. waiting."

"You don't have a class today?"

"I don't." I rub my eyes under my glasses. "I was playing on my iPad then you called. You're disturbing me." I laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" He asks, smiling I guess.

I shake my head with a big smile on my face. "I think I'm happy." _I am, Harry._ I'm happy.

"Me too." He pauses for a while. "We're about to go."

"Where?"

"There. In your house. I told you right?"

"Yes." I nod. "What are you gonna do here?"

"I'll tell you later." He chuckles.

"Only you?"

"Gotta be youuu." He says and I load for a second until I get it. I smirk. He clears his throat. "I'm sorry. I'm with the boys."

"Jokes, huh?" I say, raising a brow. Harry Styles everyone.

"It was funny, wasn't it?"

"No, it wasn't." I laugh.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Nothing." I chuckle. "By the way, you're with the boys? What are you gonna do here?"

"I'll tell you later."

I roll my eyes. "Okaaaaay."

"Okaaaay." He mimicks that makes me laugh.

"Just tell them don't expect too much from me." I say.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't." I hear the seriousness in his voice. I bite my lower lip.

"Harry.. you know it, right? That.. that-" I sigh. "Nevermind."

"Here we go again." He sighs. "How many times do I have to tell you that you're beautiful?"

I become quiet for a second but then speak afterwards. "I'm just nervous and shy." I just say for him not to be mad. I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL FOR FUC- Okay, calm down.

"There's no reason for you to be shy."

"You're gonna push it, aren't you? You won't stop." Fuck my confidence. It's really low that I can't even take a compliment.

"I'm not going to stop until you accept the fact that you are beautiful."

"Well, you need to stop now." I push my glasses back.

"Why, are you accepting the fact that you're beautiful?"

I shake my head though he can't see me. I almost laugh. "No." I click my tongue. "It's your opinion, it's not a fact."

"Someone's getting pissed." He laughs.

A smile grows on my face. "Says who? And for your information, Mr. Styles, I'm not pissed nor 'getting' pissed."

"Why so defensive, Mrs. Styles?"

I snort. "It's Ms. Ricafort, Mr. Styles."

"Well, I want it like that."

We just laugh and talk for a while. He says their checking the car and if it's okay then they can already go. He also says that Paul are going with them if that's okay with me. Of course I say yes!

"You're gonna tour us around and I want them to try those street foods we ate!" He sounds so excited about the idea that he'll introduce and let them eat those foods. I can't let him down. I don't want him to be sad. Everyone don't.

"Okay." I smile. "We'll tour them. Together."

"Yeah, together. But.."

"But?"

"Can we go to other places? No, no. Don't get me wrong. Those places we've been are special to me. I don't want to.. share them. Those places are just between me and you." He sighs. "Please?"

My heart melts with his words. Selfish Harry, I see. My smile grows wide.

"Of course, I can. I already have ideas what we're gonna do today."

"What is it?" He asks excitedly.

"I'll tell you later." I bite my tongue to prevent myself from laughter but I ain't able to hold it anymore when Harry laughs on the other line.

"Using my lines against me, huh?" He teases, chuckling.

I just laugh. "I can tell that you're so excited."

"You don't know how excited I am. " He laughs. I think he laughs a lot when he's excited. Well, I laugh a lot too. I always laugh.

"I'll call you later." He says.

"Okay."

"See you later,  _Nathie_ _."_

I grin, remembering the first time he called me  _Nathie_ _._  Nathie, read it how you read the  _Na_  in my name (as in bana _na_ ) then the  _thie_  read as  _tea_ , which made me laugh for some reason. He said that's his nickname for me. He forced me to give him a nickname too.

"See you. Bye." I stifle my laugh. I pretend to end the call but he shouts on the other line. I burst into laughter.

"Hey!"

"What?" I ask between my laugh.

"What's my name?"

"Harry." I laugh harder.

"Ugh. No,  _Nathie_. C'mon, say it."

"But it's too corny!" I laugh then slap my face.

"I'm not a clown and I'm not joking so stop laughing." He says. He's pouting, I can see it.

Instead of stopping, I laugh again. "But you're so cute."

"I'm not cute, I'm adorable." He chuckles then clears his throat. "Stop changing the topic, woman."

"I'm not changing the topic." I hold my stomach and laugh without a sound. He's so cute. I wanna pinch his cheeks.

"Yes you are. C'mon, say it." I breathe and laugh again. "Hey."

"Someone's getting pissed." I say, grinning.

"Just say it."

"Okay,  _cheeky_ _._ " I roll my eyes but smiling. I hear his dramatic sigh and he laughs. I chuckle. This guy is such a cupcake.

"I still don't like it but nevermind. You should change it  _very soon_. See you."

"See you." I end the call and lay on my bed. Smiling at the ceiling. Harry never fails to make someone happy.

I waste my time looking at the ceiling while slow songs plays in the background. Suddenly my phone vibrates.

Unknown number.

This isn't the same number that keep on texting me these past few days. Who can this be? I sit up and answer the call. I wait for the other line to speak.  _Who the hell are you?_

"Hello?"

My brows furrows. The voice is familiar to me. I just wanna confirm it. "Who's this?"

"You don't know?"

"Actually, I do. That's why I'm asking." He laughs. Smile traces on my lips. "I knew it was you. I recognized your voice. I just wanna be sure."

"Hi, tedear. I wanna hug you."

I chuckle. "You're like Olaf. You like hugs. So much. By the way, why did you call?"

"Nothing. Just wanna hear your voice over the phone. Nothing has changed. It's still good to ears."

"How did you get my number?" I say with a smile. My face is gonna tear apart because of smiling since I talked to Harry upto now.

"So Harry has been always texting you." He says, teasing. "I went through his phone and I saw you on his log. That was the reason why he didn't answer my calls, huh?"

I snort. "Maybe he was just busy that time."

"Yeah. Busy with you?" I just shake my head. "Are you two dating?"

My smile slowly fades.  _Are we?_ No. We're not dating. We're just like.. hanging out. Even though I'm feeling something weird whenever I'm with him.

"What?" I exclaim, thinking what to answer.

"What? Is it a yes or no?" He chuckles.

"No?" I shake my head and look up at the ceiling. "No."

"It doesn't look like that for me. He's into you, I can tell."

"Niall.."

"Just trust yourself, Nathalie. Harry's been talking about you all the time. He always tells me about you and how lovely you are. I know what he's talking about. I met you, right? And he's always smiling at his phone. We don't know what's happening with him but then he's texting you and that action is making him happy. Harry likes you, can't you see that?"

I press my lips together. I don't think he likes me. That's impossible. We just met. He doesn't know me that much and me to him. We barely know each other. I pick at my fingernails.

"I don't know, Niall. We just met. It's impossible to like someone in just few days or hours."

"It's possible, Nathalie. That's what you call true love. You'll feel it right there, at that moment, the moment when you see each other. It will grow as the time goes by until you realize you'd fallen deeply."

"Have you fell in love already? You know too much about love. It seems that you experienced it already." I say with a low voice. I'm not comfortable with this conversation. I fear confrontation and confessions. I hate it.

"I did." I gasp when I hear his answer.  _Niall.. fell inlove?_ Are you kidding me? With whom? "But this isn't about me. It's between you and Harry. I know you like him too, you just don't wanna admit it because you think it's impossible but deep inside you, you know there's something wrong whenever you're with him. You know what it is, Nathalie. You're just afraid." He chuckles. "And I just want you to know that this is the first time that Harry acts like this. He's been to jolly and happy these past few days. Talks about one girl all the time. He even persuade us to come with him to meet you. Well, he didn't force me. I really wanna see you, though. To hug you, of course."

I laugh with him. Atleast the atmosphere isn't that thick anymore.

"See you later." He says.

"Okay. Take care."

"I wanna be your bestfriend. I mean, really. Can I?" He asks.

"What?" I laugh. "Niall, you don't ask someone to be your best friend."

He groans. "But I wanna be your best friend! I don't know. Everytime I see you I just wanna be like your older brother who can be your savior, enemy and bestfriend. You feel me?" He sighs when I'm still laughing with small sounds. "Just say yes."

"Okay, Niall. For you." I laugh. "Work it out."

"Yes!" He laughs. "We're going now."

"Okay, see you."

"Bye, bessie." He laughs before ending the call.

I smile at my phone before tossing it on bed. Seems like I have a new bestfriend who loves to hug me. I wonder what kind of bestfriend Niall is. I reach for my iPad and click the twitter.

 _Nathalie Ricafort_ _@NRicafort_

_So I have a new bestfriend. Hahahaha. :)_

After I post that new tweet, I scroll through my timeline. Update accounts doesn't have any idea where the boys are.

_All the boys haven't spotted today._

I grin and click the reply button.

_In my house. ;)_

I laugh when I see my reply. I shake my head then notification comes in.

 _Chaos Felix_ _@IamHandsome_

_@NRicafort Who?_

My eyes narrows. He's in school, right? How the hell can he tweet?

 _Nathalie Ricafort_ _@NRicafort_

_Secret. How can you tweet? Just study hard and listen to your professor._

He doesn't tweet me back after that but I see his tweet.

 _Chaos Felix_ _@IamHandsome_

_Don't take my best friend, our princess, my lil' sister away from me- from us._

I pick my phone and start to type a message.

 _Me:_ _Do you have any problem? I won't leave you. Love you, Cha._

I send it to Chaos. I don't usually say I love you to them. I'm not comfortable saying that though I really love them. I'm not that vocal. My phone vibrates.

 _Chaos:_ _Nothing. I'm just hungry. HAHA. Love you too. ;)_

I smile then the doorbell rings. Oh, look we have a doorbell. I stand up from my bed and pull my shirt down. I leave the iPad on my bed while I put my phone inside my pocket. I run towards the mirror and look at myself. Woah. For the first time in forever I got conscious with myself. I shake my head and run downstairs. I take a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hi!" Louis greets me with a smile on his face then quickly walks past by me, entering the house. I watch him sit on the couch. I look at the open door and there is Liam. My breathing becomes shallow and my hands begins to turn cold.

"Hello." He smiles. "Can I come in?"

I swallow. I nod and gesture my hand inside. "Yeah, sure."

He smiles once again before joining Louis on the couch. Zayn offers his hand to me with a smile on his face. My mouth drops when I see how his quiff spikes up. I take and shake it. I'm holding the King's hand, guys. Holy cow.

"Zayn." He says. Are you kidding me? Of course I know you.

"Nathalie." I smile nervously and let go of his hand. "Welcome."

"You were the girl at the airport, right?" He asks, raising a brow.

"Yeah." I nod and smile shyly.

"So Harry really found you." He smirks and walks in. What? What was that mean? I look outside and I see Harry and Niall at the door of their car pulling one another, fighting who will get out first. Well, Niall wins because he bits Harry's arm which makes me laugh. He smiles widely when he sees me and runs towards me. He jumps and throws his hands around me. I take few steps back because of the impact. I laugh.

"Niall, we almost fell." I say, hugging him back. Suddenly I feel calm because of his hug. What's happening to me.

"It's okay. I'm gonna catch you though." I chuckle. "I missed hugging you. You already left the room when I came back last night-"

"Hey, hey. Hands off." Harry says, tearing us apart.

Niall rolls his eyes before running towards the boys. "Hi, lads!"

"Who are you?" Louis answers.

I grin before looking at Harry. He's looking at me with two brow raise. "What?"

"No hug for me?" He asks.

"Uhm. No?"

"What?" He pouts then groans. "You're unfair."

I laugh and walk closer to him and hug him. "Better?"

He hugs me back. He squeezes me again like he usually do. "Yeah. Better."

"I'm nervous." I whisper.

"Don't be. They'll like you."

Suddenly I hear someone clears his throat. "Incase you forgot we're here. Stop the PDA." It's Louis.

"You heard him." I say.

"Yeah. And so you did."

"Harry." I chuckle. "Let go."

"What if I don't?" I don't have an answer. He pulls out and smiles at me one more time. "Should I sit?"

"You must sit." I say. "I'll just check.." I point outside. He nods and walks towards the boys. I look at them for the last time before walking towards their car. I knock the window and it rolls down. Smiling Paul greets me.

"Hi." I greet. "You might wanna join us inside?"

Paul looks at the driver then turns back to me. "We're fine here, Nathalie. Thank you though."

"It's so boring in here. C'mon. It's fine with me. You can join us." I smile. "I mean really."

"Really, Nathalie." He says, scratching his head. "We're fine here. Just go inside and entertain the boys."

"I'm not an entertainer." I laugh. "But really, Paul. C'mon."

"No, really."

"Really."

"Really." He sighs then laugh. "You know what, stop. You're too adorable to say no to you and I don't wanna say yes. This is like their bonding time and I don't wanna like.. ruin it. I just wanna see them have fun. Can you do that for me?"

I raise a brow. "Last night you already have a favor for me that I still don't clearly understand and then you have another one?" He looks at me observing my action. I grin. "Kidding. But yeah, if you like to come in you're welcome. If you don't want to I'll just bring you some foods or drinks. Yeah? Is that okay?"

"Yes. Thank you, Nathalie." He smiles.

"It's nothing. Be back later. Bye!" I wave before running back towards the door. I open it and I hear no noise. I look at the couch and they're not there.

Where are they? I go to the kitchen and bathroom and there's no one. Oh my God, don't tell me they went inside Chaos' or Heave's room? They're gonna kill me. I run to their room but luckily it's locked. I let out a sigh of relief. They're definitely in my room.

I walk upstairs and I can hear their voices but not so clear because of the thick wall. I softly knock before opening the door. What are they doing in my room? No, there's nothing to hide so it's fine with me.

"This is your room, you don't have to knock." Louis says.

I look around and I see them minding their own businesses. Niall is sitting on my bed, holding my guitar and strumming random chords. Beside him is Zayn looking at my sketches and drawings on my sketchpad placed on his lap. Liam is holding his chin while looking at my walls and Harry is sitting on the floor, checking my shirts- my white shirts. And then Louis.. he's using my computer and he's playing sims. These boys. I can't do anything but to smile.

"Is this yours?" Liam, Zayn and Niall asks in unison.

"Of course it's hers. We're in her room. Tsk." Louis throws his hands on air while his eyes still on the monitor. I try my very best not to laugh and I'm glad I didn't laugh.

"You took these?" Liam asks, pointing at my walls. I open my mouth to answer but Harry do it for me.

"Yeah, she did." He's busy going through my shirts. "The designs of your shirts is quite cool. It's simple but it's cool. You feel me?" He looks up at me with a smirk on his face. I smile at him then nod. He continues to look at my shirts.

"Could you please let her speak? You always answer for her. I haven't heard her voice yet." Louis says.

"Said who answered a question that wasn't for him." Liam says, walking towards my bed. He sits beside Zayn. "You draw these too?"

I nod.

"Wow." I smile. I look at Louis when he turns the swivel chair to look at me. He looks at me with narrowing eyes. What? I look away and bite my lower lip.

"You might wanna sit?" Louis says. "Lads, give her a seat."

"No, I'm fine."

"What's your name?"

"Nathalie." I swallow. Why do I have this feeling that Louis is gonna eat me?

"You don't look like an asian. Except for your black eyes and hair. That's Filipino like." He exclaims but he leans forward. "Oh, your eyes looks like black but it's really dark brown." All of them looks at me. "But your accent isn't.. you know. Sometimes it sounds like British then American."

"Yeah, I noticed." Zayn comments.

I look at Harry and he's looking at me curiously waiting for an answer. Even him doesn't know it yet. I didn't tell him and he didn't ask. I look outside my window.

"My dad was a British and my mom was half Filipino-half American." I press my lips together after that.

"Then why are you living here in the Philippines? I mean.."

"I was born in America but we moved in England after three years. We lived there for almost five years then we transfered here. So yeah.." I nod. I feel my chest tightens. Just hearing words about my family makes me emotional. But I can't cry infront of these boys.

"Where in England?"

A small smile appear on my face. "We were in Doncaster but we transfered in Cheshire."

I see Harry's eyes widens. He doesn't know. I didn't tell him. All of them look at Harry and smile then turn back to me. Louis still goes on with his questions. I'm in the hot seat and I don't like the feeling.

"Have you been in London?" I shake my head. I haven't. "Where's your mum and dad? Are they living here with you?" I quickly turn my head to Louis, shocked to his question. My heart beat accelerates. I try to blink to prevent myself from tearing up. His hand on his chin and his eyes focuses only on me. His eyes is full of curiousity. He's not mad, he's just curious. Harry clears his throat.

"Enough with the questio-"

"They're already dead." I flinch. "I live here with my two best friends. No, I don't have any siblings."

Louis straights up from his seat and I see how he feels bad. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean t-"

"No, it's fine." I smile. "What do you wanna do today?" I ask them, avoiding getting awkward.

"I wanna eat." Niall shrugs then looks down at my guitar. I chuckle.

"You always wanna eat, Niall." Harry exclaims. He's now folding my shirts, gently putting it in my cabinet.

"You have this guitar so I think you know how to play." Niall says, looking at me.

"No, she doesn't know how." Louis sarcastically says while tapping on my iPad. "FLY! FLY! UGH. His mouth is so big and heavy that's why he can't fly!" He shouts. "And your highscore is 173? How can you do that? Are you some kind of alien or what?" He says while he focuses on his game. "Oh no, he died again. I hate this game!"

"What's that game?" Liam asks.

"Flappy bird." He frowns.

"Nathalie." Niall calls. I turn my attention to him and he taps the space beside him. He wants me to sit there. I walk towards him but Louis stands up from his seat.

"Hi, Nathalie! So, you are Nathalie." He laughs. "You can sit there." He points at the chair then runs towards Niall and sits beside him.

"I don't want you beside me." Niall exclaims.

"I hate you too." Louis says with a smirk. I sit on the chair and I suddenly feel uncomfortable. They're all seated on my bed while Harry is standing beside it while I'm sitting here on swivel chair. All eyes on me. Can the ground just swallow me right now?

"Play a song and sing for us." Niall smiles, handing me my white guitar. "Please?"

"What?"


	11. Chapter 11

"No." I shake my head.

"C'mon. You can play a guitar so that means you can sing." Niall says.

I clear my throat. "Okay, I'll play the guitar, you sing."

"No, no. We wanna hear you sing." Liam exclaims.

"Oh no, don't let me do this." I say, holding the guitar. "My voice is nothing compared to yours."

"We have our own types of voice so you can't tell. Just one song." Louis smiles. "We'll just be quiet and listen to you. Don't be too nervous around us. Be comfortable like we are to you. We're friends now."

 _Friends?_  I look at them and they give me an encouraging smile. I take a deep breath before hugging the guitar. They start to clap their hands and laugh quietly.

"Go, Nathie." I hear Harry whispers.

I look up to him and he's smiling wide. He gives me a thumbs up and a wink. I smile and shake my head. I look back to the boys. Niall is slightly leaning forward. His elbows on his knees and his chin in his palm. Beside him is Louis who's comfortably sitting on my bed looking and waiting for me to sing. On Zayn's lap is my sketchpad but his eyes focuses on me so does Liam. I clear my throat.

"Uh. This song isn't really popular so I think you don't know this. It was originally made and composed by a Filipino specifically for a novel. I can relate so basically this is my favorite song." They nod. "Okay. Here it goes. [ _Hear me by Kathryn Donato._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai3xLeDQ_9Y)"

I start to strum the guitar for the intro. I feel my cheeks heat. I bow my head and let my hair cover my face. It's not really my thing performing infront of people.

" _Hey there_

_Can I passby a hundred times_

_Infront of you."_  I breathe.

_"Atleast, that way you might notice me_

_That I exist_

_But then, can I also smile at you_

_So you can smile back at me._ "

"You have a beautiful voice." Liam silently comments. I smile, not stopping from strumming the guitar.

" _Hey_

 _Hey listen._ " I lift my head up and look at Louis. I smile at him and he smiles back. I look at them with a small smile on my face.

" _I have something to say_

_Your smile makes me happy_

_Your voice makes me sing, sing, sing_ "

"Sing, sing, sing." Zayn echoes. "I love the tune."

I look down at my guitar then turn my head on Niall. " _I've been always looking at you from afar_

 _Trying to catch you attention._ " I grin and glance at Harry. He smirks at me.

I remember the first time I saw him- them. I didn't have any plan to go near them. I was just watching them from afar but then those two freaks pulled me towards them and they noticed me. Well, I'm thankful they pulled me. I look at Zayn. He nods his head.

" _But you're_

_Surrounded by many that no matter what I do_

_I'll always end up here"_

I look down,  _"looking and dreaming for you."_

I keep my head down. I can't believe they're here infront of me. I'm singing and playing a song for them. Before, I was just looking at their eyes through computer but now I can see it eye to eye. We're breathing the same air. We're in the same room. They're looking at me, they're watching me. Who would've thought this could happen? I was just wishing to see them or hug them but now here they are. I'm so lucky.

" _Unheard feelings I can't bear anymore_

_What should I do for you to hear them?_

_I think I need a loudhailer_

_For you to hear me_

_To hear me what I'm saying._ "

I close my eyes. I'll forever be grateful for this. They're here. All of this are real.

" _You're the perfect reason to be inspired_

_Let me dream that one day you'll also look at me_

_The way I look at you_

_Because boy, let me tell you this heart says I love you._ "

I lift my head and stare at those green eyes, piercing through my soul.

" _This heart will always say that I love you._ "

A small smile appear on his lips.

-

"Is this safe to eat?" Louis says with a disgusting face, looking at the food in a stick.

"Yeah, of course. I wouldn't let you eat it if it's not clean or safe." I chew.

"What is this thing called?" Zayn asks, biting on his food.

"Isaw."

"Intestine in English." Louis groans. He closes his eyes and slowly put in his mouth the food then bites it. He chews it then opens his eyes. "Well, it's not that bad."

I smile then continue to eat. We're here in the uh.. street. We bought an Isaw. I made them eat it. Harry already ate it before when we went on date (?) so he was the one who ate then Niall, the moment he held the stick he ate it already. He even bought four more Isaw. Then Zayn, he was hestitating at first but ate it anyway. Liam and Louis was the last. They thought it wasn't clean.

We're seating in the circular table. I'm in between Harry and Niall. Beside Harry is Zayn, then Liam, then Louis.

"Is that an ice cream?" Niall asks, pointing on a cart pushed by a middle age man.

"Yes. Are you allowed to eat an ice cream?" He nods. "Okay. I'll buy you." I stand from my seat then walk towards it. I smile at the vendor and he smiles back. I bought nine cups of ice cream. Just imagine how I carry them. I place it on the table and each of them gets one cup except Niall, of course. He has two.

"This tastes better than the ice cream I ate before." Liam exclaims.

"Correct." Zayn agrees, putting the spoon inside his mouth.

"Nathie.." Harry whispers. I turn my head at him and he instructs me to get closer. I lean my head on him and he leans closer to my ear. I can feel his breath. "Dirty ice cream?"

I jump when he suddenly bites my ear. My cheeks turns to red. He grins. I quickly look away. What was that for?

"Y-yes. It's dirty ice cream." I answer while blinking.

All of them freezes and look at me. Niall was about to grab the other cup because he finished the other. The spoon is on Zayn's mouth with his wide eyes looking at me. Liam has his hand in the air ready to eat that scoop of ice cream while Louis was about to scoop in his cup. I smile. They're so adorable.

"Dirty?" Louis says, shocked and almost shouting. "Why did you let me eat this?"

"It tastes good but it's dirty? Are you kidding me?" Liam exclaims with wide eyes.

I laugh then I hear Harry's chuckle. "Its name is dirty ice cream but it's not dirty. It is just its name. I've been eating this since I was a kid. If this is dirty, I should've been dead by now."

"You gave me a mini heart attack." Niall says, grabbing the cup. All of them continue to eat until we're done but there's one cup on a table. I look at them. They're staring at each other then suddenly Louis shouts.

"Mine!" He snatches the cup before Liam and Niall gets it. Both of them groans while I laugh.

"How old are you?" Zayn suddenly asks.

"Twenty."

"Ooh." He looks at Harry then wiggles his eyebrows. "Younger, huh?" Then he laughs.

It loads for a second before I get it. Zayn watches my reactions. At first I was trying to stop myself from laughing by biting my lower lip but I ended up snorting then I laugh. Zayn laughs with me. I throw my head back and put my hand on my stomach. I cover my face, still laughing but there's no sound now.

"Oh my God." I laugh harder.

"So what if she's younger than me?" Harry exclaims.

Louis laughs. "Harry, most of the girls you've dated was older than you but here's Nathalie. Younger. Well, that's new."

"Do you remember Adventurous Adventure of One Direction?" Niall suddenly says.

I clear my throat and sit up straight but I'm still giggling. Zayn wiggles his brow at me then grins. I shake my head with a grin on my face.

"Ah, yeah. It was funny and cool. I laughed at myself because of the spoons." Liam laughs. "Spo-spo-spo-spo-spoons!"

"Yeah. And my sassiness slayssss." Louis slowly says with his hand on air. "And then I hit Harry in the balls." He bursts into a laughter. I laugh with him.

"I still remember the banana in my hair." Zayn looks at Niall. "You left me for nine months. How could you?"

"Well, I was busy eating." Niall chuckles. "But remember Nathalie on that cartoon? I dated you." He points at me. "You're not a yawner, are you?"

"Of course not!" I laugh.

"We should date then." Niall says and looks up at Harry with a smirk. I know he's just trying to annoy Harry and it's working.

"She's mine." Harry says with a serious tone. All of them looks at Harry. I look at the ground and press my lips together.

"Said who?" I hear Louis asks.

"Me."

I lift my head up to look at Harry. He turns his head to me. The creases on his forehead are visible. I slowly move my hand under the table and reach for his. I draw a circles on his palm, trying to calm him down.

"I was just kidding." Niall exclaims. "Nathalie is my best friend, anyway." He shrugs and looks at me with an adorable smile on his face. "Right?"

I smile and nod.

"But she's my best friend too!"

"Liam, she's my best friend. Don't take her away from me." Niall rolls his eyes.

"I think we can all agree that Nathalie is One Direction's best friend from now on." Zayn suggests that make my eyes go wide.

I stop drawing circles on Harry's palm and start to put my hand on my thighs when someone gently tugs my hand. I feel his fingers intertwined with mine and his thumb gently rubbing my hand.

"Zayn, you can't call someone your best friend especially when you just met." Louis shrugs.

"Well Harry fell in love with her within a couple of days-" Louis slaps Liam's mouth. Liam looks at us. "Oops, sorry."

"We'll see at the end of the day." Louis smirks. "You should impress us."

My brows furrows.

"Why should I?" I exclaim. Why should I impress them? To be their best friend? I know it's such a privilege to meet them or to be friends with them especially to be their best friend. But as I said, you cannot force someone to like you. If they like you, they will and they'll accept your flaws. You don't have to please them.

I know they're my idols but I grew up saying what I wanted to. I could keep my thoughts for myself but there are some things that I couldn't.

I feel their eyes on me. Louis is still smirking at me. It hit me. I shouldn't have talked. Ugh. Stupid Nathalie. I close my eyes and shake my head.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry."

"No!" I open my eyes to look at Louis. "You're really interesting. Why did you talk back?"

"Do you really wanna know? You might judge me or whatever but.. but I don't care." I shrug.

He laughs. "Yeah, go on. I wanna know."

"We." Liam, Zayn and Niall says in unison.

"Well.." I swallow, "it's not that that I don't wanna be your best friend. Everybody wants to be even me as your fan. But my point is you don't force someone to like you especially when you're just going with the flow, when you're just doing what they like or want. You're not their maid so don't do that." I look at Harry and there is a small smile playing on his lips. "You just have to be true to yourself and if they'll like you for being you then that's good. You two can be friends or best friends or whatever but if they won't, it's their problem not yours. Why would you please someone to like you? Being you is enough. Nothing more."

They all fall silent. Niall's mouth is hanging open while Zayn is just smiling at me. Liam and Louis are both nodding.

"Very well said." Louis said.

"The fans always say that they love us because we are we." Niall exclaims. "Ah, shit. I wanna tweet your speech really." He laughs then pulls out his phone.

"Woah." I laugh. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am. Just a small part of it." He says, typing on his phone. "Why would you please someone to like you? A beautiful message from a beautiful woman !"

"I'm no-"

Harry grips my hand. I look at him. "Don't."

"But, Harry."

"You are. Don't argue with me." He rubs his thumb against my hands again.

I just sigh. Maybe someday he will see that I'm not beautiful like any woman out there.

"Who's that girl." Niall reads a tweet. "Tell me she's just a relative or friend or whatever." He laughs then looks at me. "What if I say it's from Harry's girl?"

My eyes widens. "No, don't do that."

"I can do that." Harry says.

"This isn't the right time to say it, Harry." Liam exclaims, eating his  _kwek-kwek_.

"But Harold." Louis calls. He swallow the fishball in his throat first before talking. He smiles at me and winks then looks at Harry. "I think she's the one."

"I know, Louis. I know."

I tug my hand back that makes him let go of my hand. I stand from my seat. I try my best not to look at their eyes.

"I'll go buy you some foods." I smile weakly.

I already walk away, not waiting for them to speak. I can still feel my heart pounds against my chest. My heart flutters at his words. Am I the one for him? Am I enough? My heart sinks at the thought.

I know I'm not and I will never be.


	12. Chapter 12

I look around to see what I could buy for them. My mind is still flying with Harry's words. He can't like me that fast. It's.. impossible.

Yeah, it really is. I shake my head and walk towards the store. I decided to buy them some candies if that's what you call these. I walk back to them with bags of candies. I sit down and they have their own conversations. Of course, what would you expect?

I place them on the table and arrange them in line so they can choose what to eat. I can see from the corner of my eye that Harry is staring at me. He's watching my every move. I look at him and he straightens up from his seat. I give him a smile before looking back at the table.

"Uhm. This is pastillas." I point at a plastic that has white circles covered with sugar. "This is yema, polvoron, espasol, macapuno then stick-o and choco-choco. You can eat it."

I watch them pick up those candies. Niall eats pastillas, Liam eats yema, Zayn eats polvoron then Louis eats macapuno. I reach for the espasol and pick up one. I bite it then chew. I look at Harry and his green eyes are staring at me. Again.

"You want some?" I ask him. He doesn't pick anything. He nods. "What do you wanna eat?" I look at the table then back to him.

"Espasol."

I grin. He's so cute. He can't say it straight but it's right. He opens his mouth and I raise a brow. Does he want me to..? I pick the plastic but he holds my wrist which where I'm holding my espasol that I bit. I watch him pulls my hand closer to him until his lips reach the tip of my food. He locks his eyes into mine that I couldn't even blink. He smirks before eating espasol in my finger. I thought he was going to cut it but I gasp when his lips reaches my finger.

He pulls away and leans back against his seat, chewing and smirking at me. My hand is still on the air and my eyes are wide. I cough because I accidentally swallow my saliva. Ew.

"Here." Louis passes me the bottle of water. "Harry, take it slow. You're scaring her." He laughs.

I drink the water and put it down then breathe. I cough again. Fuck it.

"And stop with the PDA. Not that I don't like you doing that but what if other people see you? Your pictures will be all over the internet and we all know what will happen." Liam says, eating his yema.

My heart races. I put down the bottle and I realize that I drink it all. I hear Niall's laugh. I look at him and his cheeks are blowing up because of the pastillas inside his mouth.

"You're not scared, I swear." He chuckles then chews.

"So, I don't think we will be eating all day." Zayn says, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back in his seat.

"Uh. Yeah. When was the last time you went to amusement park?"

They look at each other and I see their eyes brightens. They smile widely. I can see the excitement in their eyes.

I know they'll love it.

-

We walk towards the car and I can already see Paul standing and waiting for us by the car. Louis, Zayn and Liam are leading us. They're holding their own foods and eating it while talking. They liked it, obviously.

Harry and Niall are on my both side. We're all eating quietly while Louis is making a noise because of his laugh and their little chitchat.

I decide to wait them all to get in before I do. I smile at Paul and hand him the bags of candies I bought for him. He raises his brow and looks at it.

"What are these?"

"Filipino candies!" I cheerfully say. "I bought it for you so you can taste it. You can share it to others as well. It really taste good, I assure you. The boys liked it."

He smiles. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"So, where are we going?"

"Are they allowed to go to amusement park?"

He pauses for a second. "They are. But is it safe? I mean.."

"Yeah, it is. If you're worrying about them getting mob I don't think it'll happen. We were hanging out for hours now but nothing happened. They're hanging out so fans will be shy to take a pictures with them." I smile. "I am also their bodyguard now. If they get mob, let's protect and save them." I wink and he laughs.

"Okay, okay. I already told you that I can't say no to you, so let's go."

"Thankie, Paulie!" We laugh in unison. I raise my hand for a high five and he hits it. He gestures me to hop in so I did.

Someone pulls my shirt so I can't do anything but to go with the flow or else I will fall. My back reaches the seat and I see Louis smiling at me. He was the one who pulled my shirt. I smile.

"Hi!" I look at my right and Zayn is on my right side beside the window . "This really tastes good. Wish I bought a lot there."

"I can buy you." I smile.

"You will?" I nod with a smile. He hugs me but Louis slaps his arm.

"Zayn, stop being touchy." Louis whispers. "Harry will turn into a monster if he caught you."

They silently laugh with me. Niall is infront of me and he's in between Harry and Liam. Harry is his left side, looking outside the window. I wonder what he's thinking.

"How far is that amusement park?" Liam looks at me, shifting on his seat.

"I think twenty to thirty minutes plus the traffic."

"I'm so excited!" Niall exclaims.

"We all are, Niall." Harry laughs. His eyes meets mine and he smiles at me. Suddenly, he frowns and looks out of the window again. "Hey, Louis. You know what?"

"What?"

"I hate you."

"Oh, you do? Don't worry. The feeling is mutual, Harry." Louis laughs. I can't help but to smile.

"Nathalie should've been sitting next to me." He pouts, looking back at me. I raise my two brows.  _What?_  "But you pulled her."

"You have Niall." Louis answers.

"I don't want Niall."

"Ouch." Niall puts his hand on his chest, acting like he's hurt. Liam pulls Niall closer to him then hugs him. Aww.

"It's okay, Niall. It's okay."

Niall pretends to sob. I laugh covering my mouth. That's so cute, isn't it?

"Harry, we have all day with Nathalie. Don't be selfish."

"Louis, I don't sell fish." Harry answers.

All of them snorts. I feel my lips twitching. I bite my lower lip. Harry looks at me and winks then I burst into a laughter. Putting my face on my hand. My laugh becomes soundless but I'm still laughing. Oh my God.

"I don't get it. It wasn't even funny, Nathalie." I hear Louis says.

"To be honest, it  _was_ funny. Well, kinda."

"Zayn! Shut up."

I sit up straight to my seat, still chuckling. Niall and Harry are looking at me with a grin on their faces.

"I'm gonna tweet that." I joke, silently laughing.

"You have a twitter?" Niall excitedly asks.

"Of course she has, Niall." Liam answers for me.

"Can I have it? I'm gonna follow you-"

"No, don't give it to him!" Harry rolls his eyes at Niall.

"What? What did I do now?" Niall sticks his tongue out to Harry. "Gonna stalk your twitter. I'm sure your following her."

"What, no. He's not following me." I shake my head. I didn't get any notifications that Harry followed me so I think he's not.

"Enough with the twitter." Louis says. "So, Nathalie. Are you still studying?"

"Seriously, Louis. Are you an interviewer or what? You've been asking her questions since we arrived."

"Shut up, Niall. You don't want me to tell them who  _was_ your girl right?"

"What, who?" Liam, Zayn and Harry turns to Louis. He just shrugs then they ask Niall which looks like he doesn't wanna talk about it. Poor, Niall.

"I am." I answer, turning back to Louis. "I'm graduating this year."  _This month._

"Oh, good luck and congratulations!" He smiles then raises a brow. "Are you two dating?"

My eyes starts to roam the car. I scratch my cheeks. "We're like.. uhm. Hanging out..?"

He chuckles. "I think you two are dating."

"I don't think so."

"Well, I do."

"I don't."

"I do- WOOP! Don't even argue with me." I just sigh and smile. He leans closer to me. "He dated Taylor Swift. You know that?"

"Of course! Who doesn't?"

He raises his hand for a high five and I give him it. We laugh then we notice everyone is staring at us.

"Seems like you two are getting along, huh." Zayn says. "I'm getting jealous."

"Jealous your face. How about her boyfriend?" Louis whispers.

"He's not my boyfriend." I whisper back.

Louis laughs. "Oh, I'm sure he will be."

"Is he dating Nathalie?" Zayn asks, whispering.

Why do they have to whisper? And incase they doesn't notice, I'm here and I can hear them.

"She said they're just  _hanging out_." I chuckle when he quotes it on air. "For me, they're not."

"Absolutely not."

"I'm here, like hiii. I can here you." I interrupt.

"Don't worry we don't mind." Zayn says, wiggling his brows. He's so cute that I can't help myself from smiling.

"But why can't you just believe that he's dating you?"

I look at Zayn. He's waiting for me to answer his question. "Because he doesn't have a reason to date me?"

"Why do you say so?"

I sigh. "Zayn.."

"What?"

"I'm not.." I look at Harry and he's still staring outside the window. I hope he won't hear me. "I'm not beautiful like other girls out there. I mean, I am nothing compare to those girls he met and he will meet. Like.. who am I?" My voice becomes lower and lower when I reach the end of my sentence.

"I heard it." Louis snaps. "And I hate you now."

I press my lips together and lean back against my seat. Niall is resting his head in Liam's shoulder while Liam is leaning his head on the window. Zayn and Louis are staring at me and I play with my fingers.

"Listen, Nathalie. All of the girls usually say they're beautiful. Girls are all beautiful in their own ways. So you're beautiful. Stop saying you're not because we all know that you are." Zayn's words makes me feel so emotional.

Okay, now there are three. There are three people who thinks I'm beautiful. It kinda feels good, to be honest.

"Don't pull yourself down. It's not all about the physical appearance." Louis says. "You know, you're such a lovely girl. That's you. You're not pretending to be someone else that you're not. You're just being you. I like you and I like you for Harry. I'm not vocal but really. You smile a lot and that what makes you beautiful-"

I grin.

"Stop it. I know what you're thinking." He narrows his eyes. "I forgot you're a fan." He rolls his eyes and I laugh. "So, yeah. You are you and that's the reason why I like you for him."

I nod. "Thank you. We're friends."

"Friends my arse- big bum, I meant." We silently laugh. "Whatever. Know what, at first I thought you were that kind of girl that has a shitty attitude and I'm glad you're not."

"Nice speech, Tomlinson." Zayn claps, waking Niall and Liam. He laughs. "Sorry."

"We're here." Paul announces.

I look outside the window and my heart begins to go wild. My stomach starts to turn. I don't know if it's because of the excitement or I'm just nervous. I swallow the lump in my throat.

"I just wish you have fun." I mumbles.

"We."

I look at Harry and he's smiling at me. " _We_.. will have fun."

Yeah.. wish me luck. I mean,  _us._


	13. Chapter 13

"Uh. I think I'll just wait for you here." I say as I sit down on a bench.

"I think someone's afraid." Liam teases. Niall laughs with him.

"If that's what you wanna think, then I am." I nod, swallowing the nervousness in my throat.

I shut my eyes and take deep breathes. I will never go inside that.. that horror house. Never.

"Are you afraid?" Harry asks with a soft voice.

I open my eyes and I see him sitting beside me. His eyes are staring at me with concern. I smile.

"Kinda." My voice shakes. "I mean, hell yeah."

He chuckles. "I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna hold your hand until we reach the exit. No need to be afraid."

I slightly turn my head to the side. "No. I'm fine here, really. I'll just wait for you."

"Harry, don't force her to go inside if she doesn't want to." Niall smiles at me. "Let's go. The queue is kinda long."

"You sure you don't wanna join us?" Harry asks one more time. He's slightly sad, I can tell. But as much as I want to join them, I just can't. I'm too afraid. I nod. He sighs then smiles. "Okay."

He stands up and walks beside Niall who's standing infront of me. "What about you Zayn?"

"Nah. I don't wanna go inside, Niall." He shrugs.

"Yeah. We're gonna join Nathalie here. You go inside, we'll wait here." Louis says, nudging Zayn. Zayn chuckles.

"Okay." Liam says, more like a question. "Come on, lads. Byeee!" He waves at us then runs into the line. I watch them walk and disappear to that door.

I'm still trying to calm myself. No one is talking between us. I'm pinching my thighs when suddenly Louis calls Zayn. I look at him and he's giving Zayn a signal.  _What?_

Louis grins and Zayn chuckles. They sit beside me then Louis starts to ask again. Of course.

"Why don't you wanna go inside?"

"I told you I'm afraid." I clear my throat and I realize it's dry. "I hate darks. I'm afraid of darks."

"You haven't been in horror house yet?" Zayn asks, surprised. I shake my head. No, I haven't. "You should try, It's fun."

"Yeah, it is." Louis agrees.

"No thanks, I don't wanna have a heart attack." I dryly laugh. "If you want, you can go inside. I'll wait for you here."

"You said that earlier." Louis rolls his eyes. "C'mon, Zayn."

Both of them holds my wrist and starts to pull me towards the entrance. My eyes widens. The line is now gone. My heart starts to beat so fast that I don't even know how many times it pumps for a second.

Partners in crime? You mean Zayn and Louis?  _Yeah._

"Louis, don't!" I yell. I pull myself back but I'm just only one compare to them. They're two and not to mention they're boys. "Please."

"Nope, you're going inside. With us." Louis announces. Zayn laughs and nods his head.

I pull myself hard, hurting my wrist. I try to sit down but they pull me up. I don't care if I'm acting like a child, I just don't wanna go inside! Somebody help me. Dammit.

"Zayn, Louis! Don't do this!" I stomp my feet.

It too late to run away because we're already inside. Fuck it. I quickly tug closer their arms and hook my arms to it. Cover me, cover me. I close my eyes. I'm not gonna see anything.

I hear screams. I screw my eyes shut. Sweat starts to form on my forehead. I can hear my own heart beat. I just wanna run. I wanna go out so fast!

"Nathalie, there's nothing to be afraid of. Look, open your eyes." Louis says while we're walking. I slowly open my eyes and I regret it.

I see it. Infront of me is a fucking white lady covered with a fucking blood and she is walking towards me. My heart stops and my eyes widens. I grip their arms. I wanna scream! Instead a faint cry escapes on my mouth.

"Oh my God." I cry, looking down. I wipe my tears but I can't feel my own hand. I'm starting to feel cold.

"Louis, she's shaking so bad. I told you we shouldn't have done this."

"I'm sorry." I sob. "I'm sorry."

I don't really like this kind of place. I always cry and get scared so easily. Chaos and Heave knows that that's why they don't let me watch horror movies. I cry a lot when I get scared. I'm back being child and I don't fucking like it.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I shout and cry harder when someone holds my feet. I run with Zayn and Louis. My arms is still clinging on theirs. I hear them laugh. I bite my lower lip as it trembles. I think I'm gonna faint.

"Motherfuckers!" I shout when someone suddenly show up on the cabinet. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Fuck you. I hate this place. I fucking hate this place. Fucking go to fucking hell. Bitches. Fuck it. Let's go out here. Like right fucking now." I whisper. My sobs getting louder.

"I shouldn't be laughing. I'm sorry." Zayn laughs. He touches my arm, calming me down. "We're almost there. Hush now."

I jump when I feel someone touches my shoulder. It's fucking cold!

"I'M FUCKING DONE. DON'T LET ME FUCKING FAINT. OH MY GOD. THIS IS BULLSHIT." I cry. I didn't notice that I'm already crumpling Louis shirt. He's laughing so hard while I'm crying.

I really can't see where we are heading because my eyes is full of tears and my glasses is already wet. I can't wipe it because I'm too afraid to let them go and what if they leave me alone here? I might die.

As soon as I see the light on the exit. I let out a deep sigh with a loud sob. I hate it. I look like a child. Act your age, Nathalie.  _Well, I fucking can't!_

I cover my face and let myself cry. I try to take deep breathes but it always end up being sobs. My knees are shaking as well as my hand. I wipe my tears and took my glasses off.

"Here, I'm sorry." I hear Louis says and I feel Louis' arms wraps around me. It somehow comforts me. I cry on his chest. "I didn't know you were really serious that you're afraid. I thought you just didn't want to because you don't wanna lose your poise."

I chuckle then sob. "I'm sorry too."

"Yeah, sorry, Nate. We shouldn't have forced you to go inside. You were so afraid." Zayn says, hugging me as well. Now I'm in between them and they're hugging me. "Stop crying now."

I calm myself. Breathing multiple times. I pull out from their hug and put my glasses back. I think my eyes are now swollen.

"Harry's definitely going to kill us." Louis mumbles while we're walking on that bench. I'm still trying to catch my breath. Louis is rubbing my back, still comforting me while Zayn, being cute, is leaning on my shoulder while his arms hooks on mine.

"That was your plan."

"You agreed, Zayn! Don't leave me alone." We all laugh.

We finally reach the bench and Niall narrows his eyes on me while Harry quickly stands up from his seat when he sees us. He rushes towards me with his brows furrowing.

"What happened? Where have you been? Did you cry?"

"Harry, one question at a time." Louis says. He shoots a glare to Louis. "Well, I'm gonna answer for her. We went inside and obviously she was afraid so she cried."

"I thought you didn't want to?" He raises a brow.

"Yeah, she didn't. We forced her." Zayn says.

"Why-"

"No, Harry. It's okay." I interrupt.

"No, it's not." Three of them say. I smile.

"No, really. It is. It's been a while since I cried that hard." I chuckle, freeing their holds on me then walking towards Niall. I sit beside him and he asks if I'm okay. I smile and say yes.

"Harry, I forgot to mention she raped me." Louis says, pointing at his shirt.

"What?" Harry exclaims.

My eyes widens and a laugh escape from my lips. "Oh my God, I'm sorry."

"And she swore so many times." Louis announces, laughing with Zayn. "It was cute though. And fun."

"I thought she was the type of girl who doesn't swear." Zayn says, smiling at me. "But you let it out. So you're not that type of girl."

Louis nudge Zayn. "Told you she's real."

Harry pokes my cheeks. I look at him and he's grinning at me. "Yeah, she is."

I laugh.

"I don't really get your jokes." Liam says, scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah. And his jokes aren't even funny." Niall rolls his eyes.

"But Nathalie finds it funny."

"Yes, Zayn. And I don't really know why." Louis smirks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Maybe because we're made for each other."Harry wiggles his brows at me, making me laugh.

The boys pretends to puke. Cute.

-

"How's this?" Liam mumbles. "I hope you're ready to ride that?"

I nod. "Yeah, I am. I love that ride."

Niall and Harry are infront of us, leading the line while Liam is beside me and Louis and Zayn behind us.

The crew opens the gate and let us in. Harry and Niall decides to sit at the end and we follow them.

"This is exciting." Liam exclaims, chuckling.

He's about to sit beside Harry but Harry pushes him. Harry shakes his head so Liam just sit next to Niall. I look at Harry and he smiles at me, tapping the space next to him.

I smile and sit beside him. "Finally, you're here next to me."

I chuckle. I look around and I see Zayn and Louis pushing one another whose gonna ride the ship first. Louis loses so he steps in, stamping his feet with a frown on his face and sitting next to me. Zayn sits next to him.

"You okay?" I ask Louis.

He doesn't answer. He's just looking straight at the front. Harry calls me and I turn my head at him.

"I'm kinda scared."

I chuckle. "It's fine, Harry."

There is no seat belt for this ride so you just have to hold on that railing if you don't wanna fall. It's safe even though it doesn't have any seat belt. The height will just kill you.

"I really shouldn't have went here." Louis mutters, gripping the railings.

Viking. That's what you call this ride. It is a big ship and it will swing higher and higher until you reach heaven.

It starts to swing. I laugh when I hear Harry and Louis' gasps. I see Louis tightens his grip on the railing. I can hear Zayn starting to say  _mum_.

The more it swings, the higher and faster it goes. And now it's on the highest point and the speed of the ship increases. Liam and Niall are laughing while faking their screams. Harry who's beside me is already screaming. I hook his arms on me. He looks at me then smile but when the ship goes down his eyes widens and screams again. I laugh.

I flinch when I hear Louis' squeal. Yeah, it's not a scream, it's a squeal. It's very high-pitched and loud. I can tell that he's scared.

"It's okay, Louis. You're not gonna die!" I say to him, almost shouting. I burst into laughter.

"MUM, I'M DEAD. I'M DEAD!" I hear Zayn shouts. "AAAAH! Hold on to your motherfucking seats!"

I laugh so hard watching them freak out. I already rode this kind of ride but smaller than this so I'm kinda used to it- kinda- because this ship is larger and higher than any kind of ships here. I'm nervous but not scared.

"Oh, thank God. It's getting lower and slower." Harry whispers.

Louis is still squeeling.

"You're cute." I comment.

"SHUT UP! I'M STILL PANICKING." He shouts, stiff on his seat.

The ride stops and Louis rushes to stand up and he runs towards the exit gate. Zayn follows him.

When we reach the exit, I see Zayn and Louis and I immediately laugh my ass off. I put my hand on my stomach and Liam, Niall and Harry joins me.

I walk towards them, still laughing and rub their back. They're throwing up.

"I'll never ride that ship again." Zayn mumbles.

"My body is still flying."Louis whispers and vomits again. "Fuck it."

Harry hands me two bottles of water and I hand it to them. I pull out my handkerchief and give it to them. They wipe their mouth and drink the water.

They look so tired. Zayn's quiff is now ruined and Louis hair spikes up, I think because of the wind up there.

They both sigh after drinking. They're so pale. I grin at them. They raise one brow at me.  _Why are they so beautiful?_

"What?" They ask at the same time.

"Karma's really a bitch." I laugh, turning my back on them walking towards Harry who has a huge grin on his face.

"That's my girl." I hear him whispers.

My cheeks flushes.  _My_  girl. How good does it sound?


	14. Chapter 14

We rode so many rides even those for the kids. Louis wanted to, so.. yeah. He's the king. We ate then rest for a few minutes before riding extreme rides.

We rode that  _Wi_ _ld River_. You're gonna sit on that little boat that is good for four person and then it will go upward over the bridge then it will slide then the water will splash on you because of the impact. We're all kinda wet because of it and we don't have extra shirt.

Next top was the _Frisbee_. I hate and love that ride. It has a big circle and the seats are there. It looks like a Viking because it's swinging but it's higher and while it's swinging the circle thing is also rotating. After that ride we all threw up and I felt so dizzy. We all felt so dizzy. My soul flew.

It's already dark. The sky is full of stars that makes the sky glow. Can I be a star too? So people can see me.. can see how beautiful I am- I glow.

And now we're all waiting in the line for the Ferriswheel. I'm glad Harry isn't being touchy today. Not that I don't want him to like.. hold my hand like we did when we  _hang out_. I just don't want people to see him with me. I don't want them to think that he's like..  _dating_  this type of girl. I know I don't meet his standards and that's why I always feel I'm not the right one for him. Right, there. I admit it. I'm  _dating_ him. How dare me to consider that?

I just hope he realize it sooner or later. And I hope we can still be friends. I'm okay being friends with him even though I have this weird feelings towards him that I don't know if it's good or bad thing.

The crew opens the gate and I step in. I'm leading the line so I wait for them. Harry is behind me, he gestures me the- I don't know what to call it.

"Ladies first." He smiles.

I smile back and nod before going in. I settled myself and look outside. Niall tries to step in but Louis pulls him back.

"Niall!"

"What? I wanna be with her!" Niall exclaims.

"Give them some time." Liam says, winking at me.

I chuckle and shake my head. I see Niall pouts. He's really a baby. Harry blocks my view when he goes in. He sits opposite to me and we're now facing each other. We start to go up.

My arms are crossed over my chest while I admire him. From his curls that looks perfectly to him, emphasizing his features, down to his green eyes that makes me forget my name, then to his pointed nose where I wanna trace with my fingers to and touch it and then to his kissable lips. I wonder how soft it is.

"You're beautiful." He says, making me blink. I move back my eyes to his. He's staring intently at me. His legs are forming number four and his arms on the seat.

I look at my back but all I can see is the city lights.  _He's talking to me._  Of course, Nathalie. Are you that stupid? Stupid.

"Harry, you already said that. No need to repeat." I say, looking down. "And you already know that I.. I'm not going to accept it."

"Why?"

I sigh. "Simply because I'm not."

"I told you, you are. Haven't you heard Zayn and Louis? The boys? They said you're beautiful." He heard it? Yeah, of course. We were in the same car and it's impossible that he didn't hear us earlier.

"They just said that to make me feel good." I frown. "Every person says that to make someone feel good. Well, I know what they're doing. I don't believe them."

"So you don't believe me?"

I look up at him and his voice sounds hurt. I bite my bottom lip. I don't know what to do!

"Why are you doing this?"

"What am I doing?"

"This."

Silence eats us. We're just staring at each other until he speaks that makes my heart stop from beating.

"I like you."

The words slips out off his mouth making me breathless. I blink with my eyes wide. I heard him wrong, didn't I?

"What?"

"I like you, Nathalie."

My heart begins to pound against my chest. I look away, blinking rapidly. I lick my lips and breathe.

"You can't like me that fast. It's impossible." I whisper.

"I did. So it's possible."

It couldn't sink in. I don't wanna admit it to myself. He likes me? How? I'm not even enough for him.

"How can you like me?" My voice becomes smaller than ever. Yes, yes. I'm fucking doubting myself.

"Because you're beautiful."

I take a sharp breath and sit up straight from my seat. "Look, Harry-"

"Listen, Nathalie." He leans towards me and holds my hand. His hands are so cold.  _Why?_ "You are beautiful, even if you say that you're not. I like you. I like your black eyes, your black long hair, I love your smile, I love your laugh, I love everything about you. I know it's too fast but I don't even know how it happened but I just found myself looking at you every minute. I just found myself admiring you. I just found myself smiling by just looking at you and you make me feel something that I haven't felt in my whole life. I like you, I really do. I know you won't accept it but I want you to know that you're beutiful but I'll let you win for this time. Let's just say I find you beautiful and you're beautiful to me. I haven't met someone like you. I have met thousand of girls around the world but you're really different from them. You make me feel nervous and excited at the same time. You make my stomach turns when I see you. And by just thinking about you smile grows on my face. You're the only one who can do that."

I'm just staring at his green eyes while he's talking. I can see the sincerity in it and I just wanna hug him. His words makes my heart melts. Somehow I feel so pretty. For the first time, because of his words. I raise my hand to touch his face but I stop mid-air.

I look at him. He sweetly smiles. "Go on, you can touch me, don't hesitate to touch me."

I smile and cup his face. I swallow the tears about to flow. His words are really making me feel so emotional. "Thank you, Harry."

"It's nothing." He squeezes my hand.

"You're beautiful as well."

"Like you do." He smiles. "You know what, I really wanna hug you right now."

I chuckle. "Go on, hug me, don't hesitate to hug me."

He laughs, scooting closer to me until I feel his arms around me. I hug him back and close my eyes. His hug gets tighter and tighter as the minute goes by. I put my head at the crook of his neck.

"I just wanna hold you tight." He whispers. "And never let you go."

I squeeze him. "Harry.. you're making me cry."

"I'm sorry." He chuckles. "But I really do I like you."

"You already said that."

"I just want you to know that I like you."

I laugh. "Your hands are so cold."

"I'm nervous."

I put my hands on his chest and I can feel his heart beating so fast. I grin. "Why? I won't eat you tho."

He doesn't say anything he just kisses the top of my head. "I like you."

I pull out and look down at his hand. It is really cold. I play with it and trace circles on his palm. I feel my cheeks burn and my heart begins to race. So this is how it feels like to tell someone what you feel, huh.

"Harry.."

"Yes?" His voice cracks. I smile.

I look up at him. He's waiting for me. My smile grows wider. I grip his one hand while my other hand still tracing circles in his palm.

"I like you."

He looks at me for a second before blinking and letting out a small laugh and taking a deep breath. "I thought you were going to dump me. I was about to cry."

"Oh no, don't fool me." I say, laughing and looking down at his hand. I play with it again. "I'm shaking."

"Yeah, I know how you feel." We laugh and then suddenly I feel his lips presses into my forehead. The warmth of his lips makes me close my eyes. It's comforting. He moves away. He puts his finger on my chin and lift my head up. I see a genuine smile plastered on his face. "Thank you for coming into my life."

I nod and smile back. I swallow when his eyes moves down to my lips.  _Is he going to kiss me?_

"C'mon, Styles! Just kiss her. Dammit!"

I laugh, putting my head down. After a while I hear him laugh. He moves back in his seat, putting his hands behind his head and crossing his legs forming a number four.

"Fuck Niall." He utters, smiling while looking at the city lights.

I look outside and search for them. They're in the next thing-  _I don't know what to call it_ \- Four of them are sitting while Louis and Liam is playfully hitting Niall. Niall spots me and he waves. I wave back.

"Did he kiss you?" He shouts.

I laugh harder. I shake my head and I see Zayn mouthing to him  _that was your fault_  while smirking. I look back at Harry and he's staring at me again.

"Do you have your phone with you?" He says, waving his phone at me.

"I do." I say, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

"Let's take a picture."

"Picture?" He nods. "Okay, only you."

He frowns. "Let's take a picture of us.  _Together._ "

"Together." I echo, whispering it to myself. "As in selfie?"

"Yes." He nods. "Let's start with your phone then mine."

"Why two?"

"I wanna have a copy. C'mon. The time for this ride is almost done." He stands up, making this thing swings then sits beside me.

"Okay." I press the button and a picture of me, Chaos and Heave appears as my lock screen wallpaper. Before I could unlock it, he snatches it from my hand.

"Is this them?" He asks, looking at my phone. We we're doing a silly pose in that picture. So basically I'm ugly af in it.

"Yap." He swipes my phone revealing his photo as my wallpaper.

"Oh, that's me." He teases, smiling wide.

I nod. "Yeah, saw it on twitter." He hands it back to me and I set the camera. "Didn't know you know how to take a selfie."

"Of course, I do. I just want my first selfie to be special." He smiles.

"So you consider this special?"

He sweetly smiles, revealing his deep dimples then nods. "Ready."

He scoots closer to me, putting his arms around my shoulder. I put my phone up, smiling at the camera then click it. I put it down but he nudges me.

"One more time."

I look at him and that's a wrong move. His nose touches my cheeks. I quickly turn my head back on my phone again. I bite my lower lip. "Okay."

I put my phone up again. Pulling up a peace sign and Harry does the same, putting his peace at the top of my head. I laugh and I accidentally click it.

"Aw. I love that shot!" He exclaims. His eyes are twinkling looking at the picture. "It is really nice seeing you laugh."

"So what's your wallpaper?" I ask him.

He presses the button and I see a picture of them, the boys, a selfie that I haven't seen before. They're also pulling out a funny faces which make them look so adorable. He unlocks it.

"I think you already know them."

I nod, feeling something pinches my heart. "Yes."

His wallpaper looks so beautiful. It's his picture with his mum and Gemma. It's two pictures in one photo. You get me? They're formally smiling at that one picture while the other is them hugging each other.

"It's beautiful." I whisper.

I wish I had a photo with my mom and dad, tho.

"Yes, it is. C'mon let's take a picture." He excitedly says, putting his phone up. "You can do anything you want to."

"Okay." I nod.

I hide behind him, revealing my eyes and other half of my face is hidden. He widens his eyes and opens his mouth then clicks it.

"Why did you hide?" He asks, looking at the shot. I shrug. I don't know. "Okay, one more time."

I put my chin on his shoulder.  _Should I hug him?_  Yeah, the camera won't see it. I hesitantly raise my hand but put my arms anyway around his waist, making him freeze and look down at my arms circling on his waist. I'm hugging him from his back while my chin is resting on his shoulder.

"Go, Harry. Take a selfie." I say with a small voice.

"Okay." He answers, almost breathless. "The hell are you doing to me, Nathalie." He chuckles, putting up his phone.

I crinkle my nose and he leans his face closer to me that make our cheeks touch. I hear the shutter sound.

"Last one, please."

I laugh. "You only said two."

He pouts. "This is the last. Please?"

"Okay, okay." I smile.

I hear him utters  _yes!_  He's really cute, isn't he?

"Can you kiss me on the cheek?" He requests.

"What?" I laugh. "Did the world turn? I should be the one who's saying that not you!" I laugh harder, still hugging him.

"I'm eager for your kiss, tho." He states, making me stop from laughing.

"Okay, on the cheek." I clear my throat but a chuckle slips out of my mouth. "Harry, you're making me crazy."

"Oh, really? Why don't you ask yourself what are you doing to me?" He smirks, laughing. "Ready."

He puts his phone up and I close my eyes leaning on his face and giving him a peck on the cheek.

-

"Let's sing for Nate." Liam suggests.

"Sure. What song do you want?" Zayn smiles.

"Uh." I scratch my cheeks. I look beside me and I see Harry's dimples while he's looking at me. "Back for you."

His smile slightly fades and his eyes softens. He reaches for my hand amd squeezes it. I give him a small smile.

We're now inside the car, heading home. I'm now seated between Harry and Niall and behind us are Louis, Zayn and Liam. They let me sit next to Harry because he was having a tantrums earlier. As soon as he saw Niall when we finished the ride he ran towards Niall and pinched his cheeks.

"Niall, you're so cute!" He said, pinching his cheeks. His lips and pressed together and his dimples are visible.

"Ouch, Harry! Harry, not my cheeks!" He slapped Harry's hands until Harry let go of him. He just rolled his eyes at Niall and crossed his arms over his chest. "Awww." Niall said, caressing his cheeks.

Louis came closer to Niall and tapped his back while laughing. "Seems like Harry didn't like what you did earlier."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Niall exclaimed, still touching his face.

"I'm sorry." I mutter, fighting the urge to laugh.

"It wasn't your fault though." Liam answers. I just smile at him. Suddenly, Harry held my wrist and walked away from them. They just followed us.

"We should eat now. I know you're hungry." He mumbles. He looked at me and gave me a smirk.

"Hey, lads. Let's now[ sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXpdct_RfvY)." I hear Louis says. "Go, Liam."

"Whenever I close my eyes I picture you there." Niall starts to tap the window with his head moving to the beat. I look at the back and I see Louis, Zayn and Liam dancing silly moves. "I'm looking out at the crowd you're everywhere. I'm watching you from the stage yeah your smile is on every face now. But everytime you wake up you're hearing me say.."

"Goodbye!" They all shout and I laugh. I just laugh but deep inside me I'm starting to feel sad.

"Sing it, Tommo!" Niall cheers.

"I've never been so into somebody before and everytime we both touch I only want more." Harry grips my hand that makes me look at him. He leans to me and whisper the lyrics while Louis is singing it but it feels like his whisper is louder that Louis. Is this good?

"So tell me nothing's gonna change and you won't ever walk away. Cause even though every night you'll know what I say.." He moves away and put his finger on my chin and smiles weakly. I close my eyes.  _Stop._

"Goodbye." He sings softly but loudly.

They continue to sing while my eyes are still closed. I'm concentrating not to cry infront of them. I don't wanna cry infront of them but thinking that this might be the last time that I'm gonna see them and be with them makes me feel so emotional.

They've been nice to me the whole day even though they put me inside that horror house. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed this day because of them and I don't want this to be the last.

"I'll be coming back for you, I promise." I hear him whispers and as soon as I feel something soft crashes on my forehead, the tears I'm holding flow on my cheeks.

I'll be waiting, Harry. I will.


	15. Chapter 15

I lean closer to his chest and secretly wipe my tears under my glasses. I hope he didn't see me crying. I move away and smile.

"Your voices are really amazing." I comment.

"Your voice is amazing as well." Zayn says.

I feel my cheeks heat. "Oh, um, thanks."

"Let's take a selfie." Niall states, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Okay, ready."

Big smile with a two thumbs-up, that's what I do. He calls Paul and asks him to take us a picture. Both Harry and Niall leans closer to me. I hold their chins and raise a brow.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm gonna post this on Insta." Niall asks while scrolling through his phone.

"You already posted our picture when we were at airport." I say. "They will see my face again with you. Hope they won't freak out."

"I'm quite sure they will freak out when they see you holding hands with Harry." I hear Louis chuckles..

I look at Harry who's playing with my hands again. "I don't mind, tho." I see the one side of his lips lifts.

"Anyway, thank you for today, Nate." Liam thanks. I smile and nod at him. "I had fun."

"Me too! I ate foods that I didn't even know that exist. I wish they sell that kind of foods in UK. They're really good."

"You all think about foods, Niall." I laugh.

"Right.." Zayn laughs. "But, yeah. Thanks for today. I hope we'll see you soon and we'll hang out again like this."

"And I'm sorry for what we did earlier, if we made you cry. Today was fun and really amazing. It surprised me how we didn't get mobbed. I'm gonna say this but thank you, I mean really. Because it's been a long time since we hang out together. You know, sometimes we hang out with other people. Sometimes, it's just Liam and Niall. Me and Zayn. Then Harry and his some other friends. But today we're complete again. So, thank you."

"My pleasure." I sweetly smile at him.

"Aww. Louis!" Zayn throw his arms around Louis then Liam joins. Niall laughs before joining the group hug at the back seat making Louis pinned on his seat.

"Hey, get off me! Fuck." Louis shouts but laugh afterwards.

We talked a lot when we were heading home until we all got sleepy so we took a nap. Harry put my head on his shoudler and said he didn't mind. Niall's head was on my lap until he fell asleep. He wanted me to play with his hair so I did. Harry didn't argue at that anymore.

The rest of the ride was silent. I heard someone was snoring which I think Louis. They all thought I was sleeping but the truth is I was just closing my eyes, still awake and treasuring all of this. Harry was holding my left hand while my other hand was on Niall's hair.

Suddenly I feel someone gentle taps my arm. I open my eyes and see Paul giving me an apologetic smile.

"We're here." He whispers.

"Okay."

I carefully move my head away from Harry's shoulder and raise my arm. I see his hands move but stop afterwards. I bite my lip when I see Niall sleeping on my lap like a baby.

How can I leave this car when he's like this? I look at the back and see Zayn's sleeping with his head on Liam's shoulder and Liam's is leaning on Zayn's head. Louis' arms are crossed over his chest while he's noisily snoring.

Bye, boys. I love you.

Paul is already outside. I think he's waiting for me. I look back down at Niall hold cup his head and lift it carefully before standing then place it back carefully at the seat. Phew! I didn't wake him up!

I reach for the door but when I was about to open it someone grabs my hand. I look back and I see Niall's holding it with one eye open.

"Where are you going?" He sleepily asks.

"Uhm. Going home?"

"What?!" He shouts, making the boys shifts from their positions.

"Shh." I put my index finger on my lips. "You'll wake them up." I open the door and step outside.

I see Paul smiling at me. I stretch my hands up. No one is in the house. They're not yet home. I walk towards Paul.

"Can I hug you?"

"Sure." He answers and I tiptoed to hug him. "Thank you, Nathalie."

"No, thank you, Paul."

I pull out and he taps my head. "You're such a lovely girl. Thank you for making them had fun today."

"It's nothing. I had fun too."

"Nathalie, wait!" I hear Niall shouts then closes the door with a loud bang. My eyes widens. He runs towards us and I playfully hit his arm.

"Niall, I said be quiet. You'll wake them up!"

"I don't care. You're leaving us without saying goodbye?" He says, a little bit hurt in his voice.

"Of course not." I rub my eyes under my glasses. "It's just that you guys are sleeping and I don't wanna disturb you."

"You little shit." He chuckles before pulling me into a hug. "I'm gonna miss ya."

"Me too." I hug him back. "Be good okay?"

I feel him nods. "Why can't you just be with us?"

"Because.. I live here and you don't?"

"We'll gonna see each other again, right?" He pulls out and holds my shoulder. "Right?"

I nod. "Yes."

He smiles and hugs me one more time. "I don't know how long it will be until I see you again but I want you to know that I'm gonna miss you and your hug."

"Aww. I'm gonna miss you too, Niall. Don't worry we're gonna see each other again." I chuckle. "Don't tell me you're crying."

"Of course not! I was about to." We laugh. He puts his arms on my shoulder and looks at Paul. "Hey, Paul. What do you think about my best friend?"

Paul chuckles. "She's beautiful."

I bite my lower lip, stopping myself to contract it.  _I'm not._

"I know right." He looks at me. "We're gonna eat more food when I see you again and I'm gonna treat you." He kisses my forehead. "Take care."

"Take care, Niall. Bye."

He smiles once again and walks towards the car. I wave at him and he hops in. I look at Paul and my eyes starts to water. His eyes softens.

"Paul.." my voice shakes, "say sorry for me to them especially Harry if I didn't say goodbye. I'm gonna miss them and you as well." My tears falls. I quickly wipe them and chuckle. "Oh my God, I shouldn't be crying." I wave at him. "Take care. Take care of the boys, okay?"

He smiles and salutes at me. I salute back. I see Niall hands waving as their cars starts to drive away. My tears falls as fast as it can be when I can't see them anymore.

I reach for the door and open it. I run up to my room and lock it before swimming on the bed and let the tears flow I was holding earlier. I know we're not gonna see each other anymore and it hurts to think about it. We'll never see each other again. I hug the teddy bear that Harry gave to me. This bear still don't have a name.

Suddenly the doorbell rings. I furrow my eyebrows and wipe my tears before walking down the stairs. If it's Chaos or Heave they doesn't have to ring the doorbell because they have a key. I stand up ang look myself at the mirror. Oh, look. Nothing's new. I look like a trash.

I shake my head and wipe my tears. As soon as I open the door someone jumps on me, throwing arms around my neck, making me step back few times.

"You fucker! Do you think we'll leave this country without saying goodbye to you?!" I cringe because his mouth is on my ear. He tightens his hug on me. "I'm gonna miss you."

I take a deep breath trying to stop myself from sobbing. Fuck my life. I clear my throat.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Louis." I hug him back. I see Liam and Zayn running towards me. Liam pulls Louis away and hugs me. I chuckle. Instead of pushing Liam, Zayn just joins us in a hug.

"Hey, lovely girl. Stay lovely." Liam comments.

"She will. You're gonna buy me more candies, okay? I'm hoping to see you again." Zayn says.

I nod. They pull away and I look at Louis. "You were sleeping, right?"

"Yes, we were and thanks to Niall because he woke us up." Louis rolls his eyes. "Do you really had a plan on not saying goodbye to us?"

"You were slepping and I don't wanna disturb you plus you were snoring. Seems like you're too tired."

"You're too nice."

"She is, Zayn." Liam agrees. "And beautiful."

I open my mouth to speak but Louis' hand covers my mouth. "Wap! Don't even talk." Louis intrudes. I roll my eyes at him and he just grins, moving his hands away. "You. Are. Beautiful. Always keep that in mind, okay?" I don't answer. "Okay?" I grin. "Hey, Nathalie. Okay?" He walks towards me and shakes my shoulders. I laugh. "Do you believe that you're beautiful, Nate? Say yes." I laugh harder and Liam laughs with me. "Say eeeet."

"Okay."

"I said say  _yes_  not  _okay_. But that's enough. Take care, okay? Thanks for today again." He smiles.

"Don't pull yourself down. Be confident and always smile." Liam says, putting one hand in my shoulder.

"So it's official, Louis?"

"Yes, Zayn." Louis smiles at me.

"What?" I ask, curiously.

"You're now our best friend! One Direction's best friend! Yeeeey!" Louis cheerfully announces before the three of them locks me in a group hug then they jump around. I laugh with them. They said their goodbyes before walking out of the house. I'm happy because they treat me as their best friend.

I'm worried and sad because I haven't talked to Harry. I'm gonna miss that curly boy.

"Oh, Nate." Louis calls.

"Yes?"

"I have something for you but be sure to give it back to us, okay?" He smiles.

"Uh. Okay?"

I jump when suddenly someone grabs my hand and drag me inside the house. As soon as the door closes with a loud bang he tugs my hand closer to him and pulls me into a hug. He buries his head to my neck that I can feel his warm breath.

"Harry.." I whisper.

"I don't wanna leave." He softly says. "I wanna spend more time with you." I swallow the lump beginning to form in my throat. Harry, stop this. I'm gonna cry. "I wanna know you more, I wanna be with you." I feel his hug is getting tighter and tighter. I slowly raise my hand and place it on his back.

"Everythings has it's end, Harry." My voice cracks and that's when my tears starts to fall.

"No. No." He shakes his head. "We don't have an ending. This isn't the end of our story, Nathalie. No." I bite my lower lip, closing my eyes. "I like you. I like you, Nathalie."

"Harry.. don't make this hard for me." I sob. "I like you and you know that. I'm gonna miss you but you know this isn't gonna work."

"We'll make it work!" He exclaims, hugging me tighter. I hear him sniff. Oh, God. Don't tell me he's crying? No. "I'm gonna make it work. You're the loveliest person I've ever met and I don't wanna let you go. I wanna make you mine.  _I_ will make you mine. Please, Nathalie. Let me do that. Please."

I feel that something drops on my neck and suddenly it becomes wet until I hear him sob. I hug him tighter. Well make this work. Am I ready for this? Do I know what I'm heading to? I don't know. I don't even know but I know it'll make me happy. I know..

"Harry, you don't have to say please. I'm willing to do that.. with you, for you." I gasp, trying to take in an air to breathe. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It's just that.. I didn't think you like me that much to continue what we have. But if you want this to work, I will try my best. For you, okay? Just for you."

"Thank you. Hold on. Never let go." I close my eyes once again when he kisses my temple. "Keep in touch."

I nod and he pulls out but his hand reaches for mine. His fingers fills the spaces between mine and I stare at our hands. I smile but the tears flows. You little shit, stop flowing!

He puts a finger in my chin and lifts my head up. He cups my face and wipes my tears using his thumb. His face is just inches away from mine. I stare back at those green eyes that's also piercing through mine.

"I'm still your Harry. I will always be." He says with a low voice. I raise my hand to wipe his tears as well and a smile grows on his face. "And you're always be my Nathalie. Nothing's gonna change, okay?"

"Nothing."

He hugs me one more time and he takes a deep sigh. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"Me too."

He kisses the top of my forehead and we walk towards the close door. "You know, I really wanna kiss you.." I quickly look at him and he's just looking away. I can see his cheeks burning. I smile. "But at the same time I don't want to. So.. I'm gonna leave now. " He faces me and smiles.

"Thank you for everything. You don't know how thankful I am because I met you. We're gonna see each other again, yeah? Stop crying now, baby."

I pout. "Stop calling me  _that._ "

"What  _that_ , baby?" He smirks. He knows what the hell he's doing. I roll my eyes.

"I don't like being called names. Sorry."

"Well, I'll make you get use to it." He laughs. "Good night now. I'm gonna call or text you tomorrow before we ride the plane."

I nod. "Take care. Good night."

I open the door and I see their car infront of our house.

"I'm glad Niall woke me up by slapping me because if he didn't do that I wasn't be able to say goodbye to you."

"This isn't a goodbye."

"Ah, yeah. This isn't." He nods. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna go now."

"Okay." I let go of his hand but he grips it. I look at him and he's grinning at me. "What?"

" _What?_  Let go of my hand. We're gonna go now."

I grin. " _You_  let go of my hand."

"I'm sorry, I can't."

His eyes softens and my smile fades. "Harry.."

"Hush." He kisses my hand and leans closer to my ear, sending shivers all over my body. "Reserve your first kiss to me."

"WE SHIP HALIE!"

That voices makes us move away from each other but Harry doesn't let go of my hand. I look at their car and they are all cheering, laughing and clapping. These boys. I look at Harry who's also staring at the boys with a big smile on his face. They really love each other and they're a family. Not just a band members but brothers. No one can break them. No one.

I tiptoed and kiss Harry on the cheek. I make that opportunity to let go of his hand. He looks at me with wide eyes while cupping his left cheek. I chuckle and wave at him.

"See you, Harry. Take care." I wave at the boys too and they wave back.

"See you, Nathalie." He whispers then looks at me straight in the eyes. "And we'll make this  _like_ be  _love._ "


	16. Chapter 16

Friday. Last day of school. Fuck school. I angrily get up from my bed and walk towards the bathroom with one eye open.

"Where did you guys go last night?" I ask them, eating my breakfast.

We're here in the kitchen, obviously, eating our breakfast. They're really quiet this morning and it's quite odd. Chaos is just looking at his plate while Heave looks constipated. Chaos used to be noisy and Heave used to be in a good mood everyday.

"Nothing. Just found out you ditched your school for three days." Chaos snaps.

How did they know? Well, they already know so no need to lie or hide anything.

"Four."

"And you're proud of it? Where did you go, by the way? Four days, Nathalie. Where did you waste that  _four_  days?"

"Heave, it's not your grade who's gonna fall. It's mine, okay? So all the responsibility is on me. You don't have to worry because it'll not affect your life. It will affect mine. And would you please stop acting like my-" I bite my lower lip. "my parents, as far as I know you're my best friend not my.." I roll my eyes.

"Are you on your period?" I glare at Chaos. "What? You're in the bad mood today."

"Shut up." I mumble. "I'm not the one who's in the bad mood today. Why don't you ask yourselves?"

I shake my head and stand up from my seat without saying anything. They arrived last night but told me they had to go somewhere for a while then they left again. I'm just curious that's why I'm asking. I waited for them until I fell asleep on the couch. I don't know who put me in my room.

So what if I ditched my class? It's not their fucking problem. I hate school. Shit.

Chaos was supposed to drive me to school but I left them so I rode a cab. As soon as I step inside the school I walk with my head down. I hate walking especially when there are teenagers around you. It's like they're judging you even though you're not doing anything or I'm just paranoid?

I open the door and find no one in my classroom. Well I'm thirty minutes early, that's why. I don't wanna waste my time in  _that_  house. The silence and awkwardness is killing me. I walk at the back of the room then sit on the last chair. Oh, how lonely I am.

Five minutes had passed and still, no one arrived. They're always late and I'm the only one who's early bird here. Early bird catches the worm. Last night, Harry texted me that I should take a rest and so he did. I haven't received any text from him since this morning but I greet him earlier.

Suddenly my phone rings while I'm sitting here in the classroom.

"What?"

"Oh, good morning."

"Morning." I answer back. What the fuck is wrong with me? Can you just please be nice, Nathalie? I'm not really in the mood. I don't know why. "You're on your way?"

"Yeah. You okay?"

"Yap. I just don't wanna go here.. in school."

"Why?"

"What  _why?_  School sucks, Harry." I roll my eyes. I hear him laugh on the other line.

"You're kinda scary today. You're not in the mood, are you?"

"Do I look like I'm in the mood? Well, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. You sound cute though." He chuckles. "By the way, good luck. Gonna call you when we landed."

"Sure. Take care, Harry."

"Okay, baby."

I hear him laugh before he ends the line. That cute little idiot. Suddenly,  _my_  classmate walks into the room and she looks at me. Of course I'm the only one who's in the room. Stupid me.

"Oh, hi. How's your  _early_ vacation?"

I screw my eyes shut. Inhale, exhale. Oh shit, why my blood is always boiling today!? I think I should've just locked myself in my room and let this motherfucking bad mood gone.

"Is that suppose to be sarcastic or what?"

"What do you think?" I don't answer and I just stare at her with blank expression. "We thought you were pregnant."

My brows furrows. "Pregnant? I don't even have a boyfriend."

 _Oh, really?_ But you're  _dating_  someone.

"Exactly. Ha! I think I already know why you don't have parents." She laughs.

"How come my- my parents got involved in this conversation?" My voice is now getting high like how my blood is getting on it's boiling point.

"Maybe they left you because you're nothing compared to us. You're ugly and such a nerd. You don't have the beauty to have the boyfriend or worse to get a husband. They don't want that kind of daughter that's why they left you. Poor Nathalie. They're not proud because they have a daughter like you that's why they won't show up here in school when parents needed because they're ashamed to be your parents."

"What the actual fuck. Are you for real?" I bite my tongue. This bitch have the guts to talk about my parents infront of me. I take a deep breath. Take it easy, Nathalie. My hands under my table are now balled into a fist. I'm gonna punch her in accident, I swear. "Well, are your parents proud because they have a daughter like you?"

I used to be quiet. I used not to talk back when they talk shit about me but since I'm pissed since I woke up and she talked shit about my parents well I lost my fucking chill.

"What do you mean?" She puts her hand on her waist. I look at her from head to toe. She's wearing this super short skirt that I can already see her pink panty over here and her boobs are about to explode in her blouse because it's too fitted. This is why I hate this school.

"You look like a prostitute." I snap. "Do you want me to buy you a pole and put it in here so you can dance infront of our classmates? I think you'll get so much money after that."

I don't care if that's too much but she just don't talk shit about my parents. My eyes are watering but I keep my straight face. I can't be weak infront of her.

"How dare you!" She raises her hand ready to slap me but I raise my brow.

"You really gonna slap me? Okay, I won't mind. But let me break your bones after that."

She bites her lower lip and put her hands down. "You- Ugh!" She runs towards the door and slams it.

I let out a deep breath when she goes out. Did she really think I can break her bones? Stupid. I wipe my tears and collect my things. I'm not feeling well. Maybe I should just get home. While walking at the hallway the speakers booms and I stop from my track.

_"Ms. Nathalie Ricafort, please proceed to Mr. Dwayne's office as soon as possible. I repeat.."_

What did I do now?

-

"Your grades are failing, Ms. Ricafort."

I look down at my fingers. I know, no need to tell me that. And can they just call me Nathalie? I hate my last name, for fuck's sake. I 'm here inside Mr. Dwayne's office and my professors are here too and they're giving me all a disappointing look while Mr. Dwane, our department head, is talking to me.

"You were absent for three days." My math professor says.  _Four._

I know. Who wants to learn about letters and number plus formulas who doesn't even have a purpose in your everyday life?  _Shut up, Nathalie._

"Do you have any problem?"

I shake my head. "No, I don't."

I tap my feet on the floor. I just want this to end so I can get home. This school makes me sick to be honest. I prefer locking myself in my room than to go here in where it's not about learning but passing. Do they know that they are the reason why many students are stressed? They think we're superman that can handle many subjects.

"Why were you absent for four days?"

"It's too personal." I rub my eyes under my glasses.

"Oh, is it about your family?"

"What do you think? When a person say  _it's personal_  would you think about animals? Of course not." I screw my eyes shut then bite my tongue. "I'm sorry. I'm a little bit stressed and you're not helping."

I look at them and they're just looking at me like I'm some kind of zombie. I did my best not to roll my eyes but I think my eyes has it's own brain. I look back at my principal. "Look, let's get this straight to the point. I missed a lot of tests, activities, projects and quizzes but you're all willing to give me a special treatment which I appreciate. And It's all on monday. This is all the notes." I point at the tons of papers on my lap. Fuck it, Nathalie. This is all your fault.

"So I'm gonna take all the test on monday. I can't fail it because I'm running for summa cum laude and you're all counting on me. I appreciate it and thank you because you're trusting me and I'm sorry also for acting weird earlier and these past few days." I breathe. Phew, that was fast. "So ma'am and sir, if you don't mind I'd love to go to start reading these things to pass the exams on monday. I appreciate all your concern but I'm in hurry." I look at Mr. Dwane. "Can I go now?"

"Uh." He blinks. I think he can't believe I said those words. I told you, they knew me as a quiet student but blame my mood today. "S-sure, you can. See you on monday."

I smile. "Thanks." I stand up from my seat and fix the papers on my arm. "See you on monday. Thank you!" I fake a laugh then go out from that hella office.

I need to pass all that exam. I didn't know that yesterday was our final exam and the last three days was the date for passing the project. If I don't pass the exam or do those project I'm not gonna be a summa cum laude which I  _kinda_  don't care if I don't get it but also I won't be able to graduate and that's why I have to pass.

They know me as a good student. I always listen to them while they discuss that's why my classmates calls me nerd, right? But not this day. I'm not really in the mood and I'm on my shitty attitude so everyone, stay away from me.

This is the plan for the next two days. Lock myself in my room then study for three days straight. Don't sleep. I think that'll help for me to pass the exam. Yeah, that's a good idea. Kill your fucking self, Nathalie.

I HATE MYSELF. Shit.


	17. Chapter 17

I open the door and I see Chaos and Heave sitting on a sofa while watching some action movie with a bowl of popcorn on the table. They didn't go to school? I ignore them and continue to walk upstairs until Heave calls me. What? I stop and look at him. I raise a brow.

"Why are you so early and what are those?" He points at the thick papers and books I'm holding.

Yeah, it's heavy and the sweats on my forehead are falling down my face and I can't wipe them off.

"I have to study so don't disturb me. Don't knock on my door, I'm not going out." I say with a straight face then turn my back on them.

I push the door open and place the papers on my table near my desktop. My eyes locked on it. Nope, nope. Don't go on twitter. Control yourself. I put my bag down on my chair and fish out the phone in my pocket.

_Harry, good luck on your last show tonight! I know you guys would do well :) And I'm kinda busy rn. So if I haven't answer your call later I'm doing something, okay? Gonna text (or call) you if I'm already done. Take care_ _!_

I send my message to him and put my phone inside my drawer with my iPad and laptop. No gadgets, no internet. Just pens, books and papers.

I. Have. To. Fucking. Study. My life really sucks. I look at the clock and it's 1:30pm. I have so many time until monday. I can do this if no one will disturb me and if I won't be lazy as fuck.

This is what I hate when I'm not in the mood. I always swear and I hate it. Well, sometimes. Because cussing can make you feel good at times.

I take a quick shower then slump on my chair. I have nine subjects so basically I have to pass all of them and one of them has a project. I'm thankful because I only have one project. Should I do the project first or should I review? I start reading the first five page but then I get bored.

I hate studying for fuck's sake. I slam my book close and start reading what the hell my project are. Oh great, I have to interview someone who's successful as fuck then make a ten pages with their picture on it and write about him or her life and how they became successful. Who am I gonna ask though?

I hear a knock on my door and I don't answer until I hear Heave's voice. "Have you eaten your lunch yet?"

"I told you, I'm busy." 

I haven't though. I only ate breakfast and I think I'm too busy to eat my lunch. Maybe I'll eat later.. for dinner. I'll do my project tomorrow. I have to study for now. I pick my books and walk towards my bed. I lay on my stomach then start to read.

After several hours my hair is a mess as well as my room especially my bed. The papers are all over my bed. Junk paper tossed were on the floor and I'm  _too_  busy to put it in a trash can. I'm already done with my three subjects and it's already 7:30pm. I ignore the growl of my stomach and continue to read.

I jump when a loud bang comes from my door. I roll my eyes and continue to read but the noise won't stop. I look around me and I see my brush. I grab it and throw it straight on my door and the knock stops.

"Nathalie!" He bangs my door again.

"WHAT?!" I tug my hair. "Can't you understand I'm busy?! For motherfucking sake."

"You should eat your dinner now."

"CHAOS, I'M BUSY, OKAY?! Do you know the word  _busy_? B-u-s-y. I-am-busy! Leave me alone!"

"Are you locking yourself because we're mad at you? Well, we're sorry, okay?"

I shake my head and click my tongue. Of course not! I'm locking myself because I don't wanna be disturb and I want to pass the exam. I just hug my pillow and start to read again.

"Nathalie!"

"CHAOS, STOP IT!"

"Get out and eat here."

"I'm gonna eat later, okay?!" I shout, almost ripping my sheets. "How many times do I have to say that I'm damn busy!"

"What the hell are you doing in there?"

"I'm studying, you freak." I whisper, looking back at the book. He bangs it once again and my blood is on it's boiling point now. I angrily get out from my bed and walk fast towards the door. I open it and quickly punch his face.

"Aw!" He whines, holding his face, stepping away from me.

"I told you I'm busy right?" I grit my teeth. "RIGHT, CHAOS?!"

"I thoug-"

"I'm not that close minded! I'm not locking myself inside my room because you guys  _are_ mad at me but because I'm trying to study! Told you I'm busy!" I stop, catching my breath. He's just looking at me but his eyes looks worried.

"Are you mad?"

"What the hell?" I whisper, narrowing my eyes. "What the fuck do you think?"

"Could you please calm down? Since this morning you're shouting and you're brows are always furrowing."

"Don't tell me to calm down." I spit. My eyes catches Heave who's standing in the middle of the staircase. I look back at Chaos. "I'm busy, can't you just understand that?"

"Are you that busy that you can't even spare a time to eat?" Heave asks.

"Yes. I'm  _that_  busy."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm studying!" I throw my hands in the air. "Stop asking me questions!" I walk inside the room but I feel Heave's hand grabs my arm.

"That's what you get fro-"

"OF COURSE!" I laugh. I jerk his hands away from me and I step back. "Of course. C'mon, blame me, Heave. I'm willing to listen to your lectures." I frown. "Now what, yes this is what I get from ditching my classes. This is my punishment and I deserve it. Okay, I get it. No need to slap it on my face okay?! I know this is all my fault but could you please stop pressuring me because I'm already pressured! You're not fucking helping me with what the hell you're doing and I don't care if you get mad at me because all I care about right now is my grades! I have to pass the exam and that's why I'm studying. I don't wanna be disturbed yet you're banging my door! I'm not locking myself because of you. I'm gonna tell you once again to leave me alone!"

I can feel my while body shaking and my heart feels like it's gonna burst. My chest rises up and down.

"You're over reacting." Chaos comments.

"Oh, hell yeah, I am. Because my future depends on this and I shouldn't be worried, right?" I sarcastically laugh at him. I look at them once more. Chaos looks worried yet annoyed while Heave looks mad yet worried. "Once again, leave me alone."

I slam the door and sit in my bed.  I can finish three more subjects. Maybe I'm not gonna sleep. Sleep is for the weak.

*

3:35am. I'm still alive and kicking. I ate two breads for the last few hours and that's enough. Seven out of nine. I just hope that I can still remember all of this on monday and I hope to pass the exam.

Maybe I should take a break- rest. I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. What would I do with my life after I graduate? Maybe I should find a good job with good pay then live happily. It's scary to think that when you finished studying, you don't know what to do anymore. Your daily routine will change. Your not going to school anymore and sit on the same chair everyday.

I sigh and sit up. Maybe I should sleep now. No. Maybe eat before I sleep. I collect the book and papers on my bed and place it on my table. I pick up the crumpled papers on the floor and put it in the trash bin. I push my hair back then open the door.

The lights are all close except at the kitchen. I walk towards it and I see two boys sitting on a high chair with a beer on each others hand. They're still awake?

I pretend they're not there and walk straight to the ref and search for food. I see a cake. This is fine. I pick it up then pour a milk in my glass.

I look at them. They don't look drunk but their eyes are on me. There's only three high chairs and the chair between them is the one for me. I quietly walk and sit on it before eating the cake.

Awkward. That's all I can say. It's awkward. I should've eaten in my room not here. Stupid.

"Know what, this is killing me." Chaos says. "Why are you still awake, by the way?" He nudges me. "Hey."

"Oh, I thought you weren't talking to me." I shrug. "I'm studying. How many times do I have to repeat it?"

"There's.. there's a rice and fried chicken there if you want to eat more. I prepared it incase you get hungry... in the midnight." Heave clears his throat and I nod. After that no one talks again until I hear him sighs. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry." I mumbles. "I know I over reacted but that's just because I'm stressed and pressured."

"We couldn't sleep thinking your mad at us." Chaos says, drinking his beer.

I shake my head. "I ain't mad. Who said I am?"

"We thought you were mad. You looked mad."

Chaos agrees. "We're not drunk. We decided to drink to fall asleep. You know we can't sleep when we don't kiss you."

"Yeah." I put the spoon in my mouth. I stand up from my seat, putting the dish on the sink. I look over the counter top and take off the cover. I cringe. "Yuck. I thought fried chicken? Why is this salad?"

"Why don't you check the other plate?" Chaos rolls his eyes. "That was our dinner but Heave knows better. He knows you won't eat salad so he cooked you fried chicken. I wanted to eat one but he didn't let me! Selfish bastard."

I chuckle, bitting the chicken. "Thanks tho. I'm really hungry."

"Of course you're hungry. You didn't eat lunch and dinner." Heave says. "You done with your works?"

"Not yet. I still have too many things to do."

"We can help you."

"Hey, Heave. If you wanna help her, help her. Don't put me in it. You know I'm not gonna help."

"As if I want you to help me?" I raise a brow at Chaos.

"Preeeach." Heave laughs.

"You sure you're not drunk?" I ask Heave. He laughs, shaking his head.

"Have you checked your phone yet?" Chaos asks out of the blue.

"No. Told you-"

"She's busy." Heave grins. I stick my tongue out.

"Harry tweeted."

"Seems like someone followed One Direction." I smirk, licking my fingers. "You did?"

" _We_  did." He frowns. "Blame Heave, okay? The fuck." He scrolls through his phone then read. "'Check your phone.' I think this is you. You should check your phone."

"Why out of the sudden you like him? I thought you don't like him?" I ask with my brows furrowing. I wash my hands and sit back on my chair.

They look at each other then they just shrug. "Well you like him and we can't do anything about it. All we can do is to support. So are you his girlfriend already?"

My eyes widens and I feel my cheeks heats. "What? No. No."

"Why?"

"What  _why_?"

"I think Harry wanna take it slow."Heave comments.

Chaos smirks. "As slow as he speaks." He bursts into a laughter with Heave and gives him a high five. Later on I'm already laughing with them.

"You should go to bed." Heave announces.

"Why do you have to act like our father everytime?" Chaos spits, rolling his eyes. He stands from his seat and hands his hands to me. "We should go to bed." He mimicks Heave's serious voice.

I laugh and put my hand on his then go down from my chair. When we reach my door Heave kisses me on my forehead.

"Good nigh- mornight. Sorry. Sleep well."

"Good night." I nod.

Chaos puts his arms around me then kisses my forehead. "Good night, Nathaugly. You should sleep early so you'll be pretty and not ugly anymore." I pinch his stomach and he just laughs. "I have abs."

"Abs your face. Let go of me." I say with a small smile on my face. "Night." They wave at me before I close the door.

"I can finally sleep." I hear Chaos says. "Damn, I love her."

"Yeah, I love her too but I don't love you."

"The feeling is mutual."

They laugh and a smile appears on my face. "I love you, freaks."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry if my updates are (and probably next updates will be) lame. I can't put Harry everytime in this because that's what indicated on my plot but I promise you that the time will come that it's all about their relationship, all about Harry. You like that? Hahaha. I just wanna tell you that she has an another life besides being connected to Harry. I wanna emphasize how friendship is really important.
> 
> So, apologies. Love you all xx

I wake up at eight o'clock in the morning. Heave makes sure that I eat my breakfast so I join them then I take a bath. I glance at the paper works on my table that I still need to read. I slump on my swivel chair and let myself spin while my eyes are close until I realize something and I jump then open my drawer to check my phone.

_Harry:_ _You still busy? We're already preparing for the last show. [02:56AM]_

_Text you later, okay? I'm going now :)_ _[3:13AM]_

_We're done!_ _Are you that busy that you haven't texted for a whole day? :( [6:28AM]_

_Well, I assume you're asleep right now. Maybe I can call you later? Sleep well and by the way, good morning :) [6:31AM]_

_It's 11:00 in the midnight and I should be sleeping but I can't sleep. [7:06AM]_

_I wanna hear your voice. I think I can sleep after that. [7:08AM]_

_I'm already missing you. This is crazy. Haha. :( [7:21AM]_

_It's already morning there, in Philippines. Why aren't you awake yet so I can talk to you so I can sleep? Are you that tired? Let me sleeeeep. Uh. [7:33AM]_

_Really, I can't sleep. Can you call me when you're already wake up? Please? [7:58AM]_

Harry loves to bomb my inbox. He's so cute, isn't he? I look at my clock and it's 8:06AM. Maybe he's sleeping already but I can check. I walk towards my swivel chair then sit on it then spin myself again. One ring and he already answers my call. I smile.

"Good morning." He says. I can see a smile in his voice even though he sounds so tired. "Hey.."

"Hmm?"

"Please, talk."

I laugh. "You're cute."

"You're cuter."

I bite my lower lip, preventing my self to smile more. "I'm sorry if I haven't texted or called yesterday. I was really busy and I'm still busy though. It's my exam on monday and I have to study. I hope you understand?"

"Oh. Yes, yes. Of course It's fine with me. I just.." He sighs. "I just miss you, I guess."

"I miss you." I admit, feeling myself blush. I look up at my clock. "How was it? The last show?"

"It was great. But I'll miss it, for sure."

"You should go to bed. You're tired."

"I'm already in my bed for the past two hours and I can't still sleep." He chuckles. "Thanks to you."

"But really. It's already twelve in the midnight in your place, Harry. Go and get some rest."

"How did you know that it's already midnight?"

"I have my dual clock and you said it, right?" Plus, I'm like a stalker. So..

"Well, okay. If you say so." He laughs. "I should sleep now."

"Yeah. Okay, goodnight." No one answers on the other line and I look at my phone but the call isn't ended yet. "Harry?"

"I don't wanna end this call." I take a deep breath. "Can you end it?"

"Um.."

"Please? Even though I don't want to." His voice sounds sad and it makes me feel sad too.

"Harry, can you stop speaking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like  _that_. We're gonna talk to each other again, okay? This isn't the last so you shouldn't be sad or anything."

"Okay. I'm gonna sleep now. Thank you. Later, okay?"

"Later." He ends it before I could.

Look, I'm not being an ass here but I don't want him to be like that. I don't want him to become so attach to me and me attach to him. Why? Because most of all, we don't even have a relationship. And what if this wouldn't work? One of us will be hurt. It's either me or him and I don't want that to happen. We just have to have control.

Suddenly, my phone vibrates on my hand.

_Harry:_ _Knock knock!_

I grin at my phone then start to type.

_Me:_ _Who's there?_

_Harry:_ _Turtle doves._

_Me:_ _Turtle doves who?_

_Harry:_ _Twinkle, twinkle, turtle doves how I wonder what you are. >:)_

I snort then bite my lower lip but a laugh escape from my lips when I see his reply. His jokes are sometimes funny but sometimes it's not. That's why it's funny, because it's bad.

_Me:_ _Seriously, go to sleep_ _._

_Harry:_ _You laughed tho. Haha!_

_Me:_ _No, I didn'_ _t. :3_

_Harry:_ _I know you did :P Don't text me! I'm sleeping._ _Zzzz._

_Me:_ _Okay. Sleep well. :) PS. I may be busy again so.. yeah. I'm just gonna text or call you when I'm done. (No promises.)_

After that I place it on my table and pick one book. I still have two subjects to review. I think I can finish it for three or four hours then I'm gonna do my project after that. Then tomorrow, I'm just gonna do a quick summary for each subject so I won't forget every single detail. Then on monday, I'm going to take that fucking exam.

Great, everything's planned. So I should start reading.

*

Soft knocks comes from my door. I massage my temples then put the book back on my desk.

"Yes?" I call.

"It's lunch already." I hear Heave says.

"Can I skip it?" I request, shutting my eyes. "The door is open, you can come in."

I see the knob twists then the door opens. Heave greets me with a smile. He's wearing a shorts over his knee plus a blue tee. He looks around my room which I know is totally mess. I don't have time to clean my room yet.

"Your room is.."

"Yeah, I know." I let out a deep sigh. "So can I skip it? The lunch. I'm gonna eat later, I promise."

He tilts his head to the right side while staring at me then he shakes it. I roll my eyes then point at the papers and book on my table.

"C'mon, Heave. I have a lot things to do and eating isn't one of those. I don't have much time. I still have to study one more subject then do one project. Fuck this." I say, hitting my forehead. "Please?"

"Nope. You're gonna eat lunch with us. If you're that busy I suggest Chaos to feed you." He raises a brow.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" My voice raises. "I'm not a fucking baby!"

"It's either you're gonna eat or.." He smirks at me, wiggling his brows.

"I hate you." I spit. He knows what he's doing and it's working. "I'm gonna eat here."

"We're gonna eat here also."

"Heave!"

"What? I know what you're gonna do. You'll just place your food in the corner, you won't eat it because you're too busy." He even quoted the word  _busy_  in air. "I know your techniques. So to prevent that, we're gonna eat with you." He laughs when he sees how pissed I am.

Well, duh. I'm busy and I don't wanna be disturb. I can just eat later like what I did yesterday. I'm not gonna die tho. And I'm not hungry yet. He walks out of my room, still laughing, then closes the door. I just continue to read the book. I'm about to finish this one subject then I'll do my project. After that, a quick summary of all the subjects tomorrow then done. 

Suddenly, my door flies open without a knock. I roll my eyes when I see Chaos's face. He goes straight to my bed and lays on it. Heave comes in with a tray in his hand with three plates and three glasses of water.

"You should eat on the floor." I say, kinda joking. "Not in my bed."

"Why do we have to eat here by the way?" Chaos says, reaching his plate then sits on my bed. He places the plate on his lap and pretends that he doesn't hear me.

"Just shut up and eat." Heave answers Chaos, placing my plate infront of me. I cringe when I see the food.

"Veggie? Don't we have meat? At least hotdog."

"That's why you're thin." Chaos says.

"She's not thin. She's sexy." Heave smiles at me and I playfully throw a crumpled paper at him. "What? You are tho." He laughs.

"Duh." I roll my eyes, pushing away the plate then holding the book.

"Nathalie, stop it. Eat first."

"Heave, you know I don't eat vegetables. Just by smelling them makes me wanna throw up. Ulk."

"I told you to cook hotdog." Chaos shrugs. "And don't force her to eat if she doesn't want to. After all, she will be the one to die."

"What the hell are you saying?"

"What?" Chaos looks at Heave. "I'm just stating the obvious."

"Know what, just eat then leave my room." I tell them. Reading the passages from the.book. "I'm gonna eat later." I'm glad I can understand every topic and that's why it looks so easy. I just hope that I won't forget these and it won't scrambles in my head.

"Eat now."

I sigh dramatically before turning to Heave. They're in my bed, eating of course. "Seriously? You're gonna make me eat these?" I cringe.

"Yes."

"Well, I don't wanna." I shrug. "I'll eat later."

"You're so hard-headed!" He sighs and I just laugh. "I'll cook later for you."

"Make sure that it is meat."

*

FINALLY. I'M DONE. FUCK. I just need to do the last project and I can do whatever I want. Ho! I read my project again.

"Interview someone who's popular." I read to myself. "Popular?" I ask myself.  _Popular?_

I walk towards my door and steps outside. I lean on the stairs, looking for Heave and Chaos. I see them seated on the sofa. Chaos is on his phone while Heave is eating. Why are they always watching, anyway?

"Heave! Chaos!" I call from here. They look at me and they both raises a brow. Heave mouths  _what._ "Do you have like, do you know someone who's popular? The one who I can interview? I need it for my project."

Heave seems thinking but Chaos just slaps his face then turns to me. "You have One Direction, why ask us?" Chaos rolls his eyes.

I freeze then slap my face too. "You're so stupid!" I say to myself. I laugh then look at them. "Well, thanks!" I run inside my room then close it. I sit on my chair and open my PC. I grab my phone and I see the time.

It's now 5PM so it means that it's already 8:00 in the morning in the UK. I type a message for Harry.

_Me:_ _I'm almost done. You awake? Good morning! :) Call me when you're awake. PS. Can I have a favor?_

I place it in my pocket then run down the stairs down to the kitchen. I sit on the high chair then grab a plate then eat the hotdog Heave prepared for me. I'm hungry. My stomach is growling and in any time the monster will come out in there.

"Woah. You're eating."

"No, actually I'm drinking." I sarcastically says.

"Ha-ha. You're funny."

"I'm not joking." I munch. "Go away, I'm eating, Chaos."

"Sungit." He laughs then walks back to the living area. I just roll my eyes. So what?

Suddenly, my phone vibrates. I have a text message. I open it. I thought it was Harry.

_Unknown number:_ _Good afternoon._

"Who the hell is this?" I shout at my phone. I bite my lip in frustration and construct a message.

_Me:_ _You've been pestering me for like days. Could you please stop? I told you to get lost, right? Why don't you just get lost? Stop texting me. I'm not being rude but you're annoying af._

I slam my phone then it vibrates again and there's a message..

"Whaaaat?!" I shout, pinching my cheeks. I look at it then it's from Harry. Oh, God.

_Harry:_ _I'm awake! :) Sure, anything. What is it?_

I start to become nervous. What if he's busy and he rejects my request? Uh, this is awkward. I bite my lower lip then decide to send the message.

 _Me_ : _Can I interview you?_

I wipe the sweats on my forehead. What the heck, Nathalie? Why are you so nervous out of the sudden? I tug my hair and jump when my phone lights up.

_Harry:_ _Hm. Why?_

_Me:_ _Erm_ _._ _For my project. If you don't want to, I understand tho._

_Harry:_ _No, no. It's fine with me. Over the phone?_

_Me:_ _Uh. Yeah?_

_Harry:_ _Is it better if we do it on Skype or Facetime? I want to see you also._

_Me:_ _I'm not taking a bath yet. Haha! Ew._

_Harry:_ _Haha. Don't worry, me too. I haven't brushed my teeth yet and I just woke up. So hello, morning Harry. ;)_

I smile at the thought. Harry being sleepy may look so cute. I think even if they don't take a bath for like one week they will still look like a princes. Am I right, or am I right? A voice at the back of my head echoes.  _You're left._ I giggle. I'm crazy af. 

_Me:_ _I look like a trash._

_Harry:_ _Of course not! C'mon. It's fine. We're not able to smell each other tho. :D_

It takes me minutes to reply.

_Me:_ _Well, okay. Thank you. I really have to finish this today._

*

"You don't look like you haven't taken a bath yet." He chuckles.

I feel myself blush. "Shut up."

"So what are your questions?" He asks, smirking at the camera. His hair is in a messy state but still looks beautiful. His eyes are kinda puffy because he just woke up and his voice is kinda raspy which I find hot and that's why I'm feeling uncomforatable.

I pick up the sheet of paper where the questions are indicated. These questions were given by my professor so.. yeah. These aren't mine.

"Don't cover your face."

"Oh, sorry." I put down the paper then read it. "What's your name?" I look at him then roll my eyes. "Actually I can answer all of this."

He laughs. "You know what, it's amazing how fans knows all about us."

"Yeah, it's amazing." I agree. "Well, the questions are simple and I can answer this. There's nothing personal questions that you have to answer."

"Are you telling me that you don't need my help?" He raises a brow.

I shake my head. "I didn't say that."

"So, what are we gonna do?" He grins.

"What? Well, I have to do this project-"

"Don't end the video call." He cuts. "Do your project while I'm watching you." He smiles and wiggles his brows. 

"What?"

This isn't a twitcam, Harry.

" _What?_  I love to watch you." I continue to stare at him until he puts his hands together and flutter his eyes. Oh God. "Pleeease?"

I let out a deep sigh. Don't use my weakness. Ugh. "Okay, okay." I scratch my cheeks. "Just stop doing that."

"What  _that?_ "

"That!" I point at the screen then look down at the paper in my hand. "Stop being so adorable."

He doesn't answer and becomes quiet. I slowly look back at the screen and he's just smiling, flashing his dimples that looks so deeper than usual. "Then stop being beautiful." I swallow.  _He's staring at me._ I blink and search for the mouse.

I'm shaking and I don't know why. "Uh. I'm gonna minimize this. Your face is distracting me." I laugh silently, calming myself and I hear him chuckles. I click the minimize button then start to type.

"You're distracted because I'm adorable." I hear him say. I smile and roll my eyes. "And I'm always distracted because I see your smiling face in my mind everytime."

I feel my heart starts to beat faster than it is. I freeze from my seat and I feel my cheeks heat. I bite my lower lip. I'm glad I don't see his face and mine because I know I'm red as an apple.

His giggle fills my ears. "You're adorable tho." 


	19. Chapter 19

I'm almost done. He eats his breakfast then goes back infront of the monitor to  _observe_ me. Until this question makes me  _really_  uncomfortable. I maximize the tab then I see him writing something on his notebook.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" He raises his brows then finishes his writing before looking at me. He smiles. "Why?"

"Uhm." I look back at the paper then back to him. "This is awkward."

He laughs. "You're making it awkward."

"Yes, because I'm awkward." A small smile grows on my face. "By the way," I cut him from saying anything, "there's a question that I don't really know the answer."

"What is it?"

"Uh.. the question says-"

"Wait, those questions weren't from you?" He interrupts.

I shake my head. "No. My professor gave this to me. So, yeah." I nod and he does too. I swallow hard. "How many girls you've dated and which of them you really love or  _loved_ the most plus what's your longest relationship above them all?" I fan myself and catch my breath. I say it too fast and I don't even know why I'm nervous.

"I can say that you're nervous."

I put the paper over my eyes and look at him. He's grinning from ear to ear and I hate myself because instead of being annoyed I find it cute. My mouth twitches. "Stop embarassing me."

"Well, I had three  _serious_  relationship. Uhm, the longest was four months. Yeah." He nods then flashes his smile.

"Noted." I say, writing his answer on the scratch. Gonna type that later. "I'm not gonna ask who were they." I grin.

"Why?"

"I just don't wanna." I laugh.

"You're weird."

I wiggle my eyebrows, writing down on the paper. "I know right." I hear him laughs that makes me smile. I read the next question. "Status?"

He doesn't answer and I look at him and his chin is resting on his palm and that little smirk plays on his lips. "What should I answer, Nathalie?" He raises a brow and leans back on his chair, still have that little smirk. He keeps his stare locks on mine. "What if other interviewer asks if I'm single or in a relationship? What am I gonna say?"

My mouth goes dry and it's hard to swallow. "Why are you asking me?"

"You're really oblivious, Nathalie." He smiles. "I know the answer, would you wanna write it down?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." I position the paper on the table and point the pen on it. "What?"

"I'm dating someone but we're not official yet." I freeze and takes me a second to move my eyes  _only_  to him. He winks at me and he chuckles. "If you wanna write your name, write it. After all you're the one I'm dating."

I press my lips together and look back at the paper. What should I write? Can I just write that he's single?

Look, it's not that I don't like the  _fact_  that I'm dating him. It's just that I'm worrying about him. What if media knew about me, dating him? I'm not pretty nor sexy and that's why I'm ashamed of myself. Yeah, you read it right. I'm ashamed. Other people say you should love yourself but I just can't because I just can't. That's the main reason why I wanna be his secret. Because people will judge him because of me.

"You okay?"

I blink and slowly nods. I decided to write his answer  _without_ my name on it.

*

"I'M FREAKING DONE!" I squeal and jump on my bed couple of times with a smile plastered on my face. The door flies open and I see Chaos watching me jumping like a kid on my bed. I run to him and jump for a hug. "I'm done!"

He has a muscular body that's why he doesn't fall. He laughs and wraps his arms around me then spins me around. I hit his arm.

"Stop it! I feel dizzy!" He laughs harder and spins me faster. I close my eyes and bite his left ear. He stops then lets go of me.

"Yuck." He says, touching his ear. I stick my tongue out to him and then laughs. I keep on chanting  _I'm done_  while fixing the books and papers on my desk.

Suddenly arms wraps around my waist and hugs me from behind. I try to look at him but he already puts his chin on my shoulder and hugs me tighter.

"I missed you, ugly." He whispers.

"Chaos, I have to fix this. Let go of me." I say, wiggling from his hug.

"Just say you missed me too, freak." He spits.

"I missed you too." I make faces then I hear him chuckles.

"I know you're making faces."

"How can I make faces if I only have one? Duh." My frown turns into a grin. "Chaos!"

"Should I laugh?" He answers.

"Fuck you." I spit. He laughs then unlocks his arms on me. He walks towards my bed and lays on it. I continue to arrange my things.

"Later."

I quickly turn to him and his grinning while his eyes are closed.  _What_   _the heck?_  I find my thick notebook on my table then throw it to him. He screams then quickly sit up from my bed, caressing his head. I laugh while he glares at me.

"I'm a battered best friend." He states, frowning. "You love to hurt me, don't you?" He pouts.

"Ew, stop pouting."

"Can you just have sweet bones?!" He tugs his hair. I let out a laugh.

"Where can I find my sweet bones? Here?" I point at my cheeks. I see him presses his lips together but the smile on his face escapes.

"It's cheekbones not sweet bones, idiot." He rolls his eyes but still has the smile on his face. "You're so corny."

"At least I'm cute." I joke.

"Who told you you are? You know you're not."

"I was just joking though." I shrug, turning back on my things.

"Listen, Nathalie." He starts but I ignore him. "I said listen!"

"I'm listening! You didn't tell me to look at you, you said listen. Duh." I flick my wrist then smirks.

"You sassy little shit." He spits. "By the way, what I was saying that even though I'm calling you  _ugly_  doesn't mean that you are. That even though I'm not calling you cute neither pretty doesn't mean that you aren't. Every girls are beautiful in their own ways so you are. Okay? You're beautiful."

"Aww. I'm so touched."

"Ugh. Fuck you."

"Later." I burst into a laughter and he grunts then stands up from my bed.

"Learn to appreciate." He seriously says.

"You know I don't believe that I'm beautiful, right? So don't push it, Chaos."

"You're blind."

"I think you are the one who's blind. You think I'm pretty?" I chuckle. "You might wanna borrow my glasses."

"Really?" I look at him when he says that. He looks so worried. Why? What did I do? "That's how low you think about yourself?"  _Low.._ I bite my lower lip then look away. "Your pulling down yourself deeper that's why you can't even take compliments."

"Because I know it's not tru-"

"You're beautiful, end of discussion!" He throws his hand on air. "Don't forget that even though I call you ugly, stupid freak."

"Whatever." I mumble, rolling my eyes.

"Whatever." He mimicks and then laughs. "So gay."

"Lol."

"You do know that the word  _lol_  isn't applicable to say, right? It should be just on text or chat."

"Who said that? Well, I'm unique. You can't blame me." I flip my hair and he claps his hands.

"Wow. I'm surprised you still have confidence in your body." He smirks. "By the way, dinner is ready that's why I came here."

"You're here for like thirty minutes then you said it just right now? Are you fucking kidding me?" I exclaim, eyes wide.

"Just eat, let's go." He tugs my hand and drags me out of my room, laughing.

I  _hate_  my best friend.

*

_Buzz. Buzz._

I shift on my bed and hug the teddy bear tighter.

_Buzz. Buzz._

I slowly open my eyes and look at the ceiling. I rub my eyes and once again, my phone vibrates. What time is it? I look at the clock and it's 3:04am. I find my phone under my pillow and answer it with my eyes close.

"Did I wake you up?"

Too tired to open my eyes but as soon as I hear his voice a smile grows on my face.

"I'm still half asleep though." I say, voice a little bit hoarse. "Why?"

"Nothing. Just wanna hear your voice."

I chuckle. "Mhm."

 _"_ _Niall!"_ I hear him calls. "Don't end the call okay?"

"Okay." I whisper.

After that I hear a [strum of the guitar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPeNN9S0Fg). My eyes flies open when I realize the familiar song. Harry clears his throat.

" _You're hand fits in mine like it's made just for me_

_But bear this in mind it was meant to be_

_And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks_

_And it all makes sense to me.._ "

I sit up on my bed, putting my hand on my open mouth.  _Don't scream_ _._

" _I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes_

_When you smile you've never loved your stomach or your thighs_

_The dimples in your back at the bottom of spine_

_But I love them endlessly.._ "

I bit my lower lip and listen to his wonderful voice. It's very calming and soothing that I become speechless and can't even breathe normally. How he can be real?

" _I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth_

_But if I do it's you_

_Oh, it's you they I'd up to_

_I'm inlove with you_

_And all these little things._ "

He continue to sing while I remain silent, listening to his deep but beautiful voice. I'm about to tear up because the song plus his voice are touching my heart. I gasp when I hear Niall's voice.

" _You never love yourself half as much as I love you_

_And you never treat yourself right darling but I want you to_

_If I let you know I'm here for you_

_Maybe you love yourself like I love you, oh._ "

"Oh my God." I whisper and I wipe the tear that escape from my eyes.

There's a love and hate relationship between me and Little Things. I love it because it's so beautiful and meaningful but I hate it because the lyrics hits me like a thunder and everytime I hear it, it feels like my heart has many needles especially with Niall's solo.

I don't love myself and I hate it that I can't love myself. And even though I try, I still can't. It sucks.

" _And I've just let these little things slip out my mouth_

_Cause it's you, oh it's you_

_It's you they I'd up to_

_And I'm inlove with you_

_And all these little things.._ "

Harry's and Niall's voice joins and I can't take it anymore. I feel my heart just freaking explode.

" _I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth_

_But if it's true it's you_

_It's you they I'd up to_

_I'm inlove with you_ " the guitar strum and I hear Harry's voice " _and all your little things._ "

The line remain silent and I'm trying to catch my breath. Harry, why are you doing this to me?

"Sorry for waking you up." He says. "Good night, Nathalie." I hear a smile on his voice and I can't help but to smile. "Good night."

Before I can say anything the line goes dead. I slowly look at my phone while my hand still covering my mouth and tears still flowing on my cheeks.

I just find myself throwing my phone and it hits the wall that makes a loud noise. I grab my pillow and bury my head on it then scream and scream and scream until I end up crying. I roll on my bed and I fall out of the bed.

I just lay there, staring at the ceiling while my back hurts. It's weird. I'm crying but I'm smiling. It's odd because they were directly singing at me.. only me.. no one else but me.

"It feels so good.." I whisper and a tear falls again as I close my eyes.

"And I feel so special."


	20. Chapter 20

Frowning, I pick up the papers and books that falls on the floor. Didn't he see me? I'm running late and this happened. What the hell.

"Here." I hear him say. I angrily grab the papers on his hand and I hear him chuckle. "Wow. Good way to say thank you, huh?"

I stand up and look up at him with a brow raising. "Well, thank you because of you there's a possibility that I can't take my exams. Thank you, mister." I sarcastically laugh and walk past by him, rolling my eyes. "What a fucking arrogant."

"I heard you." I turn my head to him and he's walking with me. He smiles at me. His quite look good. His brown eyes plus the quiff of his hair suits in him and he also has  dimple in his right cheek. Well, no one could beat Harry's dimples' cuteness. "I'm Brix, by the way."

"No one's aking and I'm not interested."

"So you're Nathalie." 

"How the fuck did you know?" I almost shout. He smirks and raises up my ID. I groan when I realize I can't snatch it from him because of the papers I'm carrying. "Thief."

"Woah there, Ricafort. You bumped-"

"Excuse me? You were the one who bumped in me that's why this shit happened. And look, will you please stop pestering me because you're ruining my day and I still have like nine subjects to attend today to take a fucking exams."

"I just wanted to be friends with you tho." He pouts. I put an  _ew_  face. Why is he pouting?

"I don't do friends." 

"Best friends then." He grins. "Yeah?"

"Neither best friends." I walk faster. "Bring my ID back when I see you again, which I wish I don't." I almost run towards my classroom and I look at the glass window on the door and our professor is already talking infront. 

I swallow and try to knock with heavy papers on my arm then open the door. I look around and I see them looking at me while the others are still busy talking with each other. 

"You're late." My professor says, turning my attention to him.

"I'm sorry, sir. Uhm. Can I take the-"

"Yes, you can. But you're gonna take your exams in the library. The librarian will watch you for us. Yes, us. Your professors and I talked about it and we decided for you to take your exams in the library. Give me that." He says, pointing at the papers. 

"Uh. It's kinda heavy, sir." I worriedly say.

"No, it's fine. I can handle." 

He smiles and I pass the papers to him and his eyes widens when he almost trips. I bit my lower lip to stop my self from laughing. My bad. 

"I told you." I smile.

"I wonder how could you carry these." He says putting it on his desk. "Maybe the reason why you're late, huh?" I nod. He smiles then hands me the test papers which lighter than the papers I have carried. "That's your test papers. You're excuse for today, you have to finish that on time but don't rush everything. Read it carefully and answer it correctly. Good luck." He taps my shoulders and I walk out of the room, inhaling a deep breath.

You can do this, Nathalie.

-

"That's your seat. Don't even dare to cheat." Librarian tells me, pointing at the chair four feet away from her. 

"Thanks." 

As soon as I turn my back on her I roll my eyes and make faces. As if I'm gonna cheat? I don't have the guts. I'm too scared. I sit at the chair she points and put the paper on the desk and settle.

In the middle of answering the test, I feel someone sits next to me. I don't bother to look because I'm busy answering this shit.

"Oh, look we meet again."

As soon as I hear his voice I feel my blood boils. I pretend that I don't hear him and continue to read. Leave me alone!

"Should I give your ID back then?"

I angrily put the paper on my desk and raise my hand. The librarian sees me. She stands up from her chair then walks towards me with brow raising.

"Is there any problem?"

"He's distracting me. Could you send him out?" I annoyingly say..

She clears her throat. "Mr. Dark, aren't you supposed to be answering your exams too?"

"What?" I exclaim. "What? Wait, what. I don't get it."

"Well, I'm running for magna cum laude." I hear him says. I already can see his smirk even though I'm not looking at him. "So you're Nathalie, running for summa cum laude? What a coincidence. You didn't take your exams too?"

"No talking." The librarian warns, walking away.

So this is the  _arrogant_  magna cum laude of our school. He was also absent when the exams were given that's why he's here, taking the exams. It means we're taking the same course.

"You-"

"Shut up." I cut him. "I don't like talking to you."

He chuckles. "Why gotta be so rude, don't you know I'm human too~"

He laughs at his own voice. What a great joke.

"You know I could just distract you until you couldn't concentrate so you won't pass the exam and I'm gonna be the summa cum laude but I won't do it because I'm nice.. and handsome."

I roll my eyes and shake my head before going back to my test. I have to focus and answer this correctly.

Four hours have passed and I have three more exams to answer. My stomach is growling but I wanna finished this first. The guy beside me already took his break and he just cam back a few minutes ago.

Suddenly, someone put juice and a sandwhich on my desk. I lift my head up and I see Chaos looking down at me. He pushes the food closer to me once again.

"Eat first, take a break."

"Thanks, but later." I answer.

"Natha-"

"You know we aren't allowed to talk." Brix butts in.

"Then why the hell are you talking to me?" Chaos answers back. "I'm not talking to you so shut the fuck up."

"Hey, stop it."

Chaos just rolls his eyes and sits on the chair on my right side. Brix is on my left, okay? He puts his hands behind his head and looks at me. I glare at him.

"What? I'm not gonna leave if you're not gonna eat your food." He shrugs, still eyeing me.

"Why are you so stubborn?" I whisper to myself but he hears it tho.

"Why are  _you_ so stubborn, Nathalie? Just eat that goddamn food, yeah?" He rolls his eyes.

I grab the sandwhich and eat it while answering the test. Chaos puts his head on the table and I think he's gonna sleep.

"He's caring though." Brix comments. I just nod. "How long are you together?"

"What? He's not my boyfriend." I almost laugh. "Duh."

"Oh, really? Suitor then."

"No." I shake my head, biting my tounge. "He's my best friend, okay?"

"Oh." He laughs. I see him scratches his head. "Sorry. So do you have a boyfriend?"

I simply shake my head. He nods and we go back to answering the questions while Chaos is slepping beside me.

*

"Yes!" I silently say when I finish answering the last question. I smile and nudge Brix. "Hey, I'm done."

"Woah. You're fast, huh. Good for you." He smiles.

We'll my annoyance for him has vanished. He's talkative but because he knows I  _don't_ like him, he's controling it. He asked me random questions earlier that I answered. That was our  _little_  bonding.

"Are you almost done?"

"I still have one."

"Good luck." I say.

"Thanks. Good luck too." He looks at me and flashes his big grin. He stretches his arms to me. "So friends then?"

I look back at his hand and think about it. I look back at him and he's still smiling. He looks so kind and can't do anything harm. Should I give it a try?

"C'mon." He says, pouting.

I furrow my brows. "Don't pout. It makes me wanna vomit."

"Ouch." He laughs. His laugh stops when I grab his hand and shake it.

"Yeah, friends." I smile at him. I don't know if I should laugh or what because his mouth literally opens and his eyes widens. "See you."

I stand from my seat and walk towards the librarian then pass her my papers. She smiles at me then wishes me good luck. I walk back to Chaos who's still sleeping. I tap his shoulder.

"Chaos, wake up." He remains still. I roll my eyes and grab his ears. He's about to scream when he realizes he's in the library so he covers his mouth. I laugh. "C'mon, I'm done. Let's go home."

He just glares at me while caressing his ears. I look back once more at Brix and he looks like he's not in his usual self. He's just staring at me and when he realize that I'm staring at him he blinks and I see his face turns red. I wave at him and he slowly waves back.

He's weird.

-

"I'M SO HAPPY!"

He laughs with me as I spin myself sitting on my swivel chair. The smile on my face hasn't go away since I go home. Well I just finished my exam, what would you expect?

"Really? It's not obvious."

"Duh." I playfully roll my eyes while smiling from ear to ear. "I swear my face hurts from smiling since this afternoon. Like, lips, can you stop from smiling?"

I tell how boring yet hard the test was and how I managed to finish it while he tells me too what happened to their meeting. They say they are on the process of writing songs for their new album this year. I can't help but to be excited though I hide it inside me.

"This is weird."

"What?"

"This." He gestures his hands on me. "Weird because seeing you happy makes me happy too. Your smile is contagious just like your laugh and yeah, it hurts to smile but it feels good tho."

"I think smiling is the best medicine now." I joke and he laughs. "By the way, have you eaten your breakfast?"

"Uhm. Not yet." He smiles sheepishly.

"Oh, sorry. You should've told me." I smile.

"Well I love talking to you. Besides I'm not hungry yet."

"It's not good to pass your meal." I bite my lower lip.  _Look who's talking_. Well, I was busy that's why I didn't eat it but Harry's not busy. He's just talking to me so he can eat. "Go and eat first. I promise to call you later."

"What if-"

"Nope." I cut him, smirking. "This video call will end. It's creepy when someone is like, observing you." 

"But I'm not creepy." He raises a brow. I just laugh.

"I didn't say  _you're_ creepy. I said  _it's_ creepy, cutie." Suddenly a grin forms on his face. "What?"

"You called me cutie. So that's my name for you?"

"What the ef." I laugh. "Harry, yeah you're cute but  _cutie_  isn't your thing." I shake my head looking at him. I almost see a light bulb shows above my head. "Wait." I say, standing up from my chair then running towards my bed to get my teddy bear. I sit back and smile at the camera while showing it to Harry. I wave the bear's hand. "Hi."

"You're so childish." He teases.

"You can't blame me." I grin. "Well I just thought that we could name her-"

"Who told you it's a girl?"

"What, yes it is a girl."

"No. Boy."

"Girl."

"Boy, Nathie."

"Well girl, Harry."

"Boy."

"Well, whatever!" He bursts into a laughter while I just admire him. The crinkles by his eyes when he laughs and the way his nose scrunches up makes my heart beats faster. "I thought we could name it  _C_ _utie_ since I've mentioned it. What do you think? I've been thinking about it's name for like days."

"You did?"

"Yeah? Something wrong with that?" I look at him curiously while his eyes are wide.

"Well.. I thought you would just put it in the corner and leave it alone." He shrugs.

"I always sleep with  _C_ _utie_." I hug it then look back at the camera. "You gave this to me so I should take care of it."

"What a lucky bear." He smirks. "So you're not busy anymore? I can call or text you whenever I want?" I smile then nod. He smiles and nods back. "Good to hear."

"You should eat tho." I suggest.

"I noticed. Why do I always feel that you always want me to leave? You don't like talking to me, do you? Am I annoying you?"

"Oh, no. No. You should take care of yourself and don't worry about me. I just want you to eat, why so drama?"

"I'm not being dramatic." He shakes his head. "I'm cute."

I chuckle. "Yes you are. So Harry, if you can do me a favor can you eat your breakfast first before I talk to you again? We have the whole day."

I see his eyes brightens as his smile gets wider. "Okay!" He cheerfully answers. "See you later. Mwa!" And then the video call ends.

I'm still staring at the screen with my eyes wide and mouth open. He kisses the camera. Oh my God. The sound of my iPad bring me back to the Earth.

It keeps on tossing up and it just won't stop. I try to click it but then it's not working. What the hell is happening? I keep on tapping it but it freezes until it shuts down. Woah. I wait for it to open again and then the notifications just keeps on going.

I tap the twitter app and then my notification is on chaos.  _No,_ not my best friend. One thing catch my eyes and my heart starts to pump against my chest. My hands starts to become cold and shake.

As soon as I see his name my eyes widens and I read it again and again and again until it become a squeal.

"HARRY STYLES FOLLOWED YOU. OH MY FUCKING GOSH!" I throw my iPad on my bed and start to scream. I stomp my feet on the ground and tug my hair, still screaming. "I'M READY TO DIE. FUCK."

With my hands shaking, I managed to log in to twitter using my computer. I'm fangirling right now so don't fucking touch me.

I compose a new tweet.

_OHMYGOD. AHDBJDJDBDIKE. HE FOLLOLWED KME! JSBXJDNDKSNJXXJBOHIJ._

_TEHLL MR D IM NDOFT DRWEMAING_

I laugh when I feel something warm rolls on my cheek. I wipe it but then another set of tears comes. I remove my glasses and put it on my desk and cover my face. I let myself cry. I think I'm crazy because I'm still smiling even though I'm crying.

The feeling is still new. Even of you say so that I have his phone number, Skype ID and I manage to talk to him whenever I want it's still different and I don't know why. He followed me. That's every fans goal, alright? Being followed by their idols.

My phone vibrates and I answer it biting my lower lips. I'm glad it didn't broke last night when I threw it on the wall. I hold my breath and I hear him chuckles.

"I'm eating and I see you freaking out on twitter."

I cover my mouth but then a sob escape until I can hold it anymore. I cry over the phone. I hear a spoon being drop on the plate.

"You okay?" He asks worriedly.

I laugh, still crying. "I am." I nod. "Thank you, Harry."

I think this is my reward for finishing my exam. What an amazing price to have.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Kristineee! I love you :)
> 
> Enjoy reading! Don't kill me. Haha x

It's been two weeks after I took my exams and today is the results. Today is the day when we will know if we passed or failed. Today is the day when I will know if I'm gonna graduate as summa cum laude or not.

I'm nervous as hell. I hope I passed it. I hope I will be able to graduate. I'm still hoping I will be graduating as summa cum laude. That's my dream since then and I really really want to be.

Brix and I become friends. Yes, he's kinda noisy but later on I become used to it. Him, being noisy entertain me as much as he does. He says that he loves to ask me questions and he loves to tell stories. Sometimes he will just tell me something that is really out of the blue.

Of course at first I was really annoyed but then he's like a tail who keeps on following me wherever I go. I once told Heave about Brix and he said that he doesn't see anything wrong with that but I still should be careful. I told Harry about Brix and he's okay with him being my friend.

I just feel a little weird. All of my friends are boys and I don't have any girl friends. I know some of the students in my school thinks I'm such a slut because I'm friends with boys but it's not my fault that they're are my friends. I told you, no one likes me. 

I get in the car and Heave is the driver for today. He looks at me using the rearview mirror.

"Nervous?"

"As hell." I answer. He chuckles. "Do you think I made it?"

"Of course you did!" Chaos shouts. "You know what, I hate it when you're pulling yourself down. Could you please just believe in yourself? Have faith!"

"What did I do now, huh? Why do you have to shout?" I shout back at him.

"He's just nervous-"

"I'm not, Heave! Shut up." Chaos puts his seat belt on and looks outside the window tapping his finger on his lower lip.

"You know when he's nervous, Na. He shouts." Heave laughs. I smirk, still calming myself.

My phone vibrates on my hand and I read the text message.

_Bl_ _ocks:_ _Morning! I'm here in the garden. I'm gonna wait for you so we can see the results together, yeah? I'm nervous._

That's Brix by the way. I compose a message and send it to him right away.

_Me:_ _If you want you can see it by yourself. I'm with my best friends. Or if you want, you can be with us later to check the results. Everyone's nervous, Blocks._

"Who's that?" I turn my head to Chaos and he's looking at me. "Hairy?"

"Why don't you just mind your own business?" I roll my eyes. "And it's  _Harry_  not  _Hairy_. How many times do I have to correct you?"

"Whatever. So it's Hairy- Ha."

I shake my head and look at his reply.

_Blocks:_ _Aww. :( Okay, I'm gonna check it now. I'll tell you the results later. Good luck for the both of us! :) PS. You spelt my name wrong again._

I decide not to text him back and just look at the window. Harry has been busy these past two days. Well it's normal for him to be busy and I understand.

The last few weeks we always talk, text or video call. I mean, everyday we always do that and it's just like a routine. I don't know why he's not getting tired seeing my face. But these last two days we can't do a video calls nor texts. He texted me atleast two messages just to greet me a good morning or a good night and explaining and apologizing because we can't talked. That's how busy he is and I understand that.

"The day won't be complete if you two aren't fighting."

"Hell yeah." Chaos laughs.

"Nathalie and Chaos just don't mix." I shake my head, grinning.

"You love me though."

"So proud, eh?" I raise a brow at him but then smile. "Hell yeah."

-

"NATHALIE!"

I look around and see Brix running towards us. We're now walking towards the bulletin board where they posted the results. He's panting and he stops for a while to breathe.

"C'mon, you can do it." Heave teases.

"Our.." he pants, "names aren't there."

I freeze. "What?"

"It's not there. Even Heave's and Chaos' aren't there."

"What the hell, it's impossible!" Chaos exclaims.

We just stand there thinking what we did wrong. We didn't make it. We didn't pass. Oh my God. I feel my eyes heats and a set of tears rolls down my cheeks.

Heave pulls me closer to him. "Hush, it's fine, Nathalie."

"It's not, Heave!" Chaos shouts.

"Do you know how to fucking comfort?! Shut the fuck up."

_"Mr. Taleon, Mr. Felix, Mr. David and Ms. Ricafort, please proceed to Mr. Dwane's office immediately. I repeat.."_

I take a sharp breath. I'm freaking scared.

-

"You go first."

"Why me? You go first!" Chaos turns to me. "Well, you must go first. Ladies first right?" I glare at him and he runs his fingers through his hair. He looks at Brix and points at him. "You, go inside."

I slap his hands. "Don't bully him."

"I'm not bullying him. So protective, is he your boyfriend?" He mocks.

"What the fuck? Shut up, Chaos or I'm gonna fucking cut your tongue." I annoyingly say. "I'll go first."

I walk towards the door and knock softly. My heart is beating so fast that I can't even breathe normally. I think I'm gonna faint. I open it and I see Mr. Dwane sitting behind his desk. He gestures me to sit on one of the chairs infront of him.

My heart accelerates even more because he's not even smiling and he looks so serious. It's so hard to even swallow. As soon as I sit he clears his throat.

"As I said before, your grades were failing." He starts. I nod, tears starts forming in my eyes. "And you're running for summa cum laude, Ms. Ricafort. I can't believe you did that."

I can't help it anymore. I let my tears flow. "I'm sorry."

"Hush now." He softly says. He stands up from his seat and walk towards me. He sits on the chair opposite to me. He gives me a small smile then hands me a paper. My test papers.

I look down at it and cry even more. My hands are shaking when I hold it.  _Am I ready to read it?_ I know I failed but it really hurts. I swallow and the first sentence makes me cry even more.

"What the fuck is this." I cry. I hear Mr. Dwane laughs and he hugs me. "Oh my God."

"Congratulations!"

I laugh but the tears keeps on flowing. I read it again and again even though my eyes are in their blurry condition.

_Congratulations, Ms. Ricafort! You've passed the exams and we're happy to tell you that the title of_ _summa cum laude_ _is now all yours! See you on your graduation!_

"Thank you." I sob, hugging him back. "So much."

He smiles wide at me. "Should you treat your professors then?"

I chuckle then wipe my tears. "I'm not that rich."

He stands up and stretches his hands to me. I stand up and smile at him. I shake it and he nods while grinning from ear to ear.

"So glad you've made it. We're really lucky to have you here. Good luck to your career. You're really good, Nathalie. We thought you couldn't make it because your gardes were really low and you have to almost make your scores perfect to pass but then you made it. Your tests are there. You can check your scores plus your grades. It really impress me how you could make a three to four mistakes out of ninety items in each subject. That's just unbelievable. And with that I know you deserve it. You deserve to graduate with medals as a summa cum laude. Congratulations again, Nathalie."

I nod and hug him again. Usually you're not allowed to hug your university president but I don't know why he hugged me earlier and I owe this to him.

"Thank you." I whisper.

He taps my back and I pull away. "Tell Mr. David to come in. I have something to tell."

"Did he pass?"

"I want him to tell you so tell him I wanna talk to him." He gives me a small smile and I nod.

I walk out of his office, saying thank you again and I see Chaos walking back and forth. Heave's tapping his foot on the floor while leaning against the wall and Brix biting his fingers. They look up at me and I let out a squeal. I see smiles grows on their faces. They cheers and runs towards me.

Brix runs towards me and hugs me tight. "Congrats!"

I laugh then hug him back. "Thanks."

"Hey, hey. Stop it!" Chaos pulls back Brix and I just laugh before Chaos throws his arms around me. "Congrats, babe!"

"Babe your face, Cha." I smirk.

He pulls out and I stifle my scream when Heave lifts me up and spins me around. They all laugh and we do a group hug.

"By the way, Mr. Dwane wants to talk to you Brix." I wiggle my brows at him.

We all end up walking together towards the gate. We all passed and the reason why Mr. Dwane called us was because we all have honors.

Me as a summa cum laude. Brix as magna cum laude. Chaos and Heave got the grade for the place for cum laude. I feel that my heart is gonna burst any minute because of all of this. I'm just so happy for all of us.

"Can I take you out?" I snap my head to Brix, suprised at his words and he blushes.

"WHAT?" Chaos exclaims. "I knew it. You like her!"

"No, I just like to treat her. After all we passed the exam with flying colors. Don't you think I don't wanna treat anybody?" He looks down.

"Whatever. Just bring her home." Chaos says, opening the door of the car. Heave nods at Brix and he smiles at me.

"Go home early, princess."

"Yeah. Take care." I wait for them to drive away before I look at Brix who's still blushing. "I think ice cream is fine."

He looks up at me. "Can we watch a movie then?"

I slightly turn my head to the side, studying him. He bits his lower lip and I see the excitement and happiness in his eyes but he looks away.

"Sure why not." I smile. I let out a small laugh when he whispers a  _yes_.

Heave texted me while we were on the road heading to the mall.

_Mature Freak_ _:_ _Nathalie, no one is in the house right now. Chaos and I will just hangout with some friends to celebrate too. Tell Brix to take care of you and if he doesn't, Chaos and I will break his face, okay? Don't go home too late. :)_

_Me:_ _Yeah, sure. Don't drink too much or else you can't drive back home. Take care. PS. I can take care of myself, no need for Brix. Haha. :P_

We watched a movie first which was romantic and then we're here, eating ice cream. He's sitting opposite to me and I'm busy scooping my ice cream in my cup. I look at him and I see him staring at me then he looks away and blushes. I put the spoon in my mouth then lick it before taking it out.

"You know.." I start. He looks at me, his cheeks are still pinkish. "I noticed that you always blush is that natural or..?" I raise a brow. I laugh when his face turns to red. "Really?"

"Shut up." He smiles. "Well.."

"Well?" I wait for him and I see his Adam's apple goes down and up.

"I have a crush on you."

I almost choke. I drop the cup on the table and straight up from my seat then stare at him, shocked. He's looking outside the glass door then he looks at me. His face is still blushing which I find cute.

"Are you... serious?"

He nods. "What do you mean?"

I turn my head to the side. I feel my face heats when I remember saying it's impossible for someone to like me because I remember Harry's voice playing back in my head.

"Um. Nothing. I just don't think it's possible." I say, picking up my cup. "It's just a simple crush. Later on it will be gone." I smile. "Yeah?"

"You said you don't have a boyfriend right?"

I stop eating. I look at him and raise a brow. "So?" 

"And no one's courting you?"

"Yeah, and you can't." I answer him before he asks the question if he can. I hear him laugh.

"This is the first time a girl dumped me and I ain't even mad." He smiles. "Don't worry. This is just a little crush, Nathalie. Nothing big."

I shrug then grin. "I'm glad."

"So why no boyfriend and suitors?" He asks, putting the spoon with an ice cream in his mouth.

I play with the spoon in my mouth then pull it out then smile. "Let's just say someone is waiting for me."

"I wonder how long can he wait." He mumbles.

"Me too."

"Well, he must have a longer patience to wait because a girl like you is worthy. Every man will be happy to have you."

"Not everyone." I frown, remembering  _my_  dad. Ew, my. Ew, dad. I wanna throw up!

"Nah." He shakes his head.

We continued to eat while talking about random things. Like why superman wore his underwear outside and why it was color red. Why Dora's bag was so small but could carry many things. And why Barney was violet, why not green. Sometimes I love Brix being around because he's making my crazy side out and I love it. Laughing makes me feel better.

It's almost six thirty in the evening when we got home. The lights are still off and I know Chaos and Heave aren't home yet. I look at Brix and I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"Thanks for today, yeah? Congratulations again,  _magna cum laude_." I grin.

"It's nothing and thank you too. Congratulations again, the great  _summa cum laude_."

I laugh then open the door. "Take care. Good night." He salutes before I close the door. I wave at him and he drives away.

I walk towards the door and turn the knob but it's open. They didn't lock the door? What if someone go in here and steal our things? I shake my head and open the door then close it. My right hand finds the switch to turn the light on. I don't know why my heart is racing but as soon the light opens I knew why.

I drop my keys and my eyes widens. A gasp escape from my mouth as I feel my knees melts. My hands starts to shake and a lump starts to form in my throat. I feel my heart shatters and breaks into pieces. I find myself crying while staring at them.

"What the fuc-" Chaos' eyes widens when he sees me. He looks back at the woman under him and he immediately moves away and grabs their clothes scattered on the floor. He throws her dress on her.

I shake my head and I feel my stomach turns. I run towards the bathroom past the kitchen still crying and throw up in the toilet bowl. I scream and cry while I vomit. I wipe my mouth. I screw my eyes shut while I cry and throw up in the toilet bowl.

I feel a hand touches my arms and I quickly jetk it away. As soon as I see him I punch his bare chest over and over again while crying out loud.

"How dare you! How dare you! How dare you to fucking do this!" I can't even look at him in the eye because it's so fucking gross! He holds both of my wrist and I look at him in the eye.

My lips trembles when I remember the way he licks her neck and the way he thrusts inside her makes me even cry more. Their moans fills my mind and my ears can still hear them. I shake my head and push him then turn to the toilet bowl and puke again. Gross, gross, gross!

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Calm down, please."

I get out of the bathroom and walk away from him. I keep on shaking my head while sobbing so hard and trying to breathe. My whole body is shaking. I face him. He looks at me but he quickly looks away when he sees my tears keeps rolling down on my face.

"Chaos, do you know how much it hurts?" I whisper. I take a deep breath before screaming. "IT FUCKING HURTS IN HERE!" I point at my heart and throw a plate. "I HATE IT BECAUSE IT FUCKING HURTS!"

Everything catches my hand, I throw everywhere and it still hurts! I cover my face and run upstairs, almost tripping. I let myself slide beside my bed while my back press against the skeleton of the bed. I take off my glasses and place it on my bed then hug my knees.

"Mom.." I sob. "Mom, I'm sorry."

I cry harder when memories play backs.

_"I regret everything I did for you, Nathalie! You disappoint me, you hurt me! You should've told me but then you chose to keep it and not to tell me! I hate being your mother and I hate you for being my daughter!"_

I shake my head and clutched my chest, feeling my heart hurts even more. "It was my fault, it was my fault."

_"Don't tell this to your mom or I'll leave her and hurt you. Do you understand?!"_

"Aaaaaaaah!" I tug my hair and scream my heart out and cries on the floor. I jump when someone pounds at my door.

"Nathalie, open this door! NATHALIE, OPEN THIS DOOR!" Heave shouts.

"I wanna be alone." I whisper, sniffing.

"NATHALIE!"

I grab the flower vase and throw it on the door. "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I sob. "I HATE EVERYTHING! FUCK!"

I slide on the floor and let myself cry. I hate crying. I fucking hate it! It makes me feel weak. I hate this, I hate this.

"This is all your fault! Why did you do that here, huh?"

"Okay, it's my fault but I didn't know that she will arrive so soon!"

"YOU SHOULD DO IT AT SOME HOTEL OR IN YOUR ROOM NOT ON THE FUCKING COUCH WHERE SHE SAW IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW SEX IS A FUCKING SENSITIVE TOPIC TO HER AND THE FACT THAT SHE SAW IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOILS. WERE YOU THAT HORNY THAT YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM?! WHY ARE YOU NOT FUCKING THINKING?!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THAT GIRL WAS SO FUCKING FLIRT!"

"WELL IT'S NOT HER FAULT THAT YOU BRING HER HERE! IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT WHY NATHALIE IS IN PAIN!"

After that I hear curses and everything breaks. I decided to rush towards my door and open it. I see Heave's fist crashes into Chaos' jaw and they exchange punches.

"STOP IT, YOU FUCKING FREAKS!" I shout and they stop. They're both clenching their jaws and their hands are bald into a fists. I wipe my tears but another set just comes out. I run towards the door and try open it but the TV is on and what it says makes my hand slips down the door knob. I feel myself getting weaker and cry harder. I don't even bother to look at it.

_"One Direction member, Harry Styles was recently seen with Monic Falcon, a famous model, in a restaurant laughing with each other. There are even a few pictures of them holding each others hand. They look so happy. So what do you think? Is Monic new Harry Styles' girlfriend?"_

I ltry to augh but I choke on my own sobs. "Who fucking turned the TV on?"

"I-I'm sorry."

"Fuck you, Chaos. I hate you." My voice breaks as I run away from the house with my heart broken and crying in pain.

I need a break. I need to breathe. I need to be okay. I need to be happy. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to comfort me. I need someone to make me feel okay.

I need my mom.


	22. Chapter 22

"I-it's been a while, mom." I whisper as I caress her tomb. I smile but my tears falls. I wipe it and keep on smiling while looking down at her. "Mom, my heart hurts."

I sniff then laugh. "Do I deserve all of this? Do you still hate me? Do you still regret that I became your daughter? Do you really despise me that much, mom?" Sobs escape from my mouth. "Mom, do you really regret it that I was born?"

"If you're just here.. your hug would be great." I smile as my lips trembles. "It's been years and I thought I'm already okay but.. but I'm still hurting! Why does it still hurt?"

I cover my face and cry. I left my glasses on my bed and my surrounding is so blurry plus the fact that I'm crying, I'm totally blind right now. I don't know how I got here without fainting. I just need to talk to my mom. I need her.

"Mom, I miss you. So much." My shoulders shakes as my sob becomes louder. I push my hair back and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry for everything I've caused."

"I'm.. I'm sorry I became your daughter. I'm sorry you hated me. I'm sorry I was born. Mom, I'm really sorry." I bite my lower lip but sobs just comes out. "Even though you hated me.. I still love you. I'm not mad at you and I will never be. I love you so much."

"But you left me with questions." I breathe. "If you're still alive right now would you still hate me?" I chuckle then shake my head. "I guess yes. You still hate me. You're that mad at me, right? But I don't care. I love you."

I cry quietly, bowing my head. It's dark and I think hours had passed since I left the house. I'm happy they didn't follow me or else I would just burst into anger again.

"Can you let me feel it? I really want your hug. I badly want it. But I know you won't do it because you hate me and it's impossible." I laugh then wipe my face. "If I feel it it means you love me. And the hell, it's impossible."

I close my eyes. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of everything. Can I just die?

"Aren't you proud of me, mom?" I say with my eyes still closed. "I will be graduating as a summa cum laude." A tear escape as I smile. "It would be more happier if you're there putting my medal on me. That was your dream right? To have that title? I did it." My voice breaks and I burst into tears again.

Suddenly, the wind blows and instead of cold air a comforting warm wind touches my skin. I open my eyes and look around. There's no one. The wind is still there. I look at the sky and the stars are twinkling. If I'm not crying I would appreciate how bright the sky is.

"Mom?"

And then it's gone. Am I crazy that I wanna think that was my mom? I wipe my face with the both of my hands and smile down at her.

"I can do this, right? I got this. You're on my back, right, mom?" I inhale a deep breath before getting up to my feet. "Gotta go. See again, mom. Thank you.. I love you."

-

I feel my phone vibrates again inside my pocket. It's been vibrating since I left the house but I keep on ignoring it. I've been gone for five hours and I'm not even hungry. I'm here, sitting on the waiting shed, wet because it's raining.

I'm humming not even bothered that I'm soaking wet. I don't know how my phone survived it. It should be destroyed by now. I pull it out of my pocket.

_73 missed calls_   
_46 unread messages_

Most of the calls and texts were from Chaos and Heave and there were some from Brix and.. Harry.

_Me:_ _Don't worry, I'm fine._

I send it to Heave for him not to worry. I feel like someone pinches my heart when I see Harry's message. I scroll past at it then click Brix's text.

_Blocks:_ _Where are you?_ _[9:26 PM]_

_Hey._ _[9:34 PM]_

_I'm worried._ _[9:38 PM]_

_Chaos and Heave calling me non-stop._ _[9:44 PM]_

_I can't find you! I've been finding you for hours now. [11:12 PM]_

_Nathalie, I swear if I see you I'm gonna hug you tight until you can't breathe. You can't do this to me! I'm fucking worried._ _[11:33PM]_

I just chuckle and compose a message while I feel myself tearing up. Someone do care.

_Me:_ _No need to hug me till I can't breathe because I'm already barely breathing. Haha._

Next, I read Harry's text.

_Harry:_ _Hi._

_Me:_ _Hi._

The tears just falls again when I remember what I've heard on TV. I know I should ask Harry first but you can't blame me. What if he's tired of me? That he doesn't like me anymore? For Pete's sake that girl is a model and I'm nothing compared to her or any other girls out there!

_Heave:_ _Where are you? Please go home. It's already 1:00 in the morning and I'm worried as fuck._

_Blocks:_ _OHMYGOD WHERE THE FUCK ARE UOU I'VE BEEN LOOKIG DOR YOU FOE HOURDS_ _!!_

_Harry:_ _You still awake? You should be sleeping by now, right?_

I let myself cry while my phone is in my hand. The rain starts to pour more. The lightning strikes as I scream at the top of my lungs. I don't understand why it fucking hurts. I punch my chest. I feel a sharp knife stabbing my heart. I'm starting to shake uncontrollaby.

"Stop, stop." I mumble.

My lips trembles as the cold wind hits me. I hug myself and sob. I'm like a lost child and I'm glad no one sees me. I jump from my seat when a loud shout echoes in my ears. I see Brix standing infront of me. He's glaring at me and he's panting while he's also soaking.

"Where have you been?! Do you know how worried I am? It feels like my heart is gonna come out of my chest!" He tugs my hand and I stand up then he pulls me closer to him. I hear his heart beating so fast while my eyes are wide. He rubs my back and whisper a hush. "I'm glad you're safe."

I close my eyes until I break down. "It hurts, Brix." I say as I choke on my own words. "I hate it."

"Everything will be alright. It's okay to cry, Nathalie." He keeps on telling me that it's okay to be weak while rubbing my back. I just cry on his chest while he's trying to comfort me.

This is what I want. I want someone to comfort me. I want someone to hug me. I want someone to tell me that everything will be alright even though it hurts like hell.

-

He keeps on asking me questions and I do nothing but to nod or shake my head. I ask him to buy me some food even though I'm not hungry. He hesitates at first because he doesn't wanna leave me alone here in shed but I tell him to go. But the truth is I wanna go home alone. I'm just gonna text him.

It's already 2:30 in the morning when I get home. I see Heave is sitting the pavement while Chaos is sitting on the doorstep. As soon as Heave sees me he runs towards me. He tries to touch my shoulder but I look at him blanky that makes his hands stop. I walk past by them with a straight face.

I open the door and my eyes waters when I see the couch. I quickly look away.

"W-where have you been? I was worried, Nathalie." I hear Heave's concerned voice.

"I said don't worry because I'm fine right?" I say calmly.

"You're not. You're soaking wet."

"I'm fine!" I turn around at them, clenching my jaw. Tears falls and I quickly wipe it away. "I'm fucking fine!"

"Look, I'm sorry, Nathalie. I didn't mean to do that I swear-"

I close my eyes when my vision begins to blur and my world turn until I feel myself falling. All I can see is black until I hear their voices screaming my name.

-

My eyes are so heavy and I open it. I blink slowly to adjust my vision until I realize I'm not wearing my glasses. I sit up. Why I feel so heavy?

I push my hair back and look around. I'm on my bed and the lampshade is the only light. Chaos' head is on the bed while Heave is on my swivel chair with his arms crossed. They're both sleeping. I reach for my glasses and wear it. It's 4:16am.

I remove the blanket covering me and get out of the bed. I silently walk towards the door and go outside. I feel so heavy. I hold on the wall and walk down stairs. My eyes lands at the couch and I feel my heart hurts again. I look away.

I'm like a zombie. I'm on my pj's and I don't know how they managaed to change my clothes. I'm not in the mood to shout at them. I walk towards Heave's room and luckily, it's open.

I smell the scent lingering in his room. His room is combination of black and white. He has many books on his shelf like me. Like in my room, his lampshade is only the source of light. I close the door and crawl into his bed. I lay on my stomach and hug one of his pillow. I take off my glasses then close my eyes.

Good night to me.

-

_Heave's POV_

I punch Chaos and he jumps on his seat. He rubs his eyes then runs his fingers through his hair.

"Where's Nathalie?!" I ask, looking at her bed without her. He freezes then looks at the bed. I shake my head then curse under my breath. "What if she went out again? Where will we find her, huh?!"

"Could you please stop blaming me-"

"Well, in the first place this is all your fault. If you-"

"Stop, okay? I know what I did! You've been slapping it to my face since yesterday!"

"I should cut your fucking dick." I spit. "You must say sorry to her."

"I am sorry."

"Don't roll your eyes on me, Felix! You know you've hurt her!" 

My head is literally aching. We know how Nathalie is feeling right now. She used to be strong but yesterday the walls she built around her crashed because the memories came back. I know she really loves her family but they didn't love her back. I don't know how it feels like but I know it's hard and it's hard to be happy.

Nathalie's getting her strength from Chaos and I but Chaos hurt her and now she's broken and weak. I don't know how to take it away because sorry isn't enough. Sorry will never be enough.

"Let him see that you're really sorry. Not just by words but with actions." I calmly say. "I'll go find Nathalie."

I walk out of Nathalie's room. It's 6:30 in the morning and I'm glad we don't have classes.

"I'm coming with you."

I run down the stairs and my eyes looks at the door. When I see it's locked, a sigh of relief escapes from me.

"She's just here." I say. "Check on your room."

He nods and jogs towards his room while I go mine. I twist the doorknob and open it. The sunrays lights the whole room and I almost jump when I see a foot on the floor. Then I just realize my bed is undone. My hearts starts to race. Don't tell me she passed out again.

I think the blood on my face runs out when I see her lying on the floor with her lips almost white. I bend down, scotting her in my arms. I slightly slap her cheeks while I feel my self tearing up.

"Hey, hey. Nathalie, wake up."

I begin to panic when there's still no response from her in the next two minutes. I shake her and my voice begins to shake.

"Fuck, Nathalie."

I literally stop from breathing when she slowly opens her puffy eyes. She blinks then focuses her eyes on mine. She weakly smiles.

"What are you doing here on the floor?!" I shout. "You fucking scared me!"

"I wanna sleep more. Don't disturb me." Her voice is so low and almost a whisper. It is so weak that I can hear the pain in it. "Please."

"I'm gonna put you on your room." I say, putting my arms under her legs but she shakes her head.

"Don't."

That is the only things she says then she closes her eyes again. Her eyes are so puffy and her nose is red. She cried again, I know it. I carry and put her on my bed. I pull the blanket up to her shoulders.

"Thank you." She weakly whispers.

"I-I'm gonna leave you for a while." I say, looking down at her. Why does she looks so weak? Like she has no strength or energy.

"Mkay."

I bite my lower lip and go out. I close the door behind me. Chaos tries to go in but I push him back. He looks at me, annoyed and worried but I shake my head.

"She's not feeling well, Chaos."

"But I wanna see her!" He stomps his feet. I roll my eyes.

"I think we should get her to hospital. She looks so weak." I look down at my feet. "I don't like seeing her like that."

"Me neither."

I lift my head up and meet his gaze. "Let's get her to hospital?"

Suddenly, he glares at me. "Are you kidding me?" He rolls his eyes. "You know how much she hates hospitals."

Yeah. I do. She hates it, she  _really_ does.


	23. Chapter 23

"Do you wanna eat?"

I'm sitting beside her while her eyes are closed but she's awake. She shakes her head as an answer.

"I feel so tired." She mumbles.

"But you just woke up."

"That's the point. I just woke up but I feel so tired." She opens her eyes. It's red and looks so sleepy. "Can you get me some water?"

"Sure, wait a minute." I quickly stand up from the bed and run to the kitchen. I see Chaos sitting infront of my door but I ignore him for a while. "I'll ask her if you can come in." I tell him before going back in my room. I sit on the bed and hand her the glass of water.

She gets up slowly and raises her arm to hold the water. She drinks it then gives it back to me. I place it on my side table. I stare at her.

Her eyes are closed again. Her hair is in it's messy condition but it doesn't look bad. She opens her eyes and looks at me. She blinks so slow and her eyes are red while there's a black circle under her eyes.

"Everytime I open my eyes it's tearing up." She groans and falls back on my bed. "I hate it. I hate this." She says with closed eyes. "I feel so tired, I feel so heavy. What the hell."

"M-maybe we can get you to the hospi-"

"No." She firmly says. "Maybe I just need more rest."

I clear my throat. "Chaos wants to go in."

I see her tenses up. Her eyes flies open, directly looking at me. "This is your room, not mine." She closes her eyes again.

"So.. can he?"

"Sure. But don't expect me to talk to him." She looks at me. "You know how mad and hurt I am and he knows it too. I need some time." She blinks and sighs before pulling up the covers over her head. "I'll try to get some sleep."

"I'll get meds. Maybe you should eat then drink it?" She doesn't response. "Can I touch you?"

Seconds passed and still no answer. I almost scream when suddenly a hand crawls under the cover to my grab my hand. Her hold is so light and soft. Is she that weak? She pulls it closer to her and I can't see what she's doing but as soon as the back of my hand touches something too hot I curse loudly. I take off the cover on her. She's smiling weakly while her eyes are closed. Honestly she looks drunk.

"What the fuck, Nathalie, you have a fever! A so fucking high fever!"

"I just need to sleep. And please, be quiet."

"No, we'll get you to the hospital." I decide.

"Don't make me scream and get mad at you too." She calmly says but I know she's getting irritated.

"But-"

"Sleep." She says then pulls the cover up again until I can't see her body neither her head.

I sigh and tug my hair in frustration. I roll my eyes and try to breathe. She's sick! She must go to the doctor!

"Maybe eat some foods then drink medicine. Please. I'm so fucking worried, do you know that?! Since yesterday! My God, my head is aching." I massage my temple and I hear her chuckle.

"You're the one who need to take meds."

"God dammit, Nathalie!"

"Okay." She laughs as she sneaks in the cover and I see her smiling. Somehow I suddenly feel more calm. "I'll do it but later." Then puts the cover down again.

"Fuck it."

-

I go inside Nathalie's room to get her phone if she needs it. Yesterday when she passed out, I almost punch Chaos. I was so nervous and I didn't know what to do and he told me to calm down. How can I fucking calm down?

She was soaking wet and we both know that if we try to change her clothes while she was unconsious she will kill us and hate us more. So I decided to call out neighboor- Miss Danica, she's already 28 year old- and asked her to change Nathalie's clothes.

After that, we said our thank you's. Nathalie was lying on her bed with her eyes still puffy. I continue to blame Chaos for all of this and I know it doesn't help but I can't help it.

Her phone vibrates on her side table. I look at it and Harry's name flashes in the screen. I just stare at it until it becomes a missed call. I think twice before biting my lip and grabbing her phone.

_31 missed calls_   
_17 unread messages_

"Woah."

After that I place it back, afraid that Nathalie will get mad. Maybe I'll just leave her phone here. I'm about to leave her room but her phone vibrates again. Should I bring it with me? Yes.

I open my door and I see Chaos sitting on the floor watching some movies in my TV while Nathalie is still under the cover. I place her phone on my sidetable then sit beside Chaos.

"You still mad at me?" He asks.

I sigh. "I'm disappointed. I don't have to explain because you know how stupid and careless what you did."

He nods. "Yeah, I know." I see him looks back at Nathalie who's sleeping in my bed. "Do you think she's fine?"

"No." I answer quickly. "Absolutely not."

"I don't know what to do." He runs his finger through his hair.

"Me neither." After that we stay quite for a while until we hear the vibration of Nathalie's phone.

"Someone tell who the hell is calling to get lost." I hear Nathalie growls. "Heeeeave, who the fuck is that?"

I look back at her and she closes her eyes when she sees Chaos is sitting beside me. She rubs her eyes then hugs one of my pillows.

"That's Harry." I clear my throat. I see Chaos turn his head to me. Her eyes flies open and I see her bites her lower lip. "You have a lots of missed calls and unread messages. I suggest you read it."

"I'm tired and I can't even move my arms."

"Chaos cooked you lunch." I look at Chaos and he's picking his nails. That's what he does when he's nervous. "It's already quater to one."

"I'm not hungry." She declares.

"You promised to eat then drink-"

"Yeah. And someone promised not to do something but did it though." She says, pertaining to what Chaos did.

I remain quiet and look down. This is so awkward. They used to be teasing and shouting at each other but now Nathalie can't even look at him. I quickly turn my head to her when I hear a sob. She buries her head in my pillow and I see her shoulders shaking. She pulls the cover up once again.

"I wanna be alone, please." Chaos and I look at each other before getting up. "Wait." I stop from my tracks then see Nathalie wipes her eyes but new set of tears flows. "Get my phone and tell Harry I'm fine or make some reasons. Don't tell him that I'm-" Her lips trembles. "Please."

"O-okay." I say, grabbing her phone and making my way out of the door. "Call us if you need something."

I hear Chaos take a deep sigh. "Nathalie, I'm sorry."

Just before he closes the door I hear Nathalie says, "just leave."

-

"I don't know if it's true or not." Chaos says while scrolling through his twitter using his laptop. "You know my twitter is shit right now because I can't get any information because my timeline isn't all about 1D."

"Then? What should we do?"

"You know Nathalie's twitter right? Let's open it." My brows knit together. "What? I'm pretty sure she follows accounts related to One Direction." He rolls his eyes. "She changed her password long time ago that's why I don't know what is it."

"Because you're posting shits." I say, scooting closer to him and picking up his laptop. "Don't look. She will kill me."

"Whatever." He leans back against the couch then puts some chips in his mouth. "I'm gonna buy new couch."

"I'm glad you think of that." I say, pressing the enter and putting his laptop back on the table. He tries to click the DM's but I slap his hand. "That's why Nathalie doesn't trust you with her accounts."

"Whatever." He scrolls though her timeline and all I can see is all about One Direction. "Look!" He points at the one post with picture. He clicks it and we see the photo.

Harry and that girl, she looks like a model and she's really beautiful, walking while their hands are touching and there's a smile plastered on their faces. Chaos bursts in anger beside me.

"What the fuck is this shit? I thought he likes Nathalie? Why the fuck- why th- FUCK!" He buries his face in his hand then tugs his hair. "He talked to us. What was that for if he's just going to date another girl?!"

I stay quiet trying to calm myself. Chaos is always like this. He lets his thoughts and emotions out that's why sometimes he moves without thinking while I stay cakm even though inside me I'm raging mad. I suddenly wanna punch someone.

I remember the night we saw him waiting outside. I already recognized him as Harry Styles but Chaos thought he was some kind of kidnapper trying to take Nathalie away. He asked us a favor. His favor is the reason why I don't want to believe this news.

"I can't fucking believe this. I swear if I see him I'm gonna punch his fucking face." He grits his teeth. He goes back scrolling then his brows furrows. "What's beard?"

"Facial hair?" I answer, confused. "Why?"

"Nothing." He shrugs. "But this girl is beautiful. Monic is her name and she's a model. If you look at it, Nathalie is nothing compared to her. But if you look deeper, Nathalie is better. She's beautiful-"

"You call her Nathaugly tho." I raise my brow.

"That's a joke, Heave!" He rolls his eyes then shakes his head. "As I was saying, she's beautifil inside and out. She's kind. You know, I'm gonna be insecure if I'm her boyfriend because I think no one deserves her."

 _No one_  deserves her.

"Even Harry? He runs the world."

"So what if the whole world knows him? If he's gonna hurt my sister better break his face." He spits then looks back at his laptop. "We didn't grow up together to let Nathalie alone. I want her the best."

"We're not keeping our promise, Chaos." I say, staring at the ceiling. "She's not happy. She's broken."

"I don't know what to do. Her happiness before was One Direction but right now they're one of the reason why she's not happy. I don't know how to make her happy again. Before when she was sad we were just gonna play their songs or buy her some magazines of them then she would be okay again. But now? I don't know what else can make her happy aside from 1D." My head snaps when I see her phone vibrates. Chaos looks at it and when he sees Harry's name his jaw clenches. "Answer it."

"What would I say?"

"Tell him to get lost! I don't fucking care. Tell him he's such a fucking asshole and how dare he do that to Nathalie? I know I'm such a dick for doing that to her and I fucking regret everything! I wish I didn't do that, I wish I didn't hurt her because it fucking hurts to see that she can't even look at me because I hurt her. I just can't see anyone hurt her feelings like what I did. I wanna punch myself and him for what he did to my sister! Fuck!" He slams his laptop and walks towards the door then closes it with a loud bang that makes me close my eyes.

I know Chaos loves Nathalie so much. He treats her as his little sister. Yes, he's always annoying her but that's their bond. The day wouldn't be complete if two of them aren't shouting. But sometimes Chaos crosses the line. I already told you he's careless and makes a move without even thinking. He has no control and that's what he needs to have. He cried last night because of Nathalie. I swear he's gonna cry if Nathalie would still hate him for the next days and ignores him.

He always wants Nathalie's attention and he's getting mad if he doesn't. Thay's why he doesn't like Brix because he says,  _"he's stealing her away from me."_ Sometimes he acts like a brother then enemy then bestfriend to being childish.

There's one thing he doesn't love to see. Seeing Nathalie cry because of sadness and pain. Well me too, it hurts to see her crying that's why we let her cry by herself because if we see her, we'll just end up crying too. That's her effect on us. We're like siblings.

I look down at Nathalie's phone when it vibrates again. I take a deep breath before answering it.

"Hello?"

I frown. Go, Harry. Say something before I say what I don't wanna say to you.

"Nathie.."

I clear my throat. "Harry."

He's silent for a moment. "Oh, hi, who are you?"

"Heave. She's.." I look at my closed door. "She's sleeping."

"Oh." He sighs. "Thank you. I thought something bad happened to her because she's not answering my messages and calls."

"Who's Monic?" I directly ask.

"Monic?"

"Monic. That model. I know you know her." My voice becomes more serious than I ever expected. "Are you dating her?"

"What, no!"

"Then why are you so defensive? The pictures and news are all over the world. Everyone saw and heard it."

"Even-"

"Yeah, even Nathalie knows. Just think what she feels. I don't know, Harry. I trust you but don't do this. You're ruining her. She's my life and you're ruining my life. If you like that Monic, leave Nathalie alone and don't play with her feelings." I shake my head. "I thought you're serious about Nathalie but I was wrong."

He doesn't any word but I can hear his breathing over the phone. "I.. I'm not dating Monic."

"Why were you holding her hands?" I lower my voice but I really wanna scream so bad.

"We were gonna go down stairs and I was just-"

"I don't need your explanation. She needs it not me."

After that I end the call and massage my temple. I trust him. I still trust him. I can see that he's really into Nathalie but seeing her so weak makes me wanna forget it. If you love someone, you won't hurt them.

Finally, Chaos goes in and sit beside me. He's staring at nowhere while I lean on the couch with my arms crossed.

We both look at my room when we hear a bang. We quickly run towards the door and open it. Nathalie isn't on the bed and a broken glass is on the floor. I look at my bathroom and I see her throwing up in the toilet bowl. Chaos goes to her then rubs her back while I clean the shattered glass.

Chaos carries her back to bed. Her eyes are puffy again and her nose is runny. She bites her lower lip and lets out a small squeal as the tears flows on her cheeks.

"I feel so fucking dizzy and I'm so weak that I can't even hold that fucking glass! Why am I like this? Why am I sick? Why! I'm hurt and all and this shit is happening to me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this kid of motherfucking treatment, huh?!" She sobs and pushes her hair back. "I don't get it why my heart hurts so fucking much. I can't even breathe!"

She covers her mouth and cry. She tries her best to calm but the sobs just get louder and harder. She's sitting and her hair is falling over her shoulders. Suddenly Chaos throws his arms around her.

"Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you, dirty jerk!" She tries to punch him but her weak hand just falls. "Don't touch me.. I hate you."

"Nathalie, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry." I hear him sniffs. I blink rapidly when I feel the water in my eyes.

"Your sorry isn't enough! Can your sorry erase what happened? Can your sorry take away the pain? NO!"

"Nathalie, stop." I whisper. "This isn't good for you. You have to calm down."

"I can't fucking calm down! If I just can, Heave but I can't! It's like someone is stabbing my heart." She hiccups and tries to push Chaos away but I see him tightens his hug. "Fuck. Get away from me!"

"Chaos." I say with a stern voice. "Get her some soup and medicine. Go."

I watch him slowly pulls away from Nathalie. He stares at her while she looks down and wipes away her tears. I call him again and he's back to Earth. He stands up then gets out of the room.

"I want my mom."

That makes my heart sinks. I look at the ceiling when I feel the tears are about to flow. I know how she loves her mother. I know how she's been longing for mother's love that's why when Chaos and I's mom visit us, she entertains them and scolds us for not talking to them. She loves moms because she doesn't have it. She lost it.. and she thinks it was her fault which wasn't.

"I don't know how to be okay." She cries as she shakes her head. "I don't really know."

I wipe the tears that escapes. The door opens and Chaos goes in with a tray on his hand. His eyes are red which I think he cried outside. He puts the tray on the bed next to Nathalie and tries to feed her.

"I have my own hands." She says, hiccuping.

"You can't even hold the glass." I state. "Just eat."

She shakes her head. "I can try."

I look at Chaos and he puts down the spoon and sit next to her. She raises her arms and holds the spoon. She wipes her nose with the back of her hand then blow the hot soup that Chaos made for her. She eats it again and again and we just watch her. After five or more spoon of soup, she finally puts it down.

"I'm done." She says, frowning. "Why are you staring at me?" We look away. "Can you go out for a while? I wanna drink my medicine now but if you're here I won't be able to swallow it."

I just sigh and walk towards the door. She's sick, Heave. Just understand her. I tap Chaos shoulder and we both stand infront of the door for about two minutes until Nathalie calls us.

"Let's watch some movie." She says with a blank expression. "I don't want horror or romance."

"Comedy then." Chaos says, looking through my DVDs.

"Make sure it's not corny or I'll cut your head off."

I look at Chaos and I see him grinning. He looks at me then wiggles his brows. I just smirk while helping him find a good movie. Yes, they're starting to fight again.

And that's a good sign.


	24. Chapter 24

_Nathalie's POV_

My eyes stings. I open my eyes and all I can see is dark until I let my eyes adjust from the darkness. My arms and legs are sprawled on Heave's bed. It's been two days and I'm still sick.

I actually don't feel okay but I tell them I am. I always cough but it's dry which makes it harder for me. I'm just glad they take care of me even though I'm always not in the mood.

I roll on the side of bed and I see Chaos and Heave sleeping on the floor. They decided to sleep with me in one room but they put a mattress where they are sleeping. Chaos is laying on his die, hugging the hotdog pillow eith his arms and legs. He's wearing a boxer and black shirt while Heave is just simply laying on his back with his left hand on his stomach and the other one is behind his head.

Yes, I'm still hurt for what Chaos did but I'm not mad anymore. He's my best friend and I can't resist him even though he's so stupid to the point that he hurt me. I sigh and lay on my back and stare blankly at the ceiling.

I wonder how's Harry. I wonder how's Niall. I wonder what they're doing. I wonder what happened in the past few hours. I wonder if Harry misses me.. I wonder if he still wants me. I smile sadly.

I close my eyes and later on I feel the tears flowing from the corner of my eye down to my temple. If mom was just here I will just hug her and I will feel okay. Her hug is enough. Her presence is enough but she's not here. She left me because I hurt her. It was my fault why she died.

I sit up on the bed and cover my mouth to block my sobs from escaping. I walk towards the bathroom and lock it. I sit on the floor and lean my head against the tiled wall, letting my tears flow. I wander my eyes and my sight catches Heave's razor. I just stare at it while I feel my heart starts beat fast.  _Should I?_  I look down at my wrist. I caress it. It has no scars.. its clean.  _Should I?_

I look back at the razor. I stumble from getting up and my eyes fixed onto the razor. The mantra in my mind keeps playing.  _Should I? Should I?_  Until something inside me shout a loud yes. My tears falls faster and my hand is shaking as I raise it to reach the weapon...  _weapon_.

My reflection distracts me. I look at the mirror and I see how broken I am, how ugly I am, how irrelevant I am. My hair is so messy and there's a black circle under my eyes at the same it's swollen.  _No one likes me_. My tears falls. Fuck. I quickly grab the razor and look at it for a while. Biting my lower lip to prevent myself from sobbing so loud.

"It doesn't hurt, does it? It will lessen the pain, Nathalie. Try it." I say to myself, encouraging to do the thing I didn't do in my whole life. "Just one.." I breathe then shake my head, "..maybe two.. three? Is it enough?"

I look at myself in the mirror and my jaw clenches. "You're so helpless and worthless. You don't deserve anything. Your mom hates you. She blamed you because you hurt her. What kind of daughter were you? You're so fucking stupid. No one loves you. No one!" After I say that I try to breathe. My eyes widens and my mouth opens. The words sends daggers in my heart. It hurts..

I cover my mouth and let myself slide on the floor. I clutch my chest when I feel my chest tightens. I choke on my own breath. I stifle a squeal and place the blade on my wrist. I close my eyes and when I'm about to cut myself.. I remember  _them._

_"We love you, guys."_

_"You're all beautiful."_

_"Be strong. We're always here for you."_

_"Love yourself just like how we love you."_

And then him..

_"I like you."_

_"You're beautiful."_

I blink and all of it comes back into my mind. I frantically throw away the blade from me and open the door. I can't even open it because my hand is shaking. I go out in the bathroom and open the door then go in my room. I locked it and I immediately search for Cutie.

I hug it tight and I bury my head on it's chest and cry. I miss this. I miss my room. I miss talking to him. I miss his voice. I miss him. I wipe my tears and open my drawer with Cutie in my arms. I dial his number not thinking what he'd say. I just wanna hear him. Dammit, I'm crazy. Hearing it ringing makes my stomach turns.

"Nathalie?" I hear the excitement in his voice.

My lips trembles and I cover my mouth. I just wanna hear his voice. I just wanna hear him breathe. Fuck, I miss him. I wanna hug him.

"I.." I breathe. "I miss you."

I waste my time watching their old videos. Video diaries, funny moments and interview, smiling and crying in pain. I ended the call after I say that I miss him. I don't wanna hear what he's gonna say. I'm afraid of what he'll say. He tried to call me after I ended the call but I turned my phone off. It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm still watching their videos.

I'm not tired but I'm tired.

I decide to leave my computer and go down in the kitchen. I should eat and stop crying. I'm starting to hate myself because I always cry and I'm so weak. I hate myself for being so dramatic.

I rub my eyes and find for the things I need for this. I smile to myself realizing it's been a while since I baked a cake. Yes, I know how to bake a cake but I don't know how to cook. I won't be starving to death because I have foods to cook if I have no one. I walk towards the small sound system placed in the kitchen and open it. I look through the cd's and I found Midnight Memories. I pick it and play it with a low volume so that Heave and Chaos won't be awake. I put the apron in and wash my hands then go back to the counter and crack the eggs while slightly swinging my hips.

"Said her name was Georgia Rose.." I sing silently then start humming.

I smile proudly to myself as I place the chocolate cake on the top of the counter. I didn't put too much decoration on it but there a word  _happy_ and a smiley face on it. I already took a bath and I think I'm not sick anymore. Okay. Maybe a little.

I eat my slice of cake while I sit on the floor watching TV. I see Heave's panicking eyes when he goes out of his room but as soon as he sees me he lets out a sigh of relief. He walks towards me and sits beside me.

"I thought you left again."

I put the fork in my mouth. "Morning."

"Yeah, good morning." I hear him chuckles. "It's only 6:30 in the morning. Why are you awake already?"

"I decided to bake." I shrug. "I missed baking."

"CanI have mine?"

I nod. "Sure. Get yours."

He grins and excitedly get up then runs to the kitchen. When he comes back he's already chewing while some icing is on his chin. I laugh.

"Are you a kid?"

"Maybe?" He raises his brow while grinning at me. "I missed your cake too."

"Aww." I tease.

"Where's Nathalie?!" I jolt when I hear someone shouts. I turn my head towards the door and I see a panting Chaos. "Oh my God. You scared me."

I just look away. I continue to eat my cake while watching. Heave nudges me but I still don't talk. Yes, I'm not mad anymore but I told you I'm still hurt. The cut was too deep and already healed but he opened it again.

"Where's that cake came from?" I hear him asks. "Did she bake it?"

"Yep." Heave answers.

"Do I have mine?"

"Of course."

"Yes!"

My mouth twitches. I see him run and I can't help myself from smiling. Heave nudges me.

"Admit it. You miss him."

"I didn't say I'm not missing him."

"So you miss him?"

"Who wouldn't?" I shrug. "I'm just hurt, Heave. I don't hate him."

"But you said you hate him."

I sigh in frustration. "I was mad, okay?" I roll my eyes. "Know what, just shut up."

He laughs and I smile. This feels good. It feels good being back again.. back in myself again. Laughing like nothing's bothering you, smiling like nothing hurts inside you. Torturing yourself at it's best.

"I'm not going to school today." I mumbles as I feel Chaos sits on the couch behind us.

"Neither us." Heave answers.

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah, sure." Chaos excitedly answers.

I tilt my head on the side and eat my cake again. Awkward silence fills the air. I badly wanna talk to Chaos right now but I love how he does an effort to make a conversation with me without being rude.

"You two go out until.. uhm.. 6:30PM."

"What, why?"

"I'm just gonna do something in this house." I bite my lower lip. "Please?"

"Are you gonna burn the kitchen?" Heave teases and I playfully smack his arm. "Okay, okay."

"Be sure to go home before 7:00, okay?" I say, standing up. I see Heave nods and I move my eyes to Chaos which is mouth is hanging open and looking at me. I raise my brow and he blinks, closes his mouth then looks away. I try to stiffle my laugh. I nudge him using my knee. "Okay, Chaos?"

"H-huh? Yes.. yes." He slowly nods, wide eyes open.

I nod and place my plate on the table then walks away. As I close my door I hear a loud thug. I quickly open my door and look at them from the top and I see Chaos jumping with a big smile on his face.

"Fuck, man. She talked to me!" Then he laughs as he punches Heave's arm which is laughing with him.

"Heave?" I call.

I see how Chaos freezes and Heave turns to me with a smirk on his face. I wink at him and he grins.

"What's that?"

"What?" Heave answers, grinning at Chaos. "Chaos, what?"

"W-what? I don't know."

I laugh soundless and go back in my room and I hear their laughter fills the whole house. I just need to do one more thing to make everything okay. I grab my phone and turn it on. I watch my phone as it vibates for almost one minute. I ignore all the text messages, I also see someone e-mailed me, to go through my contacts and find a particular name. I scroll through it and I found her name. I inhale a deep breath before tapping her number.

One ring. Two rings. Three, four, fiv-

"Hello?"

The softness of her voice makes me smile. I miss her and I wanna hug her right now. It's been a while since I saw and talked to her. It feels nice.

"Hi."

"Oh, Nathalie. Why did you call? Is there any problem? Did Chaos do something wrong again? What? Oh God, tell me he's okay."

"No, no." I shake my head even though she can't see me. "He's fine. I just wanna invite you to dinner, yeah?"

"Dinner? With..?" I hear the hope in her voice. She tries not to be obvious but I can hear it.

"With us. With Chaos, Heave and I. You can bring your husband too."  She doesn't talk and her breathing is only I can hear until I hear a sob escape from her mouth. "Oh my God, Mrs. Felix, I didn't mean to make you cry-"

"No." She laughs. "I'm fine. I'm just happy. Thank you for inviting me.. us. We'll coming. Thank you again, Nathalie. And please, call me Aunt Hope. I will be more comfortable."

"Oh, okay." I smile. "See you later. 7:00PM, okay?"

I end the call with the smile on my face. I go through my contacts again and find another name again. At first ring, she already answers it. I laugh.

"Hi, babe! I miss you. How are you?"

I smile. She is still that jolly person. Can't wait to see her. "I miss you too. I'm fine, how about you?"

"Still pretty!" She laughs. "By the way, why did you call? Does my son misses me?" She teases but I know somewhere deep inside her wants me to tell her that Heave does.

"Uhm.. I'm sorry." I say with a small voice.

"Oh." She laughs softly. "It's okay, my dear."

"Are you busy?"

"Not really. I'm bored here." She snorts.

"Well, if you want to you can join us for dinner later. Would you like to come?"

"What? With whom?" She quickly answers and I almost put away my phone from my ears because she almost squeal.

"Heave, Chaos and I. Chaos' parents will come. I'd be happy if you do too."

"Aww. You're so sweet, honey. But I don't think my son wants us to." I can sense the sadness in her voice but I know she really wants to go. She loves her son so much that she cares what will he feel about it. I miss the feeling that someone cares for you.. the motherly like.

"Please?"

She sighs. "You know it's hard to say no to you. You're using your charm against me, huh?" She giggles. "I know he won't be happy with this but we're going. I miss him so much and thank you for giving this opportunity, Nathalie."

"Anytime, Mrs. Taleon."

"How dare you." She states. "I told you to call me mama. Now I'm hurt."

I laugh. "I'm not comfortable."

"Oh, God. Heave isn't your boyfriend yet?"

I burst into a laughter. "Oh my God. He will never be. We're like siblings, Mrs. Angel."

"Duh. Siblings my ass." She clicks her tongue. "I'll tell Sky later that we're going. And I told you, call us mama and papa. I will be sad if you don't. Okay, see you later. Mwa!"

I giggle as she ends the call. She doesn't look and sound like a mother. She talks and acts like she's a teenager that's why we clicked. I still remember when she said she wants me to be her daughter-in-law. I couldn't stop laughing that time.

I hope this dinner won't turn in such a mess. I don't wanna see two moms crying because their son kicked them out and two dads punching their own child. Honestly, I'm nervous. This must go according to the plan.

Must.


	25. Chapter 25

I waste my time catching up with what's happening with One Direction. Heave and Chaos decides go eat lunch outside which I consider as a date and Heave just laughs at me.

I click the link where the boys were being interviewed again but there's a caption on it.  _Harry Styles talked about dating Monic Falcon._  My brow raises as my heart starts to race. When did this interview happen?

I focus on my food but my head snaps to the screen when I hear what he says. I even repeat it again and again and I can't take it in. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. I shouldn't have watched this.

"How about you, Niall and Harry? Still available?" The interviewer asks.

Niall laughs. "I'm sure I am. I don't know Harry."

"Uhm.." All of them turns to Harry. Liam, Niall and Louis are both grinning from ear to ear while Zayn is smirking at the back. Harry looks around and a small smile appears on his face. "Yeah, I'm single."

I chuckle and nod. He is though. We're not in a relationship. How dare you to assume things, Nathalie?

"Oh." I hear Louis' disappointed voice.

"Nothing to add?" Liam asks. I see Niall nudges Harry with his knee. Harry just knits his brows together then shrugs.

"There's this rumor that you're dating Monic Falcon, a beautiful model. You two were seen holding hands leaving the restaurant and you looked so happy. Is it true that you're dating her?"

"She's just a good friend, nothing more." He nods. "And we weren't holding hands. I was just helping her to walk down because her heels are so high. I was afraid she might fall."

Oh.

-

_Before 7PM_ _._ _Don't be late._

I send that text to Heave and Chaos. I know they're busy with their own date and I'm busy cleaning the house. I decide to call our neighbour to cook for us- Miss Danica, which she gladly accepts. She's in the kitchen while I clean the house.

I'm nervous about this. I don't know if this would go well because I saw them fight before and it was horrible. Heave is scary if he's mad but Chaos is scarier. You don't want to see it. I still remember how broken Aunt Hope and mama were when Chaos and Heave made them leave. I hate seeing moms cry because I saw how my mom cried and it broke my heart. It surprised me how the hell could Heave and Chaos made their mothers go.

I'm doing this for them. I want their family to be okay because I don't want them to regret the things they've done just because of their pride. I don't want them to suffer in pain like me because I know how it feels. That moment when you just want to rewind everything to make it right but you just can't because it has been done and it's over and you can't do anything about it. You'll just let the pain kill you. Pretending to be okay is never easy but I'm trying.

I keep on pushing the thought about Harry at the back of my head. I know he's bombing my inbox but I'm not just ready to talk to him. Not yet when I'm still not in myself. Not yet when I'm still confused. Not yet when I'm still hurt.

I thank her and give her some food for cooking. She also says that she was the one who changed my clothes and she even says that I have a nice body which made me blush. She just laughs and hugs me before leaving. Sometimes I hate being so stupid for not knowing anything about cooking.

There's a saying that  _a woman who doesn't know how to cook should marry a man who doesn't know how to eat_. Was it my fault that no one taught me how to cook? Yeah, maybe. Because if my mom didn't hate me she would teach me how to cook for sure. I shake my head and look at the clock. It's 6:00. I run upstairs and take a quick bath.

Of course t-shirt and jeans are enough for me. I dry my hair and let it fall over my shoulder then wear my necklace. My stomach starts to turn and my palm begins to sweat when I see it's already 6:46pm. I construct a message for the freaks.

_It's almost time. Be here any minute, please._ _Don't hate me for this. Just think that this is gonna make me happy. I'm sorry._

The ring of the doorbell makes me more nervous. I put my phone in my pocket and start running downstairs. I open the door and I see a woman with her simple white dress hooking her arms to her husband whose wearing a long sleeve blue polo which emphasize his biceps. They're both smiling from ear to ear. Excited but I can sense that they are also nervous like me.

"Hello, Mrs. Feli-" I stop myself then smile. "Aunt Hope, Uncle War, good evening."

I shake Uncle War's hand and Aunt Hope presses her cheeks against mine. Chaos' parents intimadate me because they're so formal and too elegant.

"Thank you for inviting us." Uncle War says.

"My pleasure, please come in." I gesture them the couch which is new. Chaos bought it and I don't know where they put the old. Her heels that ticking against the floor is the only noise in the house. I see them look around, observing the whole place. I sit opposite to them.

"It feels good to be back in here. Where's my son's room?" She asks and I point at the door beside Heave's room near the stairs. "Oh, where is he by the way?" I see her swallow and I can tell in her smile that she's nervous.

"They just went out. They will be here soon." I smile and another ring of the doorbell makes me wanna throw up. Oh my God, Nathalie. What the hell are you doing. "Excuse me." They both nod and I make my way towards the door and as soon as I open it a warm hug greets me. I flinch when she squeals followed by a laugh.

"I missed youuuu." She hugs me tighter. She pulls out and kisses my cheeks. "You're so beautiful! Here, we brought you a chocolate. The one which is your favorite!" She turns to her husband and raises a brow. "Hey, bastard. Where's the chocolate." I laugh when she swats him, asking where the chocolate is. He just scratches the back of his head handing me the chocolate with a pinkish cheeks.

"Aww. Thank you, Mrs-"

"Mama!" She widens her eyes at me. "Mama, mama, mama." She says while pretending to pinch me. We all laugh and I invite them to come in. They sit on the couch and I watch them all laughing. I smile.

Last time they went here women were crying and men were angry. I just hope that that laugh will last till the end of this night. I let them talk and make my way to the kitchen. My phone starts to buzz and my stomach turns around once more when I see Heave's name on it. I swallow and answer his call.

"Do you have a visitor? There are two cars out here." I hear his voice shakes. He knows one of them belongs to his parents. I hear Chaos curse but I ignore it.

"I do. Get in the house now." I say calmly but deep inside my heart wants to come out. He protests but I already end the call. I cross my fingers and close my eyes. Please, no fight. No fight. No fight!

I rush towards the door when I hear the doorbell. I open it and I see how pale the two of them are. I can see myself in them. I look down at their own hands and they're shaking like mine. I look away.

"Go." I whisper as I gesture them the living room. Chaos pushes Heave and Heave glares at him. "Stop it."

I hear them silently growls before stepping in. They stand beside me and I widen my eyes to them as I close the door. They both sigh, looking down the floor and walking towards their parents. The house filled with laughter earlier becomes dead silence.

I look at Aunt Hope and mama. Their eyes are dancing through the happiness and their lips are trembling with smile. I look at their husbands who are just smiling and holding their wife's hand as a support. Chaos and Heave looks around but their parents. I clear my throat and everyone turns to me.

"Should we eat then?"

The dinner is not that awkward if you describe because mama, being talkative and noisy makes everyone feel comfortable. Yes, she's rich but she's so simple. Not taking any chance to be different from us. She's just wearing a sweater and a jeans while her hair is tied into a ponytail and she has no make-up while papa is wearing a simple red shirt with pants. I'm sitting between Chaos and Heave and they don't think I notice but I do that they missed their parents. They just have to put down their pride.

"Uhm, how are you by the way?" I lift my head and I see mama looking at Heave hoping for him to answer her. I kick Heave's leg under table. He blocks his whimper by biting his lower lip.

"Fine." He shortly answers before shaking his head. I see how happy mama is. Papa holds her hand as they eat again.

"What about you, Chaos?" Aunt Hope asks.   
"Doing good." My head snaps and look at him. My wide eyes can't describe how surprise I am. He.. Oh my God. Is this real? Chaos looks at me and he smiles. Not the sarcastic one, not the angry one but a genuine smile. I put my hand under the table and tap his thigh.  _You're doing good._

"Why did you name him Chaos when your name is Hope and your husband is War?" Mama asks.

"That's what you call being creative and unique." Aunt Hope shrugs as they laugh. "Then why did you name him Heave if your name is Angel and his is Sky?"

"Duh. The nurse was so stupid. It should be Heaven but she forgot to put the  _N_. His name is still beautiful tho." She teasingly flips her hair which makes me laugh.

We're all done eating and the parents does the laughing and talking while we're listening. I can almost see how Heave's lips twitches when her mother tells us a joke that's funny but he doesn't wanna laugh while Chaos is silently observing with a little smile on his face.

"Uh. Can I leave you guys for a while?" I say.

"Oh, yeah sure-"

"No." Heave says, interrupting his mother. "Where are you going?" I step onto his feet and he shut his eyes tight. I smile but before I can say anything mama talks.

"Why you two still aren't together? You would be a great couple."

I look at Chaos when he snorts and laughs for a minute until I laugh with him. He even raise his hands for a high five. "Funny."

"Why, are you her boyfriend?" Aunt Hope and mama asks at the same time. This time Heave, Chaos and I bursts into laughter. Heave puts his head on the table while I cover my face and Chaos throwing his head back and holding his stomach as we laugh.

"We call it incest." I say between my laugh. I clear my throat and sit up straight, trying not to laugh again though the two freaks beside me are still giggling. "We treat each other as siblings and there's no way one of them would be in a relationship with me."

"Exactly." Chaos agrees, grinning from ear to ear. He punches Heave's arm because he's still laughing and dying because of laughter.

"Except if both of them are gay." I grin and they both poke my side that makes me jump from my seat and giggle. "Kidding. So, I'll let you guys alone for a while." I smile at them as I stand from my seat. I tap Chaos and Heave's shoulder as I walk upstairs. I look back at them and I give them a thumbs up. They both smile at me.

Go, guys. You can do it.

-

After one hour, I step out of my room and all of them are sitting on the couch except the two freaks. I walk towards them and they greet me with a smile on their faces. Aunt Hope hugs me.

"Thank you so much, Nathalie. This means so much to us." She whispers. I'm still confused what happened and where are Heave and Chaos. They should be here! Uncle War hugs me next and thank me also. "We should go. It's getting late. Take care of our son okay?" I just nod and I watch them walks out the door. I turn to mama when she pokes me. She hugs me tight for so long and I hug her back until I feel her tears on my neck.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry." She says as she pulls away and wipes her tears while chuckling. "Thanks for tonight. I'm really happy I saw him again after a few years. Joke! Months. I was just watching him from afar and he didn't know. Thank you, Nathalie. I love you." I laugh as she kisses my cheeks again. "Hey, husband."

"Yes, wife?" He answers. He smiles at me and hugs me too. "I can't thank you enough but thank you for giving us this opportunity. Thank you for making us happy specially my wife. You don't know how long she cries every night when she misses Heave." She rolls her eyes as she pinches his arms. He just laughs and puts his arms around her waist. "Take care of him, okay? I know you love them too."

"Okay, papa." I smile.

"We're gonna go. Next time, yeah?" Mama smiles.

I nod my head. "Sure."

They both wave at me and they drive away. I sigh and close the door. Now where are those two freaks. Kitchen? I see the table is clean and all the plates are in the sink. I turn off the lights in the living room and I walk towards Chaos room then knock before going in.

The lights are on and I see him sitting on the other side of the bed, leaning against it. I call him but he doesn't answer. I walk to him and I see him burying his head in his hands. I decide to sit beside him, preparing myself incase he punch me.

"Look, I'm sorry." I say.

He quickly grabs the remote and presses it then the lights turns off. The only light in his room is the light from the moon. He falls silent until I hear him sobs.

"Why did you have to do that?"

I bite my lower lip. It's not my intention to make him cry!

"I just want you to be okay with your parents. I know it'll make you happy.." I push my hair back. "I know you're not gonna agree with me if I say that they're coming here. I did for you, not for me."

"You.." He sobs. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to do that." I state. I look up at the dark ceiling. I swear, I imagine Sadako looking down at me. I close my eyes. "No regrets. Do you know how good it feels? Well, I don't. Because I regret everything I've done towards my mother and I don't want you to experience it." His cry gets louder. I punch his arm. "Why the fuck are you crying?!"

"Because I hate you! I hate you for doing that! I hate you because you brought them here! I hate you because despite the fact that I hurt you, you did that for me! You did that because you want us to be okay, you did that because you want me to be happy! I hate you because you're so fucking nice to me even though I'm a fucking asshole to you!" I see his shoulders shakes as I stare at him with wide eyes. "I hate you but I love you. I'm happy I'm your best friend but I hate the fact that you cried because of me. That I made you cry. That I hurt you. I hate it." He whispers as his sobs gets harder. "I'm sorry, Nathalie. I'm really sorry. I know I'm stupid and I'm really sorry."

I rub his back. "Hush. It's okay now. Stop crying, cry baby."

He chuckles then hiccups. "Said the girl who cried for days."

"Shut up." We laugh and I feel his arm wraps around me. I hug him back. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He mumbles. We stay like that for a few minutes before he pulls out. "They're happy specially mom. We're finally okay."

"Really?" I clap my hands like a seal. "Finally! Oh my God." I laugh. "How about Heave?"

"I don't know. We talked in the living room while they talked in the kitchen."

"Oh."

"But thank you, Nathalie." He says again, leaning his head on my shoulder. "Without you we would never be okay again. Thank you because you exist."

"So when are you gonna live there?"

"What?" He asks as he looks at me. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm still gonna live here but they can visit here and I can visit them. Psh. I'm not gonna leave you."

"Really?" I tease. "But what if you already have a family? I'm sure you're gonna leave."

"Well, you will be a good baby sitt-" I smack his arm. He laughs as I chuckle. "What?"

I stand up. "Good night, Chaos." I turn around to walk towards the door but before I can go there he tugs my hand and turns me around.

His soft lips touches my forehead as he whisper a good night.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii. So I'm really sorry if the updates were lack of Harry-Nate moments. Let's take it slow, shall we? We'll get there. Bear with me. :(

Heave and I talked. Well, he didn't cry but he was happy and he thanked me too. After that I took a quick shower and put my pj's on then went back to my swivel chair. My eyes darts to my phone on the table when it lights up. I pick it up and see Brix' message.

_Blocks:_ _You forgot, didn't you?_

"Oh my God." I slap myself. I immediately call him, standing and start to pace while biting my finger. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I keep on saying though he's still not answering.

I mean, I thought he didn't.

"My head is aching." He mutters. "Are you feeling well now?"

"Oh God, Brix. I'm really sorry. I was preoccupied these past few days and I got sick. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I forgot to call or text you. Oh my God." I keep pacing back and forth, still biting my finger. I hear him chuckles.

"It's fine, really. I'm glad you're okay now but I haven't got any sleep yet because I was really worried about you."

I sigh and push my hair back. "Uhm. You should get some rest, eat then- you have your medicines. You just have go and rest! That's what I did."

"Okay, okay. Calm down. I'm not gonna die yet." He laughs. "See you when I see you. Good night."

"Okay, good night. I'm sorry, Brix."

"Again, beautiful. It's fine." I freeze.  _What?_

I look at my phone but the call has already ended. I throw my phone on my bed and sit on the swivel chair, scrolling through my timeline.

_Niall Horan_ _@NiallOfficial_

_Missing my tedear ! :(_

"Aww." I pout as I type a reply to his tweet.

_@NiallOfficial Miss you too!_

Something pops out on my screen. Video call. Should I answer it or not?

_Styrry calling.._

I sigh before clicking the answer button. My heart begins to race as I wait for his face to appear. I almost flipped the table when his face appears in across the screen. He's smiling again. I missed those smile and his green eyes, looking indirectly at me.

"You answered my call." He breathes. Relief flashes through his eyes. "Finally."

I cough and smile at him. The cough is still there though it's dry that's why it hurts sometimes. Sadness passes in my eyes but I blink it away.

Pretend everything's fine. Pretend you weren't crying when you called him to tell him you miss him. Pretend you're okay. Pretend you're not broken inside. Pretend you don't wanna know some things. Do it, Nathalie. Do it.

I just smile and nod.

"I missed you and still do."

My smile stays on my face as I watch his face. He looks so stressed, to be honest. The dark circles under his eyes makes his eyes looks sleepy plus his messy hair that I don't think he brushes his fingers through it anymore.

I look down at my fingers, clearing my throat.

"Um. How are you?"

"I'm fine now. I saw you."

"Oh." I slowly nod. My eyes roams around my room but him. This is awkward. I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know how to act towards him after how many days I've ignored him. I feel guilty. I feel horrible. I wanna say sorry.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching you."

My eyes darts to him. I press my lips together and watch him carefully. I stare at him to watch his eyes twinkles in happiness yet fear.  _Fear?_

My heart goes in my throat.

"You know it's now working, right?" I say with a tight voice. I see his smile slowly fades and his eyes softens. "Harry.. I don't know." I sigh as I shake my head. "I don't know anymore."

A moment of silence.

"It's working. I know it's working." He licks his lips. I see the fear in his eyes. Shit, why he look so vulnerable? I can see myself in him. The way I was last few days.

"I'm trying my best to make it work. I just want you to trust me, to trust this relationship that its gonna work. I told you to never let go, right? I can feel that you're slipping away from my hold. Are you.. are you already tired of me? Are you already tired of fighting for us, Nathalie?" I hear his voice shakes. I look away, blinking rapidly.

"I didn't say that." I whisper but I know he heard it. "I never said that and I would never say that." I lift my head to meet his eyes. I give him a small but reassuring smile.

"Sorry for what I've said. I thought you were already done with me. Like who the hell would like to be with me, right?" I chuckle. He tries to talk but I shake my head at him. "I know you want this to work. We promise to make this work, right? I'm trying. We're trying. And I'm sorry for being a bitch."

"I'm sorry for ignoring you these past few days. I had some problems I had to solve and I just wanted to be alone. And.. I don't want you to worry but I got sick." I see him going to react but I cut him by raising my finger. "Wap! Don't worry, I'm fine now."

"You sure, you okay now?"

"What did I say?" I chuckle. He smiles and sighs in relief. "Uhm.." I cough, feeling my chest tightens because of it's dryness. "How's Monic?"

He frowns. "Have you watched the interview?"

"Yeah." I nod then lean back against my seat then cross my arms. Actually, I don't know why I'm acting like this. Maybe because I want a label. I know I'm not his girlfriend but atleast I want him to consider my feelings for him which yet I don't. I don't fucking understand myself.

"We're not dating." He states. "You're the one I'm dating."

"I'm not thinking about you cheating on me." I smile. "Maybe I'm just jealous because she could hold your hand while I can't."

My heart clenches as the words slips out my mouth. That hurts, huh.

"We weren't holding hands, Nathalie. I swear." I hear the determination in his voice that he really wants me to believe him.

I believe him tho. I will always believe him.

"Harry, that's not what I meant." I shake my head with a little smile on my face then lean closer to the monitor. "You overthink things."

"Well you can't blame me." He chuckles. "I don't even have an idea what's going on in your mind."

"Trust. That's all we need."

He nods. "Aren't you tired yet?"

"Why?"

"Because you've been running in my mind since I've met you."

My eyes widens then I burst into laughter. I see him grinning while watching me laugh until he giggles. I cough and try to stiffle my laugh.

"That was funny." I comment.

I can't wipe off the stupid grin on my face.

"That's true though." He shrugs. "I haven't got enough sleep since the day you didn't contact me. I missed you so much." I just smile until he bites his bottom lip. "Can I ask why were you crying when you called me?"

"Uh." I rub my eyes under my glasses. "I told you I had a problem."

"Care to share? If you don't mind. I'm here to listen." He shyly smiles and I just shake my head. He slowly nods, disappointment fills his eyes. "Oh, okay."

I nibble my lower lip. What if he thinks I'm just making excuses? What if he thinks I don't trust him that much because I don't wanna tell him what's my problem? Oh, here I am, overthinking things. Cut the crap.

"Harry, uhm.. I have to sleep now. It's almost 12:30." I apologetically smile at him. "Maybe we'll talk tomorrow? I mean.. later."

"Oh. Okay, I'm sorry. Sleep well." He waves at me. "I'll call you tomorrow okay?" I nod. "Answer it okay?" I chuckle then nods again. "Good night."

"Yeah. Thank you, good night. Get some sleep."

"Dream of me." And before I could say a word the tab goes blank.

 _Dream of me_. If he just knows, I always dreamed about him. I don't know if I should be happy or not that my feelings for him is getting deeper. There's no assurance in this situation. We're just going with the flow. One day I wouldn't be surprised if he don't contact me anymore because he's tired.

Long distance relationship never really works.  _But he's trying._

I'm trying.

-

"Hey."

"What?" I answer, reading the book in my hand.

I'm here in the living room and I decided to read this book because I haven't read it yet since I bought it then suddenly Chaos and Heave sit next to me.

"Mom wants me to spend three nights in the house." I see at the corner of my eye that Chaos pouts.

I try to read the paragraph again and again but it seems I just can't understand. Come again?

"Same here. They want me to sleep there. They said they miss me and there's a lot of things to catch up." Heave sighs.

"So?" I say, flipping the page and raising a brow. I put my legs down that were on the table and cross it. I feel Chaos twirls my hair around his finger.

"We have to go." He says.

"Yeah?" I nod. "Then?"

"I don't wanna gooo!" He jumps in his seat. I punch his thigh.

"But you  _have_ to go. Duh. It's your parents." I shrug. "Besides, that's really the right thing. You should be living with them not with me." Suddenly Chaos throws his arms around me making me lean to Heave which after a while hugs me too. I groan, trying to get away between them. "Stoooop."

"We're gonna miss you." Heave states.

"It's just three days!" I chuckle. "And if you want to live with them already, it's fine with me. You can visit me here anytime though."

"Hell no!" Chaos protests. "I'm not gonna leave you here."

"How am I suppose to kiss you good night?" Heave realizes as he pulls away from the hug. He looks annoyed but he still looks so cute. Chaos arms still around me. I try to pinch it but he just whimpers and doesn't let go. "Why are you always hugging her?"

"Admit it, Heave. You're insecure." Chaos grins at Heave. A grin appears on my face. I laugh when Chaos continue what he says by singing.

"Don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or." He squeezes me before pulling away from me. He stands up and starts to skip while clapping his hands. I watch him with a grin on my face. "Don't need make up."

"Dun dun dun dun." I look surprisingly at Heave when he makes a sound,  _sound effect_. He winks at me before joining Chaos be stupid infront of me. "Being the way that you are is eno-o-o-ough."

"Your lyrics is wrong!" Chaos laughs.

They pretend to have a hair and start flipping it. They look like girls and that's too adorable that I can't hide my laughter. I watch them sing until my stomach and the muscles hurts because of toi much laughing that I almost peed. I wipe the tears at the corner of my eye and touch my stomach.

"My stomach hurts." I say, giggling. "How the hell you know the song? Last time I checked you don't like their songs specially them."

"People change. Duh." Chaos rolls his eyes and scoots closer to me then leans his head on my shoulder. "Just tell us you're gonna be fine."

Then I feel Heave's head leans on my other shoulder. I sigh. I'm gonna miss these freaks. And if you think I'm over reacting, okay fine. Because for years, they always complete my day just by being stupid and I love them for that. I'm gonna say again, I dont know what I'm gonna do without them.

"I'm okay, and I will be okay. Don't worry about me." I say as I run my fingers through their hair. "I'm worried about you though. Behave, okay? Come back here and I want you to tell me good news, 'kay?"

I feel them nod. I smirk then quickly leans forward to the couch making their skulls crash to each other's. They both cuss and caress their head while I burst into a laughter.

"Freak." They both say. "Love you."

"Aww. Hate you too." I laugh again.

They look at each other then nod with smirks on their lips. Oh no. I stand up but they pull me back on the couch and then I feel their fingers digs on my side, tickling me. I squirm and squeal while pushing their hands away.

"Stop!" I laugh breathlessly as they continue to tickle me until I fall on the floor, panting. They are laughing while looking down at me.

I laugh, then look over them. Chaos has that devilish smirk on his face that can make girls go crazy. But his effect on me is different, it's either his smirk makes me annoyed or laugh.

Heave has a genuine smile. It seems like when he smile, the whole house would just brighten up. He lights up the mood and you could tell by the way he smile and looks at you that he's a good guy.

Chaos is a son of a devil and Heave is a son if an angel. I laugh at my imagination. I'm happy they became my best of friends.

"Love you, God dammit."


	27. Chapter 27

Chaos and Heave spent the rest of the day by packing their things. I even joked that they should bring all of it and I received a glare and shout from them. I just drew some sketches on my pad because I was bored until I decided to upload some of the pictures in my camera.

_Me:_ _Do you want me to send to you the pictures I took when we hang out?_

I place my phone on the table and click the mouse to see the pictures. I see Harry's face again. The carve on his cheek that makes girls running to him. I know I have a dimple though it's not as deep as Harry's and it rarely appears. Heave have seen it a few times but Harry's will always be the one whose perfect.

_Harry:_ _Yeah, sure. I gave you my email, right?  PS. Date*_

_Me:_ _:P_

I send the pictures and I see the pictures of me that he took. I was eating while looking at somewhere but the smile on my face was wide and my hair was blown by the wind. Harry can be a photographer.

_Harry:_ _Where's yours? :(_

_Me:_ _Mine?_

_Harry:_ _Yeah. The pictures I took. Plus our selfies in Ferris wheel_ _:(_

_Me:_ _Stop using sad smileys -,-_

_Harry:_ _I want your picture! Haha. Then stop frowning. :P_

_Me:_ _:P_

_Harry:_ _Get your tongue in there. Hahahaha. These pictures are really beautiful._

_Me:_ _Yeah. I know :P_

_Harry:_ _That tongue tho *o*_

_Me:_ _Lol. Talk to you laterrr :)_

I change my header with Harry's picture. The one when he was laughing and I captured it perfectly. The crinkles by his eyes and the deepness of his dimples just emphasized how perfect he is.

_Me:_ _Hi, Niall! :)_

I message him. He's been calling and texting me these past few days but not like Harry who bombs my inbox. He just texted a few messages asking how I am and how much he misses me.

_Niall:_ _Finally! I miss you._

_Me:_ _Miss you too ;)_ _btw, can I have a favor?_

_Niall:_ _Sure. What is it?_

_Me:_ _Can I have our selfie when we were in the car? The day we went to amusement park._

_Niall:_ _Oh sure. But first can I have your twitter account and your email? Haha!_

I just laugh then send it to him. After some minutes I received the pictures. I make our picture in the car where I was holding their chins as my icon. I just realized my account isn't small anymore because of the followers who start tweeting me when did I meet them. Why I was in their car. Why I am holding their chins. I forgot many fans followed me too when Harry did. Stupid Nathalie.

I choose to ignore them even though I really wanna answer those questions. I'm not used to ignore people. It makes me feel guilty at some reasons. I go back to my timeline and my eyes widens when I see update account posts about Harry's new header and icon.

If you look at it, he was just simply capturing the beautiful sunset but I was there.. I'm sitting there while my hair is dancing in the wind. Oh my God. My heart leaves my body as I see his icon.

"Fuck." I mutter as I cover my mouth.

His new icon is us. The picture he took when we were riding the ferris wheel. I'm glad he chose the one which my eyes are the only thing that could be seen. I swallow and shake my head. I fan myself and breathe in and out. I pick my phone with my shaking fingers.

"What the fuck, Harry." I start. I hear him chuckle. "Why did you do that? You're gonna kill me."

"I'm sorry." He chuckles. "It looks cute tho, doesn't it?"

I sigh and shake my head with a little smile on my face. I'm still trying to calm myself. I don't know why I'm freaking nervous. Maybe because of the fans. We all know what they can do.

"Let them figure out who's that girl hiding behind me." He laughs.

"What if they figured out?" I ask, almost breathless. I bite my finger, looking around my room.

"Shh. Calm down." I hear the smile on his face. "I can change it tho."

"It'll be more suspicious." I state and sigh. "Maybe I'm just over reacting. I'm sorry."

We spend the day by talking over the phone until his battery becomes dead. I recharge my phone too incase it goes dead. It's nearly 6:00PM when somebody pounds at my door. I roll my eyes.

"What?!" I answer, standing up from my seat. I open the door and I see Chaos' brows furrowing. I raise my brow at him.

"We're leaving now." He says with a sad tone.

"Aww. Shouldn't you be happy? You'll be with your family after how many years." I smile and playfully slap his arm. "I said don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I wiggle my brows.

"You sure you're okay with this? I can just say to mom that I don't want to go if you don't want me to." He searches for my eyes but I shake my head and click my tongue.

"Don't be so hard headed and I'm not selfish, Chaos. They miss you that's why they want to spend more time with you. Just be thankful you still have your parents who still love and care for you." I smile at him. "Come on. Let me help you with your things."

"I'm a guy. I can handle this."

I walk past by him and walk down stairs. "Oh? I thought you were gay." I laugh as he shouts at me again. As I see Heave standing by the door, I hug him immediately. "Take care."

"This is so unfair! Why didn't you hug me earlier? I was the one who went to you and you didn't hug me instead I got an insult!" Chaos groans making me pull out of the hug. I glare at him, and grab the throw pillow and throw it to him. I laugh.

"Shut up." I say walking towards him. I tiptoed and hug him. I squeeze him until he taps my back. I pretend I don't feel anything.

"What the.. hell." He gasps. I pull out and pinch his cheeks. "Aw, fuck. Not my cheeks! Stop it!" He slaps my hand, but before I pull out I pinch it harder.

Heave is dying because of laughter behind us. He glares at me as he caresses his cheeks. "Fuck you."

I teasingly smile at him. "See you on three days!" I wave at them.

"Yeah, I'm gonna call you." Heave says placing a three soft kiss on my forehead. "Advancing my good night kisses."

Chaos rushes infront of me and I almost fall when he wipes my forehead. I laugh when I realize what he's doing. Heave pulls him away from me.

"Sweet. Thank you. Have a nice stay there, guys." I say then we walk towards the door.

I open it and I see two cars with drivers standing next to each of it. I watch as they get in. Heaves waves at me with a smile on his face but I see the sadness in it. I wave back and his car is the first one to drive away. I look at Chaos' car and he blows three kisses.

"Catch it!" He shouts. I pretend to catch something and I see him grins. "Put it on your forehead." I slap it on my forehead and laughs.

I blow a kiss back and he puts it on his cheeks. I just smile at him. I wave and he waves back until his car starts to move. He even puts his head out just to see me again until my eyes can't reach him anymore.

With a smile on my face I close the door. I look around the house and my eyes lands in the living room.

Three days without freaks. Of course I'm gonna miss them. They will always be the part of my everyday and it's odd when I'm not seeing or hearing them around the house. I blink rapidly. I close the lights and run upstairs.

Have a good night.

-

My eyes flies open and I rub my eyes as I get up on the floor. I look at Cutie and smile then pat her head.

"Good morning." I mumble.

I take a bath and wear a white t-shirt and a pajama. I walk towards the kitchen and find something to eat. No one has cooked for me because Heave's not here anymore- I mean, for the meantime. I decided to grab a bread and a nutella. I sit on the high chair as I bite. I stare at nothingness while eating.

I wonder how was their night went through. I hope they're happy there. Look, I'm not pretending to be okay with this set up but of course I don't wanna be selfish. That's their family and I'm just their best friend. I can't take them away from their loved ones because first of all, since day one, Heave and Chaos belongs to them not me.

And I think this is good because I have to get use to live a day without them. We're gonna graduate in just a few days. We're gonna have different jobs and I know they're gonna have a family and we can't just live here forever. Someday they're gonna leave me here and I'm afraid when that day comes.

Sometimes getting attached to someone isn't a good idea at all. When they aren't around, you'll just crave for them. Crave for their attention, their warmth, their presence and everything about them. Thinking about them leaving me makes me sick. But that's what destined to happen though and we can't do anything about it. Nothing is permanent, remember that. Even the permanent marker these days gets erased.

Of course I waste my time on twitter, wattpad and youtube until I realized it's already 3:15 in the afternoon. I forgot to eat my lunch because I'm busy reading. Oh well, no one's gonna shout at me because I didn't eat lunch. I pick my phone and I almost punch myself that I forgot I haven't read the email yet.

I gasp when I see the first word even though I haven't click it yet. The blood from my face runs off and my stomach starts to turn. A lump in my throat starts to form that I can't swallow it off and it's getting harder to breathe. My nails are digging into my palm as I wait for it to load.

I'm breathless and the tears pools in my eyes as I finish reading it. My chest rising up and down, gripping my phone as my jaw clenches.

"No!" I scream as I throw my phone but it just landed on my bed. I put my face in my hands and bite my bottom lip hard that I think the blood will come out soon. A sob makes it's way on my lips to come out. "No.." I say as I shake my head.

"So that was him?" I ask myself looking down the floor. "Why did he have to do this? Why!" I scream again as I throw the vase against the wall.

I hear how it breaks just like my heart crashes inside of me. I feel my heart aches and I continue to focus on my breathing. I jump when suddenly the door opens and I see Heave and Chaos' worried face as they pant.

"What, what happened?"

"Why did you break the vase?"

I try to recover quickly and wipe my tears but they just flow again. My eyes finds the computer and I point at it with shaky hands. "Because.. Louis looks so goddamn hot in that picture, okay?" I sob, putting face into my hands. "He's perfect, okay?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Chaos screams, a little bit annoyed but the concerned in his voice is still there. "Why would you cry over a fucking picture? Stop lying!"

I shake my head as I burst into tears. I didn't make it. I break down infront of them as I fall on my knees. I cry harder as I feel their arms around me.

"This is why I don't want to leave you here alone." Chaos says with a stern voice as he rubs my back. "Hush now. We're here. We're not gonna leave you."

 _We're not gonna leave you._ I choke on my own sobs and I feel my tears falls faster than I thought. I bury my head on their shoulders as I let myself cry. Why do I always end up crying? Why do I always end up being hurt? I'm already fucking tired of all this shit! Can I just die?

Later that night I made them go home even though they didn't want to. I did my best to pretend I'm fine that I really cried because of Louis' picture not because of a stupid email. They left at eight thirty and they made sure I ate my dinner with them. Heave, of course, lectured me about not eating lunch.

I just stare at the ceiling while lying on the bed ignoring everyone's messages and calls. One Direction's songs are playing but it doesn't do anything good to me right now. My head is aching and when I get up I feel so dizzy.

What to do now, what to do. I curl into a ball and put my hands under my head still thinking.

Today is friday and monday will be our graduation day. I will be graduating as a summa cum laude and I should be happy but hell no, I'm not. Well kinda. I'm happy because that was my mom greatest dream for me and I achieved it. I'm not happy because she's not gonna be there to put that medal on me. And that email just makes me more broken.

I slowly open my eyes when More Than This starts to play. I bitterly laugh. Wow.

"I'm broken, do you hear me.." I whisper.

No one knows I'm really hurt right now. Like everytime I take a step I just break even more until I turn into pieces. I hum as I feel tears falls again from the corner of my eye.

I sit up and wipe it telling myself to stop. My head snaps when I feel my phone vibrates under my pillow. I hold it and unknown number flashes on the screen. I immediately feel my blood boils. I clench my jaw and answer it.

"What?" I quickly answer. I cut him off before he could even finish his sentence. "You just told me earlier and you want my decision right now?! Didn't I tell you to get fucking lost?!" A tear escape and I keep my anger. I need him to see how strong I am. That I don't need him.

"I don't fucking care!" I spit. "I don't want to! Leave me alone for fuck's sake. I don't want you in my life." My breathing becomes heavy as I feel myself shaking. "You don't need me, stop fooling yourself." I shake my head, words wrapping around my head. "EAT YOUR THREE FUCKING DAYS!"

I end the call and take a deep breaths. I look at my hand and its shaking. Its fucking shaking. My whole body feels so cold and I think the blood in my face drains off. I push my hair back as I scream in frustration.

I can't do it. No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was that? What does he want? What did he say?
> 
> Oh.


	28. Chapter 28

I tried to be my usual self till after graduation day. They didn't notice that I'm not okay and that's good. I'm starting to distance myself away from them without them being able to notice it. They always visit their parents which is definitely okay with me but of course, they still live in the same house with me.

I always say I eat my breakfast, lunch, and dinner before they arrive, and I wash the dishes so they won't be suspicious of me because the truth is I don't have the appetite to eat.

I placed my medal in my drawer with my mom's picture. I worked hard for it for her.

We just had a simple dinner at Chaos' house after the graduation with Heave's parents. Of course, mama let us feel at home. The warmth of her welcome always makes me feel good. Mothers has that power that makes me feel okay even when I don't.

Today is wednesday. Two days since we graduated. Brix says, him and his family are gonna be migrating in other country and he mocks me not to be sad. No, I'm not even sad. I'm happy for him, to be honest. They left yesterday because he said they're on rush. Even though we just met with the short span of time, I treat him as my real friend. I will miss him. That's for sure.

Harry and I are still talking over internet, texts and calls. They're kinda busy right now- well, they're always busy and of course, I understand that.

Pretending. That's what I'm doing since friday. I've been pretending for five days. Pretending to be okay, pretending to smile, pretending to laugh, pretending to be strong, pretending to be okay, pretending not to be scared. I talk to them like I'm fine and nothing's wrong with me. I keep my smile plastered on my face everytime Harry talks to me. I force a laugh for his jokes which I don't find funny at all at this moment.

But the truth is, I always cry silently at night. I haven't got enough sleep since I received that call and email. I'm always tired to get up or even move. I don't wanna move and I just wanna lay in my bed while staring blankly at the ceiling.

Heave and Chaos aren't always here anymore in the house. They're busy on their trainings to manage their own businesses which their parents let them do it. Of course, the heirs. They're busy now and I'm left with my own and I love it because no one sees how broken I am.

Why I couldn't just die? Why  _he_  couldn't just get lost? Why does  _he_  have to do this? Why is he ruining me? Why do I have to always cry? Why do I have to go all through this? Do they know that I'm also a human and I get tired?

My head slowly turns to the door when someone knocks. I lazily sit up from my bed and push my hair back.

"What?" I shout weaklt. The door flies open and I see Chaos in his usual white fitted t-shirt and short pants over his knee. He leans on my door frame, crosses his arms and raises his brow at me.

"What?" I repeat with a groan.

"Did you already take a bath?" He asks. "Let's go somewhere. Heave's not here."

"I'm tired." I say as I lay back on bed but he rushes towards me and pulls my hand. I click my tongue and tug my hair. "Chaos! Stop it, okay?" I roll my eyes.

"Let's go somewhere and get out from your bed!" He nags. "You're gonna get ready or do you want me to bathe you?"

I glare at him but he just smirks at me. I swat his arm and he laughs. He knows he fucking win. I get out from the bed and lazily walk towards my cabinet.

"Why do I have to do this." I whisper to myself. "I just wanna be alone for God's sake."

"I'm gonna wait for you outside." He says and I hear him close the door.

I sigh and pick out my white shirt plus my black hoodie and my faded blue jeans. I slam the door then step into the shower.

I flinch when I feel it stings.

Well, shit.

-

"Where are you taking me?" I ask as I look outside the window. He's driving his own car and I don't have any idea where he's taking me.

"I'm taking you out on a date." He says. I didn't response and keep my eyes on the window. "Kidding. Why so serious? I just want you to get out in the house. You're always in your room."

"I love my bed." I simply state.

"But seriously, why are you wearing a hoodie when it's not cold?"

"You're not the one whose wearing a hoodie so you don't have the right to complain." I roll my eyes.

We walk inside the mall and he suddenly pulls my hand and pushes me towards the.. I look at the name of it. It's a fucking spa and parlor.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Felix?" I exclaim. I look back at him but he just turns my shoulders around. "Chaos, no!"

"Oh, God. Be girl just for now. My treat, don't worry." He says, still pushing me. "Just imagine this is your gift for me. Graduation gift. C'mon!"

"I fucking hate you." I mumbles as we finally enter the shop. I see how the girls' head turns to us- I mean him. And my jerk best friend just put an annoying smirk on his face. I roll my eyes as he greets one of the lady there.

"Here's my-"

"Is she your girlfriend?" The blonde girls interrupts him.

I mentally roll my eyes. I cross my arms. I feel Chaos puts his hand on my waist and my brow automatically raises. He clears his throat as he squeezes my shoulder. I know what that means.  _Go with the flow._

I keep my posture. Crossed arms and brow raised. I see how the girl looks at me from head to toe and I try my very best not to be offended. She doesn't like me, that's for sure.

"Take care of her." Heave says gently pushing me towards her.

I look at him while he just gives me a thumbs up. I raise my middle finger at him and he just laughs. I follow the blonde girl and she instructs me to go inside. I step in and I regret it. I want to go outside but then another blonde girl who seems so nice approaches me with a smile on her face. Fuck.

-

I wipe my tears away as we walk again. We enter one room and I see two girls sitting on a chair having a manicure and pedicure. They let me sit on one of those chairs and another two girls walk towards me then start doing shits with my nails while I just keep on sniffling.

"Are you okay?" The lady asks who's busy with my hands.

I look at her and her eyes filled with concern. I want to be rude at her because I'm crying. What do you think?

"Not really." I give her a small smile. "Could you please make it colorless? I don't want any nail polish on my nails."

"Oh, sure." She nods and smiles. "Don't worry. Just think that everything will be okay."

I feel my heart aches as she caresses my arm making me gasps. I blink away the tears but there are some of it escapes. I wipe it as they clean my nails. I close my eyes then lean back against my seat.  _Everything will be okay._

They have finished my nails and they brought me in another room. This place is so big. Like how many rooms are in here? Just when I realize this is like the main parlor. They don't have so much customers (maybe because these thungs cost fortune) but each customers has a smile on their faces, well except me.

"Here madamme." The lady says, gesturing the chair on me. I sit on it and look at my reflection.

"Why am I so ugly." I ask myself.

"Oh, no, ma'am. You're not." I quickly look at the lady who's touching my wet hair with a genuine smile on her face. "You are beautiful."

I sarcastically chuckle and shake my head. I see Chaos walk in, smiling at the employees.

I just shake my head while the lady is drying my hair then she walks away because Chaos tells her to. He stops infront of me leaning back in the mirror, looking at me. His brows furrows and narrows his eyes.

"Did you cry?" I glare at him. "What? What happened? What did they do to you?"

"My whole body stings." I say with a small voice as the tears pools in my eyes. He sighs in relief and smiles at me.

"It's normal."

"Well that was my first time and you didn't even warn me!" I say with my voice slightly raised. "They took my dignity."

He laughs. "Girls shouldn't have hair legs."

"I'm not a fucking girl tho." I state wiping my tears. He chuckles and gently pinches my cheeks.

"You're so cute, babe." I look at him curiously as his hands travels down my hand looking at my manicured nails. "Why you didn't put any color? Light pink suits on you."

"I want it to be plain." I state. "Plus I want my hair to be short."

"Short?" I nod. "I don't want it to be really short. Over your shoulder, yeah?"

"Okay. Just cut it. Don't do anything aside from that." I say and he nods. He walks away calling the lady and I guess telling her what to do with my hair.

The reason why I was crying earlier because my whole body stings. They waxed my legs (my whole body; they took.my dignity, I should report this to police) and give me a brazillian wax. It fucking hurts that I even screamed God's name out loud.

Yes, as gross as you think I don't wax my legs because I'm too lazy to do it plus the fact that my hair legs are not that thick. After they waxed it I have a whole body massage plus a facial massage and I won't deny it but it feels so good.

I just stare at nothingness as the lady does my hair. I'm still thinking what will happen three days from now. He just gave me five days after my graduation and today is the second day. I only have three days to decide or to do everything I have to do. I can't do anything to stop it but cry and that's why I hate myself.

They rinse my hair once again and I sit back on my chair. I look at the clock and I didn't notice the time. I look at my reflection and I jolt on my seat then lean towards the mirror.

My waist-length hair before is now cut over my shoulder and it emphasize my features like my eyes, nose and my small lips. I didn't notice that they already cut my hair earlier. Thinking too much can kill me.

As I wait for her to dry my hair I get more confused. My hair isn't turning to black like it usually do, it's becomes more like.. brown. My eyes widens when she starts to smile back at me and I hold her hand.

"You look more beautiful, ma'am."

I continue to stare at the mirror. My hair isn't straight anymore. It has more waves now and it's not black anymore. Ombre is the term. From dark brown at the roots to lighter towards the hair tips.

"Shit." I exclaim, examining my hair. I hear her chuckles and she continue to brush my hair. I still watch myself at the mirror with wide eyes until my eyes catches Chaos' smirk. That smirk tells everything.

"I told you. You're more beautiful if you just learn how to be a girl." He says, wiggling his brows. "I knew that this color would suit on you."

"Shit, Chaos. I told you to cut my hair. Not to.." I bite my lower lip. I don't want to admit it but it really looks good on me. The way it falls over my shoulder is just so beautiful. It looks so soft. Well it is soft. And that blonde color just add the perfection in my hair. "Thank you."

"Awe. No problem. Let's eat, yeah?" He says, offering his hands to me.

I put my hand in his and stand up. I thank Anja, the girl who made my hair and she brightly smiles back at me. Her smile is so beautiful.

I didn't notice that Chaos is still holding my hands until I see the ice cream parlor. I tug his hand and he looks back at me.

"Let's just eat ice cream." I say.

I even pout. I just don't wanna eat food. He chuckles and nods. I let go of his hand because I suddenly feel uncomfortable when I remember how Harry's hand felt in mine. I miss the feeling.

"Be thankful you're cute." He mumbles as we walk inside the shop.

After that we drove back to the house because Heave was calling us nonstop. He said somebody's gonna kill him because he's alone in the house. I think too much watching horror movies affects his brain.

Thoughts floods in my mind again while heading home. Thinking what my life would be without them. That what am I gonna do without them. That how can I survive the whole day without seeing them. I don't want to think about it.

"Guys where have you- what the hell?!" His eyes widens as he sees my hair. He turns me around and Chaos just laughs at him. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Ask Chaos." I laugh. "By the way, I'm gonna sleep now. I'm tired." I fake a yawn, rubbing my eyes.

"Wait, we're not eating our dinner yet." Heave calls.

I shake my head and walk upstairs but someone aggressively grabs my wrists and turns me to face him. He grips my wrist and I block my whimper. I try to jerk his hand away but he pulls it once again. My mouth hangs open as I feel the sting on my wrist.

"A-aw." I whimper as I look down at my wrist.

His features softens. He quickly lets go of my hand, fear eating his eyes. I quickly hide my wrist behind me and look at him.

"Seriously, Nathalie. What's the problem? You're not eating these past few days! I'm starting to get worried!" He says, voice getting loud.

I close my eyes and shake my head.

"I'm.. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm not hungry. I'm going to sleep now. Don't disturb me." I smile and lift my head. I look at Chaos who's standing beside Heave. "Thank you for today, Chaos. And Heave.. don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Good night."

I smile once again before turning my back on them. I let go of the tears I'm holding back. I rush towards my room and locks it. I lean my head on my door as I sob silently.

I'm ruining our friendship. I'm pushing them away from me. One day they're gonna get tired of me and they're gonna leave me. The time will come that they don't want me anymore in their lives. The day that they will choose to be alone than to be with me. Someday they will hate me and I'm afraid when that time comes.

My wrist stings one more time. I sniff and take off my hoodie placing it on my swivel chair. I go inside the bathroom and look at my wrist. My bleeding wrist.

I wash the blood away that keeps on flowing as I bite my lower lip and sobs comes out.

The cut has opened again.


	29. Chapter 29

_Heave's POV_

"I don't know what the hell is the problem!" I scream in frustration. I tug my hair then starts to pace back and forth again while Chaos is sitting on my bed.

"Would you please stop that? You're making me feel dizzy." He annoyingly says.

I look at him.

"Aren't you worried about Nathalie? She's not eating these past few days even though she's telling us she's eating we know she's just lying! And for fuck's sake we can hear her crying every night and it kills me because I don't even have any idea what's her problem!"

"Can you please calm down? This isn't gonna be solved if you're like that! You're always the calm type and why are you shouting now?!"

"Because I see how broken she is! I see it in her eyes, Chaos! Did you look at her directly in the eyes?" He just stares at me. "She's smiling but she's broken! And what's with her wrist?"

"You gripped it too tight!"

I blow an air and put my hand on my waist then start to pace again. I can't fucking calm down! The glow in her eyes is not there anymore! Yes, she's smiling but that's fake and she's just pretending.

Every night. Every fucking night, I can hear her crying. We can hear her crying and the day after that it's like nothing happened before because she's good at pretending and we pretend not to notice something because I know if she wants to talk about it she will confront us but the thing is, she's keeping it to herself and it hurts to think that all of the problems are on her shoulders.

She's not as strong as she thinks but she's trying to be. Whatever that problem is, she have to let it out. If she want to cry infront of us, she can. We will never leave her. We're gonna be by her side that's for sure.

"I'm gonna go in my room now. Take some rest." He pats my shoulder as he walks towards the door and closes it.

I look at my laptop when it rings. I walk towards my bed and sit on it.

_Styry calling..._

He's calling. Maybe they fight that's why she's like that but that's not the point. The way she looks at us.. it stabs my chest. It's like we're the reason why she's crying. I don't know what to think. I absentmindedly answer his call.

His face flashes on the screen. He smiles and waves at me. "Hi." I nod at him. "How are you?"

"Stop it, Harry. Just tell me what you need." I say.

"Uhm." He looks around until his eyes falls on the floor. "About Nathalie. Do you know what's her problem?"

My brows furrows. "What do you mean?"

His eyes still looking at the ground and he starts massaging the bridge of his nose. "Something's wrong." He sighs. "The way.. the way she smiles.. it's just so different. When she smiles and laughs her eyes will shine too but now it's dead. I can't see any light in it even though she smiles at me. Her laughs becomes silent because I can't hear the happiness in it. Her eyes are telling the truth but she refuse to say it and keep on smiling but deep down inside her she's hurting. It's like she always wants to cry but she's stopping herself. It's not just not.. right."

A smile makes its way on my face. Harry curiously looks at me. "I'm surprised you already know her so well." I nod and press my lips together. "But seriously, Harry. We don't know what's her problem. She keeps on distancing herself from us."

He puts his hands in his chin and furrow his brows. I hear him sigh again. It feels good to know that someone really cares for Nathalie aside from me and Chaos. That there's someone out there who loves her.

"Did you two fight?"

"No, no. We didn't." He shakes his head with a small smile on his face. "I'm just really worried."

"Did she tell you about our graduation?"

"What about it?" He asks, almost frowning. "She didn't tell me."

"She graduated as  _summa cum laude_."

"W-what?" He stutters as his eyes widens. "She did?" I can see how surprised he is. I smile proudly and nod at him. He smiles until it becomes big. He claps his hands. "Wow."

"Yeah." I nod.

"I'm so proud of her." He exclaims. I can still hear the happiness in his voice.

"Me too. So proud." I say. "But seriously tho. We don't have any idea what's going on inside her head. She keeps on distancing herself away from us."

"Do you really wanna know what's happening?" I ask him.

He nods. "Everything. Anything."

"She's not eating these past few days." I watch his eyes widens and his mouth parts. "She always say she does but we know she's lying. How come that we're her best friend if we don't know her well, right?" I shake my head. "Every night we can hear her crying. Every sob breaks our heart. She's so broken. It hurts to think that she's pretending to be okay but the truth is she's breaking into pieces. The next day she pretends like she's okay, that she didn't cry the night before. It hurts to think that she's keeping all of this by herself. That all of this are on her shoulder and she's not even complaining."

"I.. I don't know what to say." He looks like he feels so bad. "It sucks because I'm not there and I can't do anything."

Without any hesitation, the question I wanted to ask since the beginning just slips out of my mouth. "Do you really like her that much?" His head snaps to me and I keep my straight face to him. "Do you really want her to the point that you're doing this? That you're stressing yourself thinking about her who's only a fan of yours and you can just easily ignore her but you're giving her this attention? That you really want this long distance relationship of yours work? That you even talked to us before you left our country just to keep an eye on her to give you everyday update of what she's doing? Do you really like her that much?"

I still remember the night that a car just approached us while heading home and Harry Styles stepped out of the van and then as I said, Chaos thought he was a kidnapper. We went to a coffee shop and he asked us to keep an eye on Nathalie. He said he wants to know what's happening on her while he's away. We even asked him if he was Nathalie's boyfriend but he said they're not official. That they're gonna make their relationship works. Of course Chaos didn't agree but he realized that Harry would make Nathalie happy.

That's why we followed Harry on twitter and Instagram, and the other band members. That's why Chaos takes stolen shots of Nathalie then post it on Instagram tagging Harry's dummy account. We suggested that to him because he can't just like or comment on Nathalie's photos because the fans will freak out. You can't easily fool fans these days. They're so smart.

Nathalie is so quiet about his relationship with Harry. She doesn't even talk about it and if we bring that topic out, she quickly changes it. But we can see the happiness that Harry is giving to her until now. I thought they fought that's why she's been crying every night but I was wrong. Even with Harry she's pretending and that means this is serious. Something's wrong and it's frustrating thinking we don't have any idea what it is.

"I don't know how but it just happened." He starts as he clears his throat. "You know, the day when we were walking on the airport I could just ignore her but I don't know why I didn't. I don't know why the first thing came into my mind was to hug her. I don't know why I searched for her to find where she lives. I don't know why I asked her out on a date. I don't know why I felt comfortable around her. I don't know why I'm happy seeing her smile. I don't know why it feels good to have her around. I don't know why she's making me feel new things that I didn't feel before. I don't know why I already like her even though we just met. I don't know but there's something about her that makes me wanna be with her everyday. I don't know why, Heave." He explains as I see his chest rises up and down. "It just happens. One day I just woke up and her face just popped in my mind and I instantly smiled. And by just thinking about her, that I'm gonna see her even just through computer makes me energized for the whole day. By just hearing her voice at night makes me sleep so easily. It's fucking crazy to think that she can make me feel these things." He chuckles as he licks his lips. He looks up at the ceiling like remembering something then a smile appears on his face. He looks back at me and I see the glow in his eyes. "I'm inlove with your best friend, Heave. I'm  _inlove_  with Nathalie."

I'm not able to breathe until he finishes his speech. I'm just looking at him with my mouth parted and I feel something pinches my heart. I didn't expect him to say everything to me with his heart on it. I saw and felt the sincerity with each words as he said it plus the fact that his eyes says it all. Someone really loves my best friend. Someone fell inlove with her. Someone who can really make her feel special from the other girls.

"Don't hurt her, okay?" That's all I can say. He nods his head with a smile on his face. I realized something and raise a brow. "Did you already tell her?"

He stops from smiling, his smiles slowly vanishes. He shakes his head, watching me. "No. Not yet."

"WHAT?" I almost stand up from my bed. "What the hell?" I whisper. "Why you didn't tell her?"

I control my voice because I don't want to shout. If Chaos hears me he's gonna step in in this conversation and I don't want that to happen.

"I want to tell her personally." He slightly pouts and I almost cringe.

I shake my head and roll my eyes.

"Know what, that's the problem here. You're not saying you love her that's why she's feeling like that! She's so insecure, you know that, don't you?" He nods, not looking at me. "She's insecure and she's dating you. The man who has everything. You have tons of girls around you and you could just pick one and marry them."

"Hey.."

"I'm not done yet," I frown. "That's it. She thinks she can be easily replaced because she thinks she's just a choice but the truth is she's the only one. She doesn't have anything to hold on. She doesn't know where to stand because you're not saying anything. And then this rumor that you're dating a model-"

"We're not dating." He rolls his eyes.

"Okay, you're not but you have insecure Nathalie right here thinking that she's nothing compare to her and some shit like that. Aren't you thinking what she feels?"

His face starts to look worried. "B-but she said it's fin-"

"Not because she said it's fine, it's totally fine." I let out a sharp breath. "What if I tell you she's going out with Brix?"

"Brix? The one she met in the.."

"Yes. What would you do?"

"Uhm. Jealous?" He answers. I roll my eyes at him. Nevermind my question. "Are they dating?"

"Fucking not, Styles." I groan. "Nathalie won't do such a thing like that. She's not a timer okay? And Brix is just her friend."

"Okay." He looks unconvinced because he starts to frown. "You sure?"

"Oh my fuck. You're not gonna let this go, are you? They're not, okay? I was just making you feel what Nathalie felt like when she heard the news." Hence the part that she was crying so hard that time. "But why you didn't tell her?"

"I told you I want to do it personally. Not through call, message nor internet. Face to face, one on one. Okay?" He runs his fingers through his hair.

"But the problem is we don't even know when the hell you're gonna see each other again!" I feel myself shakes because of frustration. I tug my hair. I wanna punch myself for God's sake. "You can't come here and she can't go there. How the fuck is that going to work?" I shake my head.

"Do you ever think what will happen if she gives up on you?"

His lips turns pale and I see his eyes widens. He tries to open his mouth to talk but he just closes it again then shakes his head.

"You know that this is hard for her, and for you of course. This is the first time she got attached to someone else besides us. You don't know how much I don't wanna say this but I think you're destroying her."

"What?" He exclaims. His brow furrows and his voice gets higher. "What did I do?"

I shake my head. "This kind of relationship doesn't work, Harry."

"But it's working!"

"She's trying to understand. She's trying to be happy. She's trying just for you." I say, ignoring his remarks. "But what if the time comes that she gives up on you? That she's tired of trying? That she's already tired of all these shits? That she doesn't want to try anymore? Do you already think about that?"

I narrow my eyes at him as I clasp my hands together. I see how his jaw clenches and his hands turns into a fist. I think if I'm near him he already gave me a punch. I stop myself from smirking. I'm just trying how far can he go.

"You will never find a girl like Nathalie. She's one of a kind and you know that, you said it. She's beautiful even though she's always saying she's not. You can see her beauty, right?"

"I know, Heave." He says with a stern voice.

"She always makes us happy. She always makes  _you_ happy, don't even dare to deny that. She always wanna have fun and she doesn't want a fight. Her laugh makes you laugh, her smile makes you smile. You're really lucky to have her, Styles."

"What's your point?"

"But you're taking her for granted. You always put her in the corner and leave her there because you know she won't leave you no matter what. And she's okay with that." I laugh sarcastically. "She's fucking okay with that."

He stays silent so I continue to piss him off. He needs these things to understand the situation. That this relationship is not so easy. He needs this to think about everything to make it work. He needs a little push.

"What are you gonna do? What if Brix decided to court Nathalie, can you do anything about it?" I smirk when he glares at me. "No, right?"

"You know, if your plan is to piss me off it's fucking working." He spits. "And if you think these words will let me down, it's not working."

I laugh. "I just need you to think deeper, Styles. I want you to know the things you can't see and I'm doing this just for Nathalie's sake."

"I know."

"Then what will happen if you come out in public?" I raise a brow. "You know she's afraid of your fans. She's also a fan so she knows what they can do. She'll be bashed, hated and bullied. Can you defend her?" I tilt my head to the side. "Of course you can't."

"I can! I'll try, okay?" He sighs in frustration. "I know I won't be able to stop all the hates but I'll do anything to protect her. Just like what you do. You're always there for her, you always make her happy and that's what I wanna do. Protect and take care of her. I wanna be the reason of her smiles-"

"Oh, God. Don't be selfish. You can share with that mission but don't take it all." I grin and he smirks back. I hear him sighs in relief. He thought I was mad at him.

"Thank you, Heave."

"No problem. Just remember this. Once I give her to you, do everything to make her happy and not to cry. Because I promise, if she cries because of you there are two fists ready to punch you. Are we clear?"

"Yeah." He nods as he laughs.

I think Harry deserves Nathalie. They just have to see each other. Can I do something about it? Of course, I can. But I won't do anything.

I won't.


	30. Chapter 30

"What are you doing here in my room? You have no business here."

They suddenly came in my room and bothered me for almost two hours. Chaos is sitting on the floor, playing with my iPad and Heave is on my computer. I'm sitting on my chair because I decided to draw but they disturbed me. I ended up drawing a sunflower that didn't bloom even though there's a sun. I'm not done yet. I still have to darken it's petals.

"Do we have to have a reason to go here?" Chaos says.

I just shake my head and go back to my work. It's already 6:30 in the evening.

Today is the third day. I only have two days to prepare everything. I'm nervous how Chaos and Heave would react. I have a feeling that they will get mad but I hope they understand. I can't take it to see them mad at me. I don't wanna be the reason why they're mad.

My phone vibrates on my table. I raise my brow and pick it up. I almost throw it when I see his message.

_I already sent the money._

I roll my eyes. I put my phone down but I accidentally put it down with an impact that's why it made a noise making me jump. I look at them and they're curiously looking at me. I shrug then go back to what I was doing.

He has too much money. Better spend it, he doesn't need it though. Fuck him. I look at the top of my cabinet and I see the black suitcase lying peacefully at the top of it. It's been years since I used that. I didn't know that the time will come that I'm gonna use it again.

Harry and I still in touch. He's making me feel okay and I'm thankful he's there. Every night he sings songs to me so I can sleep peacefully and it's helping. It lessens the sadness, stress and depression I'm feeling. I still feel bad for not telling them what's happening. Well, I have to tell them sooner or later whether I like it or not.

He's forcing me and I have no choice just to say yes. And it's fucking frustrating because I don't even want to at all! I blink rapidly and shake my head once again. I focus on my sketch and continue to shade it until Heave speaks.

"You still not hungry?"

"Nah." I shake my head. "Told you, I'm not hungry. You can eat now though. Just leave me here and let me finish this."

They fall silent and I stop from shading to look at them. Chaos is massaging his temples while Heave is narrowing his eyes at me.

"You've never been into a diet and not eating is not your thing." He mumbles. "You love food and you can't just reject them."

My lips starts to turn into a flat line. Shit. I know they know something is wrong and I  _was_  glad they didn't confront me again like what they did before. But I know right know is the time they're gonna put me into a hot seat and let me say everything. Should I say it?

"And why were you always crying everynight?" Chaos asks.

His brows are furrowing and I see no traces of humor in his face. He searches for my eyes but I look away.

They heard me crying. Was I that loud? I thought they couldn't hear me because they didn't say anything about it. Fuck, they know everything- well, except the reason why I'm like this.

"I received this mail early in the morning." I see Heave waves the envelope in his hand.

He has the straight face. I start to become nervous. Shit, thats it! I quickly stand up and snatch it from his hand but he stands up so I can't reach it. The water starts to pool in my eyes.

"Heave, give it to me."

He shakes his head. "No." He looks at Chaos and suddenly I feel Chaos holding my shoulders, pulling me away from him. My eyes still locked on the envelope. It's not opened yet.

"Just give it to me!" My eyes widens as I hear my voice shakes.

I clear my throat and shake my head disapprovingly. I try to walk towards him again but Chaos hands grips my wrist. I flinch. I look back at Chaos and I glare at him. He just rolls his eyes.

"This was from London." Heave says. I look down at the floor and let him continue to speak. "Who's in London?"

"Just give it to me." I say, controlling my shaking voice. "This is none of your business!" I shout at him. I glare at Heave and he stares at me with surprised look on his face.

"Of course it is! I'm your best friend! You should tell us what's happening to you! You know what, Nathalie? You're making us crazy thinking what the fuck is your problem and what the fuck is happening to you because you're not eating plus the fact that you always cry everynight! Do you even think about us? Do you even think what are we going to feel?!"

My mouth hangs open as I look at him with wide eyes. I feel my knees melts. This is the first time Heave got really mad at me and it scares me.

"I.. I didn-"

"You only think about yourself. You're so selfish!" He bursts out.

Suddenly, the pain in my heart was replaced by anger. I feel my cheeks heat and I clench my jaw.

"And now I'm selfish?" I laugh. "You don't know anything!"

"Exactly, Ricafort. We don't know anything!"

"You don't know anything and you fucking judged me for being so selfish!" I spit. "You don't know what the fuck I'm going through. You don't know how many nights I've cried because of all the pain and anger building up inside me. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you but I couldn't because I was thinking how are you going to fucking feel and know I'm fucking selfish? Fuck!"

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL US?"

I shake my head and chuckle. I look down once again. "No." I hear a tearing sound and I lift my head up at him. I see him opening the envelope and I turn to pale. "STOP IT! IT'S MINE!" I rush towards him but Chaos pulls me back. My wrist starts to sting again.

"What the-" I look back at Chaos. He's looking at his hands. He already let go of my hand and I put my hand on my mouth. He looks at me with a horror in his face. "You.. Y-you.."

I see the tears starts to form in his eyes as he looks down at my wrist then back in his hands. He grips my wrist so tight and the blood comes out again. He shakes his head disapprovingly.

"You cut?" He asks breathless. "Nathalie.. no."

A tear flow on my cheeks as I see his lips trembles. No, no, don't cry. No, stop. I didn't mean to make you cry. Oh God, stop please. Chaos..

I gasp when someone holds both of my shoulders and pulls me towards him. Heave's face is inches from mine but all I can see is sadness and pain. Did I cause it? I'm sorry..

His eyes trails down my wrist. He grabs my hand and looks at my bleeding wrist. He bits his lip and looks back at me. "You disappoint me, Nathalie."

My chest clenches at his words. I choke from my own breath as I look in his eyes full of disappointment.

"I'm.. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. He lets go of my shoulder. He picks up the now opened envelope and he throws the item on my feet. I look down at it but he speaks making me look at him.

"You're gonna leave us?" He asks with a raising brow. I swallow. "Good. Because I'm so tired of you."

"Heave!" Chaos yells.

Heave turns his back on me and makes his way to the door. I don't even dare to look at him. I just stare at the spot where he was standing earlier. I jump and close my eyes when I hear him slams the door.

"I-I'm gonna talk to him." Chaos says and with that he left me all alone in my room.

The tears flows automatically as the silence eats me. I try to take a deep breath and breathe normally until a sob comes out from my mouth and I fall on my knees. I sit on the floor while my hand is on my mouth, blocking my sobs but it still can be heard.

"Just.. Just let me explain." I sob. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The tears keeps on flowing my cheeks and I can't control my sobs. His words stabs my heart repeatedly and I just wanna die. It keeps on playing in my head making me feel that I'm worthless. He wants me to leave. He wants me gone. My best friend wants me to leave.

" _Good. Because I'm so tired of you."_

Just kill me.

-

"The dinner is ready."

"Can I skip it?" I say when I open the door. Chaos was now the one who called me. His eyes looks tired and he looks at me worriedly. I sniff. I was still crying until he knocked on the door.

He shakes his head. "Not again."

"But Heave's.." My lips trembles and I can't stop the tears to fall. He's quick to wipe my tears and he pulls me into a hug. "He doesn't want me anymore."

"Shh. He's just mad. Let him cool down. You know he loves you."

"I want to explain everything." I sob.

I really do. I was planning to tell them but they already knew. I hope they still understand. I hope we're okay. I'm leaving for two days and I don't wanna leave like this.

"Explain everything to us. C'mon, I'm here. Don't worry." He runs his finger through my hair. I nod and wipe my tears. We walk down in silence to the kitchen. Heave is already eating. I look at Chaos and we sit down.

I pick the fried chicken and hotdog then start to eat. This is so awkward. The only noise is the sound of the spoon and fork hitting the plate. I chew the food as I look at Heave looking down at his plate still frowning.

I sit up straight when he noisily drops the utensils. "I'm full." He stands up but Chaos grabs his hands.

"Heave."

"What? I'm  _done._ " I look away.  _Done_. He's fucking done, Nathalie. You heard him? "Tomorrow, I'm gonna go back to  _my_  house. There's nothing in here. You should to, Chaos."

"Could you please stop it?" Chaos says. I'm telling he's starting to get pissed.

"What? She's leaving us, Chaos! What would we do here? And she didn't even have a plan to tell us!"

"How did you know? Did you let her explain? You always jump into conclusions!"

"I don't need any explanations!" He spits then looks at me. "I'm so done with you."

I gasp when Chaos grips the collar of Heave's shirt. His jaw clenching while looking furiously at Heave. "Have you forgotten who is she? She's our fucking best friend! The one you saved from throwing food on her, the one you kissed every night, the one you wished to be happy, the one you loved and you're saying that you're done with her because of all of this without even explaining?! I thought you're the mature one here? And then why are you acting like an immature brat!" Heave pushes Chaos that makes him steps back.

"Stop it!" I say. The tears automatically falls on my cheeks. Heave looks at me and he quickly looks away. "I.. I was planning to tell you-"

"When? When you already leave us?" He laughs sarcastically.

"No." I shake my head. "Tomorrow. The reason why I didn't tell you because I'm afraid how are you going to react. Plus.. I don't want to leave-"

"FUCK. You don't wanna leave but you let someone bought you a fucking ticket?!"

"I told you I don't want this okay?!" I sob. My shoulders shake and my hands begins to turn cold. "I have no choice because he's forcing me! He email-ed me two days before our graduation and I can't do anything just to agree with him."

"You know that I would never want to leave you, right?" I remove my glasses and put it on the table. I wipe my tears but my eyes keeps on recycling them and my sobs can be heard all over the house. "I don't have a choice, Heave."

"This is nonsense! Nothing's gonna change my mind, I hate you for doing this and I'm done being your best friend!" He finally says before rushing towards his room.

"HE'S TAKING ME FOR GODNESS SAKE!" I shout at the top of my lungs as I put my face in my hand and start to cry uncontrollably. I fan myself and breathe but the sobs just keeps on coming.

My chest tightens and I start to become dizzy. I close my eyes and open it again. Mg vision is turning black.

"C-chaos.." I fearfully call. "Chaos!" I cry harder. I feel my chest tightens once again as I sob and tears flow out from my eyes

"W-what's happening?"

I see his figure walking towards me but before I could touch him, my whole world becomes black.

-

My eyes flies open and I stare at the ceiling. I feel my eyes stings and I close it again till I remember what happened. I quickly sit up straight and my head hurts. I blink until my eyes adjusts.

I'm in my room and Chaos is sleeping on next to me, curled up into a ball. My eyes searches for Heave and I blame myself for doing that. I push my hair back and slightly shake my head.  _He's done with me._

I stand up from my bed and grab my hoodie. I shrug it on and walk silently towards the door. The lights are all off and I use my phone to see the staircase. I sigh in relief when I finally get out of the house.

I look back at the house and it seems so wrong. Everytime I look at it before, it looks so alive but know it's dull and boring. It's all my fault.

I put my hands in my pocket. Why is it so cold tonight? I walk with my head down, staring at my feet, racing who's gonna win.

It's almost 2:00 AM and I'm walking alone in the street. I don't know where I'm heading but I just let my feet decides for me. The atmosphere in the house suffocates me. I can't breathe. Suddenly my heart beats fast.

What happened earlier scare the shit out of me. Maybe I'm just hungry because I always skip my meals. That's why I'm always dizzy and I passed out. Really, I have to eat.

The sound of my slippers hitting the ground is so scary plus how the wind blows with a cold temparature makes me shiver. I hope no one's here trying to hurt me or some creature.

I found myself sitting on the swing here in the park. I slightly swing myself. I ignore how creepy it is when the swing creaks as I swing myself. I look at the sky and there's only a few stars.

I smile when I suddenly remember Harry's joke. "Twinkle, twinkle, turtle doves." I sing.

My smile fades when Heave's face appears on my mind. My eyes starts to water and before I can blink it falls out on the corner of my eyes down to my cheeks.

I know he didn't kiss me goodnight earlier. He didn't even care for me when I passed out. He doesn't wanna try anymore. He doesn't want me to be part of his life anymore.

Why does it hurt? It hurts more than breaking up with someone you love.  _Friendship over._  Eight years of friendship were wasted because of my stupid decision. But what would happen if I said it before they knew? Will Heave still accepts it? No, he won't. He would still be mad at me because I'm gonna leave them. I broke our promise.

We promised not to leave each other even though we have our families. We even planned that our graves should be placed next to each other. But I broke it.

"Hey.."

I stay silent as I hear his voice over the phone. I mute it for a while to sniff, to wipe my tears and to clear my throat. I unmute it but don't talk. Another set of tears flow.

"Fuck." I mumbles.

He laughs. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Brix. You?"

"Fine and you're not." He states, making the tears flows faster. I pinch my nose to prevent myself from sniffing.

"What?" I chuckle and I stop before I choke.

"It's 2:00 AM there, Nathalie. You should be sleeping but you're still awake. Somethings bothering you- or should I say someone?" I wipe my nose. "Is it Harry?"

"No." I almost laugh. "I'm fine, Brix."

"Oh no, don't fool me. With a short span of time I've spent with you I know you already. C'mon, tell me." He insists. I sniff. "Are you crying?"

"What, no." I say with a low voice. I stomp my feet when I feel my sob is gonna come out. "My nose is runny."

"You're such a terrible liar. You know it's okay to cry." I find the comfort in his voice. I bite my lower lip and the tears flows quickly. "Nathalie."

"I hate you." I mumble as I sob. "Why are you there? You should be here. I need your comfort." My lips trembles. "Kidding." I try to laugh but I ended up sobbing. I cover my mouth. "I'm sorry."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I just miss you." I chuckle that comes out as a sob.

"Natha-"

"Call you later, yeah? Gonna sleep now. Take care, Blocks." I end the call and put my phone in my lap. I look up and the tears just keep on fucking flowing! Can they fucking not?

My phone vibrates again. I answer it.

"I told you I'm just gonna call you." I sob.

"Nathie?"

My eyes widens and I look at my phone. I bite my lower lip. You're so fucking stupid, Nathalie! Just fucking die, dumbass.

"Hey.." My voice shakes. I tug my hair.

"You still awake?"

"Uh-huh." I put the phone away and sniff. Fuck. I'm not a good actress, am I?

"Why are you crying?"

I fall silent. "I'm not crying." I say as warm tears stream down my face. "I'm not.." My voice cracks.

"You've been lying that you're okay for almost five days." He states. "I know you're not okay."

"I'm sorry." I cry. I let the sobs I was blocking out until my shoulder shakes. "I'm sorry. I.." I breathe for air. "I know I shouldn't have brought you in this situation-"

"Shh. Don't feel bad. I'm fine, as long as you are. But hell no, you're crying and it makes me wanna punch myself because I can't do anything about it. Would you wanna tell me what happened?"

"No." I shake my head. "I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Okay." He answers. "Just.. Just always remember I'm always here."

"Okay." I nod. "Thank you."

"I wanna see you so bad."

I remain silent. I can hear his heavy breathing while I'm still trying to calm myself from crying.

"I really have to tell you something."

I breathe for air. My tears just keeps on flowing even though my sobs becomes softer.

"I.."

He coughs. "I.. I-"

He sighs.

"I have to go. I'm sorry. Good night, Nathie."

The call ends.


	31. Chapter 31

"Harry, could you please sit? For fuck's sake."

It's like I didn't hear him and continue to pace back and forth until he throws me a pillow and it hits my head. I look at him and he glares at me.

"Sit here." Niall says, pointing the space next to him.

I roll my eyes. "I can't, okay?" I sigh and run my hand in my hair then start to pace back and forth again.

"Seriously, what's your problem?" He says turning the TV off.

I'm pinching my lower lip while walking in his house. I went here because I think I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do. I always panick when I think of the things why she's so far away from me.

"STYLES!"

I jump and look at him. He tugs my hand and let me sit on the couch. I try to stand up but he pinches my cheeks.

"Ouch, Niall!"

"Just sit!" He widens his eyes at me. I pout and he lets go of my face. He crosses his arms over his chest and shift on his seat so he's facing me. "So, what?"

"What?" I raise my brow, caressing my cheeks.

"C'mon, man! Tell me." He nudges me. I stare at him. "Tell me or I'll kick ya out of my house?"

I shake my head. "It's Nathalie."

"Of course. What about her?"

"She's.. she's not answering my texts and calls. She turned her phone off. I can't contact her."

"That's it?"

"I can't tell you more."

"And why not?" He asks.

He sounds offended. I used to tell him everything what's happening in my life. It's like he's my living diary. He knows everything about me but when it comes to Nathalie, it's like it's my instinct to be secretive. I don't know why.

"The last time we talked she was crying. She didn't tell me the reason why. And I blame myself for being so stupi-"

"Ya, you're stupid." He chuckles and I hit his arm. "Aw. Okay, go on."

"You know, Niall. I lo-"

"You love her." He interrupts.

"Stop interrupting me!"

"Well you're too slow to talk!"

"Is it my fault?" He makes faces and I just roll my eyes. "I love her, Niall. I really wanna tell her that night but I just can't. I don-"

"Why you didn't tell her? Are you stupid, or just stupid?"

"Niall!" I glare at him.

"What?" He furrows his brows. "Why you didn't tell her?"

"Since the beginning, my plan was to tell her personally. I don't wanna do it over the phone or computer."

"What about over laptop or iPad?"

"Seriously, Niall?" He grins at me. "We're serious here."

"Well.." He breathes. "Just relax. You're over thinking things. You wanna tell her personally? Then do everything just to see her. C'mon, man. You're  _Harry Styles_ , you can do everything if you want to. The problem with you is.." He stops and looks hesitantly at me then smiles. "Nevermind."

"C'mon, tell me." I insist. He ignores me and picks up the remote control but I grab it and throw it away. "Horan."

"What, Edward?"

"Tell me, fuck!"

He sighs and runs his palms on his face then tugs his hair. "Yes, you love her. I can see it, okay? Talking to her every day makes you damn happy. I can see what is her effect on you. But, Harry. Your efforts aren't enough. Like what the hell. If I were Nathalie I would definitely cut all my connections to you."

"What, why?"

"No one's gonna agree to that kind of set-up. I'm surprised that your so-called relationship lasted for a month. You've been talking over internet? You know that long distance relationship is so hard, you see it with Liam and Zayn but the difference is, their girls have the assurance. Does Nathalie do? No. You didn't tell her you love her, she doesn't even know where to place herself because you are not doing and saying anything."

It's like I'm talking to Heave again. Someone's telling me that I'm not doing anything. Is it true? Am I not making her happy? Am I just making her sad? I look away.

"If you wanna do it personally, the moment you fell for her you should've flied to her place and told her how much you fucking love her. But what's your excuse? You're too busy? C'mon, Harry. Can't you spend an hour or so for her? After telling her you love her you can move your ass back here and if you want you can bring her with you. But what did you do? A big  _nothing._ "

I play with my lower lip by pinching it. I did nothing. It's not enough. What happened to me? Niall's right. I should've done that. I shouldn't have waited here for nothing. I should've done something. I'm so stupid.

"That's why I'm asking you. Are you stupid or just stupid? Your decisions are too dumb. It has nothing to do with your relationship. I'm not taking any sides but I think the reason why you can't contact her is because she doesn't wanna talk to you. Maybe she already gave up. Maybe she doesn't want you anymore."

We fall silent. I feel him leans back against the couch while I'm still playing with my lip, staring at nothingness. I feel something pinches my heart by just thinking I won't be able to see her smile again.

"You made me feel okay, Niall. Thank you." I say, emotionless.

"You have to face the truth. I don't wanna feed you with lies just to make you feel okay." He taps my knee. "But maybe she has a problem that she doesn't wanna tell you. She just wanna clear her mind and make everything okay before talking to you. Who knows?" He shrugs.

I watch him grabs the bowl of popcorn and put a handful of it in his mouth. I shake my head as I chuckle. I pull my phone out of my pocket. Her smiling face appears on my screen making me smile as well. I made her picture as my lock screen.

"You're crazy over her."

"Am I?" I ask, still staring at my phone.

"Uh-huh. I can tell. I think she's okay. Maybe she has a problem but she's fine."

I look at him and narrow my eyes. He looks away from me and put another popcorn in his mouth. I continue to stare at him until he snaps.

"What?"

I raise my brow. "You're hiding something."

"No, I don't." He smirks, turning his head to the side.

"Niall, tell me! I know you, for God's sake."

"No." He chuckles.

"You tell me or I'm not gonna send you our pictures?" Okay, I know I'm blackmailing him but I have to know what he's hiding from me. "And hers."

He glares at me and I just wait for his answer until he throws some popcorns on me. I laugh as he groans.

"She seems fine."

My brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well.." He teasingly grins and whistles.

_Nathalie's POV_

I look around to find a cab. I'm shaking and I'm really nervous. I don't know what to do and where to go. I'm all alone plus it's so cold. I fix my beanie- Harry's beanie on my head. I'm wearing my black hoddie under this is my white tee,  _of course,_ and a black jeans.

"Oh, shit. What to do."

I try to walk while biting my nail. Where can I ride a cab? The cabs here are all full! I stare at my phone and scroll through my contacts trying to find a help.

_Niall._

I take a deep breathe and tap his number. I put my phone on my ear still looking around for a cab while waiting for him to answer my call.

"Hello, Nate!"

I immediately smile by just hearing his voice. I suddenly get calm but I'm still shaking. I clear my throat.

"Where are you?"

"In my house."

"Am I disturbing you?" I swallow. I look down when people starts to stare at me like I'm an alien. Fuck, why?

"Kinda. I'm watching football." He chuckles. "Why?"

I bite my lower lip. "Can I have a favor? Immediately, Niall. Please, I need your help."

I'm fucking lost and I can't rent a cab. I'm too afraid to ask them because I think they'll just shoo me away. My hands are cold and I think my lips already pale.

"Okay. For you, as long as I can. What is it?"

"How long are you away from the airport?"

"Airport? As in.." I hear him curses. "What the hell?"

"Can you get me here? Please be fast. I'm.. I'm fucking scared."

"Oh shit." He laughs. "I'm coming! Welcome to London!"

I chuckle and he ends the call. I look at my new surrounding, my new place, my new world. This is where I'm gonna start a new chapter of my life.

I never knew I would be here. I left Chaos and Heave and that's what hurts the most. I don't wanna leave them but I fucking have to. I don't really wanna be here but the fate did. Maybe there is something to look forward to. Maybe there's something good waiting for me here. I take a deep breath.

London, please be good to me.

-

I sit on a bench by the street as I wait for Niall. I should've rented a cab but I really don't know about this place. Yes, I'm too afraid to rent a cab. What if they take me to other place and rob me there? I guess my imagination needs to shut up a little bit.

I'm excited and nervous by thinking the fact that I will see Niall again. I'm really lucky, am I? He's now my friend- I mean best friend. And the five of them knows I exist. It just feels so nice.

It's cold in here not like in my country. It's always warm there. I miss it already. Plus Chaos.. and Heave. Speaking of Chaos. I pull out my phone in my pocket and construct a message for him.

_Me:_ _Hey, I have arrived already. How are you?_

The ride was 15 hours long and I'm really exhausted. I just wanna lay in bed and go to dreamland. I just wanna rest and leave my problems alone.

It's already 4:36pm here in London so it's already midnight there. I suppose he's already sleeping. I have my two suitcase with me. There are some of my things left in my room but they're gonna bring it here because I can't bring it all with me.

I swing my feet and look at it while humming until someone's shadow blocks my light. I look up and before I could react he quickly tugs my hand for me to stand up and he locks me into a warm hug.

He buries his head at the crook of my neck while mine is on his shoulder. I block my squeal. I squeeze him and he does the same. I feel how my heart beats loud against my chest. I think he can already feel it. I chuckle as I feel myself tearing up.

"I missed you, Niall."

I squeal when he lifts me off of my feet and turns me around. I laugh and tap his arms. He lets go of me as I wipe my tears under my glasses.

"Oh my God. Is it impossible that I missed you so much?" He asks. My smile is as wide as his. He looks behind me. "C'mon, let's get your things before someone sees us. Harry would be mad if I get papped with you." He laughs and carries my things.

"I can carry that one." I say.

"No, I can handle. Are you alone?"

I smile and nod. He nods and gestures me.his car. I hop in and wait for him until he puts my things in the back seat. He gets in and looks at me, laughing.

"I missed you so much. I can't believe it."

I laugh. "Sorry for disturbing you."

"No, it's nothing." He says as he starts the engine and drives. "Why did you call me? Why not Harry?"

"Um." I look outside to find an answer. Last time we talked I was crying and I didn't answer his texts and calls until now. I just wanna clear my head. I don't wanna drag him in my problem. Maybe I'll tell him if I'm fine. Perfectly fine. But now the least I wanna happen is to see him because I cried over the phone. I'm shy. "Just don't tell him yet."

"Why, did ya fight?"

"Oh, God. No." I chuckle. "Maybe tomorrow. I just wanna rest. The ride was exhausting plus the jetlag. It's like I'm still flying."

"Oh." He chuckles. "I understand. I always have a jetlag when we're on tour. It's so hard to sleep but maybe you can manage."

I just smile and look outside the window. My mouth parts as I take in the beauty of London. It's not yet dark but you can see how beautiful the London is. I'm interrupted when Niall clears his throat.

"Where am I taking you, by the way?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I laugh.  I look at my phone where I save the details. I tell him my hotel.

"Woah. That's a luxury hotel." He smiles. "How long are you staying here?"

I grin at him. "It's a secret."

He just laughs and shakes his head. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Um. No. Maybe after I take a sleep, I'll eat."

I forgot about food. I'm so stupid. Well all I could think after I rode the plane was to sleep. I just wanna lay in bed, seriously.

"We can go to Mcdo, if ya want. Drive thru." He suggests.

"Nah. I really just wanna sleep. I'm sorry." I say. My eyes are falling but I'm trying my best not to close it.

"No, it's fine. What did you do to hair, by the way? I haven't recognized you earlier because of it. You look more beautiful." He compliments, making me blush. I clear my throat.

"Chaos brought me to salon. I was shocked because I didn't know that he was gonna dye my hair. It looks okay tho."

"It's beautiful."

"Uh. Thanks?"

He looks at me. It's red light so we stop. I get consious so I look away until he bursts into laughter.

"Oh, Nathalie. You still really don't know how to take compliments. That's why Louis is kinda mad at you. Plus it makes Harry annoyed." He shakes his head with a grin on his face.

My eyes widens.  _What?_  "Louis is mad at me. Harry.. What? Why? What did I do?"

"Louis and Harry wants you to think you're beautiful but you still can't. What's wrong?"

His voice becomes soft and I just stare at his face that's facing the road. I slightly shake my head. I really don't know. I don't know.

"Harry would make you believe that you are." He smiles proudly. "I know he can." I try to speak but he looks outside. "We're here!"

He gets out first and I follow him. I look from the ground of the building to the top that makes my mouth hangs open.

"This.. this is big."

I think it has a hundred floor because it's too tall. I wonder what floor my room is. I really don't know because I didn't plan this. That  _bastard_ did.

"Niall, I can handle this. You can like.. leave me. I know I distur-"

"No, no. It's fine. I'd love to. Besides I miss you. Um, tomorrow. Let's hang out? Remember what I said?" He asks excitedly. His blue eyes twinkles making me smile wider. "Next time we see each other I'm gonna treat you and we'll eat more foods."

I just laugh at him. "We'll see, Niall."

I walk inside and the brunette lady at the front desk greets me. I smile at her. I see her eyes widens. I look beside me and I see Niall looking at her. She stands straight and clears her throat. I see how her cheeks flushes. I nudge Niall and he just chuckles.

"Good afternoon, ma'am." She greets. "How may I help you?"

"Reservation for Nathalie Ricafort, please." I say.

"Okay. Please, wait. I'll just check it." I watch her hands shake and how she bites her lower lip. She's a fan.

"See what's your effect on girls?" I whisper to Niall. "Well that was my reaction when I first saw you." I chuckle.

"I'm Niall. That's normal." He shrugs. I pinch his nose that makes him laugh. "Tedear.." He teases.

"I prefer Nate." I chuckle.

"Well, I really did miss you."

"You already said that." I grin, looking at the girl's name plate. She looks like twenty years old. Her name is Dianne. I see her eyes glancing at Niall while looking at the monitor.

"Um. Room 1824, Ma'am Ricafo-"

"Nathalie, please." I smile. My surname makes me cringe. Ew.

She blushes even more, handing me my key. "I'm sorry. Ms. Nathalie, Room 1824. Already paid for four days and three nights. Here's the way to elevator. Enjoy your stay." She gestures the hallway and I see at the end of it the three sets of elevator.

I nudge Niall and he raises a brow at me. I smirk at him and secretly point at Dianne. His lips stretches to form a smile before turning to Dianne.

"Are you allowed to take a picture with him?" I ask her.

"W-what?" She asks shockingly. She looks nervous but I can see the excitement in her eyes. Girl, I feel you. "Y-yes."

"Give me your phone." I open my hand to her. "I'll take you guys a picture. C'mon, be fast!" I laugh.

She hands me her phone and goes out behind the desk. Niall puts his arms around her shoulders and I smile more when I see her gasps. I grin when I see her lock screen and wallpaper is Niall.  _Of course._

"Okay. 1, 2, 3.. smile!" I click it and do one more before giving her phone back. She asks for a hug and thanks us before going back to her work. You can't deny the smile on her face.

I wave at her as the elevator door closes. Niall and I laugh. He raises his hand for a high five and I hit it. I breathe, trying to stop myself from laughing but his laugh is making me laugh harder. I cover my mouth while he's almost sitting on the floor.

"Why are we laughing?" I ask biting my lip. He continues to laugh. "Niall! Oh my God." I laugh.

"I don't even know! I'm sorry." He laughs. He snorts and clears his throat. "Why are you laughing with me?"

"Your laugh is making me laugh." I roll my eyes but the smile on my face is still there.

"She's cute." He shrugs.

I look at him. Observing his actions. He rubs his nose using his index finger until he looks at me with a stupid grin on his face. He starts to laugh again.

"Niall! Stop it for Godness' sake. My stomach hurts!" I laugh.

"I-"  _-laughter-_  "can't! HAHAHAHAHA."

The whole ride in elevator was spent by laughing and me teasing him that he likes Dianne which he refused. Of course. We walk down the hallway and I feel bad for making him carry my things. I insist to carry them when we were in the elevator but he just glared at me.

I open the door and step in. Niall turns on the lights and I hear him curse as my eyes widens. I gasp.

"Holy shit. This is not just a room! This is a presidential suite!" He shakes my shoulder and chuckles. "You're rich as hell."

I shake my head. It's like my feet are glued on the floor that I can't even move. My eyes roams around. Yes.  _Holy shit._

The room is really big. It has a fucking living room with a three couches and a big flat screen TV. You can see the kitchen from here. Fridge, oven.. what the fuck. And the glass window. From the ceiling down to the floor is glass and you can see the city lights down there. It's beautiful.

"How much this cost?"

I shake my head again and walk with light steps. I swallow, taking in the beauty of this room. Fuck. This costs fortune! "Niall, it wasn't my money."

"What?"

"Just.. just leave it." I smile weakly. I walk towards the glass window and it's really breathtaking. I pointed at the big ferris wheel. "Look.. The London Eye. It's amazing."

"Your room has the nice view. Enjoy your stay. I'll leave you now. I know you wanna rest and you're really tired. Call me if you need anything." He taps my shoulder. I look at him and he spreads his arms. I smile and walk towards him, embracing his cuddly body. "I won't tell anybody. This is our secret." He chuckles.

"Okay. You can tell them though." I pull out. "Maybe tomorrow. But.." I shrug. "Thank you, Niall. Thank you."

He greets me a good night before walking out of the door. I ask him if he won't get mobbed and he says he's fine. I wait for him to go in the elevator before closing my door.

I sigh then carry my thing towards the bedroom. I take a deep breath before opening the door and turning on the lights. The tears starts to form in my eyes when I see how beautiful the bedroom is.

It's so big. It has a little living room and another flat screen TV is there with a red couch. The white bed that looks so good to sleep are so big that five people can accommodate. There are a lampshade at the both side of the bed and a night stand in it.

I walk towards the balcony and there's table and two chairs. I let my tears flows down my cheeks but I quickly wipe it away. I watch the sun goes down the sea. The sky starts to turn orange.

I pull out my phone and take a pic off it then post it on Instagram. It really is beautiful. Beautiful things must be shared and treasured. I go back to the room.

I take off my shoes and my hoodie then lay on the bed. I take my glasses off and place it on the nightstand. I'm too tired to change my clothes but why the hell I can't still sleep? I see a remote and try to press one button. The light turns off. I press one button again and the aircon turns on. I turn one lampshade on and put it back.

I pull the blanket over my chin and hug one pillow. I close my eyes and try to sleep but after ten minutes I'm still awake. I reach for my phone and construct a message.

_Me:_ _Cha, I can't sleep._

I'm about to put it back but it vibrates. I sit up from the bed when I see Chaos reply.

_Chaos:_ _I'm still awake. I was playing earlier to make myself occupied. I miss you already. How was your flight? Are you already in your hotel? Did you arrive safe?_

_Me:_ _Yep. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. Miss you too. How's Heave?_

I wait for his reply but instead of message, a call arrives. I answer it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just really can't sleep." I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. "Why are you still awake?"

"I told you, I miss you." I smile but it doesn't reach my eyes. "I'm trying my best to like my new place here but it's really odd. I got use to my room in our house."

"Our, huh?" I chuckle. "What about Heave?"

"We still don't talk. He left us before you leave, why the hell would I run after him? Fuck his pride."

"I miss him too." I mumbles.

"I don't. But I miss you." He sighs. "You sound really tired. Go to sleep now,  _let's_ go to sleep."

"Okay. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Yep. Night."

"Night, Cha."

"Night, Nathaugly." I smile and I hear him chuckles before ending the call. My phone vibrates again.

_Chaos: *_ _kisses you on the forehead* Good night. :)_

_Me:_ _*hugs you tight* Sweet dreams._

I put the phone under my pillow and closes my eyes. I just imagine that Heave kisses me good night and I hug him until I fall asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

_Me:_ _Where's the McDo?_

I'm in my pj's and my hoodie. I'm sitting alone here in the couch. It was already 8:30pm when I woke up and my stomach just won't stop growling. I don't think I'm gonna like the food here in the hotel, do I?

_Niall:_ _Haha. Good thing it's just walking distance. A few blocks where you at._

I sigh and slip my feet in my slippers. I'm gonna go out like this. Who the hell cares. I push my hair back and I'm still not use to it being short.

Dianne sees me when I'm in the lobby and she gives me a small wave. I nod and smile back. I make my way outside and I stop from my track.

_Me:_ _Where? Left or right?_

A few block where I am. So where? Left ot right? My phone vibrates and he says right. Okay.

I walk with my head down. I feel like I'm an outcast because every person I'm crossing at looks at me. Why, is this their first time seeing a person in pj's outside? Shit.

Well, who the fuck would wear a pajama and a hoodie in the waether like this? It's freezing! I don't care tho.

I decided to sit on the second floor 'cause the first floor is already crowded. Plus my life here is at peace. I stuff the fries in my mouth and let my face blow up. I look at my table.

Two large fries, rice and chicken, spaghetti, Coke and ice cream. Am I pig? Well who cares, I'm hungry. I take a pic of my food and post it on Instagram with a caption of:  _Dating myself. I'm enjoying it. Lol._

While I'm eating my spaghetti someone clears a throat.

"Nate?" "Mind if we share a table?"

My brow furrows in confusion. First, there's a lot of vacant table. Second, their voices are familiar. I look up and I drop my fork. A smile creeps up on my face. I quickly stand up and silently squeal as I hug him. He laughs and hugs me back. I pull out.

I look at Liam who's smiling wide at me. I walk closer to him and hug him as well. "Liam." He squeezes me and rubs my back.

He pulls out and I gesture the chairs. "Sure. Join me."

They sit opposite to me. I see Zayn's long eyelashes again. His hair is not in it's usual style. It's falling freely over his eyes and kinda messy. He's in his sweat pants and a sweater. He looks cuddly as well as Liam. It's like they just got out of the bed.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"I think we should be the one whose asking you that." Liam smirks. " _Why_ are you here?"

I press my lips together. "It's personal. I'm sorry," I apologetically smile.

Yeah, it's personal and I don't wanna talk about it. Because I might cry or worse I become mad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He nods and smiles shyly. "It's fine. I didn't know." He scratches his head. "So you're alone?"

"Yep," I nod and start to eat my spaghetti. "So you two are on a date?" I chuckle.

Zayn laughs and Liam chuckles. I watch Zayn bites his burger and studies my face. I look away, moving my eyes to Liam. He just shrugs. "You can say that. We're hungry so.."

"Fans didn't see you?" I ask curiously. "You didn't get mobbed?"

"Yes. Glad they didn't see us." Liam giggles. We eat for a moment until he asks a question again. "Did Harry already know you're here?"

"Um, no," I shake my head. "Did Niall tell you?"

"No?" Liam raises a brow. "Why, did you see each other already?"

I nod, biting my chicken. I already finished my spaghetti and I don't get it why I'm still hungry. "He was the one who picked me up at the airport."

"When did you arrive?" Zayn asks, drinking his Coke.

Why everything he does looks so sexual? I blink and push my thoughts away. My God.

"Just a few hours ago. I took a nap and woke up hungry so I went here."

They nod. I watch them eat. They're normal. Eating human foods. Eats in McDo. But why do I love them so much? Why they make me so happy?

"Thank you."

They both lift their heads up to me. "What?"

"Thank you," I say with a smile. "Thank you for everything. Thank you for existing. Thank you for making me,  _us_  happy. It's crazy to think that you make us happy and cry at the same time. But really, we love you guys so much. And when I mean so much,  _so much_ _,_ " I laugh. "Words can't explain how. But since the day we entered the fandom, we dedicated our lives to you guys. You can't blame us if we get mad and worried like your mothers."

They laugh at my words. It feels good to say these things to them. I can't keep it to myself. I had to say that, for them to let them know that thousands-  _millions_  of people love them and owe their lives to them.

"We love you, Nate. Thank you." Liam smiles at me and I'm surprised when they both stand from their sit and move next to me. "Oh shit, I was about to cry." He chuckles as he locks me into a warm hug and Zayn does the same.

"Let's eat this, alright?" I laugh and they pull out.

They just transfer their foods so they're still sitting beside me. We continue to talk and they tell me how Harry goes crazy about me which makes me choke a few times. I'm not really use to that idea. I mean, really? Harry Styles? You've gotta be kidding me.

I lift my head up when their bodyguard approach us. I give him a smile and he smiles back at me.

"Good evening, Nathalie."

"Oh. You know me?" I ask, surprised.

"Of course." Zayn grins. "Told you that Harry always talks about you." He turns his head to um.. what's his name? He's new. "Why?"

"We gotta go. Some fans saw Liam and they started tweeting. In any minute fans will go here. To avoid any inconvenience, we have to go." He smiles sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry."

"No. Um, it's fine. Besides we're done eating."  I give him a reassuring smile and nod. I look at Liam and Zayn whose looking at me. "What?"

They just smile at me and shake their heads. Zayn gets up, then Liam, followed by me. They give me one last hug.

"Should we drive you back to your hotel?" Liam concernly asks.

"Thanks but it's just a few blocks away-"

"Oh! Your number, please," Zayn cutely hands his phone to me. I look at him and I see him blushes. I chuckle and put my number. "Can I name you Mrs. Styles then?"

This time it's my turn to blush. Liam nudges him and he taps my shoulder. "Good bye now. See you. I know we'll see each other more often." He winks. They start to walk towards the back door with their bodyguard on the lead. Liam's hands are on Zayn's shoulder gently pushing him.

"Byeee," Zayn waves.

I wave back. I smile at myself then walk opposite to their direction. The cold wind blows my face that makes me narrow my eyes. I'm still not use to the weather here. I have to adjust.

What a great day to start a new life here in London.

-

_Harry's POV_

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I see Liam and Zayn's messages in our Group MMS. My brows furrow in confusion.

_Zayn:_ _Saw her._

_Liam:_ _Yep, she looks more beautiful :)_

_Niall:_ _You saw her too?_

I look at Niall who's sitting at the other side of the sofa, typing on his phone. He looks up at me then smirks. It's been two hours and he's still not telling me what the hell he knows.

_Zayn:_ _Yes. You bastard! You didn't tell us._

Niall laughs beside me that makes me throw a pillow on his face. He just laughs harder.

_Me:_ _Her? Who? What are you talking about?_

_Louis:_ _My beard._

_Niall:_ _HAHAHAHAHAHA_ _!_

_Liam:_ _I'm with Zayn. Where are you, lads?_

_Louis:_ _Don't fool us. I know you're in hell. Don't worry I'm on my way._

"Niall!" I call angrily. "What? I'm fucking lost! I'm already here for almost three hours and you still didn't tell me!"

He shakes his head and throws his head back in laughter. I glare at him and he gets up the couch and walk towards his kitchen. I groan and looks back at my phone.

_Niall:_ _Lads, if ya wanna visit our best friend. Go to the nearest hotel near at Mcdo. Room 1824. >:)_

I jump from my seat and type as fast as I could.

_Me:_ _FUCK YOU, NIALL!_

"FUCK YOU!" I shout as I rush towards the door, grabbing my jacket and shrug it on. I hear his laugh before I shut his door close. I quickly starts the car and drive.

 _Drive safe. Drive safe. Calm down._ I chant in my head. I didn't realize I was shaking until I look at my hands gripping the wheel. I wipe the sweats on my forehead and my breathing increases.

I don't know. I just wanna see her. I wanna hug her so bad and tell her how much I miss her. I wanna hold her and never let go. Fuck. Do you think this is normal?

I let out a deep breath and inhale deeply. I need to calm down.  _You_ need to calm your arse down, Harry. My lips starts to curve and a smile spread across my face. I bite my lower lip. Thinking that I'm gonna see her makes me damn excited. Shit. This is unexpected. Why is she here, by the way?

Niall. That bastard. He knows Nathalie's here. That fucking bastard know yet he let me wait. Ugh. Well, I'm glad he told me-  _us._  

My heart races when I approach the hotel. Room 1824. Damn it, this hotel is so expensive. I put my beanie on, incase. I get out of the car and give the key to the valet.

I walk in and big shining chandeliers greets me. It's breathtaking, really, but that's none of my worries right now. I can feel the coldness of my palm and my knees starts to melt. What the fuck.

The elevator isn't helping. It feels like forever in here waiting for the floor to come. As high it goes as my heart races faster.  _Fuck fuck fuck._ Good thing no one sees me. Good thing there's no one in elevator. I jump when my floor comes.

I step out and I almost trip. My knees, why are you melting?

"20," I say as I walk down the hallway. "23," I take a deep breath when I see her door. "24.."

Is she there? What is she doing? Is she sleeping? What should I do?

I smack myself on the head and shake my body. "Calm down, okay. Just knock."

I nod at myself and clear my throat. I raise my hand and my knuckles hits the door. One knock. Harry, she won't here it for god's sake.

_Knock knock._

C'mon. Louder!

_Knock knock._

I sigh to myself. I can't knock that loud! I'm shaking so bad and I just can't bang on her door. I freeze. My eyes widens and my heart stops from beating when I see the door knob turns.

Fuck.


	33. Chapter 33

It's like a slow motion when the door finally opens. I didn't even blink but I can hear the sound of my heartbeat. I keep on swearing in my mind.

Boom.

She freezes when her dark eyes meets mine. I stare at her. My mouth parts, asking for some oxygen. Her hair isn't black and long anymore. It is now over her shoulders and it turned brown then the tip of her hair is now blonde. She's still wearing her black glasses and I see her eyes waters behind those glasses. She puts her hand on her mouth. She steps back, almost falling and it's my instinct to catch her but she raises her hand.

With wide eyes, her hand comes closer to my face and gently pokes me. I chuckle but I bite my bottom lip. Just like what she did when she saw me on her doorstep the first time I came into their house.

"Oh, God. Harry." She breathes.

I can't help it. I immediately gently push her to step back. When my skin touches hers, goosebumps rise all over my body. I step in and close the door behind me. I throw my arms around her. I bury my head into her hair and I feel my cheeks heating.

I close my eyes and smell her scent. Fuck. I missed her. Her small arms wraps around my waist and nuzzles her head to my chest. She lost weight. She became thinner and I don't know why. Her shoulders shake and I can hear her soft sobs.

"I missed you, I missed you, I missed you." She whispers.

I tighten my hug. Fuck, fuck.

"I missed you too." I can feel the tears threathening to fall. "God, I missed you." I chuckle, kissing the top of her head.

I continue to hold her for almost two minutes. I don't wanna let go. I feel complete with her, I feel contented, I feel blessed. Shit, I'll make her mine. I promise.

She tries to pull away but I hug her tighter. She chuckles but sniffs anyway. "Harry, my glasses gonna broke."

"I can buy you another one. If you want I'll buy you a dozen," I say, closing my eyes. I slightly swing while hugging her. "Let me hug you first."

"You've been hugging me for three minutes now."

"It's because I've missed you, mkay?" I kiss the top of her head, holding her closely. I feel her nod and leans on my chest. "Can you hear my heart beat?"

"Yes." She answers.

"What does it say?"

"Hmm." She grips the hem of my shirt. "Dug dug, dug dug." She chuckles. "Of course, it's like that. That's how heart beat sounds like."

"Not mine," I grin. "Do you know what my heart says?"

"What?"

"Nathalie, Nathalie."

She laughs then pokes my side making me squirm. "Corny."

"You liked it. Admit it."

"I'm not denying it." She says.

I smile and run my fingers through her hair. We look like idiots because we're just standing here for a few minutes but I don't care. I missed her. So damn much.

"We're going out, yeah?"

"Right now?" She asks.

"Yeah." I nod. I finally break the hug. My hands travels down her hand and plays with it. "Please?"

"What if they see me?" Her voice shakes.

"Who?" I raise my brow.

"Fans?" She looks up at me and I see the fear in her eyes. I sigh and put my finger under her chin then leans closer. I hear her take a sharp breath. I tried my best not to smirk, glad I didn't.

"So what if they see us? I don't care. I just wanna be with you," I say softly. My thumb wipes the streaks of her tears. This beautiful girl shouldn't cry. Her tears are so precious. I stand straight. "Let's go?"

"Where are we going? It's almost midnight."

I look at my wristwatch and it's already 10:30 in the evening.

"Well, isn't it better? The streets aren't crowded."

She bites her bottom lip and looks away. I slip my fingers through hers that makes her look at our hands then to me. I missed her small hands that perfectly fits to my big ones.

I slightly pout. I know this is her weakness. "Please?"

She sighs trn nods at me. "But we shouldn't be gone that long, okay?"

"Okay!"

I response and walk towards her door while her hands are on mine. I just wanna walk her around. That's all.

-

It's been an hour and she just witnessed the London at night. It's more beautiful because of the lights from the street, building and many more. She did the whole time was to say the place was beautiful and really amazing. I was just holding her hand and looking at her amused face, smiling. She seemed so oblivious about that because her full attention was on the place.

Now where sitting here on a bench. She said time out so we could rest for a while. Her head is resting on my shoulder while I'm still holding her cold hand.

We still have to talk about everything and catch up what happened to each other. I know she has a problem and I wanna know what it is that's bothering her. She became slimmer. She's not like this when I last saw her. I was about to ask her when she called my name.

"Yes?"

"Can I go back to my hotel, please? I'm really tired. My eyes are falling." She sleepily says.

Maybe she's really tired. I should've asked her to go out tomorrow not today. She just landed and she's tired.

Okay, my fault. I nod. We stand up.

We walk in silence while our fingers still entertwined with each other's. I quickly look back and hold her on her waist when she almost fall. I look in her eyes and her eyelids are falling.

"I'm sorry." She smiles sheepishly.

I smile at her adorableness. "Do you want me to carry you?"

"No, I can handle." She nods.

I shake my head and squat infront of her. I tilt my head to look back at her. She just stares sleepily at me. "C'mon. Hop in."

"No."

"Yes. You're tired and I wanna carry you." She sighs and walks towards me. I feel her hands on my shoulder.

"I'm heavy." She mumbles.

"No you're not. Stop it. C'mon now." I position myself. I feel her grips my shoulder and leans on me. Her legs hugs on my waist and her arms clings on my neck. I slowly get up and hold her thighs.

I can feel her heart beats fast like what mine does.

"Some fans will see you.. then me. I'm.." She takes a deep breath. "I'm scared."

I squeeze her thighs. "Don't be. I'm here okay?"

She bows her head and nuzzles my neck. I can feel her breath touching my neck siftly which makes my cheeks heat. I continue to walk while she's on my back. She's not heavy, definitely not. I told you she lost weight.

"I'm gonna hide." She chuckles. Her breath tickles me.

I bite my lower lip.  _Stop._

"You don't need to hide." I state, playing it cool.

Since day one, I already said it. I want my world to know her. I don't have any plan to hide her. I want the world to know that this girl makes me happy, she makes me insane. Everytime I'm with her I can't stop smiling. That this girl is making me feel contented. I just want her to know that I'm so happy that I met her.

She stays quiet and I know why. She's tired. The way she spoke was so low and slow like she's drunk or what. What if..

"Can I.. um," I blush and blink rapidly. "Can I lay with you?"

Her arms around my neck stiffens. She falls silent and I start to become nervous. What if she takes it in other way?

"You know I can just choke you." She whispers followed by a soft chuckle. "But of course I won't do that. Never."

I pout. Her nose touches my neck and damn, once again my cheeks heats. What the fuck.

"Okay. Just sleep."

I smile triumphantly. Yes!


	34. Chapter 34

"Let me brush my teeth first," she says as soon as we enter her room-  _presidential_ _suite._  She makes her way towards the bedroom and I follow her. She wouldn't mind, would she?

My eyes goes wide as I see how big her room and bed is. Plus the big balcony that you can almost see the whole London.

She opens her suitcase, lying on the floor next to her bed. "You can sit for a while.. if you want," she announces.

Her voice is still low. I can sense that she really wanna go to bed. She gets up with her toothbrush in her hands. She walks towards the bathroom.

We went out with her only wearing her pj's and hoodie. I'm surprised she didn't freeze. I decided to follow her. She glances at me then turns her attention back to her teeth.

"Do they have extra toothbrush?" I ask.

She searches if there's any but she shakes her head when she found none. She rinses her mouth as well her toothbrush. When she's done, I snatch it from her hands and grin at her. I put a toothpaste on it then put the toothbrush in my mouth. I see her shakes her head, cheeks turning pink.

"I'll wait for you there," she mumbles, rushing out of the bathroom to hide her blush.

I finish brushing my teeth and go out of the bathroom. I close the light and the door. I find her sitting on the bed with her phone in her hand, hugging her knees.

I thought she was tired? Though her eyes are still falling.

I make my way to her bed then sit next to her. I look at her phone and she's on twitter. I lean on her shoulder, glancing at her phone. She's just scrolling down and all I can see is all about us.

"Thought you were tired?"

"I can't help it," she chuckles. "This is the life of a fangirl you know. Sleep is not in our dictionary."

I put my arms around her waist and nuzzle into her hair. I feel her stiffens but she managed to relax. I smile. I have that effect on her.

"Let's sleep, shall we? You can do that tomorrow," I whisper.

She didn't answer but after favoriting some tweets, she nods. I unlock my arms around her. She takes her glasses off then put her phone on the night stand and her glasses. She takes off her hoodie next, throwing it on the chair nearby. She reaches for a remote and all the lights close.

I let my eyes adjust from the darkness until I can see his small frame.

"Good night, Harry," I hear her say.

She lays on the bed and I do the same. I frown when I realize her back is facing me. "Why are you facing away from me?"

"I sleep like this. I'm sorry." She answers. I pout and poke her back with my index finger. "Harry, sleep."

"Look at me." She doesn't move. "Please."

She sighs and turns around to face me. I stare into her eyes and she does the same until she smiles. "Can we sleep now?"

I smile back, tangling my legs to her. I pull her closer to my chest. "Wrap your arms around me."

She does what I say and I pull up the blanket to cover us. I kiss the top of her head. "Now we can."

She lets out a small laugh as she leans closer to me. "I'm not use to sleep like this."

"Well, you will be- you should be. Good night, Nathie."

I run my fingers through her hair. I close my eyes and whisper in her ear how I missed her so much until her breathing becomes slow. I continue to brush her hair until I find myself drifting off to sleep.

-

_Nathalie's POV_

I rub my eyes, stretch my legs and arms out. I grab a pillow to cover my face, groaning.  _I wanna sleep more._ But then at the back of my head someone's telling me I should get up.

I groan, takinv off the pillow on my head, tossing it. I open my eyes and I see the ceiling. I crawl out of the bed until I fall off on my butt. I sit on the floor with my face in my hands.

Why am I even here? Chaos should've been pounding my door now and I would be shouting at him then he would call me Nathaugly then three of us will eat our breakfast together. Chaos and I would banter then Heave would be annoyed then we would just laugh.

I harshly push my hair back and get up.

While rubbing my eyes, I walk towards the bathroom. I wash my face then brush my teeth. My sleepy eyes widens when I remember that Harry was here. I quickly finish brushing my teeth and dry myself.

I almost stumble when I see Harry enters the room with a tray on his hand. I gulp. I'm glad I'm not wearing my glasses so everything is blurred, I mean, kinda.

"Oh, hi," he smiles, flashing his dimples. I watch him put the tray on the center table. I can see the shadow of his moth tattoo. "Good morning. Here's our breakfast."

"Um," I bite my inner cheek and blinks. "Where's your uh.. shirt?"

"Oh," he chuckles and rushes towards his shirt then wear it. He smiles apologetically at me. I see him stops from moving. I have to narrow my eyes to see him clearly cause I'm not wearing my glasses. "You're still pretty without your glasses. Can you see me?"

I shake my head. "Not really. You're blurry. Everything is a blur," I say as I pick up my glasses on the nightstand then wear it. I smile. "Better. Have you eaten yet?"

I walk past by him and settle myself on the couch in the mini living room in my bedroom, examining the food. He sits beside me. I eat the pancake and pick up the sandwhich. He eats his pancake too. I bite on mine and steal a glance at him.

"Did  you sleep well?"

I turn my head to him and he's grinning at me. I blush when I remember how we slept last night. I kinda did. I simply nod and put the half of sandwhich in my mouth making my cheeks blow. He laughs next to me.

"You really like foods."

I smile, chewing the food inside my mouth. I reach for the remote and open the big flat screen telly infront of us.

My chewing begins to slow down. The news is about Harry and.. Monic. I saw the pictures once but it was fast. My eyes darts from their holding hands to smiling Harry infront of me in the pictures. I tilt my head.

"Um. About that.." he starts.

I continue to stare at the picture. I feel something pinches my heart when I remember what happened the night I heard that news. I grimace and turn the telly off. I pick up the fork and stuff the whole pancake in my mouth. I suddenly feel the need of water.

"Hey.." he softly calls.

I continue to chew not saying anything or even meeting his gaze. I stop from moving my jaw when he puts his finger on my chin, lifting my head to look at him. "Look at me."

I slowly move my eyes to his emerald's and I see myself falling deeper. Fuck, those eyes will kill me. He lets go of my face then I feel his hands on mine.

"Let me explain."

My brow furrows. He already explained himself. I told him I'm fine. It's just that night I was totally broken and the memories came back. I swallow and shake my head.

"You already did that. You don't have to do it again," I answer. I reach for the water and drink it. "And I told you I'm fine, didn't I?"

"Just listen." His eyes are pleading me to agree with him. He squeezes my hand, "Please?"

 _Please._  Everytime he say please I can't do anything but to say yes. I nod. He inhales deeply before talking.

"She called me the day she landed here in London. She's my friend but her family migrated in America so we just met that day again," he continues to talk while I make myself busy chewing the food in my mouth. "That pictures were taken when we were done eating. Her heels were so high so I hold her hand-"

"So she wouldn't fall," I finish. I look at him and the worry is still in his eyes. I sigh and poke his nose. "I told you I'm fine. You're stressing yourself."

I chuckle and shake my head. "Just eat your pancakes, yeah? Enjoy the food," I say while cutting the pancake but accidentally drop it when he tugs my arm, making me face him.

"Oh," I say in surprise. He wraps his arms around me. I hug him back. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just wanna hug you."

I playfully groan. "Styles, I'm eating."

"You can eat later!" he nags. I let out a small laugh. "I'm really glad you're here."

My smile fades.  _I'm not._ Well, kinda, because you're here but I didn't really wanna go here. Suddenly, I remember what I'm supposed to do today but I push it at the back of my head. I can deal with it later.

He releases and looks at me, "Why did you go here, by the way?"

I look at him. My minds starts to find the file in my brain where I put my prepared reasons  _slash_  excuses. I blink.

"Can we eat first?"

I look away, trying to avoid his gaze.

He slowly nods, studying me, "Okay." I smile nervously at him and continue to eat silently. "I have many questions for you, you know. I hope you answer them."

My mouth goes dry, "I'll try."

"I asked the receptionist and she said you're staying here for three nights. Tonight is your second night. That means you're leaving the day after tomorrow?"

I try not to bite my lower lip. I shake my head and play with my food with the fork while my eyes are on the pancake.

"I seriously don't know."

"What do you mean?"

I sigh, putting my pancake down and turn to him. Should I really tell him?  _Yes,_ of course. He has the right to know. Fuck, I hate myself.

"It wasn't really my plan to go here. I didn't wanna go here," I bite my lower lip when I see the hurt in his eyes. "I mean, I had to leave Chaos and Heave there. I haven't told you yet but Heave is mad at me."

"What?" His brow knits, "Why?"

"Because I left them," I push my hair back,clearing my throat. "I didn't wanna leave them and I hope you know why." They're my best friends. I hopefully stare at him. He gives me a nod and a reassuring smile. I smile back, "But I had to. This is just a bonus that I'm here with you.. and the boys."

"Who brought you here then?"

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair again, "Let's not talk about it right now, okay? I'm not comfortable. I'm gonna tell you some other time. And to answer your question, I don't know if I'm leaving. It depends."

"You look stressed."

"Really? Haven't noticed," I answer. I didn't mean to be sarcastic but it just slipped out of my mouth. I shake my head, "Sorry."

Silence.

"Can we go out on a date today?"

I raise a brow at him. "You don't have anything to do today? You're not busy?"

He shakes his head as he puts a lock of my hair behind my ear. He smiles, "I can always have time for you if I want to."

I feel the butterflies in my stomach moves making me blush. I smile happily at him. What did I do good to have him here beside me?

"I'm gonna go home first then I'll pick you up, a'right?"

"Yeah, sure," I nod. "Take care."

He kisses my temple, getting up. I watch him wears his jacket and beanie. He looks back at me with a grin on his face.

"I'll miss you."

I laugh, "Shut up."

He laughs then suddenly leans on me, making my eyes widens. His lips landed on my cheeks. I feel my cheeks heats up so I put my face in my hand. He laughs once again.

"See you later."

I wave at him, still looking down. I let out a deep breath when I hear the door close. I finish eating my food.

My eyes lands on his pancake. He just ate one? I stand up to get my phone on the nightstand and construct a message.

_Me:_ _Heyy, you didn't finish your food. Eat first before going back here, mkay? Take care x_

I eat his pancakes and let myself relax on the couch. I go to twitter and the fandom is bored making trends and I waste my time looking through the hashtag until I receive a text message.

_Demon:_ _Good morning._

_Me:_ _Wow. Thank you for ruining my day. There's nothing good in the morning especially when I know you exist._

I grit my teeth and decided to get going. I leave my phone on the coffee table and go to my suitcase. I fish out a white shirt and black jeans, and another hoodie.

I take a bath and dry my hair then brush it, leaving it like that. I'm still not use to my hair color. They said it looks good on me but I love my natural hair color. The black one.

I pick up my phone and walk out to the balcony, settling myself in the chair. It's 8:30 in the morning and probably it's 4:30PM in my country.

_Chaos:_ _Morning! You up?_

_Me:_ _Yep, I'm going out today._

_Chaos:_ _With whom? Hairy?_

_Me:_ _For fuck's sake, Cha. It's Harry_ _._

_Chaos:_ _Whatever. I'm busy today so enjoy your day there. Love you._

_Me:_ _K._

_Chaos:_ _RUDE!!_

I just laugh at my screen then another text comes up making me roll my eyes. How can he do that? He change my mood in a second.

_Demon:_ _Can I call?_

_Me:_ _No you cannot. I don't wanna hear your voice._

_Demon:_ _Can we meet?_

_Me:_ _No. I'm not ready to see someone from hell._

_Demon:_ _Nathalie, we have to meet. You know that._

_Me:_ _I know. Give me time. I'm not ready to see you and don't tell me that I should because you paid for everything. I didn't force you to send me here. I didn't force you to get me a vip suite. I didn't force you to give me a big fucking money. You did it by yourself, not me. You know I don't wanna see you ever. As in never. You know I hate you so you should understand that I don't wanna see you, that I'm not ready to see you and I will never be but I'll try my best to be prepared. So please, could you please leave me alone for a while and don't ruin my day? This place is so beautiful but by just thinking that you're somewhere around here makes me think that this place is hell._

My fingers tapped so fast against my phone screen and after I sent it I almost threw it off the balcony. A tear escape out of my eyes and I quickly wipe it away harshly.  _He's not worth the tears, Nathalie. He broke you and still breaking you._

I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes, feeling the cold wind blows against my face. This place is really beautiful but I don't want here. I mean, I want here because Harry is here, the boys are here but this is just not my place. I don't belong here. I feel like I'm lost and I don't know where I should be.

But maybe someday I will change my mind. Maybe someone will make me realize that I belong here. Maybe someday I will learn to accept the fact that I'm here.

Maybe someday I'll learn to forgive.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter.

I turn the knob then push the door open with a huge grin on my face. I hum but stop when I see two people sitting infront of my telly. My brow knits together.

"What are you doing here?" I ask too loudly, making them jolt.

I left my house locked. Well it's my fault cause I gave them spare keys. They're playing Mario Cart and Niall is nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, hi, Harry," Liam greets, not even looking at me. "Where have you been?"

"I was with- wait! You didn't answer me!"

Zayn chuckles. He's sitting on my couch, his phone in his hands. "We just wanna visit you," he shrugs, not even bothering to glance at me. The hell.

"Well you should've atleast told me. I knew it was a wrong decision to give you spare keys," I roll my eyes, sitting next to Zayn.

Suddenly, Niall walks out from the kitchen, hugging a bowl of ice cream. He freezes and his eyes widens as he see me. "Uh. Hi, want some?"

I shake my head in amusement, chuckling. I look at Louis who's busy playing Mario Cart with Liam. His eyes focuses on the screen, running his tongue along his lips.

"But seriously, where have you been?"

"I was with Nathalie," I say.

Niall rushes to me with big, blue, curious eyes. "Really? Did you kiss her or what?"

I blush, "Niall, we just slept-"

"Weak, Harry," Liam comments, making Louis and Niall laugh.

"Hey," I pout. "I wanna take it slow."

"Yeah, we know," Zayn nods, putting his phone in his pocket. "So you're going out today with her, I assume?"

"Yeah," I bite my lower lip. "I honestly don't know what to do."

Niall sits next to me, eating his-  _my_  ice cream, "You sound like you've never dated a girl."

"YOU'RE THE WEAK HERE! I WON!" Louis cheers, punching Liam's arms. Liam just rolls his eyes. Louis turns to us, tossing the controller away, almost hitting Liam's knee if he didn't move away. "So what now?"

"Um, lads. Not that I don't like Nate but do you think we can really trust her?"

My brow furrows and their heads snaps to Liam. Niall shifts beside me, putting his ice cream on his lap.

"What do you mean? She has Harry and I's number, it's been a month but did she give it away? No. She has Harry's private skype ID, did random fan call him? No. Liam, I don't understand you at all."

"Yeah. You're talking shit," Louis agrees, glaring at Liam.

I lean forward, putting my elbows on my lap then my chin in my palm. Liam is always like this when we start to date someone. He's just concern, I understand that.

"Don't get me wrong. I like Nate. She's friendly, nice, and lovely-"

"And beautiful," Louis adds, smiling sweetly.

Liam huffs then rolls his eyes. "And beautiful, I know, but we just met her for a month. We barely know her and such. You know, I just wanna make sure we're all fine and happy."

I smile and shake my head. "Nathalie won't do such a thing. I trust her so you can trust her too. I thought you liked her? You even called her One Direction's best friend."

"Harry likes Nate so much," Zayn says. "You can see it by how the way he acts. How he talks about her. He always have something to tell about her. We didn't see him act like this before."

"Plus the fact that he seems crazy because out of the blue, he would suddenly smile or grin. Laugh is even worse! It's fucking creepy," Louis states.

I grin at them. Niall starts to eat the ice cream again. It's unstoppable! Especially when she smiles so big and I could practically see her eyes sparkles. It's just so.. beautiful.

"Don't tell me you're gonna act like a villain here, Liam?"

"Of course not, Louis!" Liam sighs. "I like her, okay? As we said, she's nice. You could tell that. I trust her but not that much. Maybe as the time goes by, she will get my full trust. Give me time. My God."

"He has trust issues," Zayn mumbles.

We fall silent. I stare at the floor. I know.Nathie has so many secrets. I know it. I could tell it the way she avoids my questions. I don't even know why she's here yet. I don't know why she was crying when she called me. I don't know what happened when I wasn't with her, when we weren't talking. I don't know why she became thinner.

I want to know but I don't want to push her. She said it, she'll tell me. I just have to wait and that's what I'm doing right know, even though I really wanna know.

"You love her, don't you? Not like,  _love_."

I move my eyes to Liam. He's smiling genuinely at me. Between the five of us, Liam knows how to read or know feelings by just observing. I don't know how he does it but he would just tell us that line all the time.  _You love her don't you? Not like, love._

"Oh, here comes the line," Louis throws his hands on air. "Gonna get some chips." He gets up then walk to the kitchen.

"You love her," he repeats. Not a question, it's a statement. His smile turns into a grin making me chuckle. "Since when?"

"I KNOW WHEN!" Niall exclaims next to me. He places the empty bowl of ice cream on the coffee table. Before he could even talk, Liam playfully smack his legs. "Ouch."

"If you lose your voice because of eating that stupid ice cream, I will punch you."

"Ice cream is not stupid!" Niall rolls his eyes but smiling anyway. "By the way, I know when!"

"WHEN?" Louis excitedly asks, running towards us with a pack of chips. He slumps down on the pillows sprawled on the floor infront of us, sitting next to Liam. His eyes are big while looking at Niall, stuffing chips in his mouth.

"Since he changed his icon and header," Niall glances at me, smirking. "He's fucking head over heels."

"You looked cute in that picture," Zayn smiles. "Even though she's hiding."

"I like his header. So clever." Louis smirks. "They thought you were just capturing the sunset but Nate was there. You little shit."

I laugh, "That's the purpose!"

Niall starts clapping like a seal next to me. "Plus when you started to become worried when she called you crying, saying she misses you, I know you've fallen deeply."

"Wait, what? What was that, Niall?" Louis asks, looks interested with what Niall said.

Well I told Niall some details but not everything. I told Louis when Heave and I talked. I told Liam about Cutie. I told Zayn about the lack of communication and I told Niall most of the things. I know he likes informations though.

"Lemme go and get ready," I say, standing up from my seat but Louis pulls me down, glaring at me.

"Tell us first."

"Louis-"

"Harry, I won't make you get ready if you won't tell us."

"But-"

"So what happened?"

I sigh, "Niall, can you please tell them?"

"Sure!" He exclaims, excitedly.

"When you get home we want every details," Louis reminds me. "Everything, Harold. Don't leave anything, even a single event."

"You sound like a girl, Louis," Liam chuckles. "Nosy. Fishing for informations."

"Wow. Well you look like you also wanna hear things about Harry's relationship with Nate. You must be glad I'm doing you a favour."

I smile at their little banter and start to make my way to go to my room. They always never fail to put a smile on my face. I'm really glad they like Nathie. Because before, there were always one or two lads that didn't like my girlfriend for me. Mostly it was Niall or Liam.

Liam is always careful and I understand why he doesn't trust someone that fast but he has a big heart. I know eventually, Nathie would be able to capture his heart effortless too like what she did to the rest of the boys.

Niall knows how to tell if the person is good or bad for me. He knows how to read people. So when he didn't like my girlfriend, he would tell me she was no good but now it's different.

I take a quick shower then grab a pair of black skinny jeans and a black shirt. I make my way downstairs and join them again on the couch. Niall and Zayn are now playing while I sit between Louis and Liam.

"I wanna go to picnic with her," I state.

"Not in public."

"Liam's right, Harry. It's not good for her." Louis nods. "At least not now. She's not ready."

He looks at me worriedly but there's a small smile playing on his lips. I bite my lower lip and my shoulders falls. I really wanna take her out for picnic. I want us to talk, just talk about things.

"But-"

"Not in public," Liam sighs.

"You can still do it though!" Louis says with a happy tone. He and Niall are always my cheerleaders. They're always there for me to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.

"Bring her to the place where also looks like a park or a huge garden that is private. Take a picnic in there. It would be more beautiful because you're all alone together."

"I don't get it, Louis," Zayn comments, still looking at the telly, raping the controller, biting his lower lip. "You're so romantic but you don't have a girlfriend- Niall, don't cheat!"

"Define girlfriend," Louis scoffs, rolling his eyes. "It's so boring in here! Boring like the one who lives here."

"Hey, I'm not boring!" I disagree.

"Did I drop a name?" Louis answers back, narrowing his eyes. "Well, you idiot. If you wanna take her out for a picnic you should be cooking by now! Don't tell me you're just gonna buy foods outside?"

"Oh! Yeah, right," I get up, rushing towards the kitchen.

" _Oh! Yeah, right_." Louis mocks, letting out a small laugh. "Hey, lads. Let's help our youngest member."

I wash my hands then start to make a sandwhich. After a while they come in the kitchen, sitting on the high chairs.

"I'm the youngest," Niall says, leaning on the counter. "Louis is our grandpa."

"I'm not that old!"

"But you're the oldest. That's the same thing," Liam smirks at him, earning a glare from Louis.

"Oldest is the hottest."

"Stop it. Let's do some work," Zayn says, putting an apron on. He gives me a warm smile and open the fridge. "And I'm the hottest in this group. That's a fact. Don't even argue with me."

"Tell that to your long eyelashes," Louis scoffs.

"Hey, you have the cheekbones," I shrug.

Louis laughs, "You have the dimples."

"Niall, you have the laughter."

Niall looks confused at what Liam says, but laughs anyway. Zayn starts to put some fruits in the basket and Liam goes to the juice.

"And Liam have nothing," Louis says, laughing hysterically.

We stop for what we are doing to stare at him. He clenches his stomach, throwing his head back until Niall starts laughing hard, making us all grin. Liam was glaring at Louis but now he's laughing with us.

Our laughs echoes in my house. I wipe the tears came out from my eye. I chuckle and shake my head, going back to work.

"Liam, you have the smile," Zayn says, trying to stop himself from laughing.

"No! He has the biceps and abs." Louis grins. "Plus the fans call her daddy."

He bursts into laughter again. Liam laughs, smearing a peanut butter on Louis' nose. Louis immediayely stops laughing, and Liam starts to. He glares at Liam, touching his nose.

"You look like you have a poop on your face," Liam laughs, making us bursts into laughter.

"Fuck you, Liam!" Louis jumps from his seat, grabbing the bottle of nutella, chasing Liam who's now running around the counter.

"Ohh," I exclaim, grinning and watching them run around.

I start to laugh harder when Niall's eyes widens. Louis decided to smear a nutella on Niall's cheeks when he couldn't catch Liam.

"Louis, I did nothing!" Niall groans.

"Exactly!" he laughs. He didn't see Liam behind him so he has another peanut on his forehead. "LIAM!" He turns around, chasing Liam while Niall starts to grab the cake.

"Hey, Niall. Not the cake!"

Niall just smirks. He gets a handful of it then starts to throw to Liam, having some of icing in his hair.

I laugh. "Niall! Careful, the foods!"

"I don't care. I can buy a whole grocery store, idiot!" he laughs, running around my kitchen, catching Louis.

I gasp when Louis smears a nutella on Zayn's forehead. Zayn stops from arranging the food in the basket, carefully touching his forehead. He looks up at Louis who has a peanut and icing all over his head making me grin.

"I'm a bradford badboy," Louis says with different tone but then laugh hysterically.

"TOMLINSON I SWEAR TO GOD," Zayn runs to the fridge, grabbing another gallon of ice cream.

"HEY NOT FAIR. ICE CREAM IS STICKY!" Niall exclaims, sneakily moving closer to Liam, smearing another icing on his face.

Zayn smirks, running towards them making them squeal like a girl. I just laugh watching them though my kitchen looks like shit right now. He catches Louis then smears an ice cream on Louis nape making him shiver.

"Holy fuck. THAT'S COLD!"

Zayn just laughs, running away from him, then starts aiming Niall and Liam with his ice cream. I watch them with a huge grin on my face.

We may look crazy and abnormal but these things makes us happy. This is our little bonding. I love being with these five lads and I would never get tired. We're brothers now and I'm thankful I have them.

"Oh hi, Curly," Louis suddenly appears next to me, smirking, hiding his hands on his back.

I laugh at his look. His face is almost covered with icing and peanut while his hair has an ice cream.

"Not me, Louis. I just took a bath and I'm going out lat-" My eyes widens when suddenly, someone hugs me from behind. Louis laughs devishly infront of me, taking a step forward. "No, no, no, no."

"Oh, who told you you can say pass?"

I try to wiggle away from Liam's hold but he's so strong. Fuck that muscles. I laugh with them when Louis smears a nutella on my cheeks.

"HEY THIS IS NOT FAIR! WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ME?"

Liam releases me and I immediately grab the flour then starts throwing it to them. Zayn and Louis squeals like a girl, laughing after. Niall's laugh just make it worse, making me not able to breathe.

We just throw each other's what we can while laughing and running around my kitchen, chasing each other. We're so childish, but I love it.


	36. Chapter 36

"Where are we going?"

He flashes a dimpled smile. I can't stop myself so I touch it, earning a chuckle from him. I smile.

"You do like my dimples, huh?"

"Who wouldn't?"

"We're having a picnic," he answers.

"Picnic? Like what we did when.." I lift a brow.

He nods, "Yes, like what we did in Luneta." He smiles, "I still remember the picture of you that I took."

"Yeah. That's a good photo," I agree. "Where are we gonna have a picnic?"

I begin to nibble my lower lip. My heart starts to race at the thought. I look outside the window trying to calm myself.

"At the park."

I almost choke.

"In.. uh public?" I ask, nervously.

He suddenly stops the car by the street. I feel his hands on the top of mine, making me look at him. My pulse quickens, thinking about the things that can possibly happen.

"Not that I don't wanna go out with you-"

"Why are you so insecure?" I look at him, frowning. He sounds hurt, and I have no idea why. "You don't want them to see you with me? Why, are you ashamed of me?"

My eyes grows wide as I shake my head frantically. "No! No. I didn't say that," I take a deep breath. "It's just that.. you're Harry and you're with me.  _Me_ , Harry. Me."

His brow furrows in confusion, "What? There's nothing wrong with you."

Of course, there is.

"I'm just a simple girl. Your fan. Nothing but ordinary. If someone see you with me, they'll judge you. Like why would you date someone like me? The one who doesn't even wear dress, heels, make up and other girly things. I'm not even a girl-"

He kisses my forehead making me shut up. He squeezes my hand and he buries his head on my shoulder, making my breath hitch.

"You're beautiful. Shut up," he whispers. I feel him kisses my shoulder though the cloth of my hoodie and shirt are there.

"What about the fans?"

My stomach turns thinking how they would react. I still remember crying years ago when I saw the photos of him with a girl and they were holding hands.  _It's not Monic_. I saw how the fandom reacted to that. I know what they could do. We love the boys so much to the point that we will do anything. Literally  _anything._

"They will love you if they love me. They will accept you if they love me. They will not hurt you if they know that hurting you will hurt me as well."

I chuckle, "You're so confident. Incase you forgot the fans hated most of your exes. Plus the paps.."

He sits up then taps my nose making me jolt, "I don't care what they're gonna say. As long as I'm with you, as long as you're here, as long as I'm happy, as long as we're happy. You should stop thinking about what they're gonna say. Stop over thinking. They don't have a say with our lives because these aren't theirs. It's ours. Today, I promised to myself that you must be happy and I want that to happen. So if you want to," he grins, "stop being so negative."

"Shall we?"

I sigh, nodding. I smile at him. "It's your fault if our pictures will be over the internet."

He starts the engine and drives, "That's what I want. I want them to know about you."

I playfully hit his arm. He laughs, "I'm driving, Nathie!"

"Shut up," I laugh, crossing my arms. I think about anything to forget the fact that there's a 99.99% possibility that the fans would see us. Finally, something comes in my mind. "Picnic? So you have foods?"

"Yeah.  _Foods_ _,_ " He smirks. "I know you  _love_ foods."

I grin. He's teasing me and I find it cute. Yes, I love foods. Everybody does tho. I look outside the window, looking at the stores who sells amazing items, while song plays inside the car and humming Harry until we reached the park.

I sigh in a relief when I see the a huge garden. It looks like a park but honestly it's just a garden and no one is there.

"I know you're not ready yet to go out with me in public so I brought you here. We can have a picnic, and private," he smiles at me.

-

I bite onto my apple. I feel Harry's stare so I look at him. He looks away.

I chuckle, "I saw you. Duh."

He looks back at me, "You're pretty. Duh."

I just huff. My legs stiffens when he suddenly lay on his back, using my lap as his pillow. I look down at him, his eyes are closed.

"What are you doing?" I ask, almost breathless.

I start to become paranoid thinking that someone will see us but he said that I  _shouldn't_ care as long as we're happy. I'm happy so I think I shouldn't be bothered by that thought.

We have a red blanket under us. We already ate the sandwhiches he made then I found an apple so I eat it until he suddenly lays down.

I continue to examine his face. From his chocolate curls to his long lashes, to the tip of his nose that is really pointier than mine down to his kissable lips. His eyes flutters open as he flashes a cheeky smile.

"Can I ask questions now?"

I try to play it cool but I start to be nervous. I shrug, eating the last part of the apple then tossing it into the plastic. "I'll try to answer it as long as I can."

He wiggles under me, "Nooo. I want you to answer me honestly. This is the reason why I brought you here. To get to know you more." He purses his lips.

"Okay, okay. No need to have a tantrums," I chuckle. I start to run my fingers through his hair, making his cheeks turns pink. "What's the first question?"

"Did you date Brix?"

I'm taken aback by his question but I laugh afterwards, "What the heck, Harry. He's my friend and I'm dating you. I won't do that!"

"Well, I'm kinda jealous though," he states raising a brow. I look at him in amusement. Is he serious?

"Not important but he has a crush on me," I smirk, waiting for him to react. His eyes widens, sitting up straight infront of me with his brow shot in irritation.

"You said  _what?_  He what?"

"Calm down!" I snort. "I don't have a crush on him."

He still looks irritated with his pursed lips. "What else did you do?"

"The day we found out that I was gonna graduate as a summa cum laude, we went to the mall.." My voice softens and I look at him. "He said he has a crush on me-"

"Did you say you like him too?"

I playfully roll my eyes, "I rejected him in a nice way. He asked me if I have a boyfriend or wha-"

"You said you're dating Harry Styles?"

I laugh. Is he really jealous? Well, he looks cute. "I said someone's waiting for me."

"Why you didn't say you're dating me?" he sounds offended. I tap his nose, his features softens.

"You know the reason," I smile sheepishly. I don't want them to know me as your date. He sighs then lays back to my lap. I ruffle his curls.

"Next question?"

"But I'm not yet done with the first one!" He disagrees. A smile appears across my face. "You liked him?"

"As a friend," I answer. "Just a friend," I look down at him sincerely. He's still looks unconvinced. I blush, "Harry, I like you, okay?"

When a grin spreads across his face, I chuckle, "Next question?"

"What about Heave and Chaos? You didn't fall for them?"

"Harry, your questions are ridiculous!" I laugh. "They're my best friends. I treat them as my brothers and again, it's like an incest if I date one of them. You're the one who's overthinking here!"

"You can't blame me. The days when you weren't texting and calling me I was thinking about any possible reasons why. I even thought you were already tired of me and you didn't want to try anymore."

"I'm sorry." He just smiles back at me. "Next?"

"Why didn't you tell me about you graduating as summa cum laude?"

"Um. I don't think it's necessary," I shrug. I really don't think that that thing should be a news to everyone.

"You still should've told me. Congratulations, by the way," I nod then twirls his curls around my finger. "Um. Why were you crying when you called and told me you missed me."

My hand stops from twirling his hair and my eyes moves to his emerald's. He asked me that question before but I refused to answer it. I guess this is the time?

"Don't be mad," I say. He nods. "Promise?" He raises his right hand. I sigh, moving my eyes back to his hair, avoiding his stare, and start to twirl it. "I tried to cut myself but I remembered you."

I hear him gasps. He grabs my hand that's twirling in his hair. My heart starts to go wild. Don't look at my wrist, please. I bite my lower lip, watching him bring my hands closer to him. But instead of pulling up my hoodie's sleeve, he brings my hand closer to his lips, kissing my knuckles.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I wish I was there." He sadly states.

"Harry, it's fine. Don't stress yourself," I smile, going back to his hair again. "Next question please."

"Is Heave still mad at you?"

Something pinches my heart. "Yes."

"What about Chaos?"

"He understands my situation," I simply say.

He nods. "Why are you here?"

I fall silent. I think I can't answer that one. The knife that is permanently in my heart starts to move again, stabbing me deeply.

"Can I say pass?" I frown.

"No. Please, answer it for me," he begs with a soft voice. I stop playing with his hair, closing my eyes. I take a deep breath, feeling myself shake.

"Don't freak out, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm here to meet someone," I open my eyes to look down at him. He frowns. "It's not what you think. Um.. how can I explain this." I bite my lower lip. "He's from hell-"

"What?"

"I hate him," I frown. "He forced me to go here." I look away.

"Who's he?"

"I'm sorry but can we leave it alone? For now. It's sensitive subject for me." I sadly say. "I'm sorry, Harry. I just can't. I will be comfortable to tell you but not now. I'm really sorry."

"Oh, okay. It's fine. I'm sorry," he clears his throat. He shifts under me. I can tell he's not comfortable as well, but he changes the question. "Have you seen the boys yet?"

"Yes," I nod. "Except Louis."

"Why did you contact Niall to get you at the airport and not me?" He pouts. I let out a chuckle, poking his dimple.

"I don't know. He popped in my mind out of nowhere. Don't be jealous. I'm here with you."

He smiles widely, "Yeah. You're here."

"Are there any questions left?"

"None," he shakes his head with a smile on his face. I smile back. "I mean yeah."

"Hmm."

"You still want me?"

I almost laugh but a smile managed to escape on my lips. "That's not even a question, idiot."

I lean down and close my eyes, pressing a light kiss on his forehead. I lean back. His eyes are closed as I watch his eyes flies open then suddenly, his cheeks turns pink. He covers his face with his large hands, groaning.

I chuckle, "The answer would always be  _yes_."

-

Hours has passed and we're lying on our backs now. My hands on my stomach while his are under his head. There's an earphone in my left ear, his on right.  _Lego House_ is on tune.

 _♪_   _I'm gonna pick up the pieces_

_And build a lego house_

_If things go wrong we can knock it down_ _♪_

I'm glad the sun isn't that shining and hot, and we're under a tree that makes our place feel warmer considering the weather here is kinda cold.

"You know what."

"No, I don't know yet," I answer. I squirm when he pokes my side. I chuckle, "Mkay. What?"

"You've seen the interview right?"

_♪_ _My three words have two meanings_

_There's one thing on my mind_

_It's all for you_ _♪_

"What interview?"

"About me, answering the question about Monic."

"Yep," I continue to look at the blue sky, imagining figures. "Why?"

"After that interview none of the boys talked to me."

My head snaps at him. " _What?_ "

"Yeah. I guess it was my fault though," he shrugs.

 _♪_   _I'm gonna put you by numbers_

_And colour you in_

_If things go right we can frame it_

_And put you on a wall_ _♪_

"I don't understand," I shake my head.

Why would they do that? There had to be a reason for them not to talk to Harry. Maybe he did something so bad that made them mad?

"They talked to me after two days though. Imagine. I offered Niall a lunch, my treat, but he rejected me."

"That was not so Niall," I grin.

"Everytime I called Louis his voicemail always made me laugh," He clears his throat. "It was like this:  _How about you shut the fuck up and don't try to call me._ "

I burst into laughter until a tear escape on the corner of my eye. "Oh my God. Really?" I look at him, he nods, smiling at the sky as well.

"I guess that voicemail was particularly for me." I continue to look at him while he talks, watching his plump lips move. "The day they talked to me, Louis was pounding on my door and it was 6:00 in the morning. I thought it was an emergency but when I opened the door all of them came in."

"Of course I asked them what's the problem then Niall called me stupid- which I found cute."

"He's cute," I agree.

 _♪_   _And it's so hard to say it_

_But I've been here before_

_Now I'll surrender up my heart_

_And swap it for yours_ _♪_

"I'm cuter," he answers back. I nudge him and he chuckles. "So yeah. Louis, as the sassy one told me how stupid I was. They got mad at me because of you."

"What?" I sit up and look down at him with wide eyes. " _What?_ What did I do?"

This time he's the one who bursts into a laughter. He touches my arm, "It's not what you think," he shakes her head but the cheeky smirk on his face is still there. He sits up as well.

I look curiously at him. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear then his finger rests on my chin.

"They were mad at me because I denied you," I take a sharp breath. "They were mad because I didn't mention you. They were mad because they said, I didn't consider what would you feel. It was my fault."

 _♪_   _And it's dark in a cold December_

_But I've got you to keep me warm_

_If you're broken I will mend you_

_And I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now_ _♪_

"I.. I don't know what to say."

He lets out a dreamy sigh. His fingers on my chin travels down to my hand. I watch his eyes softens.

"I'm sorry I'm stupid. That interview made you hurt and don't even try to deny it. I'm sorry. But I'm here. I'm here beside you. I'm always here when you need me. When you cry, I'm here to hold you. When you have no one, I will always be there. When you don't have someone to hug you and tell you everything will be okay, I'm here."

 _♪_   _I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down_

_And out of all these things I've done_

_I think I love you better now_ _♪_

My heart swells at his words. Before I was just wishing for him to be there when I was crying alone in my room but as he said, he's now here. I can be with him anytime. He will always be there.

"I can make you happy now."

He smiles at me. There's something behind his smile. He's determined to do whatever he's planning to but I'll just let him if that what makes him happy. That's what I want. I want him happy.

 _♪_   _And out of all these things I've done_

_I will love you better now_ _♪_

"I'm in love with you, Nathalie."

It feels like my lungs and my heart stops from working. I look at him with wide eyes and hanging mouth. I'm shaking. I can't breathe. I can't think straight.  _What?_

He runs his tongue over his lower lip, watching me. He does that when he's nervous. I want to say something but I couldn't think of anything. He's in love with me.  _He's inlove with me._ Holy shit.

"Nathalie.." he sits up straight infront of me. His green eyes which perfectly fits on him are intently looking at me. "Say something."

My heart starts to function again, making me let out a sharp breath. I reach for his hand, tracing circles on his palm. I feel him relaxes, huffing. Smile makes it's way across my face, thinking he's in love with me like what I am with him.

"You.." I swallow thickly. "You barely know me. Are you sure about.. that?"

"I know you and I can know you more."

"I have a lots of secrets." I frown. Fucking yes, I'm guilty. I know I'm not being fair because I'm keeping secrets from him but I can't just blurt it out. It's hard. "You might hate me. I'm not pretty. I'm nothing compare-"

"Stop it," he sighs. "I know you're mysterious, you have a lots of secrets but I won't push you to tell them to me. I know the time will come that you're gonna talk about your problems with me. I won't judge you. I will be there, with you. I won't leave you."

His voice softens and the end of his sentence. My heart flutters as I lift my head to meet his gaze. His eyes softens, leaning closer to me. "I love you."

I smile, closing my eyes. Shit. That sounds so good. "Again."

I hear him chuckles, squeezing my hand. Something soft touches the tip of my nose. "I love you, Nathalie."

I flutter my eyes open. I stare at him with a smile on my face. I release my hold from his hand. He frowns, eyes flashing a fear. My eyes widens.

"Jesus! Harry, just wait, okay? I'm here, for god's sake," I exclaim, taking off my necklace around my neck. "Here," I open my palm, revealing my necklace with a key pendant.

I hold his hand once again, drawing circles on his palm. He looks down at my palm, I smile. The necklace is not that extravagant. It's just a simple key with no designs at all. My mom knew me, I like simple things.

"I'm giving this to you," I announce. He looks at me, mouth open. "I always wear this," I look down at the necklace, memorizing every part of it. I know Harry would take care of this so I shouldn't be scared.

"I noticed," he nods.

"My mom gave this to me. It was my sixth birthday." He caresses my cheek, smiling sympathetically at me. I keep the smile on my face. "She told me, I should give this necklace to the one I love, I _t_ _ruly_ love."

He gasps, looking at me then back to the necklace. I let out a small laugh as a tear falls from my eye. My heart pounds against my chest as I prepare myself say the words.

"I'm inlove with you, Harry," I smile. "I love you."

He stays silent. His eyes are wide as if he doesn't believe what he's hearing. Me too. I can't believe this is happening. I thought he would be tired of me, the long distance relationship was so hard that I didn't think we could get through that, but we did. And he loves me.

"I'm sorry if I've caused you so much stress. I'm sorry if I'm so dramatic. I'm sorry if I have so many secrets but I will tell you what they are," I assure him. "And this necklace. Keep it, okay?"

He nods frantically, a big huge smile plastered on his face.

"My mom said this is the key to my heart. I guess you're the only one who could go inside. Cheesy, huh?" I laugh, wiping my face.

He laughs with me, but I gasp when he reaches my hand, pulling up my sleeve, caressing my cuts. I bite my lower lip. He kisses it softly.

"I'm.. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Just don't do it again, okay?" He sweetly smiles at me. I nod. "Promise?"

"P-promise."

He slightly frowns, "Again. No stuttering."

I take a deep breath, staring at him. "Promise.

"Are you mine now?"

"Yours?" I ask, laughing.

"Hey, don't laugh," he pouts.

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" I smirk at him, raising a brow.

"Hey. Don't act like you don't want me to be your boyfriend!" he winks at me. "Be my girlfriend."

I gape at him then burst into laughter. "It's a statement! Not a question."

"Exactly. Now you don't have a choice but to be my girl," he cheekily grins at me. "You're mine. Now, hug me."

"You're such a demanding boyfriend," I playfully roll my eyes, scooting closer to him. I throw my arms around him, holding him close. He buries his head to my neck.

"I can't believe you're really mine now," he whispers. "You don't know how much I wanted to tell you. I didn't wanna do it over the phone. I wanted do it personally where I could touch and hug you like this."

"I was just waiting for you. I promised to wait, Harry."

"I'm glad you did. Sorry for everything."

"You didn't do anything. I'm the one who should be saying sorry."

"You didn't do anything as well."

"Oh yes I di-"

"Just shut up," he laughs, squeezing me.

I laugh and smell his scent. "You smell like heaven."

He pulls out, cheeky grin on his face. "Of course. I'm an angel."

"Whatever," I chuckle.

He reaches for my hand, pulling out something in his pocket. My eyes grows wide as I see him putting a bracelet around my wrist, hiding my scars.

"There," he smiles when he finally locks it.

I bring my hand closer to me, examining the bracelet. My brows furrowed, "Owned?" I glance at him. He's just grinning at me.

The bracelet has it's pendants. O, W, N, E and D. Owned. They are just small letters that you couldn't read if you won't go closer.

"What? You're mine," he rolls his eyes. "Plus," he holds my hand, caressing my scars. "This bracelet would serve as your protection."

"From what?" I ask, chuckling.

His finger traces the not-so-faded scars on my wrist. I look at him and he's smiling down at my wrist. His cheeks creating a curve, revealing his adorable dimples.

"This would remind you that I love you everytime you think of hurting yourself again. Everytime you try to hurt yourself, you'll see this. And you'd think of me and not do it again. Again, because.." he lifts his head, looking at me.

I suddenly feel the corner of my eyes heats. I smile at him, while he lean closer. I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he leans closer to my ear. I close my eyes.

"I love you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is getting so long. I'm trying my best. Uggh.


	37. Chapter 37

"Hey."

"What?"

I take a deep breath, gripping my phone, "I'm nervous. Do you think I can do it?"

I bite my lower lip. I just called him and asked him a question which he doesn't have any idea what I'm talking about.

"Of course you can," I hear a smile in his voice. "You can do it, Nathie."

I sigh, smiling, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

"I - uh, I love you."

He chuckles, "I love you. Call me, yeah?"

Then the call ends. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. I lick my lower lip, stepping inside the restaurant. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel myself shaking as the sweats starts to form on my forehead. Fuck, fuck.

I'm wearing my white shirt, skinny jeans and flat shoes. He told me to wear a dress. Well I don't want to. Who is he, by the way?

"Hi, madam. How may I help you?"

"Em. Reservation for Ricafort," I grimace at the name.

She searches for the name then looks back at me with a smile on her face, "This way, madam," she gestures and lead the way. I follow her silently.

I can already hear my own heartbeat and I think it will come out or explode soon. I'm nervous yet scared of what could possibly happen after this. My whole life could be worse.

"There, madam."

She points at the door. Door? Before I can even ask, she walks out. I swallow, walking towards it. Maybe he got this because he wants some privacy. Well, fine. I can scream all I want if he makes me to.

My hands are cold as I reach for the door knob, just to see how my hands are shaking. Could you please relax, Nathalie? For fuck's sake.

I clear my throat, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat, turning the door knob, pushing it open. I keep my head down. I know he's already here. I'm ten minutes late.

I nibble my lower lip, stepping in then closing the door behind me. I close my eyes, still standing where I am until I feel someone's hand cups my shoulder.

I gasp, quickly pushing away his hands from me, like he has a virus. I bite my lower lip, slowly lifting up my head until I see him.

Him.

His hair has a quiff. It's dark like mine. His eyes are brown, lighter than my dark eyes. I've never seen them in years. The last time I saw them, they were full of anger and disgust. His pointed nose that looks exactly like mine. His thin lips which definitely a photo copy of mine.

Shit.

I close my eyes, trying to forget how much I look like him. I've tried so hard to forget him but with just a minute I saw him, it already hurts. My heart clenches as the memories flashes back on my mind. I concentrate not to cry or even yell at him. It's hard, so hard.

I don't know what to feel. Should I be mad? Should I cry? Should I stay quiet? Should I yell at him? What? Pain, anger, sadness are all in my heart that I don't even know how to express it.

I take a deep breath, opening my eyes. He's still staring intently at me and I'm not even intimidated. I don't fucking know why. Maybe because I don't give a shit.

"Are you planning to just stand here?"

He blinks, "Oh."

 _Oh._  Whatever. He gestures the table with different dishes. I'm sure those foods tastes good but I don't think I could eat with him. Just by the sight of him makes me want to throw up.

I march towards the chair and sit. He sits slowly opposite from me. He's wearing a black suit. I grab the glass of water and drink it, trying to calm my nerves.

I put a pasta in my plate, pretending to eat it but the truth is I'm just twirling it with my fork. I keep my stare at my food, not even bothering to look at him.

Silence can kill, I tell you. The silence eats us and the air is so thick. I clench my jaw, looking at him. He's staring at me and when he sees me looking at him, he swallows.

I keep my mouth shut but he doesn't. Fuck.

"H-how are you?"

I didn't even miss his voice. Hearing his voice is like a bad music for my ears, breaking my ear drums. I bite the inside of my cheeks.

"I'm doing fine," I answer with a straight face.  _Until you decided to contact me, bastard._ "You?"

I don't know why I did that but hell, I want to know. I want to know what he did with his life after leaving us,  _me_.

"Perfect," he smiles.

I bitterly smile. Perfect, huh? Well damn you, I went through hell. Mom went through hell because of you and you're telling me you're perfect? Bullshit! My eyes starts to water but I blink rapidly to get rid of them.

"Nice," I nod. "My hotel was booked four days. So after that I can go home?"

"No, you're not going back."

"So, when? I wanna go home."

He frowns, "You're not leaving. This is your home. With me."

I chuckle, "No. You're kidding, right?"

"I gave you so much time, Nathalie. I did everything you've wanted. Now, do me a favour. You're living with us."

I wanted? Everything I've wanted? What the fuck did I said that I wanted? As far as I know, everything he asked me to do were against my will. What the hell is he talking about?

I glare at him, "No. I said, no."

"The decision is not yours," he says with a stern voice.

Well, fuck! My heart beats faster as I prepare myself to ask him a question. Gripping my fork, I ask, "Why am I here?"

He looks up at me. I continue to look at him in hatred. I don't know what's flashing in my eyes because of mixed emotions I'm feeling but I know, I'm so fucking mad.

"Why did you send that e-mail?"

"I-I wanted to reach out for you-"

"After twenty years?" I drop my fork, chuckling sarcastically. "You thought of that after twenty years? Are you fucking kidding me?"

His features hardens, "What your langu-"

"And now you decided to act like a father to me? No, you don't care! You don't care if I swear every fucking time. This is my life, not yours! "

My heart is slamming against my chest. I'm not use on shouting or yelling. I'm not that brave to do something like this but my anger is letting me to.

"I'm your father!" his eyes widens, saying I should stop and listen to him.

But why would I?

"Really? Not after you left me,"  I grit my teeth.

"You're moving in with me in my house and that's final," he announces, making me push myself up.

"Do you know I'm twenty?" I keep myself look calm but deep inside I'm raging mad. I clench my jaw, "I'm not a fucking child anymore!"

"You're still my daughter."

I laugh, "Well I don't treat you like a father and I don't acknowledge myself as your daughter. It's such a shame!"

"You're living with u-"

"I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO!" I yell at him, tears pricking my eyes. He freezes at my sudden burst out.

"You can't just do that! You can't just sent me a fucking e-mail saying you're getting me back. You can't just sent me here and booked me a hotel then tell me I'm living with you!" My chest rise up and down. I glare at him. "You don't even know what happened when you left us! My mom died, did you show up? I was waiting for you but hell no, you didn't! Were you there when we had nothing? NO! You don't know how much damage you did and now you're going back like nothing happened? The hell is wrong with you!"

Tears starts to flow down my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe them off. I'm mad, so mad that I want to punch him but all I can do is stand here and yell all my anger.

"I'm fucking twenty! I'm on the legal age. I can do whatever the fuck I want without your consent. You weren't the one who raised me. You weren't there to guide me. And most of all, you're dead! You're dead for me. I don't have a father like you!"

I gasp when his hand hits my face with a hard slap. My head snap to the right side. I chuckle, touching my left cheek. It stings but it's nothing compared to my aching heart. Then, I soon tasted a blood at the corner of my lip. Of course. His slap was too hard that made my lip bleed.

I look at him, who's looking at me in horror.

"And you can't force me to live with you because I know you're living with your  _perfect_  family now which you built when we were going through hell. You can't make me live with your  _whore_  that you chose over us, over my mom."

He rushes to me, gripping both of my arms. "Don't call my wife like that," he glares at me, almost like he's going to punch me.

I hate him. I hate him so much. I hate the fact that my mother loved this man. His hold gets tighter, almost crushing my bones.

Another set of tears comes out. "I just want you gone in my life. Why did you have to come back and ruin everything? I was doing fine," I sob. "You're always ruining everything."

I look at him with full of disgust, "I hate you."

His mouth hangs open, his grip loosening. His eyes starts to water and I almost laugh. That's so fake. He couldn't cry. He's a monster.

And with that, I push him, running towards the door and walk out. I walk with my head down, covering my mouth, tears still streaming down my face as I make my way out.

I continue to run while crying all my anger and pain. It's like someone's stabbing my heart again.

I still remember the day he left us. He hurt me, he hurt my mom because we were crying and stopping him from leaving us. He even kicked me because I was clinging onto his suitcase. That time mom hugged me. I should've been happy because yes, it's been a while since she hugged me cause, of course, she hated me.

He even said that we were such a trash. How dare he, right? He left us with my mom's heart. And then all her anger was thrown to me.

Days, weeks and months had passed. Mom always hit me everytime she saw me, saying I was the reason why he left us. I cried but I understood because it was my fault though. It really was. That's why I hate myself.

I made us family broken. It was my fault why he left us for another woman. It was my fault because if he didn't left us, mom would not locked herself in their room. I was hungry because she wasn't feeding me but it was fine, it was my fault. Then when she went out of her room, she looked like me. Her hair was messy and her eyes were puffy from crying but as soon as she saw me, she started yelling and crying again.

She told me she hated me. She told me that she regretted being my mother. She told me I shouldn't have been born. That I must be gone.

So I did.

I left our house. With myself. Without anything. She was sleeping when I left. I knew when she woke up and see me, she would just cry again. Of course I didn't want to see her cry so I just left.

Even though all of her words and hatred was buried in my head and my heart, I still love her. I was sixteen back then. I didn't know where to go. If I went to Chaos or Heave, they would just be worried about me and I didn't want that to happen.

I went to the park, sitting on the swing. I was there the whole day until I saw my mom rushing towards me with the frown on her face. She gripped my wrist then dragged me back to the house. As soon as the door closed, she started yelling again. Of course she cried. I explained why I left then she said I was so stupid. She said I wasn't her daughter which made me cry so hard. That hurt. That I was such a shame to be a Ricafort.

Then she stopped from yelling. Her eyes widened, clutching her chest. She tried to breathe for air but she choked. She fell on the floor, eyes closed. I looked for her pulse and listened to her heartbeat but there was nothing.

She died infront of me. She died because of me. It was all my fault, right? She died because I was stupid. She died because I made her cry and yell.

"It was my fault!" I scream at the top of my lungs, falling on my knees.

I take off my glasses, carelessly putting it in my hoodie. I put my face in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

"It was my fault," I sob. "Mine."

The cold wind blows, making me shiver. I don't know where I am because I was just keep on running earlier. I just hope I'm not in public place because that would be a shame.

I peak through my fingers, seeing myself in an empty lot. I look up at the sky, tears still falling down. I slump down on the ground. There's no stars. Why? Why are they absent when I need them to make me smile?

"Nate?"

I jump, turning my head to look. My eyes widens and I quickly wipe my tears, composing myself. I force a smile.

"Hi, Louis."

My voice cracks. His brow furrows, walking towards me. The tears forms in the corner of my eyes. I clear my throat, rubbing my eyes. The frown on his face doesn't give me the assurance that he's believing me. I'm a terrible actress.

"I missed you," I say, just to come out as a sob. I cover my face, sobbing again. I give up. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this."

Then suddenly, a hand rubs my back. The comfort from him is not helping. My sobs becomes louder and harder. This is why I want to cry alone. Because when someone comforts you, you just cry harder.

"Shush, cry all you want. It's fine."

So I did. I let out all the pain by crying out loud. I don't know. It's just too painful to carry. My chest feels so heavy by all of this things. I think I really deserve all of this.

"Are you crying because of Harry?"

I almost laugh, "No."

"Oh, sorry," he whispers.

I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry," I sniffle. I sheepishly look at him, smiling a little.

He looks down at me, tsking, wiping the tears off my cheeks, "I told you it's fine. Could you stop now? It's heartbreaking to hear you and see you cry."

"I can't stop." A tear falls that I quickly wipe away. "Sorry."

He continues to wipe my tears but he stops. His brows knits together, lips turning into a flat line. He puts his finger under my chin, lifting my head up.

"What the fuck," his eyes widens. "Who hit you?" I remain silent, moving my face away from him but he tsks, holding my face again. His eyes travels down my lips and I see how his jaw clenches. "Your lip has a cut. Who hurt you? Tell me."

I shake my head,"It's oka-"

"No, it's not! Nate, no one should hurt a girl. Especially if it's physically!" he holds my shoulder, looking in my eyes making me drop a name. "C'mon, tell me."

"I'm fine," my lips quiver. He glares at me and I burst into tears when I remember what just happened earlier. "Louis, please."

He scoffs, "Fine. But you have to tell me soon. I don't like secrets, Nate. Just so you know," he sighs, putting his arms around me. "It's impossible that it's Harry. He won't do that. And I'm sure he doesn't know about this, and if he knows.. well good luck. You wouldn't wanna see him angry because it's scary."

I just cry, leaning on him. After a few minutes, I'm still crying. Fuck it. Can I stop now?

"I'm sorry."

"One more sorry, I will break your neck," he chuckles, but his voice is full of concern.

"Can you?" I ask with a low voice. I look up at him, the smirk on his face fades. My lips trembles as tears falls down again. "I just- I want to be gon-"

"Don't say that!" he scoots closer to me, pulling me into a hug. He smells like a man, of course. But his hug and smell is warm and comforting. "Think about the positive things. What about Harry when you leave? Niall? Liam, Zayn? Me? Did you think about me? I would be sad, you like that?"

"Would you?" I surprisingly ask.

"Of course! You're close to me now, you know. It's like you're the sixth member of One Direction."

I chuckle, "I have a horrible voice."

"The hell with you. We both know you don't. Are you done crying? Because if you cry again, any minute I would cry too."

I laugh, pulling away. I wipe my tears and look at him with a small smile on my face. My eyes kinda hurts from crying and it's swollen.

"Really?"

"Yeah," he nods. "You want a company? You can come with me in my house. We can watch some uh.. movies. The love shits."

I laugh, "Thanks, but no thanks. I think I should go back to my hotel." So I could cry more.

"Well I changed my mind," he smiles. "You're going with me and that's final. C'mon. I have ice cream and chocolates at my house."

No one could say  _no_  to Louis. Remember that.


	38. Chapter 38

Louis keeps his mouth close while he's driving home. Maybe it's the right thing to do. To go with him. I know he would make me feel better because he's Louis. I don't wanna go back to hotel alone and cry all night.

"We're here, by the way," he announces.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and push the car door open. I step out and look at his house. It's not the type of house like a mansion, it's simple and not that big. He walks towards the door, and I walk behind him.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you."

I feel bad. I feel like I'm bothering him.

"Wait for a while, I'll break your neck," he sighs, looking back at me. "Nate, I love you being around. I don't know why. Your presence makes us happy and such. So do me a favour and keep your mouth shut."

I just smile faintly at him as he gently tugs my hand and push me inside his house. He follows, closing the door behind him and goes to the living room with his arms clinging on mine.

"What the fuck?"

"Hi, Louis! I brought McDo.. nalds." Pair of blue eyes widens as he sees me. "Jesus, what happened to you?"

He rushes towards me but Louis steps infront of me, blocking his way.

"Niall, hands off. What are you doing here?"

Niall rolls his eyes, "Well, I wanted to sleep here but you weren't here so I waited for you." His eyes moves back at me. "What happened?"

"Um. I slapped myself?"

"Hey, don't lie," Louis snaps, walking in his kitchen. "Let her sit, Niall!" He yells from the kitchen.

Niall gestures me the couch and I settle myself. I flinch when his thumb brushes my cheek. He quickly apologises.

"Who hit you? It's swealing."

I look up at him. His eyes are filled with concern, lips set in a flat line. I suddenly miss Heave and Chaos. If they were here, Chaos would cuss infront of me, thinking about possible ways to kill while Heave would get an ice bag for my cheek. But.. they're not here.

I sigh, pushing my hair back, "I'm fine."

"I'm not asking if you're fine or not. I'm asking who hit you," he points out.

"She would tell us later," Louis comes out from the kitchen, holding an ice bag and chocolates. He raises a brow at me and that's when I knew that I don't have a choice but to tell them. Soon. Really  _soon._ "Here, put this on your cheek."

"Thank you." He sits next to me. I hear them both sigh. I chuckle, "Why are you sighing?"

"It's kinda sad to see you sad. We're use seeing you smiling and laughing."

"Niall, let's watch some movie," Louis suggests, trying to lighten up the mood. He hands me the chocolates, giving two to Niall. "What do you want?"

"Anything," I say. "Not horror, please," I smile at him, damping the ice bag on my cheek.

"Sure," he chuckles. "Niall, play The Grudge."

"Louis!" My eyes widens but then I laugh. "My God. You want me to die?"

"What's wrong with horror? You freaked out when we went inside the horror house and then now you don't want to watch horror movies?"

"I'm not overreacting but I might pass out. That happened before and I hate hospitals after that," I shrug. They look at me with a ridiculed look. I chuckle, "Fine, if you want horror then play it. But don't expect me to watch."

"Let's watch The Grudge first then 2012. I'm gonna go and get some blankets."

Louis gets up and rushes towards his room. Niall tranforms the couch into a bed. He taps the space next to him, and I settle. He crawls, putting the dvd on. I fish my phone out my pocket, placing it near my chest.

I close my eyes. I jolt when Niall suddenly lays his head on my lap. He smiles at me, reaching for my hand then putting it on his hair.

"Run your fingers."

"Okay," I nod. My eyes darts to the screen. Red blood with dark hair. I look away. They played horror movie. "The Grudge?"

He glances up at me and smirks, "Yep. Wanna watch?"

I roll my eyes. I start to run my fingers through his hair. Light turns off then Louis comes, joining Niall, laying his head on my lap as well. I don't care if my legs go numb. They seem to like it. There are blankets covering us.

I bite my lower lip when horrifying sounds starts to escape from the speaker. It's hard not to look because I'm facing the telly. I break my touch from Niall's hair, which he doesn't seem to mind, then open my phone.

I decided to click my twitter app, checking what's trending. I almost choke when I see the number one trending worldwide.

_#HarryWhoIsShe_

My heart begins to pump wildly, contemplating to go through the hashtag. I did and I saw a couple of pictures of Harry and I. There are some of it from Luneta and the night when Harry and I went out for a walk where he was giving me a back ride. I knew it, someone saw us.

There are also picture of me and Niall at the airport when we were hugging and I was riding his car. And there's also a few pictures of me when I was eating in Mc Donalds with Liam and Zayn.

Curiousity gets me and I scroll down, but as soon as I saw the first tweet, I went to my notifications to divert my attention.

I wish I didn't.

_@NRicafort who r u, bitch? If I know ur just using Harry for the sake of money!_

_@NRicafort you just came out of nowhere. Who knows you have a bad intention to the boys?_

_@NRicafort you're such a slut._

_@NRicafort you're not pretty._

I know. I didn't say I am. I tried to stop myself from scrolling but it seems like my thumb has it's own brain, it continue to scroll down.

_@NRicafort there's nothing to like abt you. Idk what he saw in_ _you._

_@NRicafort YOU'RE SO FUCKING UGLY. OMFG. WHY DO YOU EXIST?_

_@NRicafort such a nerd._

_@NRicafort_ _nah. Larry is still real._

_@NRicafort lmao. Kill yourself, ugly bitch._

_@NRicafort it would be great if you just die._

_@NRicafort kys._

My lips quivers, I immediately bite it. I know they could be mean. I know they could get meaner. I saw it before- everyday, especially when it comes to the boys. The fandom is ready to kill.

But it hurts to know that those words are really meant for you. That they pertaining to you. That they tweeted that to you because they hate you. That they want you gone. Hundreds-  _no,_ millions of fans are now mad at me and wishing me to die.

I know some of them are crying. I understand them though, I know how it feels like. I've experienced it before but not this one. This is frightening. This is horrible. This hurts a lot, and their words are now clouding my mind.

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking at down at Louis and Niall. Louis is smirking while Niall is stopping himself to hide under the blanket. I chuckle but a warm liquid flows down on my cheek. I wipe it.

_I'm sorry._

I'm sorry if I'm not good. I'm sorry if I'm not pretty. I'm sorry if I don't deserve him. I know I don't deserve him. He deserves the best, and the best is definitely not me. I know it, but it hurts to slap it across your face. I'm sorry if I made everyone- atleast,  _almost_  everyone. I'm sorry if I'm the reason why they are crying right now.

I didn't mean to. I fell, hard. I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry. I take a sharp breath. Louis immediately looks up at me.

"You okay?"

I nod.  _Kill yourself._  I close my eyes.  _Kill yourself._ My chest tightens as the words plays again and again inside my head.  _Kill yourself._

I almost scream when my phone vibrates, making me jolt. Their heads moves because of me, causing them to turn curiously at me. I swallow.

"Um. Can I answer this call?" Louis nods. "I wanna go out."

He rolls his eyes, sitting up. Niall does the same and I make my way out. I open his door then sit on the pavement.

I answer the Demon's call.

"Look, I'm sorry."

That's his first words. I keep silent. By just hearing his voice is already making me tear up and my blood boils. I know where this is going and I can feel my face heating.

"I didn't mean to hit you."

I chuckle sarcastically, "Well, fuck you."

I swallow the knot in my throat. Yes, his sperm cell helped to make me but he didn't become my father- Okay, maybe yes when I was younger but that changed when he found another woman and started drinking. They said love from your dad is the best feeling in the world, second to your mom, but why was he like that? Why is he like this? Why does he keep on destroying me?

"But, Nathalie. You really have to live with me- with us," he uses his soft voice but it doesn't do anything to soothe me.

I shake my head, "I'm going back to the Philippines. I don't wanna live with you." I keep my voice straight, but my tears are already falling.

"You're not going back," he declares. His voice begins to become stern again. "This is your new life now. With me."

"Not because you want it, it'll happen. Did you already forget what you fucking did to me when I was little?"

My whole body shakes as I stand up, pacing back and forth. At first, there were only a few tears coming out from my eyes but as I recall the things he did, my eyes stars to burn. Tears starts to flow automatically, soft sobs escaping out my mouth.

"You hit me!" My voice boom with so much hatred. "You were the reason why I couldn't walk because of the bruises you've caused! My schoolmates were always bullying me because of those, saying you were a bad father for hitting me. Of course I defended you which I shouldn't have because I thought you weren't like that! But I was wrong, fucking wrong!"

"My cheeks were always red and swelling because of your slap! You've drowned me in the tub! I fainted but what did I first saw when I woke up? Mom was crying and she said you left... you left to drink, again."

"You made mom worried because I didn't wake up for two days after you threw the vase cause it hit my head! You almost killed me and now you're telling me to live with you?!"

I lost it, I burst into tears. My sobs are getting harder and it's almost impossible to breathe. I'm gripping my phone. I try to cover my mouth but my sobs can still escape.

My heart tightens when I remember him hit me. It was horrible. So horrible that it became my everyday nightmare. Mom used to sleep next to me because I was screaming and crying in the middle of the night, seeing my blood flew down my face and my white dress stained with blood.

"You did so many things that I would never forget and you fucking showed up like nothing happened?! You're so impossible! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"

I throw my phone on the wall, making it break into two. I step onto it angrily, swearing like he's Demon.

You ruined my life! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Mom wouldn't hate me because of you! She could have still be here if you didn't leave us! I fucking hate you!

I stop when I can't seem to inhale some oxygen. I slump on the pavement, looking up at the silent sky. There are only few stars which makes me sad even more. I take off my glasses, wiping it using my shirt.

I wipe my tears and my nose with the back of my hand. I push my hair back, tugging it. I clear my throat. Looking up at the sky, trying to calm myself.

Mom, what did you see on him? Why did you love him that much if all he did is to bring pain? Can you see me now? I'm lost, mom. So lost. I don't know what to do. I wish I could go to your grave and talk to you but you can still hear me even though I'm here, right?

I have Harry now. He has green orbs, mom. Everytime I look at his eyes, it's twinkling and I can see myself falling again and again. I love him so much. As much as I love you. Yes, that means I love him more than myself. But, mom, I always think that he deserves someone better. He shouldn't be with me who has a dark past. I have so many secrets. There were so many things happened before that I'm afraid to open again because it was already closed. But I have to tell him right? I love him, so I trust him.

And, you know what? I also have another four best friends aside from Chaos and Heave. They're Harry's best friend. Niall, Louis, Liam and Zayn. I'll tell you about them soon, but now here I am, wishing you're here with me again.

I tried to be okay when you left me. It was hard but I managed. But of course, sometimes- when I'm like this, when I'm so upset that I don't know what to do, I always need you. I need you here with me but you left me.

Again, mom. I'm sorry for everything.

I close my eyes, wiping the last tear dropped. I inhale a deep breath, opening my eyes with a small smile. I knew I just had to talk to her to be okay again, even though she's not here.

I'm still slightly shaking when I go inside the house.

I am surprised when I see the lights are already open. Louis is pacing back and forth in his sweat pants and jumper, while Niall is sitting on the couch-turned-to-bed, biting on his nails. Their head shot up when they hear the door close.

Louis sighs in relief, rushing to me. Just when I see his blue eyes are glossy. "God, Nate," he pulls me into a hug, catching me off guard.

It take me some time to hug him back because of the shock. I rub his back, "Are you okay?"

"Are you?"

"Oh," I breathe. "Am I?" I let out a small laugh.

Niall stands infront of me, behind Louis who's still hugging me. He runs his fingers through his messy blonde hair, "We heard you."

I stiffen. "I was.. that loud, I guess. Sorry."

"I swear. This night won't end without me, breaking your neck. Stop saying sorry!" Louis nags, hugging me tighter. A small smile graces on my lips.

"Who were you talking to?" Niall asks.

I keep my gaze to Niall's worried blue eyes. Louis releases me, I move my eyes to him just to see him frowning. He squeezes my shoulder. I block my whimper.

"Tell us, Nate. We won't judge you."

With a loud sigh, I nod. I give them a smile. I think it's about time to open a sensitive topic. I wish Harry was here.

"My ice cream first, Louis." They giggle.

This is it.


	39. Chapter 39

"Game," Louis says.

I chuckle, scooping my ice cream. We're here in his kitchen, sitting on high chairs. Niall and Louis are sitting opposite from me. Louis is eating popcorn while Niall eats ice cream. He said Liam isn't here so he's taking advantage.

"But first, put the ice bag on your cheek. It's still swealing," he hands me the ice bag.

"Thank you," I look at them, nibling my lower lip. "Um. Where do you want me to start?"

"From the start."

I sigh, "Oka-"

"Oh, hi, guys."

I immediately stiffen. I look at Niall and Louis with wide eyes, panic is in their eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks, walking towards the kitchen doorframe.

"Um. I forgot about him. He was with me but he left to buy me a pizza, Louis," Niall says with a low voice, pushing his ice cream away.

"You could've just called for delivery!"

"What are you eating?"

"No! Harry you can't come in," Louis blocks the door way.

I start to become nervous. If he sees my cheek, he would be mad. Louis said I might don't wanna see him mad cause it's scary. And I promised, I promised him that no secrets at all.

Harry is taller than Louis so he easily pushes Louis out of the away, stepping inside the kitchen. I look down, making my hair cover my face.

"Nathie? What are you doing here?"

"I invited her. We're eating ice cream," Louis cooly says.

I slightly glance up. Louis is now frowning while Niall is nervously glancing at the three of us. Louis sits back on his chair. Harry, however, throws his arms around me. I suddenly wanna cry.

"I missed you," he mumbles. "What were you doing when you called me?"

"Um.." I think of a reason. "Erm.."

Louis looks at me in disbelief, face-palming. I'm sorry! I can't think of anything. He pulls out, pouting but his brow furrows, lifting my head. Then his jaw clenches as he sees me holding an ice bag.

"What happened to your cheek?" His voice is deeper than normal, and you can hear the seriousness in his voice.

I look at him with pleading eyes. I bite my lower lip, fiddling my fingers. I look down, "I'm sorry."

"Nathalie, just tell me what happened! Who hit you?" he holds my shoulder, making me look at him but a faint whimper escape from my mouth.

His mouth opens. "What-" he quickly take off my hoodie, revealing my bruise arms before I can even stop him. I hear Niall gasps while Louis cusses under his breath.

"Nathalie, what the hell is this? Tell me!"

"Okay, okay! Calm down, you're scaring me." Tears pricks my eyes. I sniffle, fixing my hoodie back. I look guiltily at them. Louis is shaking his head while Niall is biting on his fingers nervously. Harry sits next to me but keeps his distance.

"First of all, don't get mad."

"We can't do that!" they say in unison,.making me close my eyes.

"Okay, calm down a bit. Eat ice cream."

"Nathalie, this is serious," Niall sighs.

"It's not," I bite my lower lip. Yeah, fool yourself, Nathalie.

"It is! You have bruises! Now tell me who did that."

"Hey, Harold. Calm down. You're scaring her," Louis says with a calming tone. "I saw her crying on the street, and when I say crying, she was crying so hard that she couldn't stop. I invited her, then someone called her. We were watching a film and then suddenly we heard her shouting and crying. We're here because she's telling us. You know I hate secrets, Harold."

I flinch when I feel my face stings. I put the ice bag back on my cheek. Harry takes a deep breath, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just mad. Someone hurt you and you can't expect me to be calm, you're my girlfriend."

"I told you, Louis. They're official," Niall says smugly. Louis just rolls his eyes.

We fall silent so I decided to break the ice.

"We were a happy family back then. I was eight when we got here. Mom always sang or read stories for me to sleep. She always brushed my hair everytime she had nothing to do. I loved and still love her," I smile.

I keep my head down, remembering the times when we were happy and complete. They stay silent and all I can hear is our breathing.

"And then my dad, he used to work in this company. He always made time for us if we asked him. We always cuddled in my bed with my mom. We were happy back then," I nod. "And then one day... he changed. He always got home late, drunk. My mom was always waiting for him to go home so she could ask him if he needed anything. She thought I was already sleeping but I was waiting with her. I saw how he hurt my mom everytime he was drunk. The day after, she had bruises and when I asked her she would just smile at me."

"That continue until I'm fourteen. I was fourteen when he started to hit me because.." I swallow, closing my eyes. "I caught him sleeping with other woman in our house."

My lips starts to shake. "Mom wasn't there cause her friend invited her to her wedding. I just got home from school. I always go to their room because usually, she would be there reading a book and when she sees me she would kiss and hug me, asking how was my day but that day was different. Instead of my mum, I saw my dad.."

I chuckle. Harry squeezes my knee. I look at him, he gives me a reassuring smile. Niall now is looking outside the window, his cheeks turning red. Louis clears his throat, grabbing the popcorn. I close my eyes.

And for once, I let myself travel in the past.

_He saw me standing infront of the door but he turned his attention to the girl lying on my mom's bed. He thrusted into her that made me gasp, licking her neck. Tears pricked my eyes. I slammed the door and ran towards my room._

_I stared blankly at my dark room, clutching my chest, tears flowing from my eyes. I heard a door closed, I closed my eyes._

_Should I tell mom? But what will happen? They would definitely gonna seperate and I don't want that to happen. But she had to know, she had to know that dad was cheating on her._

_The door suddenly flew open, and before I could react, he grabbed a handful of my hair, making me sob. I stare at his eyes. That moment I knew that he wasn't my dad I used to love._

_"_ _Don't tell this to your mom or I'll leave her and hurt you. Do you understand?!"_

_All I could do was to nod. He released me with so much impact that made my head hit the concrete wall. It hurt, but I still watched him walk away, slamming the door._

"Everytime I tried to tell my mom, he would appear out of nowhere. That was the reason why he always hit me. Because.. I always tried to tell her," I clear my throat, opening my eyes. "But I guess, all the secrets are made to be known."

My tears automatically flow down my cheeks. I fiddle my fingers, concentrating on telling what happened. I have to do this. I want to do this. I have to let this go. I have to.

"I was sixteen. Mom knew.. she hated me," my voice cracks. "She.. saw an underwear under the bed. She confronted dad while we were having a dinner but he said,  _'why don't you ask your daughter?'_  and he walked out."

A sob managed to escape, "I wished that night didn't come. Mom looks at me with so much betrayal. That was the first time she slapped me. She cried, it was my fault."

I take off my glasses and that's when I realized that I was shaking. "I tried to explain but she said it doesn't change the fact that I kept it to her. I should've told her."

_"I regret everything I did for you, Nathalie! You disappoint me, you hurt me! You should've told me but then you chose to keep it and not to tell me! I hate being your mother and I hate you for being my daughter!"_

My sob gets louder, "She said.. she regret giving birth to me. She said she wish that I wasn't her daughter. She hated me so much that I can already hear and feel it through her words."

"And then he left us. That's when my mom started to hit me and cry everytime she sees me. It hurt to know that you were the reason why she was in pain. Seeing you makes her broken." I swallow, "And then she had a heart failure because of me. She died because of me. If it wasn't because of me, our family wouldn't be broken, my mom wouldn't suffer. She wouldn't died. She could still be here but it happened because of me!"

My cries echoes in Louis' quiet kitchen. I put my face in my hands, letting the tears fall. This is the first time I cried so hard infront of other people. My sob gets louder that I can't even construct a word. That everytimr I try to speak, it would just come out as a sob.

"Jesus."

And with that, I feel someone pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist, crying on his chest. It hurts again. Why does it hurt everytime? Does this mean I didn't move on from it yet?

"I'm here," he kisses the top of my head, caressing my back.

I just cry while he holds me close until I heard sniffles. I pull out from his hug, glancing at the two boys sitting across to me.

"This is all too much," Niall mumbles, rubbing his eyes, his face red.

"I don't know if I could take more of your story. It hurts already," Louis stuffs popcorn in his mouth, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

I let out a dry laugh, wiping my face. Harry keeps his arms wraps around my waist but Niall tells him to move away because I won't be able to tell them because I'm distracted. Harry huffs, obeying Niall's order.

"He's the reason why I went here," I announce. Harry clenches his fist, while Niall and Louis gape at me. "I thought he was dead. That's what I knew because I received a letter that he was dead few months after my mom died. But he e-mailed me few days before my graduation. He's the reason why I was booked into that  _luxurious_  hotel. And.." I glance nervously at Harry who's tugging his curls in frustration. "I went out to meet him earlier."

I jump, closing my eyes when Harry slams his fist on the counter table. "Fucking hell!"

"Harry, calm down!"

"No, Louis-"

"Shut up, will you? I'm fucking mad here as well but don't let your anger eat you! It won't do anything good!" Louis sighs in frustration.

"He told me.. I'm going to live with him-"

"You're not living with him!" Harry growls. "He could hurt you like what he did before! I wouldn't let that happen!"

"Harry, I don't even want to. You have to calm down," I cry, touching his arm. His chest is rising up and down. He puts his head in his hand, shutting his eyes. "I won't go with him. I hate him so much."

"We won't let you be with him though," Louis says, making me look at him. He smiles sweetly at me. "Nate, you're so strong."

"You've been through a lot alone and still, you manage to smile and laugh like nothing's bothering you. I admire you so much for being so brave," his eyes waters. He chuckles, rubbing his eyes. "I told you earlier. It's horrible to see you cry, now I'm crying."

I slowly turn to Niall, which is hiding his face in his hand, looking at Louis. "Louis.."

Louis just laughs, pulling Niall closer to his chest. And then the blonde lad cry silently. My mouth parts, seeing his shoulders shake, muttering Louis' name.

"Niall, oh my god. I didn't mean to make you cry. Stop crying, please," I plead, biting my lower lip.

"He's fine, Nathie. He just need to let it out. That's what he does when he's sad," Harry sighs. "Come here."

I scoot closer to him. He puts his arms around me, burying his face to my neck. I close my eyes. I feel so drained. I just want to rest.

"You're not going with him, alright. I won't risk him hurting you. If you have to live with me, so be it. Hell no, you're not living with him. You're mine, Nathalie. I would do anything to make you safe."

I nod, sighing. I hope so. I hope he would stop bothering me. I hope he would leave me alone. I hope I can be happy now. I wanna be completely happy.

"I love you so much, Harry."

-

We ended up watching 2012, which gave me goosebumps again and eat dinner which is McDonalds and pizza. Harry drove me back to my hotel, and he insisted to stay for the night again.

Nothing has changed after I told them about my family. It's still the same and I'm glad they didn't judge me. Niall clung on to me the whole time until Harry pushed him, saying I'm his which made Louis almost threw up (which of course, was just a joke). Louis insisted we could sleep in his house but Harry refused to.

So now, we're here in my bed. The lights are close but my eyes aren't. My mind is still floating with thoughts what could possibly happen. He wouldn't give up that easily. He gets what he wants, that's what I remember.

"Hey, you still up?"

"Mhmm," I tighten my hug. He has his arms around me, while I use his arm as my pillow. "I can't sleep."

"Me too. Let's talk about something then."

"Sure."

"Describe your mum." I freeze, and it seems like he noticed it. He begins to run his fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry, I mean- I just wanna know her. She was your mum after all."

"It's fine," I smile, reminicing her perfect features. Her face appears in my mind, and a  sad smile make it's way to my face. I sigh, "She was brunette. She had these almond eyes and a small pointed nose. And you know, when she smiled, it felt like your whole day was already complete. I love her so much. So  _much_. And I miss her,  _so_  much."

"What was her name?"

"Nathalia," I smile. "Beautiful, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," he chuckles. "What about  _his_?"

"Nathan," I answer, emotionless. "And if you could imagine, yes. I look like  _him_ , and I hate it," I close my eyes. "Am I bad, Harry? I hate my own father." 

The corner of my eyes starts to heat. I hate crying. I'm so done with this. I couldn't do anything but to cry. I can't do anything and that's why I hate myself. I'm so tired of all of this. And I'm wishing to disappear again, to be gone. But Harry is here, as well as Louis. They care for me and that's the reason why I'm having second thoughts.

"You have a reason to hate him. You don't know how much I wanted to punch him when you said what he did to you. It was horibble. I can't imagine someone hitting you, Nathie. You just met again and you already have bruises, he already hit you. What more if you live with him?"

"I'm so glad I have you here."

"I told you, right? I will always be here if you need me. Now, sleep. Good night, I love you."

-

I open my eyes as I hear a knock on my door. I look up to see Harry. I smile at the sight. His pinkish plump lips parted with his messy curly hair pushed back. His eyelashes just add how cute he is. I kiss his jawline, getting up from the bed.

I rub my eyes, carefully shutting the bedroom door. The knock continue as I rush towards it, running a hand through my hair.

"Hang on."

As soon as I open the door, I wasn't able to scream or react before he cover my nose with a handkerchief. I smell something strong enough to make my head hurts.

And then everything turns into darkness.


	40. Chapter 40

I stretch my arm to reach out for Nathie but frown when I didn't touch anything. I open my one eye to see the space next to me is empty. I sit up, rubbing my eyes.

"Nathalie?"

I glance at the clock, it's 7:30 in the morning. Maybe she went to the bathroom? I stretch my arm and legs, walking out of the bed to go to the bathroom. I knock softly, calling her name but no one answers. I twist the door knob, pushing it open. She's not here.

Maybe she went out to buy breakfast? My brow furrows as I see her eye glasses lying on the nightstand. My heartbeat begins to accelerate. I quickly get out of the room.

The door is open, it's open. Oh my God. I rush to it. Her hoodie is here, her shoes either her slippers. She wouldn't go out without her glasses. I pinch my lower lip, pacing back and forth. I decided to go to the lobby.

I still have morning breath and I don't know how the hell I look like but I want to know what the hell happened.

"Excuse me, miss."

"Yes, sir, good day. How may I help you?" she smiles politely at me.

"Um. Can I.. like.. see the CCTV footage?" I bite my lower lip. "Please."

She raises a brow, shocked, "Oh. I'm sorry, sir but that's confidential."

I huff, tugging my hair, "Haven't you seen someone walk past by here? Her hair is ombre, she's wearing white pj's."

"No, sir. I haven't," she frowns. "But, I can ask the security to check if she- your girlfriend, I assume, went out."

"Oh God, thank you, call me quick. Room 1824."

She nods at me. I quickly go back to her suite, grabbing my phone. I dial Louis' number even though I know he would be mad. He picked up.

"Louis!"

"Fucking hell, Harry. It's 7:30 in the morning!"

I ignore his annoyance, "Is Nathalie there?"

He didn't answer, but talk after a while. "What do you mean? You went back with her to hotel last night. Why are you asking me about her?"

"What about Niall?"

He sighs, "Harry, Niall slept here last night remember? I don't know where she is. Is everything alright?"

I take a deep shaky breath as I feel myself panicking. I shut my eyes, calming myself. I don't want to panick but I don't know where she is. I don't know where I will start to find her. I don't want to think that something bad happened to her.

"Harry, love. Tell me what's happening. Are you alright?"

The softness of his voice make me calm a bit. Louis has this effect to us. He knows how to comfort people. When Niall cries, Louis is the only one who can calm him down.

I swallow the knot forming in my throat. My eyes are heating but I keep my eyes close.

"Louis, she's.. she's missing."

"Missing?" His voice gets a little bit higher. "What do you mean she's missing?"

"I woke up without her. The door was open. Her eye glasses is here as well as her hoodie and shoes. She can't go out without those Louis. I don't know what to think," my voice cracks and that's when I know I'm so close to crying.

"Shush. Calm down, don't cry. Everything's gonna be fine. I'm going there with Niall. We'll figure it out. Now here, drink something. Coffee, tea or water. Contact the security in her hotel. She's fine, Harry."

"What if her dad took her?" I open my eyes. "Louis, what if he hurt her? I'm not there to protect her!"

"I said calm down! Think positive, Harry. She's fine, she's fine. I promise, she is. We're going now. Order something yeah? Niall here is grumpy because I woke him and he's hungry. I'll call you when we get there."

"Thanks, Lou. Drive safe."

"No worries."

The call ends, I sigh. I did what Louis told me to do. I order some foods and drink. I brush my teeth and wash my face to make myself busy but my mind still goes back to Nathie.

What if her dad really took her? She told us last night how her dad hit her. She still has bruises, her lips has a cut. And the fact that it was just the first time they met after a few years and she already got bruises scare the hell out of me. What if her dad really take her away from me? Where would I find her?

A sudden knock on the door brought me back to Earth. I open it, sighing in disappointment as I see a lady pushing a cart with foods, smiling sadly at me. But my eyes widens as I see two men standing behind her. The one is holding a laptop while the other man is holding a bag and wires.

"Sir, they're here to show you the CCTV footage. We found something different, and you might not like it."

My heart sinks.  _Different._  That really means something bad happened. Oh God.

I nod, opening the door wider, letting them in. The lady puts the foods in the kitchen counter while the two men put their things in the living room, setting up the laptop.

"Hello?"

"Harry, we're in the lift now."

"Good. They're here, they're gonna show me the footage," I frown.

"Oh God. Don't worry we're here."

I didn't end the call. I can hear their footsteps and I know they're running. Suddenly, someone pounds against the door. I walk towards it, opening.

"Harry!" The two of them pulled me into a hug. Even though I'm taller, I bury my head into their necks. They soothingly rub my back.

"Hush. Harry, don't cry."

"I'm not crying," I say with a tight voice.

"You can't fool us, especially me," Louis says, pulling away from the hug. He walks towards the two men, sitting next to them. "So where is it?"

Niall wraps an arm around me, walking behind the couch. I watch them click the one box which I realise was the camera in the hallway.

"Zoom it," Louis orders. "Who's that?"

I narrow my eyes as I see a man figure knocking on the door. I see the time below that it was 6:30 in the morning.

"I think that's her father," Niall mutters in disapproval.

I keep my eyes on the screen. The door opens. I clench my jaw as I see him cover Nathalie's nose with a handkerchief until she falls. She got unconcious, he carried her and forgot to close the door.

"What the fuck is that? Who would do that?" Louis yells, getting up on the couch. "He's so stupid! That's his daughter!"

"How did he manage to get out? You should've seen him went out with Nate in his arms," Niall asks the men. He's trying to be calm but I know he's getting mad because he's crumpling my shirt.

"He used the back door, sir."

"I don't get you!" Niall disappears, going to the kitchen. Louis cusses under his breath, following Niall. I sigh in frustration. I have to calm down. I have to, I have to.

"Thank you."

They nod, fixing their things. I wait for them until they go out of the room. I close it, shutting my eyes, leaning my head against the door.

Her dad doesn't do anything good. All he did was to destroy everything. He loves to ruin everything. I don't get it why he have to do that to my girl. Is he that desperate? That's his daughter, for crying out loud!

Before I knew it, my knuckles hit the concrete wall. I hiss, holding my fist. I glare at the wall, walking away from it. I slump myself on the couch, missing Nathalie's presence. If she was here, I would hold her and kiss her all over her face until she would smile again.

But now I don't even know if I would see her again. What if her dad took her for good? Could I kiss her again? I want to know how her lips feels like against mine. I still wanna hug her cuddly body. I still wanna see her big bright smile that she always wear. I still wanna hear her laugh which sounds like music to me.

And before I could stop myself, I shed a tear.

-

_Nathalie's POV_

I jolt up from the bed but close my eyes as I feel my world spinning. I open my eyes again, seeing that everything is blurry. But all I can see is white. All white.

I spot a white eye glasses placed next to me. I wear it and thank everything because it suits my eye sight. As I look around, my jaw drops.

Big room. This is a big room. I'm sitting in a queen size bed with white sheet and white pillows. There's a white night stand in the both side of the bed and a white lamp shade on both of it. Above me is a not-so-big but fancy chandelier.

I slowly get out of the bed, looking at the whole room in awe. My feet gets tickled when I feel something soft under my feet. That's when I saw a big round carpet with a fur attached to it which is also white.

Infront of my bed is a desk, along with a swivel chair, with a white laptop on it. Next to it is a white closet. The window is not that big but the curtain adds perfection in the room. The walls are white. It has a border which is heart outline and it's color black. There's another door next to the desk and I figured it's the bathroom.

Where the fuck am I?

I walk towards the other door and open it. I rush downstairs, ignoring how beautiful the house is. I know he took me here and I just want to leave. I'm sure Harry's looking for me and I don't want him to worry.

"Oh, you're awake."

I stop from my track. I slowly turn to him keep my face straight. I see him in an apron holding a plate in both of his hands with a pancake. He smiles at me.

"Breakfast?"

He didn't wait for my answer. He turns his back to me, walking into the kitchen. I sigh, following him quietly. He puts the plates on the counter as he gestures the high chair for me to sit.

"Where am I?" He's searching in the refrigerator which I see that is really loaded with foods. He grabs the milk and starts to pour it in a glass. "Is this your house? Where's your.."  _whore_. I swallow, "wife?"

He ignores me, grabbing the cyrup, placing it infront of me. He takes off his apron and that's when I see he's wearing a white shirt with a PLS printed on it. He sits infront of me, eating his pancake.

"Why did you bring me here? Take me back to the hotel."

He chew, making an eye contact to me. "Eat, lil' princess."

I gasp in shock. I quickly shut my eyes to prevent myself from tearing up. My heart clenches as I remember how he treated me before.

_"Hi, lil' princess. Good morning! What do you want for breakfast?" he said as he scooped me in his arms, kissing my cheek. Mom just looked at us with a big smile on her face._

_"Pancakes!"_

_"Okay. Wait for a while. You want milk too? I'll get you some milk." I nodded frantically. He chuckled, leaning closer to kiss my temple. "I love you, lil' princess."_

"You're so insensitive," I spit, taking a deep breath. "Answer me. Why did you take me here? Take me back to the hotel!"

He drops his fork, looking at me. I watch his jaw moves as he chews. His eyes moves to my cheek down to my lip, he looks away but look back at my eyes.

"This is your house now."

My eyes widens as my jaw drops. "What? Are you kidding me?"

"No," he shakes his head. "I figured. You don't want to live with me, right? I don't want you to leave either so I bought you a house. I would just visit you here. You have everything you need and if there's something you want just ask me."

"You think I would be nice to you if you waste your money for me?" He clenches his jaw. "I know you're rich. Hell, you're now  _perfect_ right? But it still won't change the fact that you made my life miserable."

"Not because you bought me a house doesn't mean I would go back running in your arms again. You hurt me so much, and I hate you so much. Now, I want to go back to my hotel."

"You're not going back there," his brows furrows.

"Well I want to! You kidnapped me!"

"I'm your father!"

"Stop it! Stop saying you're my father because you're not! You didn't become one! I'm not your daughter!"

He gapes at me. I keep my glare at him until he sighs in defeat. "Fine, you know how to drive, right?" he hands me the keys. "You can use your car-"

" _My_  car?"

He nods slowly, "Yeah. I bought you a car as well." I almost laugh. I grip the key in my hand as he pushes another white iPhone infront of me.

"What's that?"

"Phone."

I roll my eyes, "Seriously?"

"I guess.. you broke your phone cause I couldn't contact you last night after.. we talked. I bought you a new one."

I hesitate to get it or throw it back to him but he pushes it closer to me.  _Fine_. I grab it. He tries to hide his smile but he fails.

"Come back here, Nathalie. You have the key for this house. If you need something.."

"And what if I don't come back?"

"You know I can make you," he says softly. I roll my eyes, walking away from him. "You're not gonna eat first?" I shake my head. "But.. I made these.."

I stiffen. No, no. I close my eyes. Stop, you're mad at him remember? He hurt you. He's ruining you, Nathalie. Don't go back.

"What about just a bite?" he suggests. "Please?"

I huff, "Fine." I turn back to him, marching towards the counter. I see a small smile graces on his lips. He happily cuts the pancake with the fork and place it infront of my mouth. I frown, "You're not gonna feed me."

His smile slowly fades but there's still a small smile. "Just one. Please?"

"You're annoying," I mumble, opening my mouth. He laughs, eyes squinting. I look away. "I.. I have to go."

"Sure. Take care, my lil' princess," he smiles largely at me, eyes twinkling, waving his big hands.

I quicky turn away, rushing out of the house, shivering. Holy, it's so cold and I'm just in my pj's. I was opening the car when the front door flies open.

"Here. It's quite cold today." Before I could protest, he slides a black coat on my shoulder. He pats my shoulder, kissing the top of my head. "Drive safe."

I nod, getting inside of the car. I blow a quick breath, driving away, nibbling my lower lip. I even had to slap myself to stop myself from smiling, but a single tear fell.

-

I walk with my head down, almost running towards the elevator. I wait patiently inside, looking nervously at the number of floors. I quickly rush out as soon as my floor comes. I don't have a key so I knock quietly. I wish Harry is still here. I hope he's not worrying about me because I'm fine. No one answered. I try again, louder.

"Nate?" Niall eyes widens as he looks at me from head to toe. "Nate?"

"Hi?"

"Holy shit," he chuckles as he throws his arms around me. "We were so worried about you."

"Niall, are you okay?" I hug him as I hear him sniffling.

"Yes, yes, I am," he laughs, pulling away. He wipes the corner of his eyes, putting an arm around my shoulder, walking me inside my room. "You might wanna talk to Harry."

"What happened when I was gone?"

"Where have you been?" he asks worriedly. "Your father took you, right? What did he do to you? Did he hit you again?"

"As you can see I'm fine, Niall. No need to worry. Thank you," I smile.

"He's in your bedroom. Louis is in the kitchen, occupying himself."

I nod, confused. I walk towards the locked bedroom, knocking softly. However, I heard a deep shaky voice answered me.

"Lou, you know agreeing with me to call the police?" He stares at me in shock as he opens the door. His eyes are red and already tearing up. He closes his eyes, "Tell me I'm not hallucinating again."

"Harry.." I poke his arm, making him jump.

"Nathalie, are you alright?" he pulls me closer to him, burying his head to my neck. "I was so worried about you. I thought he took you away from me. I thought I wouldn't see you again. I was afraid he would hit you and I'm not there to keep you safe. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Harry, I'm fine. Don't cry please," I say as I hug him, burying my face on his shoulder. "I love you."

He lets out a small laugh, pulling away. He puts his other hand on my lower back, pulling me closer. He looks at me with a small smile on his face as he caresses my face with his thumb. I wipe his tears, slightly pouting. It hurts to see him cry especially I'm the reason. He leans closer.

"You're here."

Before I could even blink, he's already pressing his lips against mine.


	41. Chapter 41

"Hey, gorgeous, wake up."

I open my eyes, jerking away when I see how close his face from me. A blush creeps on my face as he grins widely at my reaction. I still can't forget his kiss. It still lingers on my lips.

He chuckles, "How was your sleep?"

"I was asleep for like five minutes, Harry," I laugh, looking outside the window of his car. "Are we here?"

"Yes, I'm excited," he grins.

I hug his coat closer to me, "You think.. they will like me?"

"Of course! I told you about them," he winks. My eyes widens as I blush. Dammit. "You're cute."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Here we go again," I sigh, rolling my eyes. "Fine, I'm cute. Happy?"

"Yes!" he cheers, stealing a kiss on my cheek. "C'mon, let's come in. It's already 9:00pm."

I nod, unbuckling my seat. I get out before he opens the door for me. He walks next to me, pouting. I pinch his cheek, making him smile. He loves to open the door for me but I always open it by myself.

He decided to bring me home to meet his mum. He said he wanted me to meet his family. At first, I didn't want to because I'm afraid they won't like me and this is the first time that my boyfriend would introduce me to his family. Boyfriend, haha. Weird.

He holds my hand, walking towards the porch. I continue to breathe deeply, almost pressuring my lungs to do the work cause my heart couldn't stop from beating so fast.

"Harry, I don't thin-"

He squeezes my hand, "Trust me, okay?" He smiles. I bite my lower lip, slightly hiding behind him as he presses the doorbell.

Their house is like a mansion type but it doesn't have a big and exagerated gate. But you can see the house is big and fancy. It's cream colored with a mixture of dark brown. My breath hitches as I see the door knob turns.

"Harry?" Gemma's eyes widens as she sees her brother. She grins, stepping closer to hug him. "Harry!"

I thought he was gonna let go of my hand to hug her sister but instead, he hugs her with one hand. "I missed you, too, Gemma."

She pushes him away, "I didn't say I missed you!" She rolls her eyes, turning inside the house. "Mum, your baby is home!"

"Hey!"

"What?" she raises her brow, crossing her arms, smirking. "You're the baby boy in this house. No arguments."

Harry was gonna protest but I think she spotted me. Her smile becomes wider as she pushes Harry out of the way, making him stumble but I tug him.

"Hi, I'm Gemma," she reaches out her hand. Her nails are perfectly manicured with peach color.

"Hello," I smile awkwardly. I shake her hand, "Nathalie."

I was going to break the shakehand but she holds my hand. I glance at Harry and he's just smiling between the two of us.

"You're so pretty," she says, smiling.

My eyes widens, blushing. "Oh," I chuckle. "Not sure about that."

"What do you mean? You're beautiful! Look at you."

"Gemma, stop harassing my girlfriend." My cheeks heats and I think that's the reason why he laughs. "C'mon, let's go inside. It's kinda cold here."

He leads me inside and I see how beautiful their house is. If you look at it outside it looks like a simple house but it's different inside. It's big. Simple but beautiful.

We sit on their couch. Harry leaves me with Gemma, saying he's gonna call his mum. Of course I say yes. Gemma starts to put me on the hot seat.

"How old are you?"

"20."

"What did you see in my brother? He's an idiot why did you make him your boyfriend? If I were you, I would dump him," she pouts.

A laugh escapes from me, making her smile. "I don't know, really. I just found myself falling for him everytime I saw him smile. And then one day, I realized, bam! I'm in love."

"And I think I know why my brother fell for you," she smiles knowingly. "Everytime we talk, you're always our topic. He wouldn't shut up telling stories about you and how he loves your smile. He whined to me about missing you and hoe he couldn't talk to you every minute. Yes, he's an idiot but, Nate, when he fall, he falls hard. Please, take care of him. Don't hurt him, don't break his heart." She places her hand on the top of mine, "I know you wouldn't. You love my brother so much like what he is to you. Give me a hug, sister!"

-

"Hello."

My head snaps, looking at a tall frame approaching me. I smile warmly at him. He sits next to me, putting his hands inside the pocket of his jacket.

"It's cold, what are you doing here?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"Everything."

"Including me?"

"Yes," I nod. He sighs, leaning back against the bench. "I love that there are so much stars tonight. It's beautiful."

We're now in their garden. It's full of flowers and it even has a little fountain which creates noise in the silent night. I want to see the fountain in the morning, it would be lovely. But the stars just adds perfection in this night and of course Harry.

"I'm glad they like me. I'm surprised," I say.

"There's so much to like about you."

I chuckle. I continue to look at the bright sky while hearing his breathing next to me. I don't know how but his presence just comforts me.

"No secrets," he whispers.

I know he knows something's up. And now he's telling me to tell him. And I should, because no secrets. I swing my feet, looking down at them.

"We made a deal," I breathe. "He'd just agree to me to go with you if I promised to meet his family."

"And you said yes.."

I nod. "Of course. I wanted to go with you and meet your family. Actually, it's nothing. We will just have a dinner.. in their house. I'm just.. nervous.. because-" I sigh, shaking my head. "I don't know. I don't know why I'm nervous and that's why I'm frustrated."

"You want me to come?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Me neither."

"I have a lots of problems. Aren't you getting tired of me?" I look at him. He's looking up at the sky but moves his gaze towards me.

"I won't ever get tired of you. I told you, right? I'm always here if you need me," he smiles warmly. "Always."

-

I srunch my nose up as I feel something vibrates under my pillow. I open my eyes, looking up at Harry who's peacefully sleeping while his arms wraps around me. I carefully get up, unlocking his arms, walking out of the bed with my new phone. I walk towards the window, rubbing my eyes.

"It's 2:34," I mumble. "Can't you call tomorrow?"

"I miss you right now so I will call right now, not tomorrow."

"I was sleeping!"

"I said I miss you!"

I chuckle, "You're such a child."

"Nathaugly, I'm serious. I miss you."

"Didn't say I don't," I smile. "I do too."

"What are you doing?"

"I was sleeping. How many times do I have to repeat it?" I yawn.

"Where are you?" My tongue gets stuck. "You're with Harry?"

"Yes," I close my eyes.

"DID YOU-"

"No! Chaos, oh my god. We were just sleeping, for god's sake," I exclaim, almost laughing. I look back at Harry who's cuddling my pillow. "He's still asleep."

"Oh yeah, yeah. Whatever. But where are you?"

"In their house."

"Oh, so you met his family? How was it?"

"Fine. They're welcoming. They like me," I smile.

"I'm surprised," he says boredly.

"Me too," I chuckle.

"I mean,  _no!_  What the hell. Why are you still like that?!"

"You're hurting my ear," I cringe.

"I mean-"

"I won't change just because I left."

"Atleast gain some self-confidence!" he says annoyingly. "It's getting annoying how you always put yourself down. Sometimes I just wanna smack your head to wake you that you're not like what you always say."

"It's not my fault," I frown.

"You know I have twitter, do you?" I bite my lip. "I saw the tweets, Nathalie. How's my baby?"

I laugh faintly, "Ew."

"C'mon. No time for joking. You're not fine," he sighs. "I wish I was there. It was horrible. Listen to me. I called because I'm afraid you'd do things. You did it before and I don't want to lose you. I still wanna kiss your forehead and hug you tight."

"Don't listen to them. Think about me, I'm always looking forward to see you. Think about.. Harry. He loves you so much. So, don't do anything that will make me go crazy, please. It's crazy, Nathalie. I'm worried and the fact that I'm not with you makes me go mental."

"Don't worry, Cha. I'm good. Better, because you called. God, I miss you so much," I smile. "I want to hug you right now."

"I'm sending my virtual hug," he laughs. "Go back to sleep. I know I cut your peaceful sleep. You were sleeping in his arms, am I right?" I blush, glaring at the window. He cackles, "Silence means yes. So yeah, good night. See you soon."

"Yeah, good night, freak," I roll my eyes.

"I love you, by the way," he states. I keep my mouth close. "I said I love you, freak!"

"I love you too," I stuck my tongue out. I jump when suddenly arms wraps around my waist. He kisses my nape, sending thousands of volts through my body. "Uhm, y-yeah. Good n-night."

"Night. I kissed you on the forehead, just saying."

He ends the call and I turn around but Harry keep me in place. "You scared me." I breathe, catching my breath, still trying to calm my wild heart.

He pulls me closer to him, hugging me tighter that I can already feel the warmth of his body. My face redens when I feel his breath hitting my ear.

"Who do you love, Nathalie?"

I take a deep breath, "I-It was-"

"Who?" he kisses my ear. "Tell me."

My eyes closes as he caresses my stomach. Fuck, what is he doing?

"It w-was-" My breath hitches as he bites my ear. "Oh my God."

"Tell me who. You can do it," he says hoarsely. "You love who?"

"What are you doing," I say breathless.

He turns me around as I open my eyes. He pulls me closer to him, never leaving my eyes. I put my hand on his chest just to keep a distance between us. He cups my waist.

"Who?" he leans closer. His brows furrowed, lips set in flat line. I feel his breath touching my lips, bringing me back to Earth.

"Chaos-"

He captures my lips, making me close my eyes. My knees turns jelly and if he's not holding me, I think I already fall. He pulls me closer as his one hand moves up to my nape.

His lips moves aggressively against mine. His hands starts to travels inside my shirt, rubbing his thumb on my waist.

"Mine," he mumbles. "Mine."

He bites my lower lip, sucking it. "You're owned by me." His tongue licks my lower lip, making me gasp and that's when I feel his tongue inside my mouth. "It's on your wrist."

He makes me jump and hug my legs on his waist. As soon as he puts me down the bed, my heart beats accelerates.

"Harry-"

"Who do you love?" he kisses me again. I tried to answer but a soft moan escape from my mouth as he starts sucking on my neck. "Hm?"

"You, you, you." I gasp as he bites and licks onto my skin. "Goddammit, I love you, Harry!"

He gives me a light, gentle kiss on the forehead down to my lips. "Good, good." He presses his forehead against mine. "Because you, I love you."

He smiles down at me, flashing his dimples. He lays next to me, pulling me closer to him, tangling our legs. I close my eyes as I breathe next to him, hearing the fast beat of his heart.

"Good night, baby."

After a while he speaks.

"I thought you should take your bra off?"

I hit his arm, laughing, "Shut up." He laughs and wraps his arms around me. "I don't take it off."

"Why don't you take it off?"

"Because I just don't," I simply answer.

I close my eyes, burrying my head on his chest until something comes into my mind that makes me grin.

"Harry."

"Hmm?"

"Knock knock," I grin wider.

"Oooh. Okay, who's there?"

"Take it off," I stiffle my laugh.

"Take it off who?"

"Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake. I  _take it off_ , I  _take it off_ _,_ " I giggle and hugs him tighter. "Good night, Haylor."

He lets out a strange laugh, making my head on his chest shake. He kisses the top of my head and I suddenly feel his breath on my ear.

"My girlfriend is jealous," he teases.

"Really?" I answer, eyes closed.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not. I was just singing her song."

"Whatever you say, Nathie. Whatever you say." He chuckles, kissing my head one more time. "Good night, baby."


	42. Chapter 42

"Hi."

I quickly wipe my tears as I straighten up to my seat. I glance at the little girl wearing a white dress with a little white bow on her head. I smile at her. I can see myself on her when I was younger.

"Can I sit on your lap?" she asks, hope in her eyes.

"Yeah, sure."

She silently squeals, gently getting up on the bench to sit on my lap. I thought she was going to turn her back on me but instead she sits, facing me. Her lower lip pokes out as she reaches for me face.

"Why are you crying?"

I chuckle, sniffing. "Nothing, Yna."

She hugs me, nuzzling her face on the crook of my neck. "You're my sister, right?"

My eyes starts to water again. I have a sibling, I have a younger sister. I run my fingers through her hair. "Yes."

"So can I do this everyday? Hug you? Sit on your lap? Yngrid doesn't want me near her. But I love her and I love you too."

"You just met me," I laugh, tearing up. "You're just five."

"But you are my sister. You won't hurt me because sisters loves each other. Mum told me that older sisters care more for their younger siblings." She pulls away looking at me with wide eyes. "You care for me? You love me? You'll protect me?"

"You're so cute," I laugh, crying.

"You're not answering my questions," she pouts. She holds my pinky finger, putting it closer to her chest. "And please don't cry. It makes me sad."

"I'm sorry," I sniffle. "I just.. I have to cry."

"Why? Are you hurt? You need band aid? We have! Let me get one for you, wait a minute!"

"Wait-"

Before I could stop her, she ran away into their house. I laugh to myself until burst into tears.

The feeling is overwhelming. I survived the dinner. I met his family. He has four kids with his wife, Alice. Yngrid as his first daughter which is three years younger than me. Next is Yohanne, he is 15 years of age. And the last one is Yna, she's five.

Their family is perfect. They treated me right. They welcomed me. They're doing nice. Everything is fine and I don't know why I'm crying.

"Nathalie.."

"What?" I answer, trying to calm myself. "You did good, Nathan. You made yourself happy and successful. It's beautiful."

"I just want you to meet them."

"I did. Can I go home now?"

"Princes-"

"Please!" I sob. "Stop calling me  _that_! I'm fucking done." He falls silent and all I can hear is my sob. "I don't even understand what I'm feeling. I'm so confused and I hate it! I hate this feeling! Why did you cheat on us, huh? Why?! Why did you leave us? Why did you choose Alice over mum? Didn't you love her? Me? Answer everything so I could move on!"

As I scream everything at the top of my lungs, my cries just get worse. I can't even breathe properly but I have to calm down to hear everything.

"I didn't even know I already have a sister when I was three! You were already cheating on us when I was fucking three! And then what? After few fucking years you made another child with her! You're disgusting! What explanation do you have? It should be reasonable because I won't buy bullshit!"

"I loved your mum. I loved Nathalia. I cheated. I was a cheater, Nathalie. Your father cheated on you. I admit it. I didn't want to hurt your mum that's why I didn't tell her yet. I wanted to tell her but she knew before I could. I hurt her so much that I couldn't stand seeing her being miserable. You didn't know how much I blamed myself, Alice was there to comfort me. Don't get mad at her. Get mad at me because I chose her over my own family. But can you blame me? I love her, Nathalie."

Love. Ha, fucking love. You'd really do anything for that crap.

"Well guess what? You didn't know how much I blamed myself because my beautiful mother died. You didn't know how much I struggled facing her wrath everytime she saw me because all she could think was you cheating on her and me, betraying her! You. Fucking. Threatened me not to tell her! What the fuck was that? I HAVE NO ONE! I was crying alone. I was suffering alone when she died? Where the hell are you? You were busy building your  _new_ and  _perfect_  family while I was crying my broken heart out there!"

I look at him with so much anger and disgust. He's looking away from me and it makes me sick to think he's my father. That I used to call him  _dad_. That I used to say  _I love you_ to him. I was wrong. I didn't know him at all.

"You were already cheating from the start. How come we didn't notice?" I shake my head. "And you're sneaky as fuck, huh? Pretending to be my uncle just to give me your money through my ban account? Well, thanks! At least I finished my school. At least I bought everything to make me happy without you. But the point is, you lied. You fucking lied. You fucking cheated."

"Your reasons are so fucking lame. A big bullshit," I chuckle. "You want my forgiveness? Eat shit." I stand up. "At least I tried. I tried. I fucking tried and you know it but I just can't. Everytime I see you, all I can think about is my mom crying and you hurting me. But I'll visit. Not for you nor for Alice but because of my brother and sisters. I'm going. Thanks for the dinner."

As I make my way to the door, a small gentle voice calls my name. I take a deep breath, turning around. Alice is wearing a simple floral dress with her hair in a bun. She walks towards me with a tupperware in her hand. "Here, take this home. I made this cake just for you."

I frown. My mum used to bake me cakes. She baked just for me. Mom was doing it because I wanted to. For me, just for me. She noticed I didn't make an effort to get it from her when her shoulders fell.

"Listen-"

"I'm doing that for the past few days."

"I know I won't be able to replace your mother-"

"Look, Alice. I don't wanna be rude but I know what you're going to say. Stepmothers always say that and I'm done. You're great. Just.. leave it like that. You won't ever replace my mother. Ever."

She looks away. I should feel bad but I think my heart is numb from pain that I can't feel anything but rage.

"I appreciate the dinner. Take care of my siblings. I'll be visiting them."

"Wait, Ate!" Yngrid rushes down the stairs. Her waist-length brunette curly hair bounces as she approaches me. "For you," she smiles as she hands me a pink box with a bow.

"Oh," my eyes widens. "Thanks?"

"You'll like it!" she says excitedly as she claps her hands. Her red lips just adds perfection on her.

"What's  _ate?_ " Yohanne asks cooly. He also has a dark hair but with blue eyes as well as Yngrid. Yna and I has the same eye color.

"In the Philippines they call their older sisters  _ate._  That shows respect, brother. You should call me ate too," Yngrid puts her hands on her waist while Yohanne just rolls his eyes.

"Here,  _ate_. I didn't buy you a gift so take my shirt. It suits on you. You have a nice body," he smiles sweetly.

"Ateeee!"

My eyes twinkles as I see Yna running towards me, waving a band aid. She giggles, tugging my hoodie. I bend down to meet her eyes. I smile at her, pinching her cheek.

"Where's your wound?" she asks innocently. "I know how to put a band aid. Let me do it, please."

"What about you just kiss me and let me keep your band aid?" I grin.

"Yes!" she cups my face and starts to peppering me. Laughs filled the house and I suddenly forget I'm sad, mad and confused because of this little girl. "Feel better?"

"Yes. Thanks to my little nurse," I kiss her forehead. I stand up, "I'm going now. Good night guys."

"Can I.." Yohanne blushes, biting his lower lip.

"Oh, c'mon. Just hug her!" Yngrid teases, pushing him to me. I laugh, walking closer to him. I wrap my arms around him as he buries his head on my neck.

"This is weird. I want you here. Come back, okay?" I nod. "I'll be waiting, ate."

-

"Yna is so sweet," I say staring at the band aid in my hand. I put it inside my pocket smiling to myself. I will keep this. "She looks like me when I was little."

"I want to meet her."

"You will. Soon," I smile. "They're all sweet actually. Yohanne gave me his shirt while Yngrid gave me something. I haven't looked at it yet. They're all nice. They're great."

"But you cried," he states.

I frown, rubbing my eyes, "I didn-"

"Oh c'mon. I know if you cried or not," he chuckles. "It's okay. Now can I hold your hand?"

"I don't know. Can you?" He rolls his eyes, grabbing my hand. He fills the spaces in between my fingers with his. I look up at him. "You look happy."

"It's beause you are  _kinda_ happy, stupid."

I stare at him in shock then I feel the laughter coming. He's cheekily grinning while looking at the street. I chuckle and shake my head.

"So.." I raise my brow. "You have another pet name for me, huh?" I smirk.

"Well you're stupid." He shrugs, squeezing my hand.

Of course it's cold. Of course it's midnight. Of course I can't sleep. Of course he wants to take a walk. I need to walk too to clear up my mind. And I'm just glad he's here.

"And you're an idiot." I laugh. I bump my shoulder to him. "Should I call you _idiot_ then? Because you are." I laugh harder, throwing my head back.

"You're  _my_  stupid and I'm  _your_  idiot. Aw. Perfect combination," he grins at me.

"Okay then," I laugh.

"Look, bookstore!" he points. My head snaps and I quickly run towards the store, pulling his hand. "I have this feeling that someday you'll choose books over me."

I laugh, getting inside the bookstore. "Harry, let go. Let me find a book."

"We can find it together."

"Oka-"

"Harry?"

I lose my grip on his hand but he scowls at me, pulling me closer to him. Two teenage girls approach us and I suddenly feel throwing up.

"Let me find a book," I whisper. He just shakes his head. I start to nibble my lower lip as I see the girl with glasses getting her phone. Oh, she's gonna take a picture. I gotta go.

"Can we take a picture with you?"

"Yeah, sure," he smiles. He doesn't have a choice so he let go of my hand. I silently walk away. I look back at him, he gives me the look to stay but I just give him a flying kiss.

I start to search through the racks, finding some interesting books to read. I jump when someone taps my shoulder. I turn around, seeing a girl next to me. "Uh, hi?"

"Hi. You're with him, right?" she asks. She's the girl with eye glasses few seconds ago. Her glasses are just like mine, black. "With Harry. You're Nathalie. His girlfriend."

Goosebumps rises all over my body. I didn't know that it is truly weird how much someone know about you. I blush, "Yes. Look, I'm sorry, I'm awkward. I don't know how to handle things."

She chuckles, "It's okay. I just want you to promise one thing."

"Um. Sure, what is it?"

"Don't break his heart." She genuinely smiles at me. "You seem like a nice girl. You wouldn't do such a thing. Just take care of him. You have our world in your hands. Take care of him. You're a fan. You know how it feels like. You know what to do."

"I know. Thank you," I smile at her. "What's your name?"

"Kristine. Just call me Tin," she chuckles. "Can I have a hug?"

I nod, pulling her closer to me. I close my eyes, hugging her tighter. It feels good that atleast someone, someone accepts you. Someone supports you. That someone isn't against you.

"I got your back," she pulls away. "Can we also have a selfie?"

"What? Why with me? Why not with him?"

"Eh. You're pretty." I blush. She laughs at my reaction. "Just smile. You're beautiful." She puts up her phone and before I knew it she took three shots.

"Tin! Your turn!" The other girl calls. I walk with her with two books in my hand. I peak at the shelves, smirking at Harry. He rolls his eyes at me but smile afterwards when Tin hugs him.

"Sam, game!" Tin says, putting his arms around Harry's waist. I'm just standing behind.. Sam? watching them take a picture. With one last hug, he rushes to me, kissing my cheek.

"You don't go away from me like that. If you just know how much I want to bite your lip," he whispers as I'm paying the books. I elbow him making him laugh. "If I know you're blushing."

"Stop it," I mumble, hugging the bag closer to my chest. I walk by the street while I can still hear his laugh behind me. I'm just glad he's not getting mobbed yet. Well it's midnight.

"You're imagining me kissing you, right? Like what I did last night. Just don't make me jealous again, babe."

I fight a laugh, shaking my head. "I- ugh. Fuck you."

"Should we?" he bursts into laughter. And I can't help it. I laugh too, smacking his arm. He tugs my hand, entertwining our fingers again. He kisses my knuckles. "I was just joking. It's fun teasing you. Your face just turns into a red apple."

I playfully roll my eyes at him, squeezing his hand. We just walk like that. Holding hands, looking at the stores. Silent.

"You going to lay with me again?"

"Yes. You don't like?" he raises his brow.

"I didn't say that, idiot."

"Oh yeah, stupid. I always sleep next to you. You don't have to ask," he taps my nose which makes me jerk his hand away, laughing.

-

"Yngrid looks older than me even though she's younger. Maybe it's because of her make up and how she dress like."

He nods, eating the Coco pops on the bowl. I put the spoon in my mouth, glaring at the telly. We're here in the living room, sitted on the floor, me eating ice cream and knees closer to me. We're in our pj's. All lights are off and the only light we can see is from the telly.

"If I was there I would take a picture of that iceberg, post it on Instagram, black and white with a caption of  _danger_ ," he comments.

I look at him in disbelief, "What the heck? You're in danger then you decided to put it on Instagram? I'm in love with an idiot." I dramatically slap my forehead.

He giggles, crossing his legs. I turn my attention to my food, scooping my ice cream. I have this feeling that I will lose my voice for eating ice cream almost every night.

"Why can't I have double dutch with rocky road and bubble gum ice cream?" I mumble.

"You disgust me. Yuck."

I chuckle, "What's wrong with that?"

"Aside from it's stupid so are you, nothing more."

"Louis will be proud," I laugh. "Learned that from him, didn't you?"

He just smirks at me, still watching Titanic while eating his Coco pops. I take a deep breathe, shaking my head, putting a spoonfull of ice cream in my mouth.

"Ugh," I shut my eyes. "Brain freeze."

"Who told you to do that? No one," he laughs. "Look, Rose is swimming inside the ship. That was funny."

"It wasn't," I roll my eyes. "Imagine if she cut Jack's hands? That would be so epic. It would make a history."

"Imagine if she cut Jack's hand? Then he had nothing to use to jack off," he cackles. I gape at him, slowly turning my head. He looks at me then he starts to laugh so hard that his head is thrown back at the sofa. I smack his thighs, biting the inside of my cheeks. He puts his bowl down, clutching his stomach, laughing soundless.

"Harry! My God, stop," I grin, shaking my head. "You're impossible."

"It's.." he laughs. "It's impossible to jack off without your hands too." He laughs harder, clapping his hands. I choke on my ice cream. I cough, sitting up straight while he laughs harder beside me almost lying on the floor. In the end, I joined him laughing our asses off.

"That was funny," he whispers, eating his Coco pops again.

We're back in our positions but now his knees are closer to him just like me. The movie is approaching it's climax and the ship is sinking.

"Yeah it was. Now shut up."

"No, tell me something. Distract me."

"We watched movie to focus on."

"Fine."

I heard a silent  _hmp_  before he scoots away from me. I pretend not to notice it, eating my ice cream, eyes on the screen. I can see from the corner of my eyes that he's glancing at me. It's hard not to smile because he's too adorable but I managed to do it.

When Rose was sitting on the boat, looking up at Jack, that's when I talk. "Can you believe I didn't know I already have a sister when I was three?" I keep my eyes fixed on the telly. "When I was five? When I was sixteen, while I was in my dark times? Can you believe he made it? He made a prefect family?"

"He was doing fine while I was crying alone in my room. Not fair though," I chuckle. "I was crying.. I was alone."

He cheated on my mom. My mom who loved him so much, who did everything for him. My mom who hasn't had any idea that she was being cheated on. She didn't have an idea that his husband already have another child.

"And the fact that mom knew dad cheated on him when I was fourteen hurts me. He cheated when I was three. Three!" I eat ice cream again, swallowing my tears. "But you know what annoys me the most? It is the fact that I can't get mad at my siblings. Geez. Saying  _my_  siblings is weird. This is all new to me. And I don't really know. I can't get mad. I am mad but not at them. They didn't do anything to me, right? Harry, right? I'm still doing something right."

He scoots closer to me. He didn't say anything. He just sat there, listening to my heavy breaths.

"I want to punch him. I want to hurt him but I just can't. He hurt me so much, why can't I do the same? Nothing's fair here. The world is always unfair to me."

"You have me." I let out a small laugh. "Life is always unfair so that makes it fair."

"Why are you here with me again, Harry?" I look at him.

"Hmm?" he turns to me with a comforting smile on his face. "Because.." I close my eyes. "No, open it. I want to see your eyes. Your beautiful eyes." I open my eyes as he cups my face. "I'm here with you because I love you," he kisses my forehead for three seconds. He looks at back at me.

"You're making me feel uncomfortable," I say.

"Am I? Don't be," he grins. "Now here, listen to me."

"Listen? So I can close my eyes?"

"Why do you always want to close your eyes? Don't you want to see me?" He looks offended.

"No," I frown. "I want to feel you. Plus if this is all just a dream, when I wake up, I will just hear you. I don't want your face this close to me hunting me when I woke up. I would just cry because I will miss you big time."

"This. Is. Not. A. Dream," he squishes my cheeks. "This is real. I'm your boyfriend. I'm Harry Styles."

"But Harry Styles is not real," I grin.

"I'm slowly giving up," he rolls his eyes. "I want you to listen to me while looking at me in the eyes."

"You mean your amazing green eyes?"

"Oh yeah, whatever you call those. Now shut up." I press my lips together. "First-"

"How many things are there in your list?"

"Seriously, Nathalie!" he sighs as I laugh. "Shit, you're so cute. Stoooop," he pinches my cheeks. "Okay. But seriously."

I nod, relaxing myself. I stare at his mesmerizing eyes, seeing myself falling again. Can you believe I'm seeing him this close? Because I can't.

"I'm so proud of you. You really are a strong girl, Nathalie. You've been through a lot but you managed to survive even though you were alone. You fought those battles alone, with just yourself. I admire you a lot for that," he rubs his thumb smoothly against my cheek. "You are beautiful. I always tell you you are, right? Inside and out. You have the whole right to be mad. You could just lose your chill in that dinner, you could easily yell all your anger infront of his family but you didn't. You know what's the right thing to do. And the fact that you're telling me you can't hate your brother and sisters makes my heart swell, baby."

I blink, smiling softly.

"I'm so glad I met you. I can't imagine myself without you, do you even know that? Everytime I think, you're always part of it. You're always in my mind. How can you do that, huh?" he chuckles, pressing a kiss on my forehead. "How did you easily catch my heart?"

"I don't even know. Ask yourself why you're in love with me," I whisper.

"And that. One of the reason I love and hate you because you can't see your beauty. You can't see your importance. You can't see what you can do to us, me. You make us happy, Nate. All of us especially me. And right now, I know you're not fully fine but you're doing your best. For me. It's funny how I already know you too well. This is so funny."

"You're funny. You're so cheesy," I giggle.

"You're ruining the moment," he tsks. "But as always, I'll say it again. Don't ever forget. Always remember. But first, look at me in the eyes.." I look at his sincere emerald eyes until he blinks. "I am in love with you."

He pulls me into an embrace. "I'm so lucky to have you, Stupid."

And then, just like that.

Jack died. Rose let go.

The end.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii. So we're like on the 3/4 of the story and shits are about to go down. More drama, more fun. Lmao. If you don't like drama's, I'm so sorry but I have a thing on it.
> 
> Enjoy reading!
> 
> \- Rose x

There are so many things that could happen in three days. Nathan finally met Harry and Harry finally met him. Yngrid was ecstatic when he saw Harry. She's also a fan and she was really surprised to know that I was in a relationship with him.

Chaos arrived. He just showed up infront of my house and I punched him in the face which made my cry. I just stood there, looking at him crying. He was giving me a grin but he's also close to tears. He called me  _Nathaugly_  and flung himself to me. I missed him so much.

Of course I was kinda sad because Heave isn't with him but that's okay. I have my best friend with me. I just cried even more when he said he's staying as long as I'm here in London. He'll just leave when I leave. He yelled at me when I started coughing and panting because I couldn't breathe. I just laughed at him because he really looked cute when panicking.

Niall and I hangout. He made me try new foods and I really did enjoy it. He was just smiling or either laughing the whole time which made me feel happy too. Ever heard about that? Sure you do. If Niall is happy, the whole world is happy. It also applies with the other four boys.

Harry and I are doing fine. Watching late night movies. Cuddling in bed. Seems boring but I love it. We both take care of Yna when she come and visit me. They got on very well. Harry's good with kids but Harry with kids could kill. Because it's just really cute.  _So_  cute.

But it's really different when it comes to Chaos. Of course Harry, most of the times lay with me and Chaos doesn't like that. What the heck. I'm twenty for fries sake. Chaos doesn't like Harry and Harry doesn't like Chaos. They always exchange glares and it's kinda annoying but they both look cute so they're also adorable.

Chaos is acting like my brother again. I get that he's protective but he doesn't have to throw daggers at Harry. And Harry still can't get over the fact that we exchanged  _I love you's_ he also saw Chaos hugging me. He could get really possessive sometimes.

And now I have three visitors. Chaos, Yna and Harry. Harry is still a visitor because he doesn't live here. I was sat next to Yna as she draw on her sketch pad. Chaos and Harry are in the living room. I hope they're not killing each other yet. It's dangerous to leave them alone.

"It's done! Let me show it to Harry," she happily skips towards the living room, holding her sketch pad. She freezes in her spot, looking at me with wide eyes.

"No, give it to me," Chaos tugs the remote control closer to him. "I wanna watch some movies!"

"No, Yna was watching Barbie, she loves this movie. Give me back the remote."

I stifle a laugh as Chaos fell down the couch. They're both same size but Chaos is more muscular but I don't know how Harry did it. He just pushed Chaos. Chaos angrily stands up, glaring at Harry. Harry just crosses his legs and leans back against the couch like nothing happened.

Chaos eyes flies to me and he grins. I raise my brow at him as he walks towards me. "Can I kidnap you?"

"No-"

"We're just going out!" he announces too loudly making Harry's head snaps towards me. Chaos starts dragging me towards the door, making me stumble as he grabs our coats but before we could reach the door, my other arm is already being tugged. "Hey, let go of her."

"She's mine," Harry hisses, eyebrows furrowed. " _You_  let go."

I roll my eyes, jerking their hands off me. I tug my shirt down. I look at my  _stupid_  best friend and flick his nose earning a giggle from Yna and a laugh from Harry. I turn my attention to Harry, pinching his cheek.

"You two act like a child!" I huff.

They were about to protest but there's a knock on the door. I make my way towards the door as I heard Yna talking to Harry. A pretty girl greets me wearing her beautiful smile with her pink lipstick. She was wearing a pale pink flowy dress exposing her long skinny legs.

"Hallo, sistah!" she cheers, hugging me. She holds both of my shoulders looking at me with big eyes. "Please, let's go out together. With Yna. What do you think? Yes?"

"I.. uh, I have visitors, Yngrid."

"Oh. Well no problem, they can come with us. Just please," she puts her hands together pouting. "Please, please, please-"

I smile at her, sighing in defeat, "Fine, fine."

-

"Should I be jealous now?" I mumble to myself. I shake my head. "No, no. I shoul-"

"You should, idio-"

I hit his mouth. "Chaos, your words!" I yell-whisper as I look down at the little girl next to me. She's eating her ice cream while holding on to me as we walk.

"Well look at them. They look so cute together."

I mentally break Chaos' neck as I subtly pinch his arm. I try my best not to be jealous but it's so hard. I nod curtly, "They are."

"Aw, don't pull my hair!" I say, pushing Chaos away. He rolls his eyes at me, putting his arms on my shoulder. I shrug it off and he just places his hands inside his pockets.

"You're so full of shit," he whispers to me. I bite my lower lip. "You're his girlfriend and he's obviously flirting infront of you and you're not doing anything? You really  _are_  stupid."

"Well, I'm sorry because that's my sister," I whisper back.

"Half," he pointed out.

"Still."

"Whatever," he shrugs, checking his phone.

I look back at the two people infront of me. Yna tugs my hand that makes my attention go to her. She points at her face and showing me her sticky hands. She giggles that makes me laugh. I fish out some wet wipes, wiping the ice cream on her face.

"Can you carry me?" she asks after I cleaned her. "Yngrid don't carry me when we go out so I understand if you won't."

She looks at me expectantly with a shy smile on her face. 

"I can carry you but I don't think I can for too long."

"It's okay!" she beams. "I just wanna know the feeling. You, carrying me." She opens her short arms to me. "Please?"

"My pleasure, baby," I smile, scooping her into my arms. She kisses my cheek before she lays her head on my shoulder. "Are you tired?"

"Not really. You're just cuddly. Can you sleep next to me some other time? That would be really nice."

"Of course, Yna." 

Harry and Yngrid are now too far away from us. They didn't even look back at us. It's like they have their own world. Own world that the two of them only exists. Not that I'm jealous. No.

"You look cute with kids," Chaos smiles.

I instantly smile. First, I really love kids. Taking care of them. And by just seeing them smile makes my whole day complete. Kids have a special place in my heart, you know. And second, it's rare to see Chaos smile so genuine. His smile always looks like a grin. If you look at him smiling like that you would think he has a bad intention or flirting with you.

"You should always smile like that."

He suddenly frowns. "I think we should.. uh," he looks around then points at the random restaurant. "Eat first?"

"We just ate, Chaos. Have you forgotten? We're going to the park so Yna can have some fresh air-" 

Yngrid is holding my man's hand. It's.. that's- I shake my head taking in deep breaths. I soothe Yna's hair as I rock her gently. I look away as I see them laughing.

"That's kinda cute, actually," I mutter. "C'mon, let's take Yna home. I'll call Alice or Nathan to take her home. Harry and Yngrid can take care of themselves."

I turn my heels, walking away from them. When I didn't feel Chaos presence next to me, I tried calling him without waking Yna up. His jaw is clenching as he looks at me. He shuts his eyes trying to calm himself. His chest rising up and down as he rushes to my side.

"You're stupid and so your boyfriend. Someone should stop me before I hit him."

"I'm stopping you."

"Stupid."

"Shut up."

"I knew from the start he was no good."

"Don't make him look like Nathan," I spit. "And they're not doing something that-"

"They  _are_  doing something! Didn't you see it? They're holding hands and your boyfriend completely forgot that his girlfriend was behind him taking care of her little sister. And then what? Your half sister keeps on rubbing her boobs on his biceps! You didn't see that?"

"I didn't but thank you for visual image," I frown. "Now I don-"

"You're not just stupid but blind as well."

"Guilty," I chuckle dryly. "Where's your car?"

"Oh look, your boyfriend is coming."

I tried ignoring the foot steps coming by running my hands through Yna's hair. It's almost evening and we should really go home. I don't want to let Yna go even though my hands are starting to hurt like hell but she's keeping me from not freaking out. She makes me calm for some reasons.

"Nate, where are you going?" I hear Harry asks.

"Maybe going home? It's kinda late for a  _child,_ " Chaos answers for me as I continue walking. I almost sigh in relief as I see Chaos' car.

I don't want to talk to Harry right now. I'm  _kinda_  mad. This is a small thing, yes. That's why I'm trying not to make the big deal out of it. But I need to sleep this jealousy off inside me before I go and talk to him.

Chaos opens his car. I look at Harry and behind him is Yngrid who's twirling her hair on her finger. "Harry, let's talk tomorrow, shall we? I may be going to sleep as soon as I go home. I'm kinda tired. And Yngrid, can you drive Harry home? He doesn't have his car with him. Don't worry about Yna. I'll just talk to your Parents. Good night."

I kiss Harry's cheek as I climb in the back seat carefully adjusting Yna so she can sleep comfortably. Her head on my lap and I start playing with her hair as I look outside the window.

"First fight?"

"We're not fighting, Chaos."

"Oh. So giving him a cold shoulder-"

"Shut up."

"Sorry."

I sigh and close my eyes. My chest feels heavy and I need an ice cream. Again.

-

It's almost two in the morning when the doorbell rings. I was rubbing my eyes when I opened the door and I saw a head of curls and pair of green eyes waiting infront of my door.

"I can't sleep," he says.

I get out of the way as a signal for him to go in. He sighs in relief as he steps inside and takes off his coat. I close the door and go to the kitchen. I drink the water while he patiently waits for me at the door frame.

"What happened earlier?" 

I shrug and open the fridge to find something to eat. I already ate the last ice cream earlier and no ice cream for me now.

"Did I do something?"

I shake my head and close the fridge, sighing in defeat when I didn't find any. I walk past by him but he holds my wrist. I bite my lower lip, "Harry, go to sleep."

"No, we should talk. What did I do? Tell me." He moves infront of me, leaning closer. "It's bothering me. I couldn't sleep because I know something is wrong."

"It's nothing, Harry. It's stupid so don-"

"It's not. Come on, tell me. Please."

I fall silent as I think if I should tell him or not. I don't think it's necessary though but he tilts my chin up and looks at me worriedly. I look away.

"You.. um.. forgot about me?"

He holds my hand, guiding me to the living room. "What do you mean?"

He sits on the couch and I did the same but few inches away from him. However, he moves closer to me and leans on my shoulder as he plays with my hand.

"I don't- it's a stupid thing, Harry. You shouldn't be bother-"

"Just tell me, babe."

I close my eyes and sigh before talking. "Yngrid. Uh, you see. She's.. she's more prettier, sexier and hotter than me. I was just um, jealous? Because you completely forgot that I was there, we were there behind you guys. You didn't even notice that we stop because Yna wanted me to carry her. You had your own world and it seems like I'm not there. I'm invisible."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to feel like that. It's just me, myself is always like that. Chaos words just added fuel to my jealousy. I didn't want to talk to you earlier because I was jealous. I don't want to say something I know I would regret. Sorry, I'm your girl-"

"Hey, stop right there." He moves away from me. "First, you don't have to apologise. I should. I'm sorry for ignoring you like that. I was overwhelmed by her stories and I didn't even noticed. Second, don't say sorry because you're my girlfriend. I love you for so many reasons that they don't have. Third, even though there are so many girls that are  _prettier_ ,  _sexier_ and  _hotter_  than you as you said, I would never look at them the way I look at you. You have my heart remember? That means my eyes also belongs only to you."


	44. Chapter 44

She's being quiet again. She's with me but I can tell that her mind is flying. She's staring blankly at her laptop. I continue to watch her until her brow arches but it goes down again. She closes her eyes and when she opens them, it's welling up with tears.

My eyebrows shot. "Nathalie?" She didn't even move or blink. It's like she didn't hear me. Her lips starts to tremble. "Nate."

She blinks and freezes. She finally noticed me. She sits up straight as she inhales deeply and slowly close her beautiful eyes. It takes her seconds to open it again before she looks at me with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Yeah?" she says, voice shaking.

"You okay?" I scan her face.

"Of course!" She quickly answers before chuckling dryly. She looks away and rubs her eyes under her glasses. "Um. I- excuse me."

Before I can even answer she rushes to the bathroom. I follow her with my eyes. I catch her eyes looking at me. She gives me a smile but her lips trembles and tears falls down to her cheeks. She finally closes the door and leaves me staring at it thinking what I did something wrong again.

We're both fine. The time we kinda fought was days ago. She started to act strange three days from now. I press my lips together. I need to find out. I have to ask her.

No secrets, right?

-

"Harry, would you like to join us? Chaos, Yna and Yohanne are coming over for a dinner. Nathan will just bring them here and pick them up as well."

"Oh. Of course. Sure," I nod.

If you think Nathalie and Nathan are in good terms then you're wrong. Yna, being the youngest one gets almost everything she wants. And what does she want? Be with her big sister. They can't stop her from seeing her because she just love being with Nathalie.

Sometimes Nate would get a call in the middle of the night just because Yna couldn't sleep and she's already missing her presence. I understand the feeling though. Yna always brings smile on Nathalie's face and it's just amazing.

"Can you help me cook? I'm going to bake them some cupcakes though and you know I'm not good in terms of cooking."

"Just bake and I'll do the cooking."

She smiles bac and nods as she washes the dishes. I sigh as I walk behind her wrapping my arms around her waist and putting my chin on her shoulder. She doesn't say anything and just continues to what she's doing.

"Is everything alright?"

"Huh?" she chuckles. "Yes. What are you talking about?"

"You were.. crying yesterday," I whisper.

She laughs a little too loud. "It's nothing. You know," she shrugs, making my head jolt a little. "I can get really emotional for no particular reason. I watched Harry Potter that day and I was just sad because Dobby was killed."

"So you like other Harry now?"

"Yes, he has a wand and you don't. His glasses looks cool though. He's hot so does Ron, Fred and George," she giggles. "Would you like to stay up late later and watch the other films?"

I mumble a simple  _yes_  as I hug her tighter. She just chuckles, shaking her head. Maybe that's really the reason. I watched Harry Potter before and that part was really heartbreaking. Maybe I'm just overreacting.

"So no problem at all?"

"Harry.." she sighs, unlocking my arms. She turns around to face me and flick my nose. She laughs as I scrunch my nose up and caress it. "No, idiot. No problem at all," she smiles. "Now if you want to help me, you can start cooking so I can start baking after washing the dishes. Please, Potter?"

"Okay, Granger."

"But Granger is for Weasley, idiot!" she cackles.

"Then I'll just be your idiot and you'll just be my stupid. Deal?"

"Deal."

-

"Are you busy?"

"Nope," she shakes her head. She didn't look up at me and just continue to type on her laptop.

"Really?" I arch a brow. "It's not obvious."

"Oh shut up, Harry. You can be here with me as long as you want. You're not disturbing anyone."

I grin and shrug as I walk to her desk. She's on her bed sitting crossed legs. "Why do you have tons of books here?" I ask as I pick one. I look back between the book in my hand and the books on her desk. "And these are all the same."

"I'm kinda nice so I'm giving you a copy."

I snort and examine the cover. It's orange-y with the touch of black because it's sunset and there's silhouette of a lady sitting by and watching the sun goes down with her hair dancing in the air. I flip the book to see the summary of the book. I heard Nate stops from typing on her laptop.

"Is this a good story? Worth the read?" I ask as I glance at her, smiling fondly at me. She sighs, slightly shaking her head before she shrugs.

"Why don't you find out instead of asking me?"

I grunt and pout as I make my way towards her bed. "Come one, tell me. I want to hear it from you. The book says  _'Dreams will stay as dreams if you won't do anything to make it real.'_ It's deep and I know I won't understand what's the meaning of that if I won't read this book. So give me a little synopsis."

"I don't understand. This is unfair. You're so persuading and no one can say no to you," she tsks but then laughs. "I forgot you're Harry Styles."

"Whatever. Now tell me."

"The girl was a dreamer. She dreamed so big. It became true but not the way she expected. She became happy and even happier when she met him. They fell inlove."

"What's the conflict? The story is quite boring if it has no problem."

"Didn't know you're into books as well," she laughs. "Well they couldn't be together."

"And why is that?"

She pulls up a smug smile, "I don't know. Read it."

"You're horrible!" I fake a gasp.

"Harry, I'm not the type of person to spoil the story. But yeah, okay. It's all about sacrificing. They have to sacrifice their own happiness in order to make other people happy. Their love is like a scissor. It's written in the book. She and he were the handles and the people were in between the two blades, if they ever got close, people would be hurt. Do you get it?"

"That.. that's deep."

She smiles widely as she nods her head in agreement. "The book showed how selfless love could be."

"Love could be selfish and selfless at the same time. It's just pretty amazing what love can do to people." I take off the plastic that's covering the book. "This is new. Those are all new. Why do you have lots of copies?"

"I'm planning to give it away. Just wanna share the story, I guess? It's beautiful. Now I'm work-"

"What are you working for?" I say as I jump to glance at her screen but she's quick to slam her laptop. She widens her eyes at me as I narrow my eyes which makes her laugh.

She leans down to kiss my forehead. "Stop gossiping."

"Says the girl who's stalking me 24/7 for the past years."

Her jaw drops as she turns to red and I start to laugh and roll on her white bed. She pinches my tummy but I catch her hands and bring it close to my lips to kiss her knuckles.

"You want some cake? I baked last night. I got bored."

I nod, smiling up at her. She puts her closed laptop on her bed and makes her way out of her room. I bite my lower lip and gently open her laptop. My face pops out as her icon and a  _fucking_  password. I groan before closing her laptop and laying back on her bed.

"What's your password?" I ask as soon as she arrives.

"I forgot," she smirks. "Just eat your cake and leave me alone. Read your book."

I roll my eyes, smudging some icing on her cheeks which ended with our face covered with icing. I think I should read the book though. You think? The book is called  _Glow_. I'll give it a try.

-

I've decided to have a sleepover at my house. I asked the boys if they'd like to invite Nathalie and Louis just gave me a smack on the head saying:  _Is that even a question? Of course!_ And now we're here in the living room watching a father-daughter story. Zayn, Liam and I are sitting on the couch covered with blankets while Louis, Niall and Nate are sitting on the floor with blankets and pillows.

We drank a little but we're not drunk. Okay, maybe not. Because as soon as the movie ended, Nathalie started crying. At first it was just tears until it became worse. She was sobbing softly and now we can't calm her down.

"This is your fault. You made her drink!" Louis scoffs. Liam looks at him in disbelief but he knows Louis was just joking. "Nate, you shouldn't have drank too much."

"B-but it tasted good," she hiccups. That makes us laugh before I sit next to her as she cuddles the warm blanket. She looks up adorably at me. Her lips kinda swollen, eyes are blood shot red and her nose runny. Before I could even speak she started crying again.

"He didn't even have to die. He just wanted to buy the Sailor Moon bag for his daughter. He just wanted to make his daughter happy, why did they take him to jail and kill him? He.. he didn't do anything. He didn't kill that little girl."

I bite my lower lip to stop my self from smiling but Louis is already laughing behind me with Niall. Zayn chuckles, "I don't know, man. She's just cute."

"Should we make her drink more?"

"Liam," I glare at him. He puts his hands up in defense, grinning at me. I turn my attention to the baby girl crying infront of me. She's looking at the telly as her tears continue to flow down her cheeks. "Babe.."

"No, Harry. You don't understand. Yes she grew up with a family but it's different to grow up with your dad." I catch my breath as she wipes her tears. She holds my hand and that's when I knew she's shaking. Her hand is so cold. "They loved each other so much, Harry. Her father did everything just to get her that Sailor Moon bag and she did everything she can just to be with him. Can you tell me how cute their relationship was?"

"You have to calm down now. You're running out of breath and you're shaking."

"Why.." she sobs. "Why didn't my father do everything just to be with me? He left us. He left me and he cheated."

The whole room fall silent and her cries is all we can hear. She leans closer to me, burying her head at the crook of my neck. "My heart hurts, idiot."

My heart sinks at her words. I can really feel the pain in her words. I can see it in her tears and the way she cries. It's odd to see her crying like a baby but she's drunk and alcohol is taking her body and mind.

Usually if I ever get drunk I stumble a lot. Louis will do the talking, he could be talkative as much as he wants to until someone puts a sock in his mouth to stop. Niall is the type of drunk to do something really funny. Zayn would just pass out. And Liam can be deep as hell. And we have Nathalie here who cry when she gets drunk.

"You should put her to bed," Liam suggests.

"No, no," she sits up, wiping her tears but it keeps on flowing. "We should talk about something."

"You have to sleep," I say as I tuck her hair behind her ear. "Please?"

"But I don't wanna sleep yet."

"I'll get you Mcdo tomorrow morning," I try.

Her face lightens up. "Okay, sure. Show me the room."

And she's already on her feet. Louis starts cackling again while Liam claps like a seal. Yeah, because they're drunk and they find everything funny. She looks at me curiously before I get up and lead her to my room. She makes her way to my bed, sitting at the edge as she lets out a deep sigh.

"Good night. Don't worry about me. I'll be here," she smiles that looks like a grin and she can barely open her eyelids. I kiss her forehead before I go back to the living room just to see them eating some chips.

"How is she?"

"Sleeping I guess. She's drunk as you can see."

"The movie made her emotional," Zayn says, taking a bite on the cake Nathalie made. "Who picked the movie?"

"Guilty," Louis answers. "I didn't know that it was a father-daughter story. I teared up too. It's really heartbreaking like they said."

"Who wouldn't cry?" I say, rubbing my eyes.

"How are you?" Louis suddenly asks. His wide blue eyes looking back at me. His jaw moves as he chews. "Good?"

"Happy," I smile. "Haven't felt this before. She makes me happy and I don't know how she do it."

Liam smiles knowingly at me and Zayn just wink. Louis smiles widely and Niall continue to eat his food.

"Do you make her happy though?"

"I know I am. I think.. but these past few days she's been getting pretty emotional."

"Did you get her pregnant?"

"Niall!" I throw a pillow at him as they laugh."Of course not!" I shake my head, pressing my lips together. "One time I caught her tearing up and she was just looking at her laptop. And almost every movie we watch, she cries when something sad happens. It just worry me."

"I think it's normal. I mean, she's a girl. And girls are quite emotional. Don't overthink things. You'll just get stressed."

We talked about random things and drink a little bit more. Banter a lot that made us laugh our asses off until we're all sleepy because it's almost two in the morning and we're not asleep yet. Liam and Niall will sleep on the air mattress we put at the living room while Louis and Zayn will take the guest room.

I locked the door and close the lights saying good night to the sleepy boys as I make my way to my room. I can't see a thing but I almost fall when something block my way. I try to reach for the lampshade and open it.

I nearly lose my shit when I see her lying on the floor. I sit down next to her calling her name. The phone in her hand falls on the floor as I scoop her into my arms to put her on bed.

"Nate? Nate, Nate. You still with me? Baby.."

Her face crumples before she opens her sleepy eyes. I sigh in relief and lean down to kiss her lips. "Hi."

She stares up at me as she caress my face. "I'm so lucky to have you." She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. She puts her hand on her belly, sighing before closing her eyes. "I asked this before and it's getting annoying but.. why me Harry? I just don't.. understand at all."

Tears slips down her eyes which she quickly wipes. I push her hair back and scoot closer to see her face.

"I'm.. I'm annoying. I always cry and complain. My life is full of shit and you're still here with me. You're the only thing that's good in my life. I'm afraid when the day comes you're done with me. Because I don't know how to continue, I will be lost. I don't know what to do."

"That won't happen, Nate. I will be here. I'm not gonna leave you."

"Sometimes I wonder if you're blind or what. Can't you see?" she sniffs as she opens her eyes. "I'm nothing compared to them. I'm not as beautiful as them. As sexy as them. I have nothing to be proud of, well maybe my paintings but it's nothing compared to what other people have. I can't see what you saw in me. I don't understand. They don't understand, Harry."

"Didn't I tell you to stop comparing yourself to others? Nothing will happen. Every people has different characteristics and that's what makes them different.. unique. And you, you are unique. You're one of a kind because there's no other Nathalie in the world aside from you. You're insecure, so insecure and it pains me to hear you pulling yourself down."

She doesn't say anything and just closes her eyes again.

"What were you doing on the floor?"

"I always sleep on the floor," she chuckles.

"Wha-"

"I always sleep on the floor when I'm not okay."

 _Oh._ I continue to brush my fingers through her hair until her sniffles dies down as she relaxes. I kiss her temple and pull up the covers over her shoulder. I pick up her phone on the floor and she was on Twitter which is not good.

My jaw clenches as I read the tweet she was reading.

_@NRicafort Harry will find someone better than you and he will leave you bc you're a trash. The time will come he'll be tired of you. Lmao._

I rub my eyes before closing her Twitter when message arrived. She won't mind right? I hesitantly open the message and it's from.. oh, Chaos.

_Chaos:_ _Didn't I tell you not to use twitter? I saw you fav'ing tweets. You're crying, are you? Don't listen to them. You know none of those are true. Sorry for not being there to kiss you a goodnight but I'm sending my hugs and kisses to you now. I love you and I understand if you don't say it back because your boyfriend is jealous as fuck. But I do know you love me though. So goodnight, freak. I hope you feel better tomorrow. I hope he's cuddling you because I know you love hugs when you don't feel okay because you feel alone._

_I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND SO I KNOW THOSE THINGS._

_Harry loves you even though I kinda hate him. He won't leave. He's head over heels for you, what the fuck. Can't you see the way he looks at you? Even though he flirts, the way he looks at you is a whole new level._

_Now I'm taking forever. Talk to you when you wake up, yeah? Good night :)_

_ps. we have to talk though. I noticed something that they didn't._


	45. Chapter 45

"Hi."

My eyes widens and I try to close the door but he already pushes me to step inside. I sigh, rolling my eyes and walking away from him. He follows me and I stand infront of him, putting my hands on my waist and raising a brow.

"What are you doing here, Chaos?"

His brows are furrowing since he stepped in. Just pretend you don't know what's happening, Nathalie. You can do this. You're good at this.

"Have you received my text message?"

I tilt my head to the side, "What message?"

"I said I saw you faving tweets," he clenches his jaw. "Have you read it?"

I swallow, slowly dropping my hands to my side. Harry said that he went through my phone that night and read Chaos' text. At least he said what he did. And I know Chaos is getting suspicious of me. He knows me too well and that always scare the shit out of me. I nod.

"Were you avoiding me?"

I shake my head and press my lips together. His jaw locks, his brown eyes staring intently at me. It's like he's trying to read my mind by just looking in my eyes. I blink.

"Didn't I tell you not to go online? Horrible things are there."

"You can't tell me what to do. I have my own life."

"I'm just concern. I'm your best friend. You can't expect me not to do anything when I see something or  _someone_  hurting you and you're not even doing anything," he spits.

"I'm okay, Chaos." I roll my eyes, turning my back on him. "It's midnight. And you decided to come here just to what-"

"You've been ignoring me for days!" I turn around and look at him in disbelief. He shakes his head in confusion. "I've been away from you for a long time- yes, that was too long for me, and now all I want is to be by your side because I know you need me."

"What do you mean I need you? Can't you see I'm fine?" I say, slightly raising my voice.

"Can't you see your not?" he says, raising his voice the same way I did.

My hands starts to shake. "Go home. I'm going to sleep." I mutter, making my way to my room.

He doesn't say anything. He lets me walk peacefully to my room but in the end, I feel him following me. I shut my eyes. He is Chaos. He's not going to give up that easily. He gets what he wants. Shit. I swear this night won't end without me saying something that would make him go mad.

I sigh as I open my bedroom. Before I could reach my bed, he gently grabs my arm turning me around to face him. I look up at him and his eyes are searching mine. His features soften. His brows are furrowed not in annoyance but with worry.

I'm not use seeing him like this. I saw this face before. He was like this when he knew I was cutting. I blink rapidly.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly.

My mouth slightly opens. I take a step back loosing his hold to me. I rub my eyes, "I am."

He keeps his gaze on me and I stare back. If I look away, he would know I'm lying. I notice my hand- I'm still rubbing my eyes. I quickly move my hand away. His jaw starts to clench again but the softness in his eyes are still there. I'm so proud of him controlling his anger.

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"You were rubbing your eyes. You do it every time you lie. You have to do something to cover up your lies and rubbing your eyes is your thing. I know it, Nathalie. You  _can't_  fool me." I shut my eyes. "You know.. I'm your best friend. I know you too well. I know when you're okay or not. I know when you're lying or not. And right now I can see that you're pretending to be okay even if you're not. Am I right, Nathalie?"

I glare at him and look away as my eyes starts to produce unnecessary tears. It's been a week since I'm pretending to be okay and I'm trying my best for them not to notice. They didn't notice though. But it seems like Chaos is an exception. He knows everything. He sees everything.

It's just like I'm not in pain, that I'm just fine. Nothing has changed. I don't want anyone to talk me or confront and comfort me like this because I know that in just a second, I will break. I know that when they start to throw me questions the wound would just open and start to bleed again. 

The mask I built will break until nothing can hide me from hurting. Chaos is doing that right now and I hate it. I don't wanna cry. I decided to just forget what happened but it's so hard. Especially if you keep seeing them everyday.

"You are not okay," he says as a fact. His shoulders falls before he pushes his hair back and licks his lower lip. "Fuck."

"I am," I say with a determine voice.

"I know you're not!" he bellows. My eyes widens as I swallow the lump forming in my throat. His face turning red as he breathes heavily. "You're not in your usual self these past few days. The Nathalie I know would talk back if I start to annoy her but what did you do? You ignored me! That was not so you!"

He breathes through his nose, taking a step closer to me. "The Nathalie I know always has the glow in her eyes! She's always glowing with her smile! Seeing her smile either laugh will make you to! Do you know how you look right now? Huh?

"You look lifeless! I couldn't see your big and genuine smile! You're always faking your laugh! Your laughs are dead! I can't see any happiness in your eyes and I'm dying just to hear your laugh again! Nathalie, YOU ARE HURT! I know you more than Heave, I know you more than anybody! I'm your best friend. There's a reason why I'm called  _best friend_! You can tell me everything to me! You shouldn't be keeping all this shits by yourself. Harry changed you- he ruined your life! He took your happiness. He took you. I can't see my best friend in you anymore!"

I slap him. My palm aches and I ball my hand into a fist as I glare at him. His chest rises up and down. My heavy breathing matches his. His jaw locking and he looks like he's ready to punch someone. And that might be me.

My whole body shakes as I take in all his words. He's.. he's right. I can't even understand myself anymore. What am I doing. I can feel it myself. There's something wrong. I'm not happy. I can't be happy.. I can't.

"How.." I catch my breath. ".. how dare you to say I'm not okay. I am okay," I say, almost a whisper. My eyes falls on the floor because I couldn't bare to look at him. "I'm fine."

A gasp escapes from me when he suddenly tugs my arm and pulls me in his arms. My face against his chest and I close my eyes, feeling his presence. He grabs both of my hands and wraps them around his waist before hugging me. His heart is beating so fast so does mine. 

He kisses the top of my head, "We both you're not."

I keep my mouth close. It feels like I lost all my energy and I don't even want to talk anymore. I just want to fall asleep and wake up not worrying about anything. Can I cry? Can I be weak again? I'm so tired of pretending to be strong when in reality I'm just nothing.

"I'm here. I won't tell anyone," he says softly. I keep him close to me and he does the same until he says something that makes my tears falls. "You can cry now."

With a long silence that makes everything sinks in to me, I burst into tears. I lock my fingers behind him to hug him tighter. He manages to take off my glasses and tosses it on to bed before hugging me back as he gives me light kisses at the top of my head. At first it was just few tears until sob comes out. 

He rubs my back, mumbling words to soothe me but nothing has changed. My cries gets louder. His shirt is almost wet because of my tears but he keeps on holding me. My shoulders shake as well as my knees. If he wasn't holding me this tight and close I already collapsed on the floor.

"I will be right here, okay? Even though my ears will bleed, I won't leave."

"Chaos," I choke, burying my face on his chest. "C-Chaos.."

"My heart hurts."

I chuckle but end up crying again, "You're dumb."

"You know I hate it when you cry," he tells me. "Especially like this. You're fucking broken."

"I'm okay, Chaos."

"Sure, sure. Fuck you." My tears continues to flow even though my sobs turns soft. Its like a faucet that won't stop to flow but the difference is my eyes don't have its handle to stop it from flowing. I whimper. "Can you sleep now?"

"I was sleeping!"

"Okay — chill!" he chuckles. "Go to bed, will you?"

"You made me cry, fucker," I look up at him. He looks down, smiling sadly at me before wiping the tears on my cheeks with his thumb when he cups my face.

"You need it, dumbass."

"Can't believe you're my friend."

"I'm not your friend," he frowns. "I'm your  _best_  friend." I was about to answer when his lips quirks up. He wiggles his brows at me. I look at him, puzzled. "Admit it, I made you feel better. You're talking back."

My face twitches as I look at him in disbelief. This arrogant asshole don't know how to hide his disgusting personality. I roll my eyes on him before hugging him back. He hugs me too, slightly swaying.

"I missed you," I sniffle. I can feel my tears coming back. Fuck it, can't I stop? "H-have you heard anything about Heave? I.. I miss him."

I feel his muscles tenses. "He's fine, don't you worry."

"Good," I smile as my tears falls down. "Glad he is."

"So be fine so he won't worry."

"Told you I am."

"Who the fuck cries so much that my shirt became an instant tissue if that person is okay?" he slightly yells.

I smile but my lower lip trembles and I break into soft sobs again. He cusses under his breath. "Is he still mad at me? He still is, am I right? If he's not, he will come here and see me. He's still mad at me."

He stays silent and I don't know what to feel. All the pain comes together and all I wanna do is to cry all night until I can't cry a thing but blood.

"Why life is so hard to me? Things like this don't happen to anyone but me. Can't you see how unfair it is? I'm not that strong! I fucking cut! I hurt myself! I'm not strong enough to face these kind of problems!" 

My whole body shakes as I release a throaty sobs. My cries ringing in my ears and it's broken, broken like I am right now. I can't even breathe properly. My chest feels so heavy.

"Nathalie, stop.." he coughs. "You're making me cry."

I shake my head, crying harder. "I fucking told you not to make me cry because dammit, it's hard to stop! This is your fault!"

"You have to let it out. It's just that — it hurts me to see you like this."

"Then don't look at me."

"I can still hear your cries."

"Leave then," I sob.

"Hell no, bitch."

He pulls out and a sudden panic floods all over my body as I gasp and freeze in my spot. I look at him in horror as I feel myself stop breathing for a second. He's gonna leave me too?

As soon as he sees my expression he cups my face almost squishing. "Jesus, Nate! Calm down. I told you I'm not leaving!"

"Everyone said that but they left.." I whisper and a tear falls down my right cheeks. "I'm used to it."

He catches my tear using his thumb. He holds my hand and guides me to bed. He pushes my down, tapping the space next to him. I look between him and the bed, still crying. Shit. "Stop crying and go to sleep now, Nathaugly."

Crying, I crawl into bed and lay on my back. I stare blankly at the ceiling with my tears still falling. I close my eyes. "What are you gonna do now? Leave me?"

"No," he immediately answers. "Can I hug you?"

"No."

"Thanks," he answers before I feel his arms wraps around my waist. "Is that 'I am okay' looks like?"

I know he's just trying his best to make me feel okay. It's helping though I really can't stop crying. As he said I have to let this all out until nothing's left. I just want to cry and cry and cry until I can't feel no more — until no more tears will come out because it's tiring to cry.

Instead of calming down, I cry harder. Harder than before. Harder than I did. I'm coughing between my broken sobs as my hard sob fills the whole room. I can't see anything but all of their faces. Faces of who I love the most but hurt me. I cry like a lost child in the middle of large market who lost her hold on to her mother and afraid that she's not be able to see her again and how would she be able to go home. My chest literally hurts but I can't die down my sob.

"I —" I break into tears, sitting up straight. I shake my head before clutching my chest. I gasp for air. Chaos looks worriedly at me. I try to speak but it will just come out as a cut-croaky words.

"What's happening?" he looks at me and he's on the edge of panicking. "NATE!"

I try to inhale but it seems like no air is filling in my lungs. My tears keeps on falling, both from pain and fear but my sob vanished as soon as I couldn't breathe. He holds both of my shoulder while I'm still trying to intake some oxygen. I shut my eyes.

"What should I do, huh? What should I do! Holy shit. What the hell is happening? I said stop crying, look what happened! You're running out of breath!" he shouts. "Should I do CPR?"

I manage to open my eyes and glare at him. His lips are pale and his eyes are wide while looking at me. He's trying to touch me but don't know where so his shaking hands keeps flying on the air. With my shaking knees and dizzy feeling, I stand up and make my way towards the bathroom. Before Chaos can step inside the bathroom, I shut the door and lock it. He immediately raps the door.

"Open this!"

I softly knock for him to know I'm okay. I gasp but choke. I grab a bottle I hid under the sink before I look at myself infront of the mirror. I'm starting to turn into violet. I chew some meds, still trying to breathe. I shut my eyes, leaning forward as I hold the side of the sink and trying my best to inhale some air. I try again and again, inhale and exhale repeatedly but when there's still no air coming in to my body my eyes starts to produce tears again. 

My head hurts and I fell like I'm floating. It seems like my whole world is spinning.

Chaos knocks again but this time softly. "Nate, say something. I'm going crazy."

You have to breathe. Come one, Nate. You can do this. You don't want them to worry, do you? I take a deep breath, deeper and deeper until I feel the air goes through my nose. I open my eyes and knock softly on the door. I stare at myself in the mirror. Puffy eyes and swollen lips. My skin is starting to go back to pale.

"Nate.. you okay there?"

"Y-yes," I croak. I wipe my tears and push my hair back, looking at myself one last time before opening the door. He almost fell on to me if he didn't balance himself.

He examines me from head to toe before fixing his eyes in my eyes. "What happened? Why weren't you able to breathe?"

I wipe my sweats on my forehead with my still trembling hands. My heart is still going wild but I'm more calm than earlier. Thanks to that scene. Kidding.

"Have you forgotten? I have an asthma, Chaos." I push my hair back.

He slowly nods. He's still unconvinced, I know it. But keep going, Ricafort.

"Didn't I give you an inhaler before?"

"You did," I nod, walking to the couch. I sigh and lean back before closing my eyes. "Of course it's gone. It's been ages." I feel him sit next to me. "Tonight was tiring."

"How long do you have an asthma?"

"Are you sure you're my best friend?" I glance at him. He's just looking at the telly. I close my eyes. "Since I was a child. But it was bearable."

"I was fucking scared."

"Sorry."

"I.. I thought you were going to die," he whispers.

"Sorry."

"Don't you think you should go to doctor?" he suggests.

I feel his eyes on me and I keep my cool though my heart beat accelerates. I hate hospitals. "No, thanks." I mutter. "I'm fine. And I don't go to hospitals. Have you forgotten?"

"Here we go again," he sighs. "Please. Just go for a check up."

"I'm fine though. Can't you see," I open my eyes and raise my brow at him.

I'm stubborn. I'm weak. I'm a coward. I know he's just being careful but I'm fine. It's bearable. I can handle. They don't need to worry.

"What if you weren't be able to breathe earlier? You could have just died by the lack of air inside that bathroom and I wouldn't even know because you locked yourself! You didn't know how scared I was since you were catching your breath to you locking the door. It felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest!" he hisses. My eyes widens when I see him sneakily wipes the side of his eyes. "And what if it's not just an asthma?"

I laugh. "Don't overreact. I contacted my doctor few weeks ago and they said I'm fine and  _definitely_  will be fine sooner or later so you don't have to worry. They even gave me medicine incase."

I flinch as I fight the urge. I just want this conversation to end. It's making me feel uncomfortable. I smile at him. "Thank you."

His head snaps at me but his frown lessens. "I'm always here and I'm sorry for shouting at you when I came here. I just couldn't stand seeing you — you know what it is," he sighs before scooting closer to me.  _Hurt._  He pushes my hair back, playing at the end. I close my eyes, sighing. After a long minutes of silence, I feel his arms goes under my legs and neck to carry me.

I flutter my eyes open. He looks down at me, smiling softly. I immediately smile. I really love his smile. He kisses my forehead as he lays me back on my bed. "Good night."

"Are you gonna lay with me?"

"Told you I'm not leaving."

"I don't trust you," I playfully slap his face.

He puts his hands on his chest, acting like he's hurt. "That hurts. Okay then, I'll just wait for you to sleep then I'll go."

"You will?" I ask, amused.

"I will. For you, my cry baby little sister," he sweetly smiles and lays next to me before pulling up the blankets to cover our body. I close my eyes as my best friend's long arms wraps around me, his breathing makes me feel safe and fine at the same time that made me doze off to sleep.

It's been a while since I sleep peacefully.

Thank you, Chaos.


	46. Chapter 46

"Hello, Nathalie?"

"Yes? Do you need something?" I ask and raise my brow as I push my hair back. Alice just called and she seems so nervous.

"Can you, uh, get Yna from school?"

I blink, "What? Why me? I mean.."

"We're all at the hospital. No one will get her and their principal was calling me. They need a guardian but we're all busy. Just a favor, please. And can you take care of her until we get home? Please, Nathalie."

I shake my head and massage my temple. Her voice is shaking and I know any moment she will burst into tears. I sigh, "Sure, sure. Just tell me what's happening. Are you okay?"

"Oh God, thank you so much. I'll.. I'll tell you later. I have to go now. Please, take care of Yna. I owe you a lot. Thank you, Nathalie. I love you."

I shove my pocket into my jeans and rush downstairs. It didn't take me ages to get to Yna's school. It's almost dark and I can barely see students. I make my way to the Principal's office. I knock until someone's voice tells me to go in. As soon as I open the door I hear a little girl screaming my name as she cries.

She hugs me, arms wraps around my waist and buries her face on my middle. I glance at the woman behind the desk. Her blonde hair in a bun. White blouse and pencil cut skirt. Her face crumples in confusion but she offers me to sit.

"Yna, you might wanna sit first," the principal suggests. Mrs. Joana Sweet is her name. Yna shakes her head so I scoop her in my arms and place her on the chair.

"Hush now, I'm here," I coo and push her hair back. She silently cries before nodding. I sit at the chair infront of her and turn my attention to Mrs Sweet. "Uh, hi. I'm her sister, Nathalie Ricafort. Alice told me to get her and you were calling her. Can I ask why? Is there any problem?"

Her brows shots in realization as she nods. "Ms Nathalie, your sister here tugged someone's hair that caused a fight."

My eyes widens. My head snaps to Yna who starts to cry again. I bite the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from laughing and smiling. Is it bad that I find that amusing?

"And she don't want to tell us why she did that."

"It's because she kept on teasing me that my dad is a cheater and my mum is a who-" she looks hesitantly at me but I quickly give her a smile. "..whore. And then she even said that Nathalie doesn't like me because I'm the daughter of my mum. She said Nathalie don't like me because we have different mums!" she glares at the principal. "Now tell me. If someone told you that won't you lose your chill? She insulted me! My family! I just tugged her hair but she hurt my feelings!"

"Excuse me, ma'am. But I think you should talk to that student too not just my sister. What she did is foul. That's a sensitive topic. She was bullying my sister and you don't expect someone not to fight back if she's getting hurt. Just call us again if you need anything. I need to take her home. Her mum's getting worried."

She seems intimidated by me when she nods frantically. She said her apology and I did too before escorting Yna out of the office. As soon as we're outside she starts to run away.

"Yna!"

I run after her but she keeps on running. She's a kid for heaven's sake. She can run as fast as she can, as long as she can but I can't. I sigh in relief when I see her stops infront of my car. She's still covering her face as she cries. I open the car and she quickly hops in.

I catch my breath and hold the wheel. I glance at her. "Yna, stop crying please."

"Is that true?" she croaks and slowly looks up at me. "You hate me because we have different mums?" 

I gasp and cup her face. I wipe her tears and kiss her forehead. "That's not true, Yna. I love you, okay? Don't listen to them. I'm your sister. Period. I'm happy you're my sister and having different mothers can't stop me from not being your big sister. I will take care of you. Now stop crying."

"Don't you regret being my sister?"

"Of course not!"

She chuckles and wipes her tears. "Yngrid always say that. She regrets being my sister and I always think what did I do. Can you buy me an ice cream before you take me home?"

"Sure.."

I drive away as I try to calm myself. I try to focus on the road instead of my anger starting to build towards Yngrid. She don't say those things to a child. Kids takes things too seriously. What the fuck.

-

Yna fell asleep while cuddling next to me. She made me lay next to her and asked me to play with her hair. I did it though. She hugged my waist while her head is on my chest and before I knew it, the cute kid fell asleep.

But I have to get up because the doorbell is ringing. I carefully get out of the bed and shut the door quietly. I open the door and frown when I see Yngrid. Her brow arches in surprise as she notices me. She quickly smiles but she looks tired. She hugs me and I do my very best not to push her away.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I was taking care of Yna."

She nods and I close the door. I watch her takes off her heels and sighs before slumping on the couch. My phone vibrates inside my pocket and I make my way to the kitchen before answering the call.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Aren't you going home yet?"

"Not yet, Harry," I sigh and sit on the high chair. "Yna was upset. It makes me upset too but she's asleep now."

"You should sleep too. It's almost midnight."

"You should sleep too. It's almost midnight," I mimick as I smile.

He chuckles, "I couldn't sleep. Seems like I got used sleeping next to you."

I smirk, "I guess, me too."

"Why is she always fainting?" he suddenly asks.

My blood runs down my face, "Who?"

"Hannah."

"Jesus, Harry," I let out a deep breath. "I thought you were talking about someone!"

I thought he was talking about someone. Like someone I know or someone he knows when in reality he was just talking about the book I gave to him. That quite scared the hell out of me.

"I was talking about someone!" he laughs. "So why?"

"What? Maybe she's tired or stressed."

"Oh, come on. People don't suddenly faint."

"Sometimes they are," I smirk.

"But she faints a lot. As in  _a lot._ It's not normal. It's odd for normal people," he whines. There's a hint of worry, annoyance and fear in his voice and I find it funny that he's so affected.

I chuckle, "Maybe she's not normal?"

"Why don't you just tell me? I'm getting paranoid!" he huffs. "I want to know."

I shake my head, laughing, "I already told you I don't wanna be a spoiler. It makes me feel guilty. It's better if you'll know it by yourself. Come on, be patient."

"You frustrate me," he grunts but laughs afterwards. "I'm just gonna read further. Curiosity is killing me because my great girlfriend won't tell me any shit." We laugh. "So you're alone?"

I frown, "Nah."

"Who's there then?"

"Yngrid." We fall silent and I hear him sighing. Yngrid comes into the kitchen, eyeing me as she walks towards the fridge to get a drink. I shut my eyes as I bite my lower lip. "I gotta go now. Sleep tight, Harry."

"What- We're still talking, stu."

I let out a small laugh, "You can call me later, idi. I don't care if it's 3 AM. If you want to call me, just call."

"Fine," he sighs and I can see his pout. "Good night. I love you."

"Yeah. Good night."

"And where's my I love you?" his voice slightly raises.

"I love you, idiot."

"Same here, stupid." He giggles before ending the call.

I put my phone in my pocket again and lean down to the counter but Yngrid calls me. I raise my head and arch my brow. She puts her glass down and crosses her arms then leans her hip against the counter.

"Was that Harry?" she grins.

I nod keeping my straight face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure," she nods happily and licks her lip. "What is it?"

"Why are you telling Yna that you regret being her sister?" Her eyes widens but she coughs to cover it. I shake my head. "You don't tell that to kids. They take things seriously and you're hurting her feelings."

"It's not my fault. She's annoying," she says, picking at her nails.

Annoying? What the hell. Since when did she become annoying?

"Still."

"Why do you care?" she shots back.

My brow shots. "What kind of question is that? Of course, I do! She's my sister!"

"Half sister."

"See? The word sister is still there."

I clench my jaw and she just rolls her eyes. She's not the Yngrid I thought she was. The sweet Yngrid is not what I see infront of me now. It's like she changes into something really different. I don't know her anymore. Or I don't really know her.

"You care about your sister but not your father."

"Excuse me?"

"Haven't you heard? He's in the hospital." My breathing stops. She looks at me and I almost kick her gut when I see her rolls her eyes at me again. "You hate him that much, don't you? He gave you everything you need, you're here in his territory yet you can't even forgive him."

My mouth parts as I feel the need of air. I clench my fist, nails digging on my palm. "I didn't tell him to do those things. It was his choice, not mine."

"He wouldn't do those things if not for you. But of course, you're his daughter so he will do anything just to please you," she shrugs.

"You don't know a single thing, Yngrid."

"Oh. I just know you refuse to forgive him because you love taking money. That's why you made Harry your boyfriend, right? For fame and money?"

"You don't know a single thing!" Her head snaps towards me. "You fucking don't know what I've been through so don't act like you know every fucking thing! Open your goddamn mouth when you know the whole story but since you fucking don't just shut it!"

She stands up straight, "Is it necessary to know the whole story if all I can see is you not giving any damn about my father?!"

"Listen here. He left us just to be with your mother. He hurt me and my mom. My mother loathed me because of what Nathan did and she died. I had nothing! And what? After so many fucking years he came back like nothing happened?! Like he didn't do anything? And then I would suddenly know that when I was a fucking child I already had a sibling! How would you feel about that? I feel cheated and betrayed! You don't know anything because all you know is that your family is goddamn perfect!"

She opens her mouth but shuts it. I pant and blink rapidly to get rid of my tears. "And then you.." I look at her from head to toe. "I trusted you but what did you do? I thought you were sweet and nice but I was wrong. So damn wrong." My tears falls down before I can stop them. "I feel cheated and betrayed again. But this time.. by you. Are you happy now?"

She takes a step back. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't fool me again, okay!? I've had enough of your bullshits!"

She shakes her head. "You don't deserve him."

"And you do?"

"I deserve him more than you do."

"That's why you kissed him?" I swallow as the scene plays back in my head. I thought she was going to stop but she smirked at me as she saw me shaking.

"So you saw it. How does it feel? His lips are so soft, doesn't it? I felt it." She laughs. "Admit it, Nathalie. He wants you now but later he will leave you like a trash. That's what you are though."

Before I can stop myself my hand flies on her face making her hair fly because of the impact that she almost falls. She touches her cheek and glares at me. My breathing is not normal and I just want to hurt her. She rushes towards me and pushes me but I use my height as my advantage to push her back. I tug her hair and she tugs mine. My tears has stopped but my heart is bleeding again.

She scratches me everywhere and I focus more at her hair almost ripping it. She's screaming at the top of her lungs saying things about me but I'm too numb to listen. I release all my anger by yanking her hair and pushing her until she's sobbing. I pant as I look down at my arms and the scratches are bleeding. I feel something dripping down my right cheek. I touch it and I see blood.

"You know what, Yngrid? You're just like your mother. She took Nathan away from us and that's what you're doing. Like mother like daughter, huh?"

"Fuck you!" she cries.

"Don't fight me. Don't talk to me again. Don't come near me before I forget that you're my half sister and throw you off the cliff. I don't wanna hurt you but you're pushing me to my end. I may look and act nice but if you start to do things to me, I swear, I can be an evil."

"Bitch, he doesn't love you!"

"BITCH, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU TOO!" I yell, sending me to tears. "Fuck it, Yngrid. Stop pushing me! You fucking kissed my boyfriend and I want to break your neck but I just can't! I fucking hate you!"

She falls on the floor and sobs while covering her face. I cry too but I just stare at her slumping on the floor. My mind wanders and I remember what she said earlier.

"Now what did you do? Why is he at the hospital?"

"Why do you care?"

"Damn it, Yngrid!"

"I made him mad," she sobs. "He didn't let me go to my friend's party. I shouted and he did too and then he suddenly froze on his spot while clutching his chest. He fainted. Mum, Yohanne and I brought him to the hospital. They said.. they said he almost died because his heart stopped beating but they managed to bring it back. I didn't know he have some heart disease. If I know I shouldn't have made him mad."

I swallow. "Just like.. just like what happened to mum," I whisper.

My mom was shouting and then suddenly it happened. I saw how she fainted. She didn't make it to the hospital. She died inside that car. I was holding to her hand but I didn't feel any pulse. She left me and that because I made her mad.

"Don't.. don't make him mad again. Just.. take care of him. I'm going home. Look after Yna," I say not looking at her. I make my way out the kitchen and I hear her mumble a sorry. I shake my head before rushing into my car.

I'm scared. So scared that he will leave me too like what my mom did. Even though I hate him, even though I act like I don't care about him, I still do. He's still my father after all. What did I do? Did I really do something really bad to deserve all of this? Maybe I did.. I do.

I look blankly at the steering wheel and I suddenly burst into tears. I bump my head on the wheel and let myself cry loud. I grip the wheels as I feel my heart tightens. I take off my glasses.

I've been avoiding Chaos after we talked. I don't wanna see him because I know I will be weak again. I'm not saying I'm avoiding Harry but I just don't wanna see him. All I can see when I see him even his pictures is the way he was kissing Yngrid. That hurts. It hurts to pretend that everything's fine between you two while you're dying inside.

Yes I'm joking and laughing whenever I'm with him but part of me is dying because he kissed another girl and that's my sister. I'm stupid. So stupid. I know you'll say if you were me you'll leave him but I just love him so much that I couldn't.

And the fact that it looks like he doesn't want to tell me makes it hurt even more. But that's stupid. Why would you admit to your girlfriend that you just kissed someone else?

I gasp and wipe my tears. I put my glasses on before pulling out the drive way.

Guess who's sleeping on the floor again.


	47. Chapter 47

I push the door open and go to the counter to order some coffee. It's 7:30 in the morning and I just woke up suddenly want to walk around and drink coffee alone. I smile at the lady who gives me my order.

 

"Is your garden open yet?" I ask.

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

I always liked gardens. They make me relax and think clear for some reason. I sip on my coffee and walk in the garden but almost choke to what I just saw. I tighten my hold to my cup as I take a step backward before I fall because my knees are melting.

 

"Come on, Harry. We both know you liked that kiss."

 

I press my lips together as my eyes starts to produce tears. I slowly turn my back on their kissing scene and quietly make my way out of the garden but then he yells my name. That's my cue to run away. He saw me. Shit. I put my coffee on the random table before I run away from him.

 

I got this. I'm good at this. Pretending like nothing happened. I've been doing it for a week, I can do it for a month or for years. I don't care. But right now I have to let this out. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to explode.

 

He's so close to me. I can feel him and his voice is getting louder. I run faster away from him until I reach my door. I fumble my keys with my shaking hands as I try to shove the key inside the hole. My tears falls faster as my hear beats louder when I see his figure running towards me.

 

I almost scream and push him when he touches my arm. My sob escapes as I push open the door. I try to close it quickly but he's pushing the door. I can't see clear but his blurred figure because of my eyes welling up with tears.

 

"Harry. Please." I bite my lower lip, trying to control my cries. My shoulders shakes. "Just leave me alone."

 

"No. No. We have to talk. Let me in. Please," he pleads with his shaking voice.

 

I shake my head even though he can't see me. He pleads again and pushes the door more. I'm shaking so bad that I can't even stand properly. My head hurts so is my chest. It's suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I scream and tug my hair in frustration before I walk away from the door.

 

I quickly rush to my room but he's quick to grab my arm and gently lead me to my room. He closes the door and I walk to the bathroom but he blocks my way.

 

Tell me I'm such a coward but I don't wanna talk to him. I look up at him, barely seeing his green eyes but I can see his lips trembling. He takes in a deep breath but stops before cussing under his breath. "What.. w-what happened to your arms and.. cheek?"

 

I gasp at the touch when he wipes my tears as I step backwards. His mouth falls open not expecting me to react like that. I shake my head.

 

"Twice.." I whisper breaking out a sob. "Twice is enough, Harry." I look away, biting my lower lip before shutting my eyes. "You kissed her twice and I saw it!" I snap my head at him. "I fucking saw it!"

 

I cough before bursting back into tears. "I saw it. I was there. What were you doing in her room? In her bed? I knew you were in a club but I think you forgot to tell me that you had someone with you. She was kissing you and you were kissing her back!"

 

"Let me explain!"

 

"She was on your top! You two were kissing. Now what? Yes, I was the one who closed the door. I asked Yohanne to speak for me to say he was sorry to enter the room. What happened? Did something happen? You tell me!"

 

"I was- I didn't.. oh god. Nothing happened, I swear to God," he sniffs as he holds my hand. I gently tug my hand and step back. "I thought it was you-"

I laugh.

 

"I was drunk! She was dressed like you do. She drove us there. But I swear, the moment she hold my hand as she kissed me, I know it wasn't you. I pushed her away. I went home. I.. I.. her lips are full unlike yours. It's thin and perfectly molds with mine. She's not you."

 

His voice is shaking and he's talking too fast. He's nervous and I know it. "She texted me earlier. Saying she wanted to make things right. She kissed me. I pushed her away. Nathalie, I won't kiss anyone if it's not you! Please, believe me!" My eyes widens in horror as I hear his sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

 

"Am I.. am I.. hurting you?"

 

He shakes his head and steps closer. "I deserve all of it. I'm hurting because you're hurting because of me. It hurts to see you crying. It hurts to hear your sobs. I only want you happy, Nathalie."

 

He looks straight in my eyes before wiping my tears but they continue to flow. My heart sinks as I see his tears flowing down his cheeks. I caused it. No.

 

"Slap me. Hurt me," he cries and closes his eyes. "I deserve all of it."

 

My mouth hangs open and I close it again. I look at him in shock trying to understand what he just said. I cover my mouth with my hands as I cry silently, blocking my sobs. He's biting his lower lip, closing his eyes, crying infront of me.

 

But instead of slapping him, I raise my hand. I hesitantly cup his cheek before wiping his tears using my thumb. His eyes flies open and looks at me with wide eyes. My lower lip trembles as I take in his features. His eyes filled with tears looking down at me.

 

"I promised not to hurt you, Harry," my voice cracks. "I promised."

 

I remember when I talked to Paul. He made me promise not to hurt Harry. I don't wanna hurt him even though I'm broken. It's better for me to be broken than him. Seeing him hurt and sad will make the whole world upset.

 

"And I will never hurt you," I smile, sobbing. "Because I love you, okay?" My cold hand starts to get weak and it falls down to his shoulder. I lean to his chest, crying harder. "Hurt me wherever you want. Hurt me in everyway you want. Hurt me everytime you want. Hurt me as much as you want but I.. will never hurt you. Because I can't. I just love you so much and it hurts."

 

I burst into tears and clamp my mouth but my cries just echoes around my silent room. My knees gives up and I fall on the floor. "Harry, it hurts."

 

-

I smile and he drops the call. I take in a deep breath as I clutch my phone on my side before walking at the living room. I slump on the couch and scroll through my Twitter.

 

Everything is going well. We gave ourselves a break before talking and reconciling. Harry and I talked seriously, privately and sincerely. We figured things out. It's not that I easily forgave him but he had an explanation. And I love him. I think that's enough reason.

 

I still haven't heard anything from Yngrid. As possible as it can I don't wanna see her or even hear her name. Alice told me when Nathan came home from hospital. He was fine. He just needed to be monitored for days and rest and then he went back to work again when his doctor finally allowed him to.

 

I visited him though. When he was in his house, resting. Of course I made sure Yngrid wasn't there. Yna missed me because I was in my house for days, trying to clear up my mind. I made him a soup and Yna fed him. We just asked each other if we were both fine and that was it.

 

You can't expect me to be sweet to him so quickly. It takes time and I'm taking my time.

 

Harry. We're okay. But it kinda annoy and worry me when he treats me like I'm so fragile that I shouldn't be hurt. He became paranoid. He's always asking me things if it's fine with me or not. He always asks for my approval. I don't like it. I want him to decide on his own. He has his own decision and I should mind my own business but it seems like he wants me to decide for him because he thinks if he does something wrong, I will break.

 

He told me he's scared to lose me. I am too. Don't we all though? We're all scared to lose someone we love so much. Whom we love so much that it came to the point it hurts? Like you wouldn't know what you'll do if they're already gone. It's like you're back to zero. You have to start all over again to go to the next level.

 

Life is just trial and error. If you fail, you go back to the start but the things is don't give up. Just try and try until you get the right answer, the right way, the right thing.. the right person. You will not succeed if you will just give up. You will not succeed if all you can do is to wait. You have to move to get there.

 

A sudden knock brought me back to Earth. I straighten my white shirt and open the door only just to be knocked out by two boys. Their laughs and voices booms into my ear making me wince but laugh afterwards. Liam and Zayn are smiling behind Harry. Harry which is, of course, flashing his adorable dimples.

 

*

 

"What are these for, Nate?" Liam asks, looking at the albums and DVD's.

 

"Oh," I turn my attention to them. I point at the five Sharpie's on the coffee table. "You're gonna sign it all for me." I smile sweetly. I bite the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from grinning when their eyes widens as their jaw drops. "And.. you can't say no."

 

"And why not?" Zayn asks, picking up a Sharpie and snatching the Up All Night album in Liam's hand. He takes off the cap using his teeth before scribbling.

 

"Uh. Treat them as your birthday gift to me."

 

A small smile graces on my lips. Niall picks up a Sharpie then slumps on the floor and starts to sign the pillow. Louis stands up from Harry's lap and grabs the This Is Us DVD before sitting next to me.

 

"When is your birthday, darling?" Louis asks, not looking at me because he's signing my DVD.

 

"Tomorrow."

 

"You didn't tell me," Harry sadly says, putting his chin on my knees while he's sitting on the floor, holding a book.

 

"I.. don't celebrate," I laugh dryly.

 

"Why not?" Liam says like it's the weirdest thing he has ever heard. "We have to celebrate your birthday!"

 

I shrug, looking down at Harry and running my fingers through his hair. He's looking at me with wide eyes. I smile at him to give him an assurance that I'm just fine. I already know it if he's thinking too much. I don't want him to worry. He kisses my knees.

 

"She's dying.. Hannah is dying," he states. "But she doesn't want to tell anyone. She's keeping it to herself. No one knows. That's sad."

 

"Understand her situation, Harry. She doesn't want the people around her to be worried about her every time."

 

"But that's- that's selfish," he whines.

 

"How come? All she did is for them, not for herself. She's selfless, that's why it's sad. She loves people around her so much that no love for herself is left."

 

"She should tell them."

 

"Tell her to do that," I chuckle. "Why would she? For everyone to worry? To pity her? She doesn't want pity, Harry. No one does."

 

"I can't tell her what to do," he rolls his eyes before sighing and burying his face at the swallow of my bent knees. "That book is really beautiful. It made me realize too many things."

 

"What book?" Louis asks suddenly. "Give me a copy? Or I'll just buy?"

 

"I can give you one later. For free," I smile and the other boys wants a copy too. I told them I'll give them all a copy and Louis joins the other boys on the floor to sign my things while Harry makes himself comfortable hiding his face on my knees.

 

-

 

Harry asked me out for a dinner tonight. I decided to tell him about myself that I still haven't told him because it's complicated. I'm quite nervous because I don't know what his reaction will be like. But I think he'll stay with me. For what I've told him before about my past, right? He'll accept me still. I hope he will.

 

We had a little party at Niall's garden. They decorated it with some lights. It's just the five of them, some of their friends, Chaos and I. It's fun and I didn't drink too much because I know I couldn't take so many alcohol or I'll pass out.

 

"You okay?" I ask Harry as I squeeze his hand.

 

He's sweating as soon as we got out of his car. He's holding my hand so tight that it almost feel like a grip. He keeps on taking deep breaths and it looks like he has an asthma. His hands are so cold.

 

He smiles, "Yes, baby." He nods. "And you? You seem tensed."

 

"I'm okay too," I say with a small voice.

 

We continue to walk until we reach the end of the hallway. He opens the door and darkness greets me. As he closes the door, there's no source of light and I'm suddenly blind but at the count of three, the lights starts to open.

 

It looks like a candlelit dinner but the supposed to be candles inside the glasses are just small light bulbs. I smile. He hugs me from behind, kissing my nape before putting his head against my shoulder.

 

"Happy Birthday," he gently greets.

 

"Thank you."

 

I feel his hear beat accelerating as the time goes by. He holds my hand, gently leading me to the table. He gives me a white rose which I gladly accepted. He walks away to sit across from me. I'm glad it's too dark for him to notice how much I'm blushing.

 

"Can you- Can you.. uh, sit next to me? Your chair is too far. It's just the two of us in here."

 

He smiles and nods frantically, "S-sure, sure."

 

The dinner was surprisingly quiet but it wasn't awkward. It felt like it was full of tension that I couldn't breathe properly. Before we got out of the room, he kissed me with so much passion. I never felt it before. It felt like he's trying to feel the moment and I felt it. It made my lips swollen. He drives me home while he takes a call and I play with the stem of the rose. I take off my seat belt and get out of his car. He follows me but with his head down.

 

"Harry, are you sure you're okay?" I worriedly asks before opening the door. It's almost midnight and all I can here is the dead silent and his heavy breathing which matches mine. I still have to tell him something. "You're not okay."

 

He slowly looks up at me. He opens his mouth to speak but a croak escapes from his mouth. He clears his throat before looking at our feet.

 

"I have to tell you something."

His voice sounds deeper than it usually is. Me too, Harry. I have something to tell but I think yours is more important. I swallow, preparing myself. He keeps his head down and I close my eyes. He's not even saying anything and yet I can feel myself breaking.

 

"I'm.." his voice shakes. "I'm.."

 

"Go on," I croak. "You can do it."

 

I hear him take in a sharp breath. "I'm breaking up with you.

 

My mouth automatically parts. I drop the rose. My heart sinks. My stomach turns. The words left his mouth like a ghost. It was almost a whisper but I heard it so loud. So loud that even my heart heard it and it's breaking me into pieces because of the noise.

 

"O-okay," I gasp before opening my eyes. My eyes are welling up with tears. He looks up at me and I lost my control over my tears when I saw his tears falling down his cheeks. I nod, laughing. "It's okay, Harry."

 

It's okay. Maybe he got tired of everything. Maybe he got tired of my dramas and shits. Maybe he couldn't take it anymore because it's all too much. And they're right. The time will come he'll leave me. And that time is tonight. I hate nightmares but the scary thing is this is not a nightmare. This is real.

 

I reach for his face to wipe his tears with my shaking hands. "Don't cry." My tears continue to flow. "It's okay. Don't worry. You'll be fine."

 

I gasp, breaking out a sob and clamping my mouth. He lunges himself to me, pulling me to his chest. He sobs right next to my ear.

 

"Thank you for everything, Harry. You showed me the beautiful side of life," I sob. "Don't ever forget that I love you so much."

 

"I  _am_ really sorry," he sobs.

 

" still be here.. supporting you.. you guys. That will never change." I chuckle. "It's a promise. Once a fan, always a fan."

 

"I'm sorry. Sorry.. sorry, Nate."

 

"And now you have to let go, Harry.  _We_  have to let go.. and I'm sorry."


	48. Chapter 48

Harry wakes up with a throbbing head. He grunts in his sleep and turns on his bed until it hits him- he remembers what happened the night before. He broke her heart, he went to the bar, and he drank all the drinks he saw. He didn't even know how he managed to get home.

He takes off the pillow on his head, throwing it to his side and looking up at the ceiling. He feels empty. He feels like something inside him is now gone- which is true though. He knows deep down inside him that he's now incomplete. He left the woman who he loves the most. And that's all because of stupidest reason.

"Get up."

His eyes move to the small boy in front of him. His soft fringe is falling over his blue eyes but he's frowning. No good morning? Well, what's good in morning? There's no good in it. Nothing anymore.

He just sighs before closing his eyes again. He doesn't feel like moving at all. It's like he lost all his energy the night before. He was the one who left her but why does it feel like she took everything he had?

"Come on." He simply shakes his head. He feels the side of the bed moves. Louis is sitting next to him. "Why did you drink?" He keeps his mouth shut. "They're coming here."

"They don't have to. You don't have to be here."

"Did you two fight?"

He swallows, keeping his eyes close. There's no difference even if he opens his eyes. All he will see is darkness. His eyes are open but he won't find the light that will make him see the beauty of the world. No one's going to be there to flash her beautiful smile. He won't hear her laugh anymore because she's not with him. He fucking left her.

"You can talk to me about it. You know it, Harry."

"Can you just hug me?" Harry asks, faintly opening his eyes and looking up at Louis. He smiles sadly, wiping Harry's tears using his thumb before leaning down and hugging him. Harry hugs him back and closes his eyes. "I'm so stupid, Louis."

"I figured," he mumbles against Harry's neck. "I don't like your smell. Take a shower after this cuddle, will you?" Harry chuckles, nodding. "What did you do, love? I'm willing to listen. You know I won't judge you."

"I lost my own light..."

"I swear I saw it on the ceiling."

A small smile graces on Harry's lips.  _Why is Louis like this?_ He thought. Louis always makes him feel better when he's sad. He's always there to cheer him up. He's always there for the other boys if ever they need someone to talk to. He's always the one to lighten up everything when it feels like everything is falling down. He makes life easier than it looks like and Harry is so happy to have him.

But Harry bursts into tears as his smile disappears.

Louis' heart immediately sinks. Harry shouldn't cry. He's everyone's baby even if he doesn't want to be their baby. They always protect Harry not just because he's the youngest one but because he's so precious. They don't want him to be hurt because it hurts them too. Especially when they hear him sobs.

"This is the first time I feel like this," he whimpers. "My heart hurts so much. It feels like someone is ripping it apart."

Louis keeps silent and stays hugging his baby. He lets Harry cry his heart out because he needs it. He needs to let out all the pain and all the emotions he's feeling. It will hurt more if he'll just keep it to himself.

The three other boys come into the room with Harry and Louis in that position. Louis' head on Harry's neck while Harry has his eyes closed but his right arm is wrapped around Louis' shoulder, like he's asking for some support and comfort.

"What happened?" Zayn asks worriedly, sitting next to Liam on the sofa. "Louis called us."

Liam is just curiously and worriedly looking at the curly boy lying on the bed with a small Louis in his arms using him as his comfort. Liam tries to hide his smile because Louis is just the best. And he loves Louis and Harry's relationship since the start.

Niall, however, is just standing at the door frame, looking everywhere but Harry. He has his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the door frame. His brows are furrowed and lips pressed together. "Did he tell you what happened?"

"No," Louis softly answers, trying to calm Harry down.

"Want me to?" Niall raises his brow.

The two boys on the couch look at the annoyed man at the door frame. Louis freezes on his spot, so does Harry. Louis pulls out, looking up at Harry. His eyes are wide open, looking directly at Niall. Louis gets up from the bed, fixing his gaze to Niall.

"What do you mean?" Liam asks.

"I know what happened," Niall answers but his voice shakes. He blinks rapidly to make his tears vanish but he fails. A tear falls and he quickly wipes it away. Liam is about to stand but Zayn holds his arms and shakes his head. Liam looks sadly at Niall. If Harry is Louis' baby, Niall is Liam's baby and his baby is crying. "Harry, tell them."

"How did you know?" Harry asks, softly sobbing but his tears are still falling. He sits up on the bed. "She told you?"

"No, why would she?" Niall laughs dryly. "Why did you do that? I don't get you. You love her too much and- and-" his lower lip trembles.

"I broke up with her," Harry admits with a small voice. Louis gasps. Liam freezes. Zayn exclaims a  _what_. And Niall, Niall walks out. "Why is he so affected? I was the boyfriend!" he cries. "I'm hurt too!"

"He.. he just loved Nate. You know how much," Louis shushes.

"I love her too! You know how much!"

"Excuse me," Liam says, following Niall. He found Niall on the kitchen, sitting on the counter with his hand in his hair. "Niall.." Niall jolts up from his seat, wiping his tears. He gives Liam a curt nod. "Why are you crying?"

"Everything is fucked up."

"Why are you so affected-?"

"And you are not?" Niall says, offended. "Liam, she became my best friend too! I love her- not romantically but I treat her as my sister. I treat Harry as my brother and I'm hurt because they're hurting each other!"

"You shouldn't let this ruin us, Niall."

"She's not ruining us! You don't know where I'm coming from!" he cries in frustration. "You weren't there last night. You- you-" Niall shakes his head, bursting into tears. "I was-"

"Can you tell me what happened?" Liam asks, swallowing thickly because of how much Niall is crying. "Being hurt is normal, Niall."

"Dickhead, I know," Niall chokes. "They're both hurting. It's awful to see Harry crying-"

"You are too."

"-and it's horrible to watch Nate cry. I hate it. I wish they can go back, when they were happy. Smiling and laughing."

"I'm afraid, they can't."

Niall nods, wiping his tears again. "I can say Harry is better than Nate."

Liam looks confused at Niall. His heart beat accelerates. Harry isn't taking it well so what more when it comes to Nate? What happened? "What do you mean, Niall?"

Niall's eyes starts to well up in tears again. He shakes his head, standing up off the chair and walking towards the door. "She's not taking it well. I swear she doesn't. But don't tell him, he already has own things to think about."

"What do you mean?" Liam repeats, making his way towards Niall but Niall just smiles sadly and walks out the door before Liam can even come close to him.

Meanwhile, while Niall and Liam are talking in the kitchen, Harry is hysterical. His cry echoes in the four corners of his room. Louis keeps his own hands between his thighs, still confused of what happened. Zayn is just observing but deep inside him he wants to tell Harry to talk. He needs to talk for them to understand him.

Liam slowly comes into the room, looking hesitantly at the three boys. He sighs, "Niall left." He swallows thickly, controlling his tongue not to say too much. Harry shakes his head, running his palm over his face. "Harry, can you tell us what really happened?"

"I broke up with her, okay?!" he snaps as he stands up straight and marches to the bathroom, slamming the door.

Liam turns to Louis, who is fidgeting his fingers. "Look after him."

"Me? Why me?" Louis asks, looking between Zayn and Liam. "He's not gonna say anything. He's closing hims-"

"That's why you should look after him. Don't let him distance himself. You are capable of doing that, especially to him, Louis. You know it. You know how to cheer him up and at least make him feel okay. We're all counting on you."

"I feel like everything is falling apart," Zayn mutters. "Not us, though, but him. Can't you see? He's breaking." Zayn bites his lower lip, leaning back at the sofa. "Are you guys, stupid or what? Heartbreak can break a person. That's why it's called heartbreak. And you know how bitchy heartbreak could be."

They all know. And this just means that Harry really loves Nate that he's hurting so much. That he's wasting his tears over a fan that became his girlfriend and made his life brighter than anyone could ever imagine. He never cried over a break up but Nate's. She's really something.

-

Harry bites on his finger as he sends the message to Nathalie. He thinks he should talk to her to clear things up. If ever, he wants to go back. If she still wants him, he will do everything to make them back together.

It's been three days and he can't still sleep properly. It's been three days and he can't still survive a day without crying. He's glad the boys are with him and entertain him. Him and Niall are okay. Niall seems busy last two days and Harry really appreciates that even though Niall was busy, he's still wasting his time on Harry.

He almost throws his phone out of the window when he finally sees the message. He reads it as many times as he could to know if it's real. He screams so loud that makes Louis run to his room in a second.

"What happened?" Louis breathes, alarmed. He spots Harry sitting on bed, holding his phone, biting on his finger. "Harry?"

Harry slowly turns to Louis, tears on his eyes but this time he's smiling and his dimples are showing. Louis immediately smiles, walking closer to Harry and sitting next to him. He looks at those green eyes filled with so much hope.

"Hmm?" Louis asks with a smile on his face.

"She said yes," Harry whispers happily before closing his eyes with a big smile on his face and enveloping Louis in his arms. "We're going to talk later, Louis."

.

Harry picked the place and he wants it to be private so he told her to meet him at the garden where they can talk properly. His hands are cold as his shoes steps on the green grass. He looks around, swallowing hard but his heart drops when he sees a silhouette of a man sitting on a nearby bench. No Nathalie. There's no Nate in here! He marches towards Chaos and clears his throat to catch his attention.

Chaos slowly turns to him and it surprises Harry to see how stressed Chaos is. He has black circles under his eyes and it seems like he just cried. His hair is not in its usual style, it's soft and falling over his eyes. Chaos brown eyes turn into a cold one.

"Where's Nathalie?" Harry asks, containing his anger. His hands are now balled into fists on the both side of him. He just wants to see his girl! Is that too much to ask? He thinks he's going crazy if he won't see her which is insane.

Chaos scoffs, shaking his head. "You think I will tell you?" He stands up to his seat, glaring at him. "I have her phone. I was the one who texted you—"

He lunges himself to Chaos but Chaos pushes him away. Chaos straightens his shirt and tugs his hoodie closer to him.

"How dare you!" Harry shouts. "I just want to see her and you tricked me!"

"And that's worse than what you did?" Chaos says tauntingly. "Come to think of it,  _Styles_. The whole world thinks you're such a sweetheart and won't even hurt an ant. Plot twist, you're not."

"Is this all about out break-up?"

"NOT AT ALL!" He keeps his eyes on Chaos while Chaos paces back and forth, rubbing his temple. And then he stops, pointing his index finger at Harry. "Fuck you! I fucking hate you. Do you know what you did, huh?"

"You're worse than his dad! You're worse than Heave! You are the fucking worst!" Without a warning, Chaos throws a punch on Harry's nose making Harry step backwards and then he aggressively grabs his collar. "You broke up with her. When? IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY! How cruel are you!? And do you even know why she doesn't celebrate her birthday? DO YOU?"

"No," Harry mumbles, gripping Chaos arms. His tears forming as he remembers the night he told her that they're over. He can feel the blood dripping down his nose and he can already taste some metallic shit in his tongue. "I don't..."

"Her mom died on her birthday!" Chaos knuckles hits his left cheek, not even bothering on letting him go. Harry only grunts. He deserves this, Harry thought. The pain is nothing compared to his heart. He couldn't imagine how Nathalie was that night. He's a horrible person.

"And guess what? Your fucking whore hurt my best friend! SHE FUCKING MADE HER BLEED! FUCK HER!"

Chaos holds Harry's shoulder and squishes his face with his hand. Chaos jaw is clenching and it looks like he's ready to kill. Harry meets Chaos' burning eyes and the anger is directly at him. He caused all of this and he deserves all the pain. He deserves to be beaten. He deserves to be gone.

"Tell me. Did you tell Yngrid to do that to Nathalie? Did you tell her to throw raw and boiled eggs to Nathalie? DID YOU TELL HER TO MADE NATE BLEED AND UNCONSCIOUS? DID YOU!?"

"I FUCKING DIDN'T!" Harry snaps, pushing him and throwing a punch back. It hit Chaos' left eye as he curses under his breath. "I love her so much! I didn't mean to hurt her—"

"You broke up with her, fucker! How come you didn't mean that?"

"—you don't know how much I love her! I'm here to make everything okay."

"You can't do that anymore, bastard! Everything is a mess right now because of your stupid decision! You let the loveliest girl I've ever known. She's everything, Harry. How fucking could you?" Chaos breathes. His voice becomes soft as he finishes his sentence.

They fall silent for a while. Chaos is wiping his own blood while Harry keeps his flow. He keeps his stare on Chaos like he has the key; he has the key to know where Nathalie is. He wants to know where she is. He wants to know if she's okay or not. He just wants to hug her.

He just wants to see her smile.

"Where is she, Chaos?" he weakly asks, looking down at his feet. "Is she fine?"

"No she's not," Chaos quickly answers.

Surprisingly, they both calm down. They are just standing there panting and maybe, thinking about the same thing—same person.  Harry is looking down at the grass and Chaos is looking up the sky.

"And after what you did, everything falls apart for her." His voice sounds deeper. He sounds hurt and worried at the same time and it makes Harry's hand go colder. "I won't tell you anything that will make you feel good. I will just tell you the truth and let you analyze things on your own. I think you have to know what is happening because it's your fault actually," Chaos chuckles dryly.

"Okay," he closes his eyes, preparing himself.

He doesn't know what happened these past three days. He spent the day in his room—in his house. He always cried because he always felt his heart empty. He always cried because every time he stretched his arms out, there was no Nathalie laying there for him to hold. He always cried because she's gone. He cried because he let her go.

He wants to know what Nathalie has been through. He wants to know if she cried like him. He wants to know how she is even though it's scaring the shit out of him. It's scary to know.

"Seeing her cry is not a good sight and definitely not good to hear. It's my first time to see her like that, struggling—breaking... and it's all because she loves you so much but you chose to leave her.

"That's all she wants. She wants people to stay by her side if they promised to. That was the reason why she was so hurt when Heave decided to leave. Because he promised to be there beside her all the time; that he won't leave her no matter what happen. But he broke his promise and it broke her."

"Did you promise to her the same thing? I know you did. You promised to be there; you promised not to leave; you promised not to hurt her but you broke it too. She hold on to promises so tight but people broke it, people who she loves so much broke it and that's why it hurts more."

"I'm afraid to say something to her, I'm afraid to commit a promise to her because I know she would hold on to it until the day she died. That's how promises are for her. She doesn't believe that promises are made to be broken. Fuck, she even believes in destiny. But she doesn't believe she's worthy. She doesn't believe she's beautiful and important and it kills me to see that." Chaos sniffles. Harry shut his eyes tighter because he can feel his tears. "She's fragile, Harry. It feels like if you lay a finger on her, she will break. That is true, though. She was fragile since she was a kid until now. That's why I'm here for her, that's why I'm here to save her when no one else will."

"You love her, don't you? I know you do, Harry. But why did you let her go? Why did you break her heart? Why the fuck did you hurt her!"

That's it. Chaos bursts into tears. He keeps his eyes closed because he doesn't wanna see everything. He doesn't wanna see how much Chaos loves Nathalie, so much that it hurts him to see her breaking because of her. It's scary, it hurts.

"Open your eyes and tell me why!" Harry snaps his eyes open and his tears immediately falls down his face. He meets Chaos brown eyes full of emotion and his face is also filled with tears. "Tell me!"

He chokes in his own words. He looks away and closes his eyes remembering the night Nathalie asked him something and he didn't even bother to answer it because he knew it wouldn't happen but it did.

_"Harry, can you promise me something?"_

_"It depends," he says, playing with her hair. She's lying on the sofa with her head on Harry's lap. They are both watching some sappy movies when she suddenly talks._

_"Can you?"_

_"Depends."_

_"Promise..." she flicks her eyes to Harry. Harry stops playing with her hair and looks down at her. There is something in her eyes and he can't tell what it is. "Harry, promise me."_

_He sighs, nodding. He kisses her forehead and looks straight into her eyes. "I promise, Ricafort."_

_She smiles tenderly and plays with Harry's cross necklace. Harry starts to run his fingers through her hair. "If ever the time will come you have to choose between me and your career—the fans—choose them. They love you more than anything."_

_His hand already stopped in the middle of her sentence. They fall silent and the only thing he could hear is her steady breathing. She's not even nervous and sad. She said it with a comforting small smile on her face._

_"You know what, let's go to sleep," he decides._

_He gets up from the sofa and goes towards the room but he could still hear Nathalie's giggle. "You promised, idiot!"_

"She gave all of her to you, Harry. And you took everything away from her! You made her weak,  _so_ weak. It's like she's back to zero again but worse. She wasn't even like this when her mom died. She just cried the first day and then she hide everything. She's weak but she can be strong if she wants to. But we all know that she's not that strong. She needs someone to support her. She fucking needs  _someone_." Chaos tries to silent down his sobs and somehow, he can. "And I'm willing to be that someone when nobody decides not to."

He fills like his mind and heart will explode any second for things he's hearing. It's too much for him to take in but he knows he has to. He has to know what she's feeling. He has to know because he loves her so much."

"She refused to take her bracelet off— yes, the one you gave to her. She said even though she's not owned by you anymore she's still going to wear it because she knows something worse will happen if she takes that off."

Harry gasps and sob escapes from his mouth. He remembers the reason why he gave that bracelet to her. He puts his face in his hands.

_"This would remind you that I love you every time you think of hurting yourself again. Every time you try to hurt yourself, you'll see this. And you'd think of me and not do it again. Again, because... I love you."_

"Masochist little shit." Chaos laughs dryly, wiping the tears at the corner of his eyes. "You would be glad you weren't there when she was unconscious and bleeding," his voice breaks. Harry freezes and his mouth hangs open. He doesn't care if he looks shit but what did he just hear?

His hand falls to his side and he swallows thickly. He looks at Chaos trying to listen.

"I was with Niall when we decided to visit her to bring her at least an ice cream because it was her birthday but we saw her lying on the floor when we went in her house. There were so many egg yolks and egg shells around. She was covered with egg yolks— I would laugh but not that time— her forehead had an open wound and it was bleeding terribly. Yngrid was crying at the corner not even touching her. I was so mad." Chaos blinks rapidly and he notices that his hands are shaking. "Yngrid said she heard you broke up with her that's why she was so mad."

"We brought her to hospital. She hates hospital, do you know?" Harry shakes his head. "I knew she would be mad because we brought her there. She believes hospital doesn't make people okay. It only makes people worse. And most of the time, people inside the hospitals die."

"Is she fine now?" he hopefully asks.

"I don't know," Chaos whispers.

His eyes widens in confusion as he presses his lips together. There's something they both don't know. Chaos looks up the sky and smiles sadly as his tears fall down again. "She loves the sky when it has so many stars like this."

He slowly looks up and sees lots of stars twinkling in the dark blue sky. He wonders why he never took her for stargazing. Stupid.

"I hope she's fine. Glad for you, you have your band mates. But what about her? I'm not with her," Chaos lips shake. "No one's gonna be there. No one's gonna hold her when she wants to be hold."

"What are you talking about?"

He feels his heart just goes up to his throat and harder to swallow than before. His nails digging to Chaos' skin but they both don't care. Chaos shakes his head and gets off Harry's hold.

"I'm done here, Harry." He starts to walk away. "If ever you have some question might as well ask Nathan. He knows most of the things."


	49. Chapter 49

After that talk with Chaos, Harry looked dumbfounded while looking at the exit where Chaos left. Without even thinking, he immediately went to Nathan's house even though he wasn't sure if Yngrid was there. He's still mad at her for what she did to Nathalie. Why would she do that to her sister? Somehow he knows he has to talk to her seriously.

However, he was greeted by another punch from Nathan that he thinks already broke his nose. Alice cleaned his cuts and offered him a tea. She reminded him not to get Nathan mad because it's bad for his heart and he just almost got out from the hospital. After their small talk, she escorted him to Nathan's office.

"Can I ask, why are you still here?" Nathan asks, furrowing his brows. "You should've left the minute I punched you."

"I.. uh, I want to ask you something."

"Me too. I have lots of things to ask but I don't want to talk to you." Harry just stares at him with wide eyes, still scared to talk and even move. He's now sitting on the chair while Nathan is behind the desk. Nathan rolls his eyes, sighing irritably. "Okay, go on. What do you want from me?"

Harry clears his throat, "Chaos told me something about Nathalie. Can I ask what's really happening?"

"Why do you care? You broke up with my daughter. You hurt her, did you forget already? It happened on her birthday.." his voice softens. "On her worst day."

"I'm sorry."

"Your sorry won't change a thing. The damage has been done. You can't get back. You hurt her. You did this to her. And now what do you want? Do you what is happening? Do you want to know what did you do to her?" Nathan eyes send dagger to him making him break the eye contact and swallows. "I don't know where she is. She left- She left and I don't know where she go."

Harry's eyes widens at his words.  _What?_ He looks back at Nathan and now he's leaning back against his seat with his eyes on the ceiling. Harry's mouth is hanging open while trying to absorb things. This is all too much for one night. What the fuck is happening?

"She talked to me. She went straight to me the day she was released from the hospital. She cried in front of me, Harry. I should be happy she hugged me and called me  _dad_. I've been waiting for so long for her to call me her father," Nathan smiles sadly. "But her mind was made. She apologized to me and said her goodbye. I asked her where she was going but she refused to tell because she wants to be hidden for a while."

It can't happen. She-she doesn't have to leave, Harry thought.

Nathan stands up from his seat, walking towards the small cabinet and grabbing a large box with a green wrapper. "She promised to come back. I know she will," he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. "She keeps promises. And if you want her back in your life, you should trust her words. You should believe she will come back." He gently puts the box on the desk and pushes it closer to Harry. "This is for you. She gave it to me to give to you. Everyone has their own gifts."

It seems like Harry's voice suddenly fades that he can't even speak. He's shocked and doesn't know how to react. All he feels is emptiness and pain. She's that hurt that's why she left. She's hurting so much. He hurts her so much.

.

Harry goes home while spacing out. He almost spends half an hour just sitting inside his car and playing at the bow of his gift. He reads the note again on the small piece of paper and a smile instantly creeps on his face.

_Idiot, don't forget to smile ;)_

He keeps the note inside the pocket of his jeans and looks at the sky from his car. He sighs, "But are you even smiling right now, Nathalie?"

-

He slumps on the floor of his bedroom, looking blankly at the large box. Louis is surprisingly locked in the other room. He decides to open it and as soon as he takes off the cover of the box, a black and white candid of him appears. It's in an A4 frame. He was sitting at the balcony, heads up with his eyes closed and a little smile on his face. His hair was messy as it flows down his shoulders.

He wasn't really looking good at that moment but the way she captured it was perfect. He takes a moment to touch the frame and smile in awe but the pain in his heart is back. He sets the frame next to him and looks inside the box for more.

A sketchpad.

He flips it open. A face of a man greets him with a big smile that dimples are invisible on his cheek. The crinkles by his eyes cause of smiling so big. And under the beautiful sketch is Nathalie's signature with a short note.

_Smile, Harry x_

The sketchpad is full of him. His face, his expression and his emotion... all of him. Smiling, laughing, frowning, spacing out, eating and sleeping. How can she do that? Below the sketch of him sleeping is a cute note. He caresses the note.

_This is not creepy at all. You look cute sleeping. Figured I should draw you. Ta-da! Haha._

He remembers when he woke up that day she was playing with her pencil and her sketchpad was on her lap, acting so innocent. She was biting at the end of her pencil. He continues to flip the pages until he's crying with smile on his face.

It took him one hour to finish looking at the sketchpad. All of the things are there. His face when he was lying on her lap when they were out for the picnic, when he showed up in front of her door, when they were eating donuts, when they were running. The exactly view of them at the top of London Eye.

And when he said he loves her.

All of it was recorded. And every sketch has its own note which makes him more emotional than he already is. His heart clenches and he almost chokes. His heart pounds harder in his chest as he sees a disc. He doesn't waste any minute to put it in his laptop. He swallows and looks at the screen with wide eyes, waiting for it to play.

He hears a noise. He hears a strum of guitar.

And that's when black starts to produce images but he frowns when he can't see his face. It hurts him that even in a video he still can't see him? Why is she so hard to reach! The camera was angled at the floor that the only thing you can see is from her shoulders down to her feet.

She was holding a guitar while sitting crossed-legs on the floor. He closes his eyes imagining she's just in front of him. Dammit, it hurts! Shit, he misses her so much.

_"Hi."_

"Hi," he answers, voice shaking. "I want to hear your voice. Please keep talking."

_"I miss you," she smiles, looking down at her guitar. "It's been a day since you know... I hope you're doing fine."_

"I hope you did and still do too."

_"Please, Harry. Be fine."_

"Okay, stupid," he chuckles and then tears starts to flow. "Okay."

_"Uh. I'm not saying good bye because I'm leaving. Might as well, see you soon because I'm coming back. If you're wondering why, yes, because of you. I still love you, Harry. That will never change," she smiles. "So, I don't really like singing in front of someone but I think you are an exception. I'm not even nervous, what the fuck."_

Everything becomes silent and all he can hear is the strum of her guitar. How come it touches his heart and makes it hurt even more. How can her music make him feel okay yet cause him more pain? Damn.

_"Loving can hurt. Loving can hurt sometimes. But it's the only thing that I know."_

He remembers the first time he saw her at the airport. Her eyes were so wide and she was so pale. She looked nervous. He almost laughed when she was reaching for her best friend's hands but they were already away. He wouldn't forget the way he could feel her pulse was quickening and the reason was because of him, holding her close.

_"We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves. Where are eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, time's forever frozen still."_

He has their pictures together taken from the Ferris wheel on his mirror in his house. He sent the pictures to his mum because Gemma liked to have it and he laughed when Gemma told him that his mum framed one of the pictures.

He has this whole photo album that have Nathalie's candid pictures. He took it secretly without her noticing it. Usually she was just staring out of nowhere. They almost do the same thing but the difference is his are pictures while hers are sketches. And he will keep it forever.

_"I swear it will get easier. Remember that with every piece of you. And it's the only thing we take with us when we die."_

Her voice always gives him shivers but now it also brings him to tears. He gasps, taking in a deep breath as he feels his heart sinking. His stomach is turning and he feels throwing up the snack he ate.

_"So you can keep me inside the pocket of you ripped jeans, holding me closer 'til our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone."_

His eyes flies open when she stops. Her hand starts to shake but after a few seconds and a deep breathe, she continues and he keeps his eyes open looking at her fingers.

_"And if you hurt me, well that's okay baby only words bleed. And I won't ever let you go. Wait for me to come home."_

He releases the sobs he was blocking and buries his face in his hands. He just couldn't take it. It hurts so much especially when he hears her sniffling. "I'm sorry, Nathalie."

_"When I'm away," her voice was already shaking. She was so close to tears. "I will remember how you kissed me under the lamppost back on Sixth street hearing you whisper through the phone... wait for me to come home."_

_"Fucking hell," she chuckles but she's already whimpering. "I'm sorry."_

No one talks. They both cry their heart outs. It fucking hurts to hear her crying. How is that even possible? Like every sobs she lets out knife stabs his heart. Is she that powerful? Does he love her that much that even hearing her cry hurts?

_"I love you so much, Harry. Please don't blame yourself, I know you do and I know how it feels like. Stop over thinking. As you can see I'm fine and breathing. It-it just pains me to think that I'm hurting you. I don't-I don't want to make you sad. I promise to make you happy, I promise not to hurt you. I hope you're okay. It's okay to cry but please stop, it's horrible to see you cry not because you are ugly but because you're so precious."_

He shakes his head as he hugs his legs. He buries his face on his knees and cries while he listens to Nathalie. Every sobs makes his heart clenches. Please stop.

_"If ever I see you somewhere again, I want to see you smiling. I want to see those dimples again. I want to see your bright teeth, I want to see your green eyes twinkling. I want to see you happy, Harry. That's all I want. I want you to smile. I want you to be happy," she sobs. "Please tell me you'll be okay. Please, promise me."_

"I can't be okay without you. I can't even stand a day without crying because of missing you!"

_"At least try to be okay. For me, Harry. You have the boys. You can always count on them. They will never leave your side, they will always be there for you if you ever need someone. You'll be okay soon, so soon. I know it. You don't like letting the fans down, right?"_

"Shit. Stop," he cries harder as he hugs himself. "Nathalie, stop. You're hurting yourself! Stop pretending you're fine! I know you're fucking not. Stop."

_"Don't let us down please. They always love your smile and I do too. Don't let this take your smile away. I'm okay, I am, Harry. You don't have to worry about me because I am-"_

"You don't sound okay. Stop lying!" he yells at his laptop.

His tear keeps on falling. His chest feels so heavy. The camera was still down. He can't see her crying but he can hear her. He doesn't know if that's good or not.

_"-and you have to be. You have to be strong, baby. You are-were my stupid but you are not stupid. Please take care of yourself. I love you, Harry. Smile, please."_

And it ends.

He tugs his hair in frustration and hugs himself back. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stop lying. Stop lying. You are not okay! You are not. Fuck it. Where are you, I need you. Please hold me.."

He tries to lessen his cry but it only causes him to choke so he lets it out. He has to let this out until nothing has left. If fucking hurts! He never felt this before. He never loved someone like this so much before. Just Nathalie. Just her. Shit.

"You told me to choose them. You told me to choose my career over you. I let you go but I didn't know it would hurt so much like this. It feels like my world is crashing down behind me. You are my world, why did you leave. Why, Nathalie.."

"Harry..."

He sees Louis as wreck as he is. He's holding a paper in his hand and his eyes are red and puffy, he figures his are like those too. But there are tears in his face. There's pain in his eyes... and also anger.

"Louis..."

"Did they... did they tell you to break up with her?" he asks, voice small. "Did they make you choose between her and your career?"

"Lou..." he bites his lower lip as his tears falls faster. "Stop this."

"Did they?" Louis gasps. "Harry, why did you do it? You could fight for her!"

"Louis," he closes his eyes, shaking his head. "Please."

"This is too much! They're controlling our lives! Look how fucking broken you are. You shouldn't have let her go. You should've fight for her! We would fight with you! You two are fucking in love with each other why did you let each other go? You two are so dumb, I swear!" he sniffles as he wipes his tears. "She wrote us a letter and it contains of reminding us to take care of you. Do you know how lucky you are?"

"I'm too in love with her. It hurts, Louis. And it's scary to think I won't know how to function properly again without her."

"Fucking hell," Louis sniffles and he marches towards Harry. He envelops the boy in his arms, rubbing his back. Harry clings on him like he is life support. "She keeps on telling to help you be okay. You have to be okay for her, do you understand? This is the last day, the last night you'll fucking cry. Put that adorable smile on your face and when she-she gets back, make everything okay. Got it?"

He just buries his face on Louis' shoulder. "Harry, you understand me?"

"Okay."


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So we only have one chapter left and the Epilogue :)) Thank you for reading this. I know it's cliche and such, but I just wanted to try my writing skills when it comes to English. Haha. Thank you if you're reading this because it means you bore with me till here. Thank you so much and I love you!
> 
> Enjoy reading.
> 
> \- R x

She watches Harry drives away. She watches him drive away from her life. She watches him be gone. And when she can't see his car, she loses it. She lets herself break. She lets herself breaks into pieces because damn, it hurts a lot.

 

With shaking knees, she walks in her house and closes the door. Her tears are falling, but her lips are sealed. It's like she doesn't want anyone to hear, to know and to see she's crying. But her whole body is trembling with the hurt she's keeping inside.

 

She prepared herself for this day. She knew this day will come. The day would come that Harry is already tired of her. That he doesn't want her anymore. She prepared herself but why does it still hurt so much? Why does it feels like someone is slicing her heart into half? Why the hell it hurts so freaking much! 

 

She didn't expect heartbreak to be like this. She thought she could keep up a straight face and not cry, but she can't. She's hurting all over. Physically, mentally and emotionally. She's so tired.

 

She covers her mouth, staring at emptiness. Her eyes are wide as her tears start to flow down. They keep wetting her cheeks. She gasps and cringes as she starts to feel uncomfortable. She gets up, but the white rose lying on the floor catches her attention.

 

White and pure. Harry's first and for sure, last gift from him. Needles starts picking her heart and she rushes to the kitchen and drinks some water. She buries her head in her arms as she leans over the counter top, closing her eyes.

 

"Happy Birthday."

 

She chuckles dryly and she feels the heaviness in her chest. She coughs and tries to swallow the knots forming in her throat, but her sobs start coming out making her breathe harder than she already does. It first comes out as a whimper until she's shaking.

 

She's lonely since then, she knows that. But this is the loneliest and saddest version of her birthday. Usually, when it's her birthday, Chaos and Heave will distract her. They will do everything just to make her preoccupied and forget about the fact that her mother died on her birthday.

 

They don't even let her sleep alone at night because they know better that she will just cry to her sleep so they will end up staying late at night, doing a movie marathon then they will fall asleep on the mattress they put in the living room. And when they wake up next morning, the two freaks would be clinging all over her to the point she couldn't breathe.

 

She will feel safe. She won't feel lonely because she knows her beat friends are always there for her. They won't leave her side. They will always be together through thick and thin.

 

But today is different.

 

Heave left her— them because she's a selfish prick and a liar. Chaos is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he's finding his own princess to take care of because maybe, just maybe, he's starting to be tired of all drama she's been through. And Harry left too. 

 

All of them left and she feels lonely. She doesn't like the feeling of alone. She thinks everyone don't like it. Being lonely in the middle of the darkness can make you freak out especially when there's no sound or even someone with you. Lonely makes her feel sick because she felt it before. And it's horrible.

 

It makes her think of bad things she can do and it's scary. It's scary because she knows no one else would be there to stop her from doing anything. No one could stop her from doing something  _stupid_  again. But it's not stupid, is it? She thinks maybe harming herself could lessen the pain. She thinks it will help her at least.

 

Her phone starts to buzz, but she's too weak and busy to cry to reach for her phone. It stops buzzing and it turns out it's not a call, it's a reminder. She smiles and bites her lower lip until she tastes some metallic blood.

 

_"Hiya, baby! Happy Birthday, Nathalie! You're a grown up lady now. But not really grown up because you're just a little girl— a ten-year-old baby. It will take more years for you to be a lady. You're my baby and will always be. I love you so much, Our Princess. Always remember that I, Nathalia Ricafort, your mother, love you with all my heart till the day I die. I love you, Nate!"_

 

She closes her eyes shut and next thing she knows, she's throwing the glass on the floor with full force, panting and shaking. The glass shatters into pieces just like her heart feels like. She throws her eyeglasses on the counter top harshly.

 

"Mom!" she half-shouts, half-sobbing. "I'm sorry. I really do."

 

She found the CD of her mom wishing her a Happy Birthday in a box when her mom died. She was arranging her things when out she spotted it. She cried for days because of that video. And then she made herself an audio copy and set it to play exactly every year for her birthday.

 

That, maybe, was the dumbest move she's ever made. But at least, it brings her some happiness. It's just that the pain is greater than happiness. All the time, for her.

 

She jolts up when there's a knock on the door. She wipes her face dry, still whimpering silently as she stands up. She closes her eyes for a minute because she can see black and white spots all over. She inhales deeply before opening her eyes. As soon as she opens the door, she gets a slap on her left cheek. Yngrid pushes her forcefully and closes the door behind her.

 

"What the hell are you thinking?" she hisses.

 

Yngrid just glares at her. "Why was he crying? Why did you break up with him? You hurt him!"

 

Her mouth falls open in confusion, but before she could utter a word, eggs are being thrown at her. Some of it are raw. It breaks and makes her feel sticky, but some of the eggs are boiled and it hurts her.

 

"Yngrid, stop this!"

 

"No, you little bitch! You're not even pretty. How dare you to turn him down?"

 

She closes her eyes when she feels three boiled eggs hit her forehead— and another, and another and another. She opens her eyes and she couldn't see anything. It's blurry and soon it's slowly turning to dark. She starts to panic as she reaches for something to hold on to. She can't even feel herself anymore, but all she knows is she can't breathe properly until she feels like floating and everything shuts down.

 

.

 

"Oh my God, " she jolts up on the bed and looks around. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is dry. She can feel the soreness in her throat, but she's in the hospital. She can't be here! "What the hell."

 

"Nathalie.."

 

Her head snaps towards Chaos sitting on the chair nearby. His eyes are red so does his nose. She looks at him as he tears up. His eyes wander all over her face until he buries his face in his hands while Nathalie looks at him with her mouth hanging.

 

"What the heck are you crying for?" she exclaims, confused. "Come on, Chaos. Let's go home. I don't like this place and you know it! How dare you to take me here!"

 

She takes off the blanket that's covering her body, but the door creaks open. She gasps as she sees who's at the door. She looks at Chaos with confusion all over her face. Chaos wipes away his tears and smiles sadly.

 

"I'm just dreaming, ain't I? This can't be real."

 

"He's here whether you believe it or not," Chaos sniffles.

 

Before she could construct a word, Heave is already closing the gap between them and enveloping her in his arms again after so many months. It feels like years since they hugged each other. She starts tearing up but her face splits into a smile while Heave buries his face in her hair, crying silently.

 

"I fucking hate you. How dare you to show up when I look shit," she hits his chest weakly. "Get off me, freak."

 

"I missed you so much and I'm sorry," his voice breaks. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm horrible."

 

"Shut up."

 

She closes her eyes and inhales his scent. She missed Heave. She really missed him, you can't deny it. She missed the feeling of being in his arms. She missed having him by her side. She missed her presence! She just missed him!

 

"Please take me home," she whispers, defeated.

 

"We— we can't," Heave slowly leans back, sitting on the chair next to Chaos.

 

"What do you mean you can't?" she asks, slightly annoyed but her face turns into worry as she scans their face. "And why do you have that cut above your left eyebrow?" 

 

She turns to Chaos, "and you, Chaos? What happened to the both of you?" They both look away. "Don't even dare to lie to me."

 

"But lying to us is never a sin?" Chaos spits, jaw clenched.

 

"I didn't lie!" she quickly defends. "You're not answering my question! Did you two fight?"

 

"Chaos hit me. I hit him, of course," Heave mumbles, looking down as Chaos glares at him cursing under his breath.

 

"You  _what_?"

 

"It's not the thing here," Chaos says anyway. "Why did you hide it?"

 

He looks at her accusingly with some disappointment in his eyes and she can't take it so she looks at the window. It's still dark outside. She swallows, not having any plans to answer.

 

"You hid it from us!" Chaos yells, standing up to his seat. "You hid it from your  _best_  friends!"

 

She looks back at him and her features soften as she sees Chaos' tears are falling down his cheeks. She didn't see him like this before. Never. It's like he's crying for hours and stress are visible on his face and his eyes.

 

"We had to know! Of course, we had! We fucking care for you!" Heave grabs Chaos' arms as he starts to shake from shouting, but Chaos just yanks it away. "You hid everything from us, Nathalie! You know you can always count on us— on me! But what? What did you do? Am I not trustworthy, huh? Don't you trust me!"

 

"YOU KNOW I TRUST YOU!" she shouts too loudly making their eyes go wide. The rage in Chaos' face is replaced by fear. Heave turns to pale. "I fucking trust you so much. I do! All my life you've been there for me. Best or worst, you didn't leave me.." she breathes. 

 

Heave looks down. He left and he still doesn't accept the fact that he just broke their promise that they will stay with each other no matter what. 

 

"You're my best friends for goodness sake—"

 

"Then why did you hide this from us? Don't you think we care enough? Did you think we won't care? We would and you know it!"

 

"Chaos, calm down," Heave half-yells, half-whispers.

 

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down where in the first place you were the first one who left!" he snaps. He looks back to Nathalie who's sitting up on the hospital bed. Her lifeless eyes and pale face is the proof she's not really okay. 

 

"We're not going home."

 

"BUT I WANT TO GO HOME!"

 

"Don't shout!" he bites his lower lip worriedly.

 

"YOU'RE SHOUTING!" She yells back. And then she pants until she's cringing. "What— why." Fear eats her as she clutches her chest, trying to breathe properly. 

 

She looks worriedly at the two young man in front of her.

 

"Chaos, stop it! She's already having a hard time!" Heave pulls Chaos back, but he already falls back on his chair, crying. "Chaos.."

 

"You can't go home yet," he shakes his head frantically. "Please stay here.. please."

 

"I want to go home," she whispers. "You know since then that I don't like hospitals!"

 

"You don't like hospitals because you're afraid to know your condition!" Chaos yells, looking up at her. Her eyes furrows, but then her tears finally make their way down her face. Heave stopping him by whispering on his ear with his face hard but he just can't stop Chaos.

 

"You knew we were going to know about you if ever we came here. You were bleeding all over earlier! What do you want me to do? Leave you there? You were almost dead!"

 

She looks away, keeping her face hard. But the pain is still there. The tears are there. The tears are the proof that she's not bloody okay, that she's in pain, that she's hurting. The pain is never going away. She can feel it in her heart. She can feel it all over her body but she refuses to complain.

 

"He really made you miserable."

 

Wrong move.

 

"He didn't do anything!" she quickly answers "Don't bring his name here! He's out of here."

 

Harry didn't do anything. She's the one to blame because she lets him into her life. Maybe now she hurts Harry too. Maybe right now he's crying because of her and it pains her to imagine. It's scary to think she's making him cry. She closes her eyes, crying silently.

 

"You didn't tell him either, do you?" Chaos chuckles dryly. Heave is rubbing his eyes, trying not to cry. "You kept it by yourself. Do you know how it fucking hurts me?"

 

"You can't be hurt because you're not me! I'm the one who's doing all of this, you can't be hurt! I don't want to hurt anybody that's why I kept it. It's not your fault!" she bursts into tears. "All I care is about what you're going to feel! I don't care about myself anymore. I only care about you! I don't want you to be hurt that's why I'm keeping all of this by myself. I don't want you to worry about me every time. I'm an adult and I don't want you keeping an eye on me!"

 

"Fucking hell. The doctor said don't make her cry!" Heave finally snaps, rushing to the door and slamming it. She's panting terribly. Her breaths are shallow and rigid and it makes Chaos goes paler.

 

"Just take me home. I'm going to die here!"

 

"You're not going to die. STOP!" Chaos sobs. "Just— just stop shouting!"

 

"Stop shouting!" she cries. "I hate you for bringing me here. I'm willing to die everywhere but not in this place. They're going to make me worse. They won't make me better."

 

"Just stop," he sniffs. He fishes out a tissue in his bag and starts wiping her face gently. "Fuck you. I hate you for making me cry. Calm the fuck down. You're scaring me. Just calm down. I'm sorry for yelling. I'm so mad at you, liar."

 

"Why are you so pale?" she asks, looking at him while he gently wipes her face. She reaches for his hand, "your hand is so cold."

 

"You're panting like a dog!" his lower lip trembles. "How would I react? Should I laugh? You're cringing every second. I'm going to die because of you."

 

She stares at him while he wipes her face. His eyebrows are furrowed and his brown eyes look tired. His nose is cute and she wants to bite it like what she always does before. And then his lips. The smirk is now gone and it's just a plain straight line.

 

"Are you tired?"

 

"You know I'm not going to be tired of you," Chaos mutters, staring back at her. "If I have to be awake for 24/7 for you, I would."

 

She chuckles, "You'd be dead."

 

He just smiles back, fishing out another tissue to wipe his nose. She keeps her gaze on him with a small smile on her face. Chaos raises his brow at her, throwing the use tissues in the bin.

 

"What are you looking at?"

 

Without any word, she wraps her arms around his waist as she closes her eyes and buries her face on his neck. He sighs and hugs her back, caressing her hair.

 

"Thank you. I love you for staying with me. I'm really thankful I have you in my life, Chaos. Even though we fight a lot and you give me so much stress, I still love you," she muffled. "You don't know how grateful I am you're my best friend. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have you."

 

"Geez. I just stopped crying, stop making me cry again," he says, voice shaking. "You know I will always be here no matter what."

 

"You're not in love with me, are you?" she chuckles. "Romantically."

 

"I'm so offended. I'm not, thank you," he smiles. "But if I'm not your best friend and I don't treat you as my little sister, I might be."

 

"Oh come on, Cha. Don't fool me. You call me  _Nathaugly_  for a reason," she pulls back. Chaos pinches her nose as they smile then kisses her forehead before bringing her head back to his chest. "I just can't thank you enough."

 

"Can you promise me one thing?" Chaos requests.

 

"What?" she leans back, looking at him, amused. "What should I promise?"

 

"Be fine for me. For us. For everyone," he smiles genuinely and that makes her broken heart melts. 

 

His eyes are full of hope, but there's still a bit of worry in his eyes. This young man who has been with her when she was planning to end her life is making her promise to be okay. And she keeps promises but she's not sure this time.

 

She can't promise this thing. It's a hard thing to do and she thinks she can't do it. She's not strong enough to do it. She's too weak. He's not even asking her what to do, he's stating it. He saying the reasons for her to be fine.

 

"I'll try," she smiles back. "I'll try."

 

"For him," he tries.

 

Her face falls down. "You know we broke up, Chaos," she mumbles hugging him back. "But I want him happy."

 

He didn't say anything but sighs. He starts to twirl her hair around his finger. She chuckles, pushing him away, "Get off me, you're being too clingy!"

 

"Wow. Okay then," he grins as he sits on the chair and moves closely to her bed. He reaches for her hand and play with her fingers. She remembers the way she drew circles on Harry's palm. Would she be able to do it again? She guesses not.

 

"I told them not to take off your bracelet even though it's necessary. They took it off but I put it back. I know you like it hanging there but can you take it off?"

 

"No, Chaos," she says, looking at her bracelet given by Styles. "Even though I'm not owned anymore, I still want it. Memories are the best. And I know something will happen if ever I saw it not wrapped around my wrist."

 

Chaos presses his lips together to stop himself from protesting and nods quietly. She cringes at the sight of the IV at the back of her hand. It's uncomfortable.

 

"I hate needles. Let's go home," she cringes..

 

"Shut up."

 

"Can I spend just one night here? Then I'm out. I don't want to stay here at all, but you said.." she bites her lower lip. "..I have to. Then I guess, at least one night then I'm out. It makes me puke being here."

 

"Okay," Chaos nods. "Be better."

 

She nods and looks around. She just notices that there's a dozen of fruits on the table and different medicines. She swallows and look at the machine next to her. 

 

"I'm not going to wear that," she points at the oxygen mask.

 

"You wore that earlier."

 

"I did?" her eyes widens. 

 

Chaos nods, staring down at her hands. "You weren't almost breathing. They had to pump your chest until your heart started to beat again. You were almost dead."

 

"Oh."

 

Chaos continues to play with her hands while she just looks. They both don't know what each other's thinking. She doesn't know Chaos is scared as hell for what he just heard and saw. She doesn't know the reason why Chaos being clingy to her is because he's starting to get afraid she will go away without any warning like what happened earlier. It was unexpected.

 

Chaos doesn't know she's thinking about the things that she messed up. Chaos doesn't know that she's just pretending to be fine about everything but the truth is she's hurting inside. Her heart hurts so much than before and it's becoming so hard to breathe. Chaos doesn't know she's still thinking about Harry.

 

That's when the door flies open and Heave shows up with a doctor and nurse next to him. Nathalie frowns as her heartbeat accelerates. She suddenly grips Chaos hand and closes her eyes shut as she feels the needles picking at her chest. The monitor next to her starts beeping too loud making her head hurts more.

 

She grips Chaos hand tighter.  _Don't let go_ , she thinks. When she hears their cry, a tear falls down her cheeks and she blames herself again. It's all her fault why these boys are crying. She's making them cry and it's all her. Maybe if she moves away, maybe if she lets go, they would finally be okay.

 

She releases her hold on Chaos' hand, but he protests. She can't hear it though. Everything around her is muted. She feels the sting of the needle in her right arm and then slowly, she's being eaten by the darkness. And something soft and warm pressed against her forehead before she blacks out again.

 

That's when she realize she must be alone for her not to hurt anyone.

 

"I'm sorry," she blurts out, but maybe no one heard her because she can't even hear or even feel herself.

 

She's sorry.


	51. Chapter 51

It's been five days since he found out that Nathalie has left. They still don't have any idea where she is, but they keep updating each other. Harry and Chaos are still not  _that_  okay, but both of them keep in touch for her. Harry can't deny the fact that he's starting to be more worried about her as the time goes by. They don't have any idea what's happening to her or what's going on in her mind.

It's scary.

And if Harry is worried, how's Chaos? The last time she saw her best friend, she was weak and she got released out of the hospital. He didn't have any idea that that day will be the last day he would see her beloved best friend. He loosens up a bit with Heave because why not? It just normally happened. They've been together for years and they're almost brothers that a big fight seems forgotten. They're almost siblings and that's why he's been worried sick about her. They both don't know what to do. Even Nathan has no idea where she is. They just know she didn't leave the country. They're still trying to find her, but the thing is she left her phone. They couldn't track her.

But one night, when Harry is just staring at his turned off the telly, he receives a call. A stranger's number. Maybe he shouldn't answer. It happened few times before. His number goes online and there's a bunch of fans who tried calling him. He decides to let it go and wait for it to call again, but instead of a call, a message comes in.

_If you don't want to pick up your phone just open your door, you curly idiot._

His brows furrows in confusion, but his heart starts to race in his chest without any particular reason. What the hell is going on? He pinches his lower lip as he types for an answer to stranger's message.

_Who are you?_

He looks at his door, but there's no any sign of a person being there. Maybe there's someone who's trolling him. Maybe it's Louis. Maybe.

_I'm a stupid person. Now open the door, its freaking freezing here outside._

He takes a deep breath before walking slowly towards his door. He can do his lame karate moves he always does on the stage if it's a bad person, right? He turns the doorknob and slowly opens the door. With a small space, he looks outside but there's no one. He rolls his eyes before opening it wide.

"My goodness—" he throws his hands on the air and turns around. But before he closes the door, he's already being pushed forward that nearly makes him fall. He quickly turns but swallows his tongue.

"I called you an  _idiot_  for a reason," she mutters, giving him a small smile before raising her left brow and crossing her arms over her chest. She's wearing a black hoodie and the hood is covering her ombre hair, and white shirt inside with a  _YEY!_  print on it. And her black eyeglass... dammit, is she real? "You're the first one I decided to meet after my absences. Aren't you supposed to be giving me a hug?"

He exhales. He doesn't realize he's been holding his breath for a long time. He gapes at her while examining her from head to toe. Nothing else has changed. Only her eyes look tired and her cheekbones became more noticeable.

"And I told you to smile, too, Harry," she smiles sadly. "Did I also take that away from you?" The only thing he can do is to shake his head in disapproval. His tears finally drop. Her fake smile slowly fades as she takes in his face. "I—I shouldn't have gone here. I just made you cry. I—"

He cuts her off by tugging her right arm and holds her nape to bring her to his chest. He sighs in content as he holds her into his arms. She's okay. She's here with me, he says to himself.

And at that moment, he swears, he feels complete again.

.

"So how have you been?" she asks, sitting on the swing and moving back and forth with full speed.

They're here in the park, sitting on the two swings next to each other. It's eight in the evening and she said she only have an hour because she has things to do. They're hoping no one is going to come here, fan or not, because he can feel he will cry any moment. Harry keeps his eyes at his feet, slowly pushing himself to swing. He takes a deep breath, deciding to be truthful.

"Terrible," he blurts out and suddenly, her swing slowly stops from swaying. "I'm better now, though," he smiles, glancing at her. She looks at him with a frown sprawled across her face. "Because you're here."

He's still wondering why she's acting like nothing's wrong. She's acting like she wasn't missing for the past few days... like she didn't cry. Because he's sure as hell that she did. And the fact that the bracelet is still on her wrist gives his heart some stab of the knife. He knows she's not okay. For God's sake, he used to be her boyfriend and he knows most of the things about her. He could read her, well not always, but at least he could.

"Are you fine now?" she hopefully asks.

"Are you, Nathalie?" he asks back. She gapes at him, obviously caught off guard. She looks away quickly and starts swinging slowly again. "Just be true to me. That's all that I'm asking."

"Do you think I do, Harry? I don't want to say anything, but it's up to you what you want to believe," she chuckles. "I once told what I felt and it only turned out horrible. I don't want that to happen again."

"Why don't you tell me?"

"I don't want you to worry," she shrugs. "I don't even want you to think about me anymore because as I saw earlier... when you saw me, I can feel your pain by just looking at you. I made you cry. And it's a horrible thing to see because I'm causing you that. You don't deserve it."

"Then why did you even come at me in the first place?" he rises to his feet, walking in front of her and stopping her swing.

"That's why I said I shouldn—"

"Why did you even talk to me?"

"I wanted to see you!" she screeches. "God dammit. I thought of you these past few days. I've been thinking about you every time and it was driving me insane! I always wondered if you were okay, if you were crying at that moment or what. You, you, you. You're all I think about. I just want you to be happy! And fuck, your smile is not even glowing at all! I fucking changed it. It's my entire fault!"

"Stop blaming yourself!" he runs his fingers through his hair. "It's not your fault, okay? Why do you always do that? You always blame yourself for something you didn't even do! It's hurting you and me as well. Stop it!"

"See? This is why I had to go. Because every time I'm around I just hurt people and it's sickening," she squeals, running a hand on her face. "First my mom, second my best friends, and now you. It's tiring. I just want people who I love to be happy. Is it too much to ask? Can you just erase me in your life so you could live properly?"

He looks at her in disbelief, "Can you hear yourself? How dare you to even say that? You're important to all of us. Why don't you see your worth? Fuck, Nathalie. I'm the proof you're important. You're so important to me," his words soften as his words end.

"But what happened, though? You still got tired of me that's why we ended," she smiles sadly. "I never thought I'd love you this much. I didn't even know I would fall in love someday. So hard," she looks up at the sky. "I love you so much, please don't ever question that."

"You see," he meets her eyes. Pain, pain is freaking everywhere and it's suffocating. "I love you. I'm in love with you. And I don't want to lose you because my life has been better since the day I met you."

"I had— and still have to push you away because you're so important to me. Because I love you and I know better that I will just cause more pain. I don't want to hurt anybody especially you," she gets on to her feet, smiling through the pain as he looks at her like she's his life— which is true, by the way. "I'm sorry for causing too much stress. I'm sorry for horrible memories. Sorry for everything I've done wrong but I'd never forget the things that happened between us, Harry. Even the simplest and smallest things. I would never forget, I promise. I promise to treasure it. You will always be in my mind and my heart. You've been a very big part of my life and it's not easy to forget," she bites her lower lip as her eyes start to well up with tears while Harry is already crying.

"I know it's not easy, but at least we can try. You can try and I can as well. You're so perfect, Harry. Everything about you is so damn perfect, but I'm this girl who has so many flaws and insecurities. I can't bring you down with me. You're too precious."

"I love you—you love me! Why can't we be together then?" he yells, grabbing her hand. Her eyes soften as he puts her hand on his face and leans into the touch. "Why?"

"You can't come back, Harry. We can't be together again. We can't. Trust me, I know better," she reaches and wipes his tears. "I just want to make sure we're fine. And that—" she pokes his cheeks, "always show your smile... I love your dimples, don't forget."

"Is this really the end of everything?" he asks, defeated but there's something deep inside him that's still holding. He knows there's still hope for the both of them.

"Harry, nothing has changed. Nothing will end. We're still together—not as a couple but as friends. Like Chaos and Heave? I will still be here for you. I promise to be," she winks, chuckling. "And even if I die, even if my heart stops to beat, you're still inside of it. Till my last breath, yeah? I still love you, don't worry." She laughs, running a hand over his face until he's laughing through the tears and pain. "Now stop crying, cry baby," she wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face inside of his coat and nuzzles his chest.

Pretending to be okay is never easy but it seems like Nathalie's practiced this a lot and she's already an expert. She hides it so well. If Harry was just a stranger to her, he would think she's really fine the way she acts and talks—and smile.

Fuck it. Why does her wish so hard to do?  _Smile, show your dimples_. Dang it. It's not that easy but how can she do it so well?

.

The whole house is full of tension and everybody can't feel it but Nathalie and Yngrid. Yna is sitting next to Nathalie. They're talking and giggling while the other members of the family watch them as they all eat. Yngrid is slowly murdering her chicken; Yohanne is enjoying his food and the way he's seeing his  _Ate_ Nathalie happy is such a good sight; and Alice is just smiling because she can see how happy and relieved her husband is. Even though she's at the bottom of Nathalie's list who she likes, she still loves the young lady. They both talked earlier before they ate. Nathalie silently listened to her and she did the same. In the end, they both respect and understand each other but Nathalie is not the type of girl who can easily forgive—except, maybe, for Harry. He's always an exception.

"Sorry, we're late."

Nathalie's smile stays still on her face as she turns her head to see the two freaks in her life. She just rolls her eyes, seeing the big smile on their faces. After the talk with Harry, she went straight to Chaos' and found Heave in there as well. Chaos cried while cursing her for making him worried while Heave laughed so hard that they fell on the floor because they couldn't let go of the hug.

She felt safe.

And Nathan knows she was coming back tonight. She told him first and he's really happy that finally—slowly—her daughter is starting to trust him again. He finds this as a good sign. This can continue and they can live as a happy family together.

Little does he know that his two older daughters are not in good terms, definitely no.

The tension immediately vanished as Chaos and Heave starts the conversation. Everything seems fine until he notices something odd. Nathalie frequently drinks water and that's quite weird. Usually, when they eat, she just drinks water before and after not during. Chaos continues to eye her secretly. She's laughing—yes, and smiling—of course but Chaos catches the way she gulps.

And then she coughs.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly, leaning closer to her. Nathalie raises her brow in confusion and mouths a  _what_. Chaos rolls her eyes and mumbles  _fuck you_  which make her laugh.

She tries to hide it but she just keeps on cringing and coughing. Heave is doing the talking so all of the attention is on him. She taps her fingers on the table, occupying herself. And then she excuses herself, going for a wee. Chaos looks at Heave and with just one look, Heave already knows something's wrong. Wow, best friends.

"Me too!" Yna cheerfully announces before she bounces away.

"Accompany Yna, Yngrid," Nathan says.

"What?" she puts her fork down annoyed. "I'm eating."

"We all are, honey. Please. You know she's still a little girl," Alice says with a sweet voice as she rubs Yngrid's arm. Yngrid rolls her eyes before she rises to her feet and stomps away. Chaos kicks Heave's leg under the table. "Sorry for Yngrid. She's just like that."

Heave has to grip Chaos' thighs in order for Chaos to stop from saying or acting something stupid. Chaos aggressively grabs the glass of water and drinks it with one shot. Heave sighs in relief.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Nathalie washes her hands while Yna pees at the other side of the bathroom. Yngrid is waiting on the bed—and yes, they are in Yna's room. Nathalie is already heading towards the door to go back downstairs but Yngrid grabs her wrist. Nathalie instantly yanks it away and she sees how Yngrid flinches as she bites her lower lip.

"What do you want?" Nathalie asks in a low voice, glancing at the bathroom.

"I just want to talk."

"We are talking—" Yna goes out of the room and Yngrid beams at her little sister.

"Babe! Tell mum and dad we're just gonna check on something. I have something for Nathalie to look."

"Wha—"

"Thanks!" she cuts Nathalie, almost dragging Yna outside the room before she shuts the door. She takes a deep breath before turning around to face her older sister. "How are you?"

Nathalie keeps her mouth shut and continues to observe her with narrowing eyes. This is odd, so odd. And she can't help but to cringe and cough. "Yngrid, I have to go down there."

"No!" she snaps. "You have to tell me where you've been. You have to tell me how you are!"

"Why should I? As far as I know, you're not my mother," she answers back.

Yngrid raises her left brow, "Yeah? Because your mother is dead—" Her head snaps to the side and slowly, she can feel the sting of Nathalie's slap. She quickly turns to Nathalie and glares at her. "She is!"

"That doesn't give you the right to drag my mother here! This is our fight! Don't bring anybody!"

"Why did you leave then? Was it all drama so we all should think about you? Do you think you can have Harry back because of what you did?"

"Are you fucking stupid?" she says in disbelief. And then she starts to shake as well as her lips. "THESE THINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE! IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!"

Yngrid presses her lips together as she realizes Nathalie is shaking so much. Her chest is moving up and down rigidly but her face is not red but white. Her lips are turning to purple and Yngrid starts to panic inside but refuses to show it.

"First of all, you kissed him. Second of all, you made me faint. Third of all, you are fake. And most of all, this scene couldn't have happened if you just let me leave. But what? You fucking didn't! Are you even using your mind? You're too obsessed with Harry and you could kill me because of that! You're not in love for heaven's sake. YOU'RE JUST TOO OBSESSED WITH THE FACT THAT YOU COULD TOUCH THE HARRY EFFIN' STYLES!" she yells—but then coughs, cringing. "All I want for you is to leave me alone but what the hell are you doing? You're ruining me even more!"

"I'm not ruining you! You do this to yourself!"

"Yeah, right. But you're just adding more damage to my life! I'm already destroyed and you're destroying me even more!" Her tears rolls down her face and Yngrid looks at her dumbfounded. "FUCK!"

"Where did you go then?" Yngrid swallows. "I want to know."

"I visited our house before. I wandered around our city and reminisce all the memories our family shared there. I grew up there. I was happy back then," she takes a deep shaky breath. "Now excuse me before I faint."

"What?"

"I'm dizzy, Yngrid. I have to eat," she rubs her eyes under her glasses.

They both don't move. Yngrid is looking at her feet while Nathalie looks back at her. Until Yngrid takes a deep breath and whispers.

"I'm sorry."

Silence.

"I really am sorry. I know you won't believe me but I was so scared when I saw you bleeding and unconscious on the floor. I was worried and mad when you left. I'm sorry for all I've done. Sorry for ruining your relationship. I deserve all your anger."

"If I die don't blame yourself. I still love you even though you're evil. Promise me?" Yngrid nods and mutters a promise. She stares at her blue eyes and slowly smiling as a tear falls again. She wipes it away as she reaches to pat Yngrid's head. "You're still my sister after all."

And that sends Yngrid to tears.

"Why do you have to be so nice? I keep on hurting you. You could just tug and rip off my hair but you didn't."

"I don't have the power, I guess," she shrugs. She opens her arms and smiles willingly to her. "Want a hug? I miss hugging you."

Yngrid stares at her and starts walking hesitantly. She stops in front of her, taking in her beauty. Nathalie is really beautiful. With or without make up because the beauty that makes her glow is her personality. Of course she's not perfect, nobody is. She has this thing called insecurity that's why she can't see it.

Yngrid presses her cheeks against Nathalie's chest as she squishes her into her small arms. And then she hears something. She closes her eyes and feels where the sound is coming from. Her eyes furrows in confusion as she looks up at Nathalie.

"Are you okay?"

She just nods. Yngrid goes back to the hug and she hears it again. She listens to her heartbeat and it's not the normal sound. It's like it's not beating—but it's beating. It sounds like there is an air in there.. like a  _whoosh._ Fear washes all over her as she tightens her hug.

"Yngrid, not too tight. I can't breathe—" she laughs but buts off with her cough.

They thought the cough were going to stop but it didn't she continues to cough but there's nothing coming out from her mouth. Her cough is dry and she's already panting like a dog. When Nathalie clutches her chest and tears starts to wash her face Yngrid starts to panic and starts screaming for her dad.

"DAD! MUM! HELP! SHE'S—NATHALIE—SHE'S, my gosh. MUM! DAD!" she screams at the top of her lungs, rubbing Nathalie's back and crying with her. "You're okay, you're okay—MUM!"

Nathalie screws her eyes shut as her world starts to become blur and spins. She keeps on coughing and it seems endless. Her chest hurts so much and she can't really breathe properly. There's no air coming out. There's no air coming in. She falls on her bum and she could hear Yngrid's cry and scream. If she wasn't feeling dizzy she would probably laugh her ass off because this girl next to her was so mad at her like few minutes ago but now she's here, worried as fuck.

And it makes Nathalie frowns. She brought someone into trouble again. She's causing pain again. This should stop.

Yngrid continue to scream. Why the hell the kitchen is so far away from here? They could just use the bathroom downstairs but they chose to use Yna's bathroom. They are all stupid. When no one answers her, she grips Nathalie's hand and kisses her temple.

"Wait here, please, I'm going to call them," then she quickly rushes out of her room. "MUM! DAD! NATHALIE CAN'T BREATHE! MUM!"

Nothing. She's so close to hyperventilating. She can hear her pulse and it feels like her heart is going to come out of her chest for beating so fast.

"Fucking hell—CHAOS! HEAVE!"

And that's when footsteps start to thump on the floor. She cries and almost in relief as she runs back to her room but she quickly freezes in her spot. Nathalie is still there, alive and breathing—barely. She's still coughing nonstop but she's turning blue. She's fucking turning blue!

"Ate..."

Nathalie's eyes are closed and her back against her bedframe, panting. And then her cough stops but she takes in a deep breath and cough so loud. Yngrid gasps and covers her mouth. Nathalie gasps as her hand. She wipes the side of her lips and looks at her hand.

"Oh my God," she croaks. "Shit."

There are bloods on her shirt, on her pants, on her face, on her hands. Blood. Blood. This is not good. She closes her eyes and before she passed out, Chaos is already sprinting to her and holding her into his arms.

Yngrid didn't blink. She stares at her, almost lifeless, as they all follow Chaos out who's crying his eyes as well. Yna is wailing and Yohanne is trying to calm her down but tears are starting to form in his eyes. Alice wraps an arm around Yngrid while she can't still speak, move or even breathe. Their dad, Chaos and Heave are now out of the house.

"Oh, honey..." Alice sniffles, bringing her daughter closer to her chest. She immediately bursts into tears, clutching weakly at her mother's dress.

_"If I die don't blame yourself. I still love you even though you're evil."_

Yngrid made a promise and she knows she can't break it. Dammit, Nathalie.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hello! So we've come to the end. This is the last chapter of Smile and I feel happy yet sad. It's bittersweet tbh. Of course the feeling you get when you see that you've just done another novel is overwhelming. I feel so proud of myself because I've made it. I know it's cliché and kinda carroty, but I was just trying my skills to write when it comes to English. Haha.
> 
> PS. To those Larry shippers, you can follow @cashtonfeels and @fxrclourry (yep, I'm promoting :P)  
> PPS. My other Wattpad Account is @FarctateGirl haha
> 
> All the love, R x

Epilogue

"Have you noticed some symptoms?"

Nathan frantically shakes his head looking worriedly at his daughter who's been lying on the hospital bed for almost two hours. He's not even looking at the doctor-- he doesn't even blink, actually. He wants to see if she's okay 100% of the time. Coughing blood is never a good sign and he swears, he almost had a heart attack when he saw her hands with blood.

"She's been hiding it. No one knew. Just her," his voice breaks. He wipes his tears that falls and looks back at her again. "I know her heart had a hole when she was born, but the doctor said the hole would close by its own."

She has an oxygen mask on her face that Nathan knows she doesn't like. She hates needles. She hates the hospital, Chaos told him, but they all had no choice. Whether they like it or not, they had to. She's ill, for goodness sake. And none of them knew. They still don't know how worse. They just know it's her heart. They don't know what will happen. They're just hoping... hoping that everything will be fine for all of them.

"That's true. But it looks like the hole became bigger now that she's coughing up blood. We have to run some tests when she wakes up so we can see how big the hole is."

He just gives the doctor a simple nod and he goes off, leaving him alone with his daughter. He reaches for her hand pulling it closer to his lips before he closes his eyes and cry silently. She was turning blue earlier, she was so cold-- and still does. Her right ankle is swelling. The doctor seems so calm about this, but they're not. They're all not.

As soon as Nathan knew that she has this heart disease, he felt disappointed. Not to Nathalie but to himself. He felt sorry for himself because he's such a worthless bastard. He thinks that he caused her all the stress and that just worsen her condition. He saw how she panted when they first met. He thought she was just like that, but the truth is, she really couldn't breathe properly.

He failed as a father. He really did.

.

"Harry, where are you? We have an emergency meeting tonight," Liam says, rubbing his eyes. It's almost midnight, and they've been called for a meeting. Maybe for promoting their new album, no one knows yet. "Harry?"

No one answers.

"I.. I have an emergency," he swallows. He blinks rapidly, biting his lower lip. Liam turns to look at Louis who's sitting next to Zayn and drinking tea. Liam mouths  _Harry_  and points at his phone. Zayn tells him to put it on a speaker. "I can't come."

"Are you okay?"

Silence.

"He's not," Louis frowns. He stands up from his seat, snatching Liam's phone and goes back to his seat. Liam follows him and slumps on the floor. Zayn taps Liam's shoulder. "Harry, where are you?"

"I'm.. I'm going to try calming, Niall," he takes a shaky deep breath. "We can't come. We can't."

"What? Where are you? What are you guys doing?"

And then they hear a knock. A soft one, a weak knock. Louis tugs his hair in frustration.

"Harry!"

"We can't come, Louis. Tell them we have an important thing to do than to attend a nonsense  _emergency_ meeting in the middle of the night," Harry sniffles, shaking from cold and hatred... and maybe from anger. The door bursts open. "Shit-- Niall!"

Their mouth drops as they hear the broken sobs of Niall. Niall lunges himself at Harry as soon as he sees him. He holds onto him as he cries. He's been holding back his tears since he got a call from Chaos. He promised not to cry but seeing Harry makes him more hurt. He called Harry and he told him to come. He told him it's an emergency.

"We--we should go. C'mon, Harry. Please," Niall cries, tugging Harry's arm towards his car. "Move faster!"

The three boys can still hear them, but it seems like Harry forgot that he's been clenching his phone. "Niall, where are we going?" he asks, swallowing back his tears.

"At the hospital! Fuck it, Harry!"

Niall is hysterical. He snatches the keys from Harry and runs to his car. His whole body is shaking as well as his hands. His eyes full of tears as he looks back at Harry when he opens the door. "SHE'S AT THE HOSPITAL!"

And Harry almost passed out.

.

Nathalie sighs as she leans back to the hospital bed. She just finished taking a few tests to know her condition. She willingly did it because she saw how worried they all are. She mentally took a note that maybe going back was really not a good idea. She has these things sticking on her chest that records the activity of her heart and it feels kinda uncomfortable. And there are so many machines in her room. She requested a oxygen tube instead of mask and thankfully, it was granted.

Nathan goes out with Heave to buy some foods and Chaos keeps her a company. She steals glances at him who is just playing with his phone the whole time. She knows he's mad but chose not to say anything because the doctor said don't give her stress, don't make her scream, don't get her excited. Just don't do anything to make her blood pressure increase.

"Hey," she croaks out. Her throat is always dry so she reaches for the glass of water and drinks it, still looking at Chaos. He's pretending he doesn't hear anything. "I'm fine, right? Look."

Chaos glares at her and she grins.

"There's nothing funny here, Ricafort."

"But I'm fine," she says, looking up the ceiling. "I'm alive."

"For now, yes. Let's wait for your-- result." Her head snaps to him because his voice breaks. Chaos continues to play at his phone with his brows furrow. "You're not okay. If you think you are, you're not. You're still blue. Blue isn't a skin color. Your ankle is swelling. You coughed up blood. And that's definitely not okay."

She decides to keep her mouth shut and looks back at the ceiling. And then a smile sweeps across her face. "I used to hate you so much before. Because you were so arrogant. You always want the attention is all yours. And then I was at the garden of the school and you tripped. You fell on your face," she chuckles. "All of them laughed-- and I wish I did but instead, I helped you because you couldn't get up from embarrassment. It seemed like you wanted to stay there instead of running away because you fell."

She sees Chaos stops tapping on his phone but still not looking at her. She continues to talk because why not? She has nothing to do. She's bored.

"You flipped me off because you said you don't need a help from a girl like me. And it was okay, people always do that. They don't like me, because nothing... I'm just nothing," she smiles, tears forming. "Next day, at the cafeteria, I was surprised you threw a sandwich straight to my face, sat across from my table and said your name. That's your technique. You'd say your name so people would do the same. You called me ugly and I just laughed. I'm used to people calling me names. And that's how our friendship started. It's beautiful, I could write a book!"

"You wrote a book," he mumbles. "And you gave Harry a copy. Does he know you wrote it?"

"No."

"You're so precious," he whispers, "Nice and fragile."

"Wasn't it  _'piece of shit and ugly'_  before? You've changed your script now, huh?" she laughs.

She laughs but she can't easily do that. Her heart clenches every time she breathes. And she feels like coughing. Her throat feels itchy. And she coughed. And then there's blood in sheets.

She's drinking water while Chaos is sitting on the stool next to her hospital bed when the door bursts open and before she can even blink, Niall rushes to him. But Chaos is quick to pull him back before he could crush her into pieces.

"No tight hugs, Niall. She's fragile at the moment. No grips," Chaos reminds.

Her face softens as she hears Niall's cry and his face is so red just like his eyes. Calmly, he walks towards her bed and hugs her. He buries his face in her neck and rubs her back. He melts into her arms and his worry lessens a bit at least.

"Please," Niall sniffs. "Nate, my God."

"The doctor is here," Chaos announces and they both pull away from the hug. She holds Niall's and Chaos' hands as the doctor sits on the spare stool at the other side of her bed.

"Can you leave us alone for a moment, gentlemen?"

"Um-- no," she grips their hands. "They can stay here. Please."

The doctor eyes her for a moment and glances at the two boys. Chaos likes to glare but the way Nathalie's thumb caresses the back of his hand makes him calm. Niall looks worried and he keeps on glancing at the door, biting his lower lip.

"Would you be able to answer honestly and comfortably with these boys?"

"I think so. Yes," she nods, swallowing. "H-have you seen my father? And the curly headed boy?"

"They're outside," the doctor answers. "Want them to join?"

"Uh, please?"

He pushes one button attached to the wall and then there are two men walking in her room. Her eyes immediately lands on Harry who looks like the whole world is on his shoulder. Chaos knows better, so he pulls Harry to switch his place. Nathalie immediately holds his hand and starts to draw circles on his palm, focusing on her doctor.

He clears his throat, "I'm Dr. Bray and I have to ask you some questions, I already have your results here. We just wanna make sure."

"Since when you start having chest pains?"

"Around March."

"When did the symptoms become worse?"

"Um. I think last week. I--" she closes her eyes. "I've been coughing up blood at least two times a day last week."

Harry grips her hand as well as Niall. She can hear Chaos curses under his breath. Heave just leans against the wall, looking at the floor with his hands in his pocket. They are all mad yet they are all scared. They don't know what to do but to wait and listen and to watch her in pain. Fuck.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine--"

"The truth, Ms. Ricafort," Dr. Bray cuts her quickly. "Your results doesn't show you're fine. So, again, how are you feeling?"

She keeps his eyes fixed on Dr. Bray until her tears fall. She shakes her head, bowing her head. "Bad. Terrible. My chest feels heavy all the time. I can't laugh properly because it will hurt. Breathing seems a task now that I have to do. I feel dizzy. I--I'm not fine. Coughing up blood is scary. It's scary."

The doctor takes a deep sigh before standing up. She lets go of their hands to wipe her own tears. Niall and Harry reach for her hand and intertwine their fingers.

"You have a Ventricular Septal Defect, Ms. Ricafort. It is a type of congenital heart defect in which there is an abnormal opening in the dividing wall between the main pumping chambers of the heart, the ventricles. It is mostly present at birth, and I believe you have it since you were born," he glances at Nathan who's face is in his hands.

"So you're saying her heart has a hole?" Chaos says in disbelief.

Dr. Bray nods, "That's what I was saying. The shared-wall called Septum and that's where the hole is. And most of these cases are diagnosed and treated with few or no complications _if_  the hole is small. But, unfortunately, yours wasn't fully closed. The small hole before has now became large and it is now complicated."

She chokes. Hearing these things makes her wanna throw up. Is that the reason why her heart sometimes feels like there's an air in there? She distracts herself by circling her finger on Harry's palm even though his palm is sweating. She can't look at their faces and see the disappointment and pain in their eyes. She just can't see that. That will hurt more.

"Some of the blood from left ventricle leaks into the right ventricle then it goes through your lungs and re-enters the left ventricle. That's the reason why you're coughing up blood. The oxygen is now mixed with your blood because of the hole in the septum. And we have the repair that before everything gets worse."

"Oh, so this is not the fucking worst yet?" Chaos raises his voice. Heave holds his shoulder and he huffs, shaking his head. "This is the fucking worst!"

"This is not the worst. But she's going there now and we don't want that, do we? She's turning blue and we don't want any tissues damage inside her heart so she has to have a surgery. If her lungs will be damage it will be more dangerous. You can't make her scream, mad or even excited because her blood pressure will rise. And that will make her heart pump more harder to produce more blood to supply her body. Her heart is already working harder to pump and it's tiring. No stress. And if you'd like to sign this," he hands them clipboard with the pen. "We have to prepare her for surgery as much as possible. I don't want you guys to panic but this is a serious case. We don't want her to go through a heart-lung transplant because it's a 50-50 chances the patient will survive."

"I don't know if I should be thankful or what for what I've just heard," she frowns, "but thank you."

She almost jolts from surprise when Dr. Bray touches her arm. He smiles softly and pats her head. "It will be fine. You will be fine."

But the truth is, he doesn't know. The hole is larger than he expected. He just don't want to stress the lady more than she already is. He could see it in her eyes that she's going through a lot. He lied, yes, and that's not the right thing to do. But the pain and the tension inside the room is suffocating and it goes through his bones. He can feel the pain of everyone inside.

He didn't tell them there's also a 50-50 chances she will be fine after the surgery.

.

Nathalie continues to look at Harry with a small smile on her face while he eats an apple. Sometimes, she will take a bite but watching Harry is better. It's beautiful to see his dimples show as he chews, the way his curly hair falls over his eyes and the way his eyes flutters. And those pale green eyes. She swears if it's just possible she would look at him every second.

"You're making me feel uncomfortable," Harry says.

She chuckles, "Now you know what I felt when you looked at me."

He smiles, "Now you know why I keep looking at you."

She blinks, smiling still. And then she sighs, grabbing his hands. She looks down at it and starts to spell out his name. "You really think I'm beautiful, don't you?"

"You are beautiful."

She smiles and nods. "I am." Harry smiles widely at her and it makes her smile widely too. "Thank you for staying."

"I didn't leave."

"You really loved me, didn't you?"

"I still love you."

"I'm so lucky," she breathes. "So so lucky. Because out of all people, I've became your girlfriend. And I'm just a fan. It only happens in a book." She looks up at Harry and ruffles his hair. "To be honest, at first I loved Liam when I haven't met you yet. The time where you both had the same curls and I was so confused but his smile that seems like a smirk got me."

"But as I knew you guys more, I fell in love with your personality. Of course the five of you but you really got my heart. The way you treat women, you're so gentle and sweet. And there were times I cried when I saw videos of you hugging fans. You hug so tight and long. It looks like you don't want to let go and I dreamed one day, I would hug you."

"And it happened," Harry whispers. "You got to kiss me too."

She laughs silently, "Yes, I did. And I didn't expect I would also feel your love. I'm sorry if sometimes I'm such a meanie for not considering how you feel. I'm selfish? But I just want to protect you. I thought that was a good idea because what you don't know, won't hurt you but it turned out worse."

"Nathalie.."

"You've stayed with me through thick and thin. You make me feel safe and loved. I thank you for that, Styles. Sometimes I felt like my heart could burst because of too much love I feel from you and it's just amazing."

"You make me feel the same way too," he says softly, intertwining his fingers with hers.

Just for tonight please. It's just minutes before they take her to the operating room. All of them are outside and Harry joins her, because why not? They all know they both need each other. Her hand feels so cold against his big warm hand. And he missed the feeling of being this close to her. Skin to skin. He just missed it.

"Sing me a song," she happily suggests, sitting up straight on the bed still holding his hand. "Anything. Just sing."

"Um, okay," he nods, clearing his throat as he adjusts himself closer to her bed. She looks at him with a happy eyes and he does his best to do the same.

 _"You look so wonderful in your dress. I love you hair like that,"_  he grins, touching her hair.  _"The way it falls on the side of your neck down your shoulders and back."_

Her hair isn't that long anymore like the way it was when they met. It was dark but now it's brown, it goes light from the root to tips of the hair and she's still looks so beautiful. It never changed. With or without glasses, smiling or not smiling. She's still the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen.

"Tenerife Sea, huh?" she raises her left brow, giggling. "But my eyes aren't blue."

"You sang Photograph--"

"Shush! Go back to singing."

He giggles and nods, trying to stop himself from grinning.

_"We're surrounded by all of these lies and people who talk too much. You got the kind of look in your eyes as if no one knows anything but us."_

They keep looking at each other. They almost didn't blink. They both admire the beauty of each other and it's just beautiful. Too beautiful that it hurts. Fuck, her chest hurts but the way Harry looks at her makes her contain the pain. She could do it for Harry-- but just for a few minutes, maybe.

 _"I'm so in love,"_  he brings her hand closer to his lips and press a soft kiss on her knuckles. And it stays there. He keeps on singing while she can feel his lips move every second. She wants to cry but she doesn't want to. She's crazy, really.  _"So in love."_

_"You look so beautiful in this light your silhouette over me."_

His eyes starts to water and he has to swallow to keep his voice from shaking. Nathalie sees that, though. She sees how his tears start to form in his eyes. Harry is so afraid, so afraid to lose her. Seeing her like this makes him weak. He's afraid to let go of her hand because he doesn't know what will happen after she went inside that room.

He's fucking scared he might lose her because he doesn't know what to do. He saw himself these last few days and he was fucked up. He couldn't function properly. What more if she really leaves? How can he do it? Can he do it? It's a terrifying thing to imagine and thinking about it makes his heart sinks.

 _"Should this be the last thing I see? I want you to know it's enough for me,"_  he closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. His tears finally falls.  _"'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need."_

"Y-you," he sniffs. "You look so wonderful in your dress. I love your hair like that." He bites his lower lip and he can feel his shoulder shakes as he blocks his sobs. "And in a moment I knew you back."

They fall silent. He buries his face in his arms, still holding her hand tightly but gently. His cries echoes in the room but most of all, it goes straight to Nathalie's heart. The faint sound of the monitors mixes his cries and it's deafening. She wants to cover her ears because the silence fucking hurts and she doesn't know why. It just hurts. She runs her fingers through his hair. It's soft as always and she missed doing that.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm not dead." That just makes his cries worse-- but she laughs. "Harry, c'mon. Why do you always cry when you're with me? I miss the times when you always smile when you were with me," she frowns.

He looks up at her. Her eyes are bloodshot red and swollen as well as his lips. His precious tears running down his pale face. "Smile? Nathalie, can you hear yourself? The hell would I smile in this situation? Everyone is fucking scared and worried for you because who knows what will happen for the next few hours? We-- we--" he bites his lower lip, "we might lose you and I'm scared! I don't want to lose you. I made that mistake when I chose my career over you and I feel shit! I don't want to lose you again. Not now, not ever. Please."

"You chose your career over me.." she says, more to herself. What the hell did she just hear? What?

"I did! I kept my promise but I was miserable. I regret that decision and I still do but I kept my promise to you. Now do yours. You promised to never leave," he squeeze her hand. "You promised."

"C'mon, Harry. If I die--" he gasps, whimpering. "--it doesn't mean I left. Didn't I promise you will always be in my heart? And I will be always there in yours. We're still together. But don't let me take all the space. Save a place for some other people."

"Are you really saying that?" his brows furrows and he feels weaker. It looks like she's accepting defeat. It looks like she's ready whatever will happen. He's not! "Are you saying you're not going to fight?"

"I'm fighting, Harry. I do. But I feel tired as well. Physically, mentally and emotionally. But I'm fighting because of you, of them," she points outside. "I love them too. You all are important to me and it's not just easy to give up because too many people are counting on me that I will go better."

"You'll fight, okay?" Harry asks softly.

"Yes, Harry. I will," she smiles softly. "And you promise to be fine whatever happens? You promise to try and smile?"

"Yes, Nathie. I do."

She chuckles, pinching his nose. A smile graces on his lips and her face lights up when she spots his dimples. "We're not getting married, idiot!"

"Yet," he winks as he wipes his tears. "You go rest. Dr. Bray said you have to take relax before your operation."

"I wanna take a nap. I feel sleepy," she pouts as she lies back on the bed. And then Heave, Chaos and Niall walks in to the room. "Oh hi, buddies!"

"Hello," Niall smiles, waving his hand. Nathalie smiles at that. They settle on the sofa, squeezing Niall in between. "How are you feeling? Are you nervous?"

Heave and Chaos whispers a yes.

"Not really. I just feel sleepy. I was going to take a nap, actually," she answers, grinning at the three of them. "Oh are you best friends now? That's adorable."

"Maybe you should go to sleep and shut up, Nathaugly," Chaos rolls his eyes playfully.

Heave chuckles, as he walks towards her and plants a kiss on her forehead that lingers for almost three seconds before Chaos pulls him away. Chaos kisses her on the cheek and all over her face, plus a hug and another kiss on the forehead before going back to the sofa. Niall hugs her too for a few seconds until Harry taps his shoulder.

"I love you."

"I love you too," the two freaks answers.

She smiles at that and opens her arms and wiggles her brows at Harry. He smiles fondly before getting up to his seat and diving into her neck. Nathalie envelops him in her arms as she squeezes him. He cheekily plants a kiss on her neck and laughs when she pinches him.

"You'll be fine," she mumbles. "I know you will because you promised."

He nods, "I love you." He closes his eyes and sighs. "After this hospital thing, can I win you back?"

"You can try," she chuckles. "And yes, I'm still fucking in love with you. So in love, Styles."

"May I kiss you?"

"You already did."

"On the lips."

"Here? They would see."

"I don't care."

And that's it. He pulls out and with an open lips, he presses his lips against hers and he feels his heart lifts, and shuts their lips together. It's just a gentle kiss with full of passion and care. He missed the warmth of her lips and the way her breath from her nostrils blows on his face. He missed the way her soft hands caresses his face with too much gentleness. He doesn't care if her best friend can see them kissing on her bed in the hospital.

All he cares is the way her lips moves to kiss him back. All he cares is for her to stay and not fade away because dammit, he don't know what to do. All he care is he's kissing the love of his life. All he care if Nathalie. Nothing more. No one. Just her. Just Nathalie Ricafort.

.

While they wait for the doctors to take Nathalie to the operating room, they play cards. Heave, Niall, Chaos and Harry, when the monitor starts beeping faster than usual. Her heartbeat echoes in the whole room and it seems like its palpitating. Heave immediately raises to his feet and runs outside to call the doctor without any word.

As he gets up, he freezes into his spot as well as Chaos and Niall. They are all looking at the bed where Nathalie is lying with wide eyes and shut lips but pale face. His tears falls and Chaos whispers. A very very  _very_  faint  _Nathalie._

 _"No.."_  he breathes. "No."

Deafening silence. Deafening beep. A long deafening beep. A long silence but deafening fucking beep roams around in the room. Everyone is holding their breaths, too scared to move, too weak to talk. All they could do was to stare blankly at the monitor while their tears streaming down their faces.

Flatline.

 

 

 

_[FIN]_

 

_ started: June 30, 2014 _

_ posted on wattpad: July 31, 2014 _

_ posted on AO3: July 25, 2015 _

_ finished: June 21, 2015 _

 


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